Major Samantha Carter closed the door and leaned heavily against the wall.

The silence of the house rose up and around her. The creeping, almost fluid sensation spread deceptive warmth through her quivering innards.

The biting cold of the Arctic cavern had penetrated cloth and skin before settling into bones. She spent the trip back to Nevada covered in warm blankets. A nervous med tech constantly floated in and out of the Prometheus� Infirmary, checking on her, Daniel, and Teal�c. He treated them with exaggerated care. As if they would shatter at any moment from the stress of the battle and its aftermath.

Sam bit her lip and hugged herself as she slid slowly to the floor.

Her body defrosted of its own accord. Leaving behind the prickling sensations of failure and emptiness as disbelief gradually usurped paralyzing cold

We left him�

I left him�

Back there, alone�

She shuddered in remembered pain and fury.

General Hammond�s promise to extricate the sleep chamber from the ice and bring it back to Area 51 was a vague memory. Offering scant comfort from its place on the edge of her consciousness. Sam was numb. She lay on the bed curled into a fetal ball. Her fists clenched tightly beneath her chin, face and pillow bathed in silent, unstoppable tears. She had never cried so much, how could there be an ounce of liquid left in her body?

Voices flitted at the edge awareness: the medical staff, Teal�c, and finally Daniel. Hands touched her arm and patted her back. Prodding, questioning, and ultimately drifting away: leaving her alone in the dimly lit room.

She didn�t want to hear their reassurance, feel their comforting touches. Sorrow would be her world.

At least for a little while.

He deserved so much more, and it was shockingly painful to realize how little she had to give.

Sam dragged an arm across dry eyes and struggled to her feet. Intermittent tremors rattled her body from sole to hairline. The doctors called it shock, a delayed stress reaction, post-traumatic anxiety. She knew it by its simplest definition, grief. Soul deep, undeniable, and unjustifiable.

I have no right to feel.

He can�t feel anything.

Frozen: beyond reach, beyond life, beyond love.

She bit her lip and strode rapidly into the kitchen. Swiping the kettle from the stove, she shoved it under the tap. The water rang hollowly in the bottom, sending a shiver down her damp back.

Increased intercom chatter heralded the Prometheus� arrival over the Nevada desert. Sam peeled herself from the bed and walked out of the Infirmary without a word to anyone. A nurse attempted to intercept her at the elevator...

What did the poor woman see in my eyes that made her gasp and step away?

The Bridge was an oasis of controlled chaos when she arrived. General Hammond and Major Gant acknowledged her presence with scant nods, too busy with final docking procedures to offer more. Sam took a spot by the wall and braced her legs as the Prometheus shuddered and then settled heavily onto the concrete pad at the bottom of its bunker.

�Permission to disembark, General?� she murmured as the burble of intra ship communications died away.

�Major, you will need to be debriefed.�

�I am aware of that, Sir. Will you be present for the interview?�

Hammond sighed and wiped a hand across his sweaty brow. �I�m not sure at this point. I think that will be up to the Joint Chiefs and President Hayes.�

Sam chewed thoughtfully on her lip. Decisions were undoubtedly made while she lay nearly catatonic in the Infirmary. Earth had just been attacked, and there would be a certain level of panic in spite of the Administration�s attempted smoke screen of a �meteor shower�. None of that mattered in the short term. She had to get off this tub, away from all of these people. Strangers and friends who sought to understand, to assuage what could not receive absolution. She needed to be alone.

Alone�

Like him�

Dear God.

Sam swallowed hard and forced her eyes up to meet Hammond�s worried gaze. �I�m alright, I just need some time, Sir.�

The General frowned, clearly not buying her assertion. Major Gant approached holding a clipboard. Her eyes flickered from Sam to their C.O. and back again, at a loss. Hammond glanced down and nodded stiffly. Signing the orders with a quick flourish before dismissing her. �You have the weekend. I�ll see to it. Dr. Weir will expect you on Monday morning, I�m sure.�

�And you, Sir?� Sam asked quietly. Her hackles rose involuntarily at the thought of dealing with the doctor and the other civilian personnel now controlling the SGC.

This is the thanks we get for saving the world again�

She shoved a hand through her hair and straightened. The errant thought smacked of Colonel O�Neill�of Jack� Sam pushed back sudden nausea as images of the ice cavern flashed before her eyes.

