At one time, I allowed others to determine the way I expressed myself and I tried to supress my temperament - even to the point of attempting to medicate it away. I was under the impression I was somehow defective because I did not see things as everyone else did. I no longer believe that. I understand now that from birth I inherited a darker, more serious and slightly more moody temperament than the mainstream of society. I don't see that as wrong or dysfunctional; it's just a different perspective on things.

I don't break down and wail in public for no good reason, don't use illicit drugs, don't injure myself or others and I'm not wasting away at the coffee shop contemplating futility. I'm a fully functional adult, loving mother, dependable employee, committed christian and active citizen. I just also happen to be gothic.

Contrary to what some people would imagine, coming to Christ will not change the inner workings of the personality unless they conflict with the word of God. Why would He? Was it not God who created the individual in the first place, temperment and all? And was it not God who ordered the steps of the individual and predestined certain experiences which in turn shaped a world view? Of course. God could have made me perkier if He had chosen to do so. He could have put people and experiences in my life which would have moulded me into an optimist. But He didn't, and He certainly has used my pessimism over the years to keep me grounded and to help others.

Of course, as with all my fellow human beings, there is dross in my life in need of purification. When I bring a bad attitude home from work and spew on my family, that is wrong. Evil thoughts about what should happen to half the people on the beltway - purely wrong. The lie that would roll off my tongue...the jealousy I hide...totally evil. Christ did away with these things at the cross and I am gradually discarding them by His grace. However, there is nothing in scripture which restricts my preference for poet shirts, long velvet skirts, black and aubergine eye makeup and the mournful music of Black Tape for a Blue Girl. It is a very important thing that one knows the difference between what is just strange and what is a sin.

Being gothic is not a religion. The spiritual beliefs of gothic people include everything. Some are believers, some atheists. Some are pagans, others Taoists. Some gothic people are openly anti-christian - because they have theological or personal problems with Christ and the Bible, not because they are gothic. Unfortunately, there are some who remain open to God, but feel unaccepted by most churches due to the cultural bias toward the "normal" values and expressions of society. It's a shame, as I doubt the church has actively sought to exclude a significant portion of modern society.

The subculture is larger than most think and not all are "rebellious youth." The movement was birthed in the 1970s. Those who birthed it are grown and many of them are now grandparents. Aside from these, there are other people who are very gothic who make no claim to be a member of the subculture. That can be a deliberate distinction they make, or it can exist merely because of a lack of interaction in general.

What follows is a very quick and superficial view of areas where gothic culture speaks Christian truth in a ways most christians fail to recognise. I'm not an authority or cultural icon, so do not take my views as the views of all who share my aesthetic; however I will try to speak truthfully about my perspectives and observations based on my own experiences and beliefs.

1. The Church and Gothdom:

Even though the church has not set out to be exclusionary, at least not since segregation, due to the infiltration of society's cultural biases, it often is by default. Unfortunately this is not a new phenomena, cultural bigotry has been in the church from the beginning. In recent history, becoming a Christian has meant adopting western culture, dress and manners. If you desire further discussion I'll be glad to cite instances.

Current evangelicalism still disdains anything unusual. How many leaders in church would want their children to dye their hair purple or sport a Mohawk or eyebrow ring, even though it is obvious the child loves Jesus? I have had contact with a few but it is not a common attitude. People generally cite verses which instruct us to shun the "appearance of evil" - which can be interpreted as just about anything the parents or church group is not comfortable with. Christian, tell me if you can, how do strange hairstyles, black nail polish or odd clothing constitute the "appearance of evil" mentioned in scripture? The usual explanation is that it's evil to reject society's norms or to look like those who do. That's a misapplication of that verse on a very grand scale.

It is my not so humble belief that using cultural expressions as a measure of spirituality is absolutely wrong unless scripture is clear in denouncing those same expressions. The Bible reveals that all cultures will be represented in heaven. There is no Jew or Gentile, Roman or Greek, male or female. Those dichotomies are not the only boundaries which embrace the elected. They are instead expressions of the all inclusive nature of God; He is not subject to cultural prejudice. The Jew and Gentile hated each other culturally, as did the Roman and Greek. God love and accepts His children within their own culture, not in spite of it. Not only will Englishmen and Indians, Americans and Iraqis, Palestinians and Israelis be in Heaven because they accepted Christ; so will corporate raiders, mountain men, hippies, yuppies, jocks, skaters, surfers, bodybuilders, punks, metalheads, geeks, cowboys and goths - for the same reason.

