Really, though, relative-speaking Tippy is practically a sister, so I find myself being very protective of her when we stop. There was a guy in the Taco Bell in New Boston later that week that if he knew I saw him looking her up and down I would have stabbed him with a spork.

Who are the ad wizards who came up with the road system in Waco? Streets lead to the corner of No and Where. It takes a couple of days to figure out the access roads, interstates, byways, highways and one-ways. Especially when Scott is in the passenger seat yelling, �Turn here! Go straight! No, left! Take that! Darn it, take the u-turn past that street and double back to that intersection where you aren�t allowed to turn left.�

About Waco: Located 90 miles south of Dallas and 100 miles north of Austin. The city population is 113,726, metropolitan area population is 213,517. Average Annual Precipitation: 32 inches Average Temperature Extremes: Mean maximum temperature for July - 97 degrees; Mean minimum temperature for December - 34 degrees. 35 parks, including 416-acre Cameron Park, largest municipal park in Texas. (Courtesy City of Waco-Texas) Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. The first suspension bridge in the United States was the Waco Bridge, built in 1870 and still in use today as a pedestrian crossing of the Brazos River.

Once we mastered the art of turning around, Scott and I went to the local theater for the 9 o�clock showing of The Bourne Supremacy, which I had already seen but Scott hadn't even seen the first one until Tuesday. There were two other people in the theater. Either the locals don�t understand the nuance of the international spy thriller, or Waco is anything but a happening nightspot. Where are all the teenagers? Is it because the theater doesn�t sell authentic Goobers but the fake kind? Sure, that�s annoying but not a reason to avoid movies altogether. The four of us went to the mall beforehand, and trust me, the teens aren�t there, either. Then again, I was in the bookstore, a place rarely graced by someone between ages 12 and 20 unless they're picking up "A Separate Peace" for mandatory summer reading. Admittedly I watched the movie, so I'm not exactly placing myself on a pedestal.

Oops. The pilot just turned on the �Quityerbitchin� sign. I feel like I�m complaining constantly, but really the entire experience is brilliant. Having a great time.

The four of us stayed at the home of the Wheelocks�, where Scott spent a month in June and July while taking a class at Baylor. The Wheelocks must be the nicest people ever because Scott has never met them yet they gave him a key and said, �crash here!� Okay, they don�t have cable, so they�re not the most gracious people, but close enough. It was doubly strange for me, because not only has Scott never met them, they probably have no idea I exist or that I�m crashing on their couch next to Tippy on their loveseat. Strangers from pictures ogle me in the bathroom, making showering awkward yet titillating in a �Fear Factor� kind of way, and they stare at me while trying to sleep.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 5, 2004

No luck on getting the trailer again today, leaving us to fit in some sightseeing. First though, at least Scott and Jenn could get the keys to their new apartment and inspect the place. Of course, Jenn is the one we're talking about. Scott's just a resident, Jenn's the one who'll do the decorating, am I right? And so it shall be, otherwise the living room would be wall-to-wall posters of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings with bobblehead dolls on the window sills. Sounds good to me, but then again, I'm single and my living room looks like my college dorm room did eight years ago. What's this "growing up" people speak highly of?

Satisfied that she mentally arranged all the chairs, pictures and lifesize Harrison Ford cutout, we dropped off our luggage and put the pets in the master bedroom to keep my allergies from going haywire. Problem is, these are some high-maintenance animals. Reagan was let out after barking incessantly while we tried to leave, with the sexually ambiguous kitty meowing in the bedroom for two straight days and swiping his paw under the door to get out because Scott and Jenn graciously deferred to my allergies and kept him out of the living room.

	What does a bear have to do to get one of those blocks of ice and kegs around here?