�I�ll try my best, Major, dismissed.�

Hammond�s reply seemed to come from a great distance. Echoing tin-like against her throbbing eardrums. Sam saluted and turned away. She didn�t seek out Daniel or Teal�c, though they had to be somewhere on the mammoth vessel. Possibly waiting for word on where to go and what to do next.

There was more than just Jack to consider. The weapon and the Chamber would have to be extracted from the Antarctic ice. Debris from Anubis� ship was spread across the southern pole, littering ice and ocean with alien materials. Even the smallest scraps would yield valuable information about Goa�uld and Ancient technology. Under different circumstances, the very thought of analyzing such artifacts would have had both Daniel and herself salivating with anticipation.

None of it mattered.

Sam walked to the airlock without hearing or seeing any of the people who shared the busy corridors. She exited the ship and made her way through the large bunker. Deftly dodging equipment and departing staff, her gaze firmly fixed on the elevator doors.

Damn!

Was it too much to ask that the car be empty? She squeezed in with a horde of chattering airmen. Several of the men were giving each other hi-fives and boasting about the prowess of the fleet of 302 gliders. Sam worked her way to the back and leaned against the wall. They had a right to their pride. The fighters had performed admirably against overwhelming forces. The USAF took heavy losses, but the end result was proof that Earth finally possessed reliable multi venue fighters. A solid first step towards a workable space based program. She tried to smile and utter some sort of congratulations. All that came out was a wistful sigh of air and a weak grimace.

These people did not know her. Major Samantha Carter was just a name to them. An important name, but not someone they could comfortably approach or interact with. She knew that most of them did not even recognize her, and if they did they would be too overwhelmed by her status on SG-1 to say more than hello.

They don�t know me�

They don�t know him, and they never will.

The latter thought caught the breath in her throat. Sam rubbed her arms against a raging chill and stared hard at the floor. Concentrating on not losing her scant lunch as the elevator crawled slowly towards the surface. The adrenaline of the car�s occupants gradually faded, leaving only deep breaths and furtive stares to fill the time. The billowing of fresh, dry air through the opening doors was a sudden and welcome reprieve. She pushed her way clear, unmindful of the annoyed grunts and grimaces of fellow passengers.

I have to get out!

The Nevada desert lay cloaked in the ebony of midnight. The breeze was sharp and filled with a fine spray of gritty sand. She put a hand up to guard her face and walked rapidly across the open lot to a parked Suburban. A pair of small planes supplied by the USAF awaited the debarking crew on a parallel runway, ready to ferry them back to Colorado. Sam practically dove through the opened door and onto the seat of the closest vehicle. She did not exhale until they were in motion.

�Are you okay, Major? Can we get you something?�

She rocked her head against the seat, keeping her eyes tightly closed. �You can get me home.�

Home.

Alone.

Sam slumped onto a stool by the bar and laid her head in the crook of her folded arms. Daniel and Teal�c had tried to contact her on the plane. She feigned sleep and ignored the person who brought the phone. She couldn�t deal with their questions or their concern, most certainly not their love.

Everything happened too fast.

The discovery of the Ancients� device, the firefight, and the desperate flight to the Gate. The Colonel�Jack� changing before their eyes. The conversation that wasn�t at his house� Words left unsaid� The journey to Proklarush �finding the power source� the healing� the battle�

Everything was too fast!

She sniffed loudly, surprised to feel the renewed burn of tears. Why am I crying? How dare I cry when he�s down there? Why didn�t I tell him that day in the house? Why did I let him stop me from saying the words on the ship?

�Sir, back at your house, before Daniel and Teal�c got there. I just wanted to say��

�I know.�

Did you? Will you someday?

Sam straightened and scrubbed angrily at her cheeks.

Was there such a thing as hope after what happened? Dare I consider the possibility of a future with him in it?

The kettle screamed, setting her teeth on edge. Sam lurched to her feet and crossed to the counter. She searched through the cupboards and found a single tea bag in a scrunched box near the back. The milk was sour so she settled for a dash of sugar. Cup in hand, she walked into the living room and sank onto the couch. Sipping judiciously at the piping liquid, she looked through the large bay window out into the backyard.

The weather had lost the sharp bite of winter. Spring rains brightened the lawn in patches of thick green. Crocuses and tulips dotted the flowerbed planted along the back fence. Yellow and pink blooms peeked from beneath a blanket of dead leaves and stalks. Their petals were splashes of brilliance in spite of the distance between the house and the fence. As she watched, the heavens opened up and spilled a sudden cascade. The roof rumbled and the comforting scene disappeared behind a glittering curtain of prisms.

