Taurus, between Aries and Gemini, the Dandy Bull. You are less than thrilled with this month. You like art, but all this conceptual baloney makes you want to gore the nearest available toreador. You like phonies about as much as you like bullies, but try to stay cool. The best way to work off steam this month is to get to work, and that may in fact be artistic. Your lover may hate it, your friends may suddenly codemn it, and your treasured open enemies may try to slice it to ribbons but your boss will slip into boggy bliss, as will your abhoring public. Be of service by being so kind that the corners of your mouth crack and bleed rivers. Be witty even if it means using Oscar Wilde cue cards. Relflect back even the faintest falsest glimmer of goodness that you see in others, and you will bask in the glow of your healthy colon. Otherwise it may may go snidely whiplash and unleash its minion peritonitis.
Gemini. you two are number three. The Stylish Liars. You are rarin' to be all creative this month, but the heavens are throwing a whole tool set of wrenches at us.. for a few years, so get used to it. The problems that may keep you from your objectives involve your wooden mommy, your eccentric father, and your subversive partner. All of these cards can be tamed if you simply become a disciplined self-nurturer, an inspired leader, and a resourceful partner. With the planets detonating depth charges at each other, this can be tough, but if you prevail you will find that assitance is there in the form of higher knowledge that you can grab through prayer and medication. Group worship might help as well. Thus equipped, you can then paint Montgomery Clift, and impersonate a triple beam balance in the local reperatory theater. Or if you are really bored, fall in love with a UN representative. If you need pancreas sugery, now is a good time.
Cancer, at the bottom of the wheel, The Witty Blue Plate Special. You actually have fewer problems this month than the aforementoined characters. Still plenty though. Your monthly assignment is to become as politley nurturing and as pleasantly motherly as you can to everyone that you come into contact with. If people are too much, stay home and reminice about the bygone days of yore that never happened. Become teary-eyed contemplating Sherman's march to the sea, and well up with fluid meditating on the slaughtered familiy of Nicholas II. Or you could wallow in the the tainted glamour of your own family skeletons. Whatever the case, you will certainly make your self at home at home. A few more incarnations and you will realize the delusion of glorifying the past. Don't drift into the delusion of crazed philosphy either. Be practical. Life is neither a basket of rose colored glasses, nor a bushel of ripe grenades, but somewhere in the middle. Don't try to shape reality. Accept it. You will see this in your day to day ramblings. Make your philosphy futuristic, yet realistic. And fall in love with military men. And get your calves checked by a bomb specialist.
Leo, 5=2+3. The Insouciant Drawing Room Flame. If you have anything funny to say, be sure that you say it now. Even if the only ideas you usually have are when to mate and when to roar at your keeper, you will find that have ideas to burn this month. Be sure to write some of them down, or at least spray them upon an understanding sibling.Some items that might interfere: Having to sell even your own bones to raise even and ounce of cash, Sudden spirtually tranforming/death experiences while trying to sex tiger sharks for a tv documentary, your sneaky mother flying into a rage in revenge for all your childhood offenses. If you can be a good mommy and be a smart dareweevil , and rub two wooden nickels together that you have prudently being saving since the Great Crash of 1873, then you are ready to spin words to the bedazzlement of all and sundry. If you are illiterate, enter a top fuel drag race. Oh your open enemies are there, they are just translucent at the monent. They take the form of ghostly mobs. Pretend to be one of the bourgeoius boys for the time being.
Virgo, Always run out of page writing your horoscope. Looks like prudence though. The dimplomatic virgin. Well normally you would want to stock the shelves and paper the walls with actors, painters, writers, inferior decorators, Eisenhowitzers, Lennons, Grouchos, and Crowleys, but maybe like the rest of us you don;t have the money to spend on these worthies.