Once Scott and Jenn checked out the nooks and crannies we headed to the Baylor campus to check out the bear plaza. The school mascot, there are two North American black bears smack dab in the middle of campus. No, they're not roaming free (although that would be neat) but in a deep rocky pit and caged area with a two-tiered pool. Walking by the habitat between classes would be cool, better than if your mascot was, say, the banana slug or the Indians, which might be politically incorrect if you had a Native American reservation on campus.

From Baylor we drove 15 minutes west to Crawford, home of President Bush's ranch, a.k.a. the Western White House. Alas, the ranch is another eight miles away and you aren't even allowed to stop near the entrance. We figured it was good enough to visit the main strip instead. I heard later that Bush rested at the ranch the night before but flew out the morning we arrived. No doubt he didn't want our popular foursome to overshadow him in his own town.

Crawford is a sleepy little town with only half a dozen shops � most of which sell the same Bush and Texas merchandise - and we could wander down the street without ever having to budge (or dodge tumbleweed). The entire time we were there we saw maybe two dozen other tourists making the trek to the out of the way town. It�s not exactly bustling with activity but that just makes it easier for us to get around. So we've got that going for us. Which is nice.

Just to spread the wealth I bought an ice cream, magnet and bumper sticker at one shop, a shot glass and golf ball with the Western White House insignia at another and a T-shirt at a third. Anything really neat like cowboy boots with the White House label was too expensive, otherwise I avoided the numerous cowboy hats, Christmas decorations and ten-foot paintings of the Bush family, none of which featured the twins in bikinis. (Excuse me, I need to answer the door, I think someone just yelled, "Secret Service here for the immoral nincompoop.")

The Coffee Station restaurant where we ate lunch which claims to be President Bush�s favorite in Crawford. Sounds impressive, until you realize it�s the only one in town. One feature Tippy immediately noticed, the Coffee Station prefers Hunt's ketchup. Good for them! Why put money in the pockets of the evil corporate outsourcing companies that vote for 57 varities of elite Democrats like John Kerry?

Everything in Waco is quick to get to, which is a major plus. Shops, restaurants, movie theaters, Baylor, all within a fifteen minute drive. Unless you get lost. We spent much of the early afternoon driving east to the other side of Waco to see the Branch Davidian compound. Problem is, no one could tell us exactly how to get there.

Asking for directions to the Mt. Carmel site of the cult's compound felt wrong. I�d whisper the question, as if I was trying to delve into a deep dark secret of the town. It was like asking about Freddy in Nitemare on Elm Street, and locals weren�t keen on reliving the experience or admitting that there was a problem. It�s not like pulling into an Exxon to ask where a golf course is. Heck, I�d have been more comfortable asking for the nearest adult video store (two miles ahead on the right). The officials in Waco don't want to acknowledge this bit of town history, either, because I couldn't find anything, from directions to explanations, on any city website.

We drove yonder thataway looking for any sign, but never saw where to turn off. After 25 minutes we found a convenience store and one of the ladies behind the counter was able to give us nearly exact directions. You've probably guessed by now that her first words were, "Turn around and drive back ten miles." We did, and sort of found the place after going too far on a gravel road (I weep for the undercarriage of my beautiful but now gray Aztek). After flagging down a passing cowboy farmer I doubled back a half-mile to Double EE Ranch Road, also a gravel road, when Dad called my cellphone. We missed the entrance again (coincidence? I think not).

We ended up on a highway, wondered what the heck just happened, and headed back to the redundant E road to double-check. After all, the cowboy farmer dude told us this was right, and I know to trust both cowboys and farmers. Good thing. Not 100 yards from the highway Tippy calls out that our trip in the wilderness was over, that she sees the visitors center.

Almost immediately, the mood changed. The experience is surreal. The former compound is a very somber place and all the jokes about religious nuts and Janet "Jackboot" Reno weren't funny anymore.