Sam sighed and put her cup on the table.

Angel Tears�

The nearly forgotten endearment came suddenly to mind, catching Sam off guard. Her mother always said a storm was a joyful event and that one should never be afraid of thunder and lightning. It was nature�s way of affirming the cycle of life, God�s gift to all creation. Over the years the scientist in Sam won out over the dreamer. Thrusting religious connotations into the realm of the unproven and therefore suspect. Considerations of beauty paled beneath the need to know. She no longer saw precipitation as anything more than a necessary phenomenon. There was no wonder to be found, only dampness to be endured. Damage to be cleaned up after a particularly harrowing boomer passed through. A point of view that was practical, but pitifully dull.

The Colonel�Jack� reawakened her senses. He pointed out the raw beauty of a building thunderhead and the ethereal glow of a rainbow. Behind the dense fa�ade he so carefully projected lurked a soul which embraced the unadorned power of nature. Reveled in enjoyment of simple pleasures. A man uninterested in the why or how, but enraptured by the here and now.

Sam stood and walked to the window. Pausing for a long moment before pressing her fingers against the glass. A chill far greater than the driving rain instantly suffused skin and bone.

As the ice grew and enclosed him, Jack�s gaze held hers. He was spent by the expulsion of energy from the weapon. Beyond the capacity to do more than stare. His deep brown eyes were uncharacteristically flat. If either Teal�c or Daniel had dared to ask, Sam would have sworn he was dead.

What is the point of leaving him down here? Alone! He deserves to rest in the very earth he has given up so much for!

She wanted to rage and flail but she just stood. Watching helplessly as the sheet closed and solidified. The light faded and his skin took on the distinct blue cast of the surrounding ice.

�We can�t just leave him like this!�

Daniel and Teal�c�s voices washed over her, their comments incomprehensible. She reached out and touched the impenetrable barrier and felt something break deep inside. The small part of her, which had been so carefully sheltered for so long, fell into pieces.

Then she saw the tear.

It rested on the ridge of his cheekbone. Captured at the instant of falling. A glittering testament of the flame of life that still burned somewhere deep inside. Its presence confirmed what Sam most feared and hoped for. He was trapped in a tomb of crystal, a sarcophagus far crueler than Ba�al�s. His view of the world unobstructed, his ability to act shackled by the fickle nature of fate.

What power dared to condemn this valiant soul to a life of painful purgatory? Did he hear them speaking? Did he feel the numbing grip of the ice? Had the weapon drained his mind of the complex powers of the Ancients, leaving consciousness intact? What of the healing abilities demonstrated on Bra�tac? Was he healing even now?

Sam bit down hard on her lip, tasting blood.

Were there more tears when she was prodded, cajoled, and finally ripped away from the pod?

We�I�abandoned you!

She sucked in a deep breath and pushed away from the glass. The rain had eased during her reverie, fading to a dull, uneven staccato on the metal roof. She listened to the hypnotic thrum, wondering idly if true rest would ever be possible again.

Will you chase me into my dreams?

A part of her would welcome Jack�s presence. She had never been a believer in telepathy. Psychic phenomenon of any type seemed unlikely given the hard facts of the universe. Still a connection, however illogical, would bring comfort�

Sam violently shook her head and spun away from the window.

I don�t deserve comfort, absolution, or reassurance! I left you behind. I let Daniel, Teal�c, and Hammond convince me that it was best to leave. That you were beyond help at this point, that you didn�t know where you were or even who.

I knew better�.

We�I�can�t let you stay that way� I have to tell someone!

She crossed the living room in two long strides and snatched the phone from its place on the bar. Her fingers hovered over the keypad, flexing and twitching as she struggled to decide who would listen. Her credibility with the current staff of the SGC was somewhere below zero after her breakdown aboard the Prometheus.

There has to be someone�

Sam swallowed hard. Gathering her frayed wits, she punched speed dial 2 and waited. One ring, two, three� She held the phone away from her ear, her finger a hairsbreadth from Off.

�Hello?�

The greeting was soft, infused with a degree of weariness she instantly identified with. Sam licked her lips and stared hard at the counter. �Daniel.�

�Sam�Hey, how are you doing?�

�I�ve been better,� she admitted as she traced idle circles on the Formica. �Could you come over here?�

�You wanna talk?�

�Yeah.�

�About Jack?� he asked gently.