That being said there are things within all cultures which tend to be outside of Biblical sanction. The yuppie culture was materialistic. Punk culture taken to extreme is anarchistic and destructive. The overt use of satanism in some anti-establishment movements is indeed disturbing and is obviously wrong. There has been sexual and drug activity among many alternative and youth movements over the years. I would hardly put these forth as valid expressions of life for the Christian because they obviously are not. But...the presence of these things in some cultures does not mean that culture is defined by them. The US military provides for pagan worship/belief because there are pagans among the military. This does not mean the whole military establishment is pagan. Similarly there are evil, satanic people who also have a gothic lifestyle. Just as with the military, however, it does not make the culture satanic.

When narrow minded, unquestioning or culturally skittish people happen upon a lifestyle they do not understand, it is not uncommon that important symbolism, expressions or values be misinterpreted. Usually it is for the worst. This leads to stereotyping of groups and senseless taboos. Believers with a gothic lifestyle run up against this many times. Common areas of misunderstanding or misapplication are discussed below, done from an overtly Christian perspective.

2. Misunderstood Elements of Gothicness

a. Darkness

The gothic fascination with "darkness" is often problematic as the idea is used by society as a metaphor for evil. But the gothic understanding of darkness is not parallel to this usage. We do not love evil in any more concentration than do sports nuts, gun lovers and right wing conservatives. Instead the term refers to a darker aesthetic. It is a mood, equivalent to the mysterious, the unknown, the sombre, the intense or even possibly the romantic. There isn't anything wrong with any of these things, yet the church has grabbed the concept of darkness and used it against goths as a badge of shame.

b. A Romanticised View of Death

Popular culture has tried to stereotype gothic people as borderline suicidal or homocidal due to the prevelent theme of death which can be found easily within the subculture. The media's habit of tagging non-goths like Marilyn Manson and the Trenchcoat Mafia from Columbine as goths does not help things. The theme does not come from an urge to kill or die. It is borrowed from the place where we got our moniker to begin with - gothic literature and art. It is an anti-type for happiness, love fulfillment or life.

The vampire myth is a popular subject in gothic literature and I'd like to explore a few elements of that myth and compare them to the Bible.

(1) Cheating death does not guarantee happiness. Usually it is the opposite. Vampires may have desired the dark embrace only to find that eternal life on this imperfect earth is no better than it was as a mortal. Too late, they learn they should have accepted death as natural part of life. That is not an unchristian theme. For the Christian, death is not the enemy it is the bridge to the eternal and should not be feared, but embraced. Living forever outside of the Kingdom of God is not going to make things better, it merely makes the flaws of mankind inescapable.

Immortality...Why would we create stories where the unhappy vampire would even desire to prolong his life? That I answer first with another question, why has mankind strove to lengthen life or unlock the secrets to eternal life throughout history? There are some things, according to scripture, that even the pagans know, truths that are core understandings for human existence. We were created immortal, our souls retain a subconscious memory of the bliss of Eden where there was no sickness and death.

The literary vampire seeks immortality through blood - and it is through blood that we receive eternal life. However, the vampire seeks it through the blood of mortals who are fallen, rather than through the blood of the perfect One. As a result, his existence is forever damned and he cannot enter Heaven. Through the perfect blood of Christ, we receive eternity in Heaven through any other means we are cursed.

(2)Common also in the vampire mythos is the longing for what we cannot have. It could be death, daylight or the love of a pure woman. The vampire struggles with knowing that there is some obstacle in the way of him reaching his desire. Not all gothic literature has the vampire overcoming those obstacles. This mirrors life very poignantly.

(3)The contrast between the innocent and the tainted is also very curious. The woman the vampire desires is usually a virgin; a young, loving innocent soul who wants very much to ease the tortured mind of the man who loves her. The undead knows that to have her, he must turn her, thus taking her innocence forever. There are heart-rending scenes where he struggles with whether or not he should leave her alone or whether he should go ahead because his desire is overwhelming. Could we see the literary portrait of the soul of man? Dare we desire innocence? Won't our very being taint anything which is good? Which do we prefer, the greater good or the fulfillment of our own desires?