The small makeshift visitors center, open only occasionally and run by a Branch Davidian who survived the fire, was closed. The four of us walked around where the compound used to be, 77 acres now covered by weeds and just a few noticeable remnants such as a dirty pool and burned motorcycle. The main part of the former compound is now a church facing rows of trees planted for each person killed, including the four ATF agents killed during the dawn raid on February 28, 1993. Numbers and accounts differ concerning the April 19 fire, which doesn't change the fact that about 80 Branch Davidians perished (six more died in the initial raid).

Like it or not, the 51-day standoff and fire is part of American history. Jenn and Tippy looked at me like I was crazy for wanting to get my picture taken with the memorial church and trees behind me. I just wanted to show the photo later and prove that I was there, same as taking a picture at Gettysburg or the line of Star Wars: Episode I. You feel part of our nation's narrative, for better or worse.

It only takes about 15 minutes to get an idea of the place and read the half-dozen memorial plaques, so we didn't stay long. Back in Waco, we stopped downtown near the Brazos River so Jenn and Tippy could browse the shops. Scott and I found an oasis downstairs, a sports bar that is also a barbecue restaurant! It even includes on the menu Memphis-style pulled pork! Heavens to Betsy, that�s incredible. Scott also discovered that the bar offers the NFL package, meaning he�ll be in there many Sundays to watch the Titans now that he�s in Cowboys and Texans country.

I would just like to point out that while in the bar I set a new high score on the Galaga arcade game. Okay, so the machine must be unplugged every night since the record was darn low when we first plugged in quarters. But my initials were on top, and that's all that matters when you walk away. Scott was second, though he can't be blamed since I routinely play Galaga when wasting time before and after movies at my local movie theater. Yes, I am 28 years old.

I'm also an even more evil bastard than I thought. When I parked the car downtown, no sooner than the passenger doors opened than I see Scott getting hit up by a guy for �gas money.� Yeah, right, I think we all know what this means, am I right? Maybe not. Tippy actually gave the guy a buck even as I kept speaking up that the guy should go away. I'd like to think it was really more of a gift to the "Please Don't Slash Our Tires Fund." Guess I�m a little jaded by working in downtown Atlanta, or by being a sinister Republican, but I don�t trust anybody looking for a handout, especially when they�re lying about needing gas or bus fare. It�s just never true. You hear me? Never. And definitely don�t pretend you�re my pal when asking for the cash. For friends and family, I'd give a kidney. You're not one of them.

About Baylor Chartered in 1845 The oldest institution of higher learning in the state and the largest Baptist university in the world. Originally located in Independence, Texas, Baylor moved to its present location in Waco in 1886. 14,000 students with 164 baccalaureate degree programs at the undergraduate level, 23 master's degrees with 74 programs of study, one educational specialist and 19 doctoral degree programs through the Graduate School plus the juris doctor through the Law School and the master of divinity, master of divinity/master of music and doctor of ministry. The 735-acre campus is located on the banks of the Brazos River.

If I'm mean then my brother is oblivious. Scott loses space-time much like Dad when he is reading or thinking. No matter what you say, he won�t remember it and has no idea you even tried to reach him inside his bubble. I, on the other hand, know you�re talking to me, I�m just ignoring you. I�ll get around to acknowledging you when I get off my high horse.

Done with downtown and two daytrips in one day, now we're worn out. Not enough to avoid shopping at Wal-Mart, of course. There's always time for Wally World. Jenn and Tippy even had the energy to make a Target run later while Scott and I went to Baylor to play on computers in the library for a while, catching up with the rest of the world, yet still not a part of it. Thank goodness. Who wants to live in the real world all the time? Or even part of the time? The only problem with being in that computer lab was that I was surrounded by college guys and gals who were far too young and hip and pretty. I hate them.

When we got back the girls were headed for a midnight swim, which seemed like a jolly good idea. Even that late the water was warm. A sign sits behind the hot tub warning people not to use it if the outside temperature reaches 104 degrees. You'll be doomed! Doomed! It makes sense. The pool temperature would be a hot tub itself at that point.