She nodded reflexively. �I miss him, Daniel.�

�Me too.�

�Bring Teal�c.�

�Are you sure�?�

�Yes, I�m sure.�

�Okay. Half an hour?�

�Okay.� She dropped the phone on the counter, overcome with a spate of shivers that refused to be quelled by reason. It was done. She had committed to a conversation that would quite likely leave their teammates wondering at her sanity.

So be it�

Sam paced the floor for the next half hour. Stopping frequently to straighten pictures that were level and to plump pillows already puffed and smooth. She toyed with the idea of running down to the corner market for something to eat. The sporadic protests of her empty stomach provided a strident reminder that her last meal was aboard the Prometheus. Hot soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, the majority of which she left untouched.

Unfortunately, the forthcoming discussion had her in knots. She discarded the idea of food as a wave of nausea forced her to stop and sit at the bar.

Get a grip!

Sam mopped the clammy sweat from her face with a napkin. She could feel Daniel and Teal�c drawing closer. Sensed their restrained concern even at a distance. Whether due to years of service, or the intrinsic link of an abiding friendship, she had long depended on the indefinable feeling. Used it to read the signals each man projected in the face of discovery or danger. Such a connection was both blessing and curse. As the minutes dragged on she began to feel suffocated by their impending questions.

What can I say to them? How can I explain what I know to be true? Will they understand? Will they help?

She struggled to ignore the hole left by Jack�s absence. His moods and signals had been the easiest to read. Analyzing the why of that ability brought more pain to an already volatile mix.

Taking a deep breath, Sam stood and walked down the short hallway to the front door. The half hour was nearly up. As she pulled back the lacey curtains, a car door slammed. Teal�c�s muted bass voice rose above the rumble of a passing truck. Sam unlocked the door and pulled it open in time to hear Daniel mumble a reply. She did not catch the words. The set of his shoulders and the darkness in the deep blue eyes told her she was better off not knowing.

�Hey.�

Daniel paused, waiting for Teal�c to round the rear of the car and join him on the walk. �Hey, Sam.�

�MajorCarter.�

She stepped back as they mounted the steps. �I didn�t wake you up or anything did I?�

Teal�c quirked an eyebrow at the odd question, �I was not sleeping.�

Daniel shook his head and raised a hand, revealing a previously unnoticed Styrofoam coffee cup. �Neither was I.�

�Good.� She refrained from commenting on his obvious attempt to �manage� the stresses of the current situation. Undoubtedly her call caught him deeply involved in translating the Ancients� text. They would all find unique coping mechanisms to deal with Jack�s situation over the coming weeks, or God forbid, months. Sam swallowed a heavy sigh and closed the door behind them. Or perhaps the avenues of escape would be distressingly similar? Like Daniel, she frequently turned to work as a means of solace. In the past the clarity of science provided safe, sufficient channels for emotions that were otherwise impossible to confront. This time was different and it frightened her.

She trailed them into the living room and perched on the edge of the couch. Teal�c stood by the window. His dark gaze roved around the room, resting on pictures and knickknacks before focusing on her. The heavy features remained impassive, but his voice was heavy with emotion when he finally spoke. �You have been deeply affected by the loss of O�Neill.�

�Loss?� Daniel objected softly from his seat in the corner. �I don�t think Jack is �lost�. There has to be a way to get him out of there.�

The Jaffa�s heavy jowls quivered as he swallowed audibly. �Your certainty is based upon what evidence, DanielJackson?�

�Well it only makes sense. I mean the Ancients wouldn�t invent a device that would kill the user? That�s not practical.�

�We�ve seen it before,� Sam whispered. Her mind flashed to the Sentinel and the wash of light that signaled the end of Colonel Shaun Greaves� life as he blended with the alien device.

�Indeed,� Teal�c affirmed.

�But Jack is still here. At least physically�� Daniel stumbled into silence and stared hard at the floor.

At least physically�

The inadvertent remark sent a tremor through Sam�s weary body. She rubbed her folded arms and prayed for strength. �He�s in there�I saw�� she bit her lip, forcing the words out. �He was crying.�

�Yes.�

Daniel blinked rapidly, obviously struggling to process what he had failed to notice. �Are you sure?�

�Quite sure, DanielJackson,� Teal�c intoned as he settled into Sam�s recliner.