c. Loneliness, Solitude or Social Stigma

The deep loneliness which often pervades gothic writing, art and music is often noted, not infrequently with a bit of concern. Again, though, this is not an unchristian concept. God did not make us to be solitary creatures. Love and fellowship are very important things knit into our psyche. One reason why we like gothic literature is that the hero or anti-hero is often a lonely, misunderstood outcast. On some level we all relate to him whether we admit it or not, a few of us more profoundly than others. We will find a connection to the creature everyone despises. Life, as presented in the genre, is a mirror of our own.

d. Tragedy as Natural

Society does not like to see it, and the church does not adequately deal with it many times. But face it, we all have our share of problems, it is a part of life. We are promised that in eternity God would wipe every tear from our eyes. He wouldn't have said it if there weren't tears in the first place. When I read scripture it seems like common sense to see life the way I do. We will suffer, it's a fact and we might as well affirm that truth rather than deny it. Every glaring accomplishment, every invention, every success story is on the heels of numerous heart rending failures. For every poem I submit for contest there are pages of rejected failures. For every picture I capture there are thousands I miss. Babies fall thousands of times before they learn to walk. It's not just inevitable; pain and failure make us grow. This truth is often overlooked by those who see the "glass half full" as being the most spiritual expression of life.

It has been my experience that the more "upbeat" and more optimistic view of life is the one most often sanctioned by clergy and those active within the Christian culture, even in the way Jesus is portrayed. He is characterised as a radiant, cheery, joyful person...but I don't understand how it could be seen as accurate. When I read scripture I see his earthly life as one of trial, tribulation and pain. His greatest work was accomplished through his suffering, death, abandonment. In fact his victory in resurrection and the following glorification was acquired THROUGH this pain. He was mocked, He was outcast, misunderstood, betrayed and then abandoned by His friends in the darkest period of His life. He wept, sweat blood and then rose up to carry his cross...He expected to suffer. So should we.

e. Embracing Suffering and Melancholy

How do we deal with the sad, the tragic, the evil and the less than desirable aspects of our earthly life? Part of the gothic world view is that embracing the pain and tragedy of life, allowing ourselves to truly feel and experience it gives it beauty and worth. Smiling on the outside and crying on the inside is a lie and gothic individuals refuse to live like that. I am melancholy because I am, because of where I have been, what I've done and where I am. I am in touch and embrace with awareness the pain I've endured, the life I've lived and faced the reality of all I have lost. I'm not always happy but I learned I can be content that way. The Lord promised that He would give peace that passes understanding. We all can be peaceful and content when our lives are going perfectly. But to be content and peaceful in the midst of suffering is different. Learning to accept and experience all of life is actually the tool God uses to effect the beginning of true peace.

Besides, if you have not experienced a crisis it's impossible to say "I know how you feel" to those who hurt. If you've never embraced the pain you have endured and really worked through all of its hurt, it is impossible for you to help someone else walk through the fire. Telling those who are broken to see life differently teaches them to avoid reality. I think about the parable of the sower sowing seeds. Rocks and weeds killed some of the young plants. Have you ever wondered why? The plants did not have the ability to deal with these setbacks perhaps they were not even expecting them. I can find website after website where people claim Jesus was a lie because He promised peace and did not deliver. Jesus did not fail, but someone's expectations did.

f. Self Destruction

Gothic people are not necessarily suicidal, but some of the extreme among the gothic culture either participate in or at least relate to self destructive behaviour such as cutting or self deprivation. Anyone into self help or pop psychology will know this behaviour comes from feelings of extreme inadequacy. they begin to destroy or injure the self to release pain and feelings of hopelessness.

On the surface this seems to be very unchristian, but it is instead an incomplete understanding of something profound. Man without benefit of salvation is a very hopeless, inadequate person. The best we can do, according to God, is trash. The answer to that condition is to take ourselves apart, we are to die to self. They have the right general idea, it's just too concrete. The death of the self is the only answer as through that God reconstructs our minds and preserves our souls. We are to do on a spiritual level what the cutter does on the physical. We are to use the two edged sword of the word and the Holy Spirit and not razor blades. The knowledge of our true condition, and the cure is there entrenched within Gothica, it is merely distorted. Is that not true with all of life, my friend?

g. In Memorium

Gothica tends to have some apparently strange cultural expressions such as frequenting graveyards, decorating with gargoyles and crosses, or wearing black which many find distasteful. Where did that attitude come from? Most people find the fascination with said symbols distasteful due to their connection with death. Black is typically worn at funerals to memorialise the deceased; it is a colour of mourning and loss. Graveyards, crosses and their protective gargoyles also symbolise our desire to remember those who have died before us.

One of the promises we hold dear is that those who die in Christ will be reunited with their loved ones who have gone on before. We are told that they watch us run our race from above. This passage in scripture would be meaningless if were were to forget them once they have died. Instead we are supposed to remember the lives of those who have gone before for inspiration and comfort. In fact, our holiest of acts in the church, communion, at its very least is a memorial of Christ. We are to remember his death and resurrection and Another, baptism, is also a symbol of Christ's death and resurrection, and our death to self so that one day we will join Him in heaven.

These sacred symbols can be a very poignant sentiment to those of us who seek to shed the pain of this life and embrace the day we join Christ and our loved ones. In the same way, the gothic use of crosses, gravestones, gargoyles and black symbolise the eternal through death for those who identify with them in that manner. Rather than worry about what the symbols mean to society, some of us merely regard the symbols and with a very deep, personal, spiritual meaning and chose to use them more often and in unorthodox contexts. This form of expression is not for everyone and that is ok. Those who choose not to just need to understand that it is not sinful and leave those of us with dragon tables and gargoyle garden statuaries alone.

h. The Strange(r)

Gothic people are by nature outside the norm and often find themselves to be outsiders living on the fringes of society. One of the websites in my bookmarked section calls goths "the people under the stairs". We stand in the shadowlands because we chose to, we are comfortable here. But is is never that way from the beginning. There comes a time in every life when we notice our social standing and that of others. If we don't conform we are pushed, harassed and sometimes abused by those around us. We find safety in solitude and among other outcasts. Here we can live without rejection, intimidation and judgement. Eventually we learn to appreciate it and choose this on our own.

Whatever the mainstream of society can't understand or assimilate it castigates. It could be fashion preferences, musical tastes. Maybe I'm more serious or moody, romantic, artistic, pensive or eccentric than the rest. Over time we misfits learn that our primary beliefs about life contradict what we are being told. When you understand this in a soulish place, it makes it less difficult to view life from the outside. What society values is meaningless and superficial to me.

The early Church understood this concept well, rejection of and by society is a very Christian concept. We are strangers in this world, we will be ridiculed for the Lord, and we will be an offence. Society says to look out for number one. The Bible teaches the opposite. Society values family and marriage less and less each passing year, in scripture marriage is sacred. Society says that only certain expressions are valid, but are those expressions the ones which line up with scripture?

Many believers forget that and are shocked when acquaintances mock their beliefs or when they are not hired due to a sabbath observance. Rather than deny that this will become a problem, believers should embrace that they will be rejected and accept it as a life choice just as the Goth does. When the rejection comes, it will not be so painful. Chosing to embrace pain is a very empowering concept. You can't chose when adversity will strike, but you can chose to love it and use it to grow. Realism is more emotionally safe and nurturing, but for some reason it is not acceptable in more sensitive circles and that is everybody's loss.

i. The World is Empty

While many in the whole of society try to paint the world as one big beanfeast from which we all can eat, drink, be merry and get what we want with just a little effort I do not see it that way. My experience denies this and I find such a view to be unbiblical. Jesus said the world would continue as it was when He walked there. People were a bit cruel then and still are. He said the poor would always be with us. If we could get what we wanted, would poverty be such a problem? There would be wars and rumours of wars, and we've been in wars since my oldest son was concieved. My father fought in a war as did my grandparents. Crime and corruption, pornography, drug culture, alcohol abuse, child abuse, rape, and pollution plague society daily. I think we either missed the party or our expectations were just a *tad* off base.

The fact is that since man is fallen so is society. It is evil, impersonal, miserable, unfair, and stuffed with pitiful creatures looking meaning and coming up empty. This is so far from God's original design that it is tragic, however most people seem desensitised to that fact. Some deny it so actively that they can't accept bad news when they see it...On the other hand the gothic people in society inherently know that life sucks since we seem more attuned to pain than other people. Face it, there is no great society...and no real meaning to life without Christ. How very tragic...how very...gothic.

j. Authentic Life

What does it mean to live an authentic life? It means not lying to yourself or others about who you are. We need to be honest with ourselves, be real with others. Do you hide under a socially approved mask? This is not honest. It's a way of attempting to fit in or follow a prescribed role at the expense of your soul. Jesus had a lot of really negative things to say about those who chose to please men rather than be honest.

Most Goths acknowledge all types of emotions out in public because it is authentic to do so. This type of honesty is valued very highly by the subculture and it is one facet of gothic culture is very dear to my heart. There was a time when I was so unable to be who I really was and became someone else. Yet my soul yearned to be as it was created. I developed a very intricate fantasy life and tried to live in it during my real life. It prevented a tangible nervous breakdown, but if I had been allowed to be true to my own soul, this never would have seemed necessary to me.

I think authenticity is a very Christian attitude. We can't hide our pain or our sins from our selves or from God, so why should we hide them from everyone else? If I were to deny what I see or what I am, I would be a hypocrite. No I don't mean I should glamourise my sin, but I do believe I need to be honest about it. I don't mean that I should act on every sinful impulse, but I do need to acknowledge that they exist inside me rather than hide or deny them. And in those areas where scripture does not condemn me, I have to right to promote my inner self if I chose to. I wear what I choose to be authentic. I choose my career due to what I feel is my dream, not what is culturally acceptable or what will get me ahead in life. I choose my music based on what reaches my soul, what expresses my core or what changes my mood to what it should be, not according to what is popular. Gothic culture teaches that one must be true to ones own temperment and character. It is my opinion this a correct way of seeing things.

k. Transcendence

I have been repeatedly labelled as a Goth. People who know me well would say it is an accurate label because I am deeply in touch with my true being. I acknowledge and embrace my pain, my mistreatment and my failures. However, there are others who do this outside of the gothic lifestyle. Why am I different? I admit how my life is and face it with sober deliberance, I don't try to make it appear nice to please you or make you comfortable. If you ask me how I am, I'll either tell you true or ask if you really want to know. I do know how it could be and how it will be in the Millennium and in the Eternal Kingdom, the difference between those worlds and this one makes me sad. Even though it is probably futile, I strive for those and refuse to conform to how things are now. I don't trust modern society's conventions and believe it is an empty and hollow lie to do so. Love, wealth or success will not make me happy or bring me peace. This is something all Gothic individuals sense deep within their core and this is what makes us less than perky. We don't wonder about the emptiness of daily life, we KNOW about it.

We're not going to explain things to you, though. That is the job of the punk or metalhead or social reformer. If you like the way the world works or deal in society's goods we will merely ignore you. If you're discontent we won't try to engage or convert you to "our side" through our activism. A true gothic individual instead will show you quietly...through a more cerebral means that it's all a dead end. It could be how we dress, how we decorate our home, our jewelry, our reading material, what we write, what we create in art, or the tatoos we wear. We may appear to be hopeless, but we are far from it. We reflect the hopelessness of society, we expose our souls, tell the truth. If we cry, and you are moved, maybe one day others will be also and mankind will wake up and things may change. And if it doesn't...have we lost anything by being ourselves?

This sobering reaction to the way the world is seems very Christian to me. Look at biblical history. There is a place for activism and we do see that in scripture. But there is a place for the introspective, artistic soul to weep as well. Look at many of the prophets. They sighed. They wept. I can't think of any that were perky and only at times were they activists. Is it not true that the way for true and profound change is through the heart? Unless you can change the way people see unborn life, you will not stop the killing of millions of unborn children. If I can't touch your heart and make you cry over evil, it is useless to lobby for change. I'll be unobtrusive, but I will cry, paint, write, and express myself besides myself sees the message in what I'm doing.

Sadly, because people refuse to accept the Gothic cultural identity as a valid one, the sensitive souls of people who cry for the perfection of God's kingdom often will not find the One who placed that hunger inside them. With such tenderness, honesty and passion, imagine the great works which could be effected for God's name. To not reach out to such a valuable part of society is a spiritual waste and that is the saddest thing I can think of right now.

Many of us understand our faith just as we see the world and in most cases it is well within the realm of Orthodoxy to do so. I am not an alone in my path and if you care to visit the sites of others who share my perspective you can visit the sites below. Most of them are tailored toward youth because youth are the most visible members of the counter culture. Each has its own bent, just as each Goth or Gothic person does. When you are done, go and consider the validity of other sub-cultural movements as well. Please do not be a closed minded conformist, that results in Christian bigotry. Listen to what the subcultures have to say. Really listen and then REALLY compare them to scripture.

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Christian Goth
Gothic Christianity
Shadow of the Cross
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