�I didn�t�� He frowned and turned his focus to Sam. �I didn�t know. I never would have asked you��

�It�s okay.� She reached out and squeezed his arm, surprised and saddened by the chill of the pale flesh. Daniel was the voice of reason. He was right and yet he was wrong to suggest that they leave. To encourage Teal�c to finally drag her from the cavern floor where she had sunk as the battle faded to stillness.

I love you and I hate you for it. Forgive me�

�Oh my God.�

Teal�c nodded. �It is very troubling. We must find a way to free O�Neill.�

�But how? Only the Ancients have that knowledge and Jack is the only one�� Daniel licked his lips. �Jack knows and you think he can somehow help himself? That he is helping himself?�

Sam nodded slowly, heartened by his leap in logic in spite of the odd nature of the situation. �We can�t let this drag on, we have to reach him. Give him a reason to fight.�

�You fear for O�Neill�s sanity?� Teal�c inquired.

�Yes.�

Daniel gaze became glassy and unfocused as he leaned forward, murmuring. �I�ve never been able to remember more than bits of pieces of my time with the Ascended. Bra�tac and Ry�ac in the camp was the clearest recollection I had until recently. On the Ship on our way to Proklarush, Jack and I were talking.� He smiled sadly. �At least I was talking and then it hit me. Ba�al�s cell. I could see it all clearly. He was so angry, defiant� I offered him Ascension and he flat out refused��

�I am not surprised,� Teal�c interrupted softly.

�I shouldn�t have been, but I was,� Daniel admitted. �I wanted to help him but The Others wouldn�t allow anything overt. Even the offer of Ascension was more than I should have done. So I bided my time and I hoped that Jack would survive.� His voice dipped to a whisper. �I never thought he would break. I never thought anything would get through that armor of his. But he did. He begged me to end it and I�couldn�t. It wasn�t The Others, it was me. I just couldn�t do it.�

Sam stroked his arm. Tears were threatening again. Burning the edges of her fluttering eyelids with an acid tinge. She dashed them angrily away. �You did the right thing.� The words sounded hollow, devoid of the solace he so desperately needed.

�But at what cost?� Daniel demanded as he lifted his eyes from the floor to her face. �Did you all save him just so another hell could take the place of the sarcophagus?�

Teal�c shifted in the recliner and steepled his thick fingers. �O�Neill has accomplished much since the time of his imprisonment, including saving all of our lives on more than one occasion. I am sure he would not view your inaction as anything less than necessary, DanielJackson.�

Daniel shook his head. �I wish I knew for sure.� He pivoted, catching and holding Sam�s moist gaze. �Last weekend, we did interrupt something, didn�t we?�

She ducked away, unnerved by the flush creeping up her cheeks. The reaction was natural and entirely inappropriate given the gravity of the situation, still�� Yeah, I think you did.�

�You think?� he prodded gently. �God Sam��

�Please, don�t say it. There�s no point��

�I disagree, MajorCarter. I think the point you are both alluding to is the key to reaching O�Neill.�

Teal�c!

She wanted to scream, to cry, to explode with the joy his understanding unleashed. �I hope you�re right, Teal�c,� she managed when her heart had ceased to pound.

�Kel No Reem?� Daniel asked.

�Indeed.�

�But how?�

�As a Jaffa warrior matures he becomes a true master of his body and mind. The ability to sink into a deep healing state of Kel No Reem enables our bodies to heal. It also enabled me to communicate in a very limited fashion with my symbiote.� A shadow passed across Teal�c�s heavy features and disappeared. �Much as Sha�nuc communicated with Tanith. Control of the subconscious mind allows �awareness� of motivations, character. Master Bra�tac has gained the ability to see into the heart of our Jaffa brothers.�

Sam nodded. �Which is how he knew you were lying after we got you back from Apophis.�

�Yes.�

�You think we can all sink deep enough to connect. At least enough to reach out to Jack.� Daniel surmised.

�I believe it is possible.�

The idea had been little more than a fantasy in the back of Sam�s fevered brain. She feared to give it credence and even now doubt was slashing at the threads of hope.

We�I�have to reach you!

�Sam?�

She shook herself, disturbed at how easily her concentration had wavered. �Huh?�

�That�s what you were thinking, wasn�t it? When you called me?�

Yes!

She nodded stiffly.

�Master Bra�tac is highly versed in the art of Ta Sha Ron.�

Daniel pursed his lips. �Reading of the soul?� he guessed.

�Correct. Unfortunately he has returned to Chulak.�

Sam shivered and rose to her feet. She was very fond of the ancient warrior, but suspicion told her the rite would be an experience like no other. The three of them would share an intimacy few lovers could match, and that frightened her as much as the idea itself. �It has to be us, only us.�

�I agree,� Daniel replied.

There were no words to express the swell of hope cresting within. Sam shared a watery smile and hoped it was enough.

�If we are to attempt Ta Sha Ron then we must all be well rested,� Teal�c advised, looking pointedly in Sam�s direction. �DanielJackson and I will return this evening.� He rose without waiting for an answer and headed for the door.

Daniel stood and crossed to the couch. He drew Sam to her feet with a slight tug. �It�s going to be okay.�

�How do you know?� Loneliness and sorrow suddenly loomed large in the dusky shadows of the room.

Please don�t leave!

He squeezed her hand and leaned forward, grazing her cheek with a butterfly kiss. �You�ll reach him. He loves you, Sam. He always has.�

No!

She wanted to deny the statement. It would be easier than living with the guilt of wasted years. But the pressure around her hand and the earnestness in Daniel�s blue eyes forced candor. Sam exhaled a stuttering sigh. �I�love him too.�

�I know that, and so does he.�

He released her and walked out the door.

Sam awoke with a start, feeling dazed. The living room was filled with dark, hulking shadows. Dusk and cloud cover providing scant illumination as night drew in. She rubbed tiredly at her gritty eyes. Surprised and not entirely pleased by the lengthy nap. Her sleep had been leaden and dreamless and left the distressing impression that she was missing something important. Sam sat up and stretched, her mind groping for explanations.

Cold�a wall�impenetrable�

Reality returned and her head fell back against the worn cushions.

The Colonel�Jack�Why can�t this be a dream?

She stared at the silent television in the corner of the room. Every newscaster from the big three to the lowliest university hack would be talking about the �meteor shower�. The hail of light and debris falling deep in the southern sky that signaled the saving of the planet and the loss of one extraordinary man. How long before the world knew the full story? Would humanity ever appreciate the lives sacrificed in the skies above and the ice below?

A low moan escaped Sam�s lips.

Will they ever know who you are and what you did?

She pounded her quivering legs with balled fists. Shamed and angered by the bitter tears that trailed down her cheeks.

Will you ever know how much I love you and how much I need you in my life?

�Stop it!�

The hoarse, desperate bark shattered the stillness of the empty house. Sam hardly recognized her own voice. Still, the spoken command was enough to stem the tide of self-pity. She brushed the tears aside and rose. Forcing her unwilling body into the kitchen.

A can of vegetables and a box of Minute Rice were the extent of the non-perishables in the cupboard. She boiled water and added the rice. Heating the vegetables in the microwave while she waited. It was a simple dinner, but it filled the growling space inside. Eating made her feel marginally better, at least physically.

She moved through the house afterwards, operating on autopilot. Her mind strayed frequently to Teal�c and Daniel�s return visit but Sam refused to dwell. Thinking left her weak and agitated, a totally useless state of being. She would not jeopardize the outcome of the rite of Ta Sha Ron by exhausting the minimal mental defenses she still possessed with endless speculation.

Instead, Sam concentrated on the menial tasks one does in preparation for guests. She swiped a rag over the fixtures and toilet in the spare bathroom and pulled out fresh towels. She checked to see that the guest bed was made and she blew up the air mattress with the small electric pump. Leaving it leaning against the wall behind the door of the room. The light rap of knuckles on glass sounded just as she was pulling spare blankets from the closet. She went to the door with the linens draped over one shoulder.

�Hey.�

�Hi.�

�Did you sleep?� Daniel asked softly.

�Yeah, some,� she admitted as she retreated back into the living room. �I thought you guys might stay the night afterwards so I got the spare room ready.�

�Possibly,� Teal�c rumbled.

Sam jumped in spite of the familiar voice and spun around. The Jaffa loomed large in the mouth of the hallway. His dark features glowed in the lamplight and the whites of his eyes gleamed when they focused on her.

�I am sorry to have frightened you, MajorCarter.�

�You didn�t.�

Why did I say that?

In reality, Teal�c could frighten almost anyone. His stature and demeanor had proven useful in countless scenarios. But in all the years they had known one another, Sam could hardly remember a time when she had been unnerved by his presence or behavior. The unfamiliar sensation spawned the lie and she bit her lip, feeling guilty.

Teal�c lifted an eyebrow and walked further into the room. �I did, forgive me,� he intoned gently.

Sam dropped the blanket she had been clutching and touched his shoulder. �It�s okay.�

�I think we�re all a little on edge,� Daniel mumbled.

She turned and followed his line of sight to a photograph hanging on the wall. She had taken the picture of Mark and his family during the Christmas holidays. The children were prepubescent now. Her nephew�s crooked grin and sparkling blue eyes spoke of mischief. Her niece�s smile was guarded and Sam recalled that she had been angry with her mother due to an early morning disagreement. Sylvie positively glowed. Her pride in her family evident in the way she leaned on Mark and held her daughter�s thin waist, ignoring the girl�s disdain.

Family; mother, father and children that loved one another and were not afraid to show it. A man and a woman enjoying what they had created, and in the process defying the rigors of the world at large. Happily living a life uncluttered by fears of rejection, adherence to rules, or loyalty to ideals.

When had principles become more important than the things they were designed to protect?

Sam blinked and turned away.

God this hurts! How can I be jealous of Mark, of anyone? I�ve been given the same chances as everyone else. It�s not the world�s fault that I fell in love with the one man I can�t have, unless I�m willing to tear my whole life apart. Unless he is� or was�

�MajorCarter?�

Sam sucked in a deep breath and pivoted to face Teal�c. �What?�

�Are you prepared?�

�I don�t know,� she replied, suppressing a shiver. Am I? She looked at Daniel who had crossed to stand in front of the couch next to Teal�c. �Are you?�

He shrugged fractionally. �I�m not sure to tell you the truth. On the way home earlier and then on the way back here, Teal�c and I talked about my time with the Ascended. I think we were both hoping to jog some memories.�

Sam licked her lips. �And did you?�

Daniel sighed and looked at the floor. �I remember more of Jack�s time in Ba�al�s cell, of the condition he was in at the end.�

I don�t want to hear this�but I do� How cruel is that, to either of us?

She rubbed her arms and sank back into the recliner. �Well?�

Daniel�s reply was distant, as if she had not spoken at all. �Jack was�broken. He threatened to tell Ba�al everything if I didn�t help him escape. He was going to tell him that Kanan came back for Shaylin because he loved her. He knew that Ba�al would torture her and he knew I wouldn�t allow that, but he just didn�t see any other way. I�ve never known Jack to be like that. It was emotional blackmail and I�m not sure what I would have done if General Hammond had not sent Yu the message to attack the fortress.�

�You were responsible for that message, DanielJackson,� Teal�c reminded softly as he seated himself in a corner of the couch. �Were it not for your suggestion during my Kel No Reem��

�That�s not the point!� Daniel interrupted angrily. �Jack would never stoop that low unless he were completely desperate ��

�It goes against everything he is,� Sam completed.

Dear God�

What state will we find you in?

Gooseflesh popped along Sam�s arms and across her back. She shivered and reached for the discarded blanket on the floor. Folding it absently against her chest as disturbing thoughts tumbled through her mind.

Jack was a man like any other. But unconsciously, involuntarily, she had built him up into something far greater over the years. A being who refused to yield to adversity, larger than life and therefore invincible. There was a mountain of evidence to the contrary, of course. From the nearly inaudible curses he uttered when faced with a particularly arduous march over rough terrain. To the look of anguish on his haggard features at the discovery of yet another Goa�uld atrocity against the innocent. Jack�s inadequacies as a human being were on display for all to see, just as hers were. The difference lay in the persona of the Colonel. The cloak he donned like armor. A means to protect the fragile heart they all knew lay beneath.

To hear, to know, that the mask had slipped free completely in the cell was terrifying.

What did you endure at Ba�al�s hands? What do you see and feel now? Fear? Despair? Do you hate us�me�for abandoning you?

�It�s not your fault, Sam. You know that, right?� Daniel approached and knelt beside her chair. �We had to go, there wasn�t any choice. Jack understands that.�

Does he? How do you know? How do any of us know what he�s going through?

A random thought occurred, clotting the blood in Sam�s veins. She sighed raggedly and turned, catching Daniel�s pleading gaze. �What if I�m wrong, what if we�re all wrong and there�s nothing left?�

�We are not wrong,� Teal�c assured.

Daniel ducked his head for a long moment before looking in the Jaffa�s direction. �How do you know?�

�O�Neill is a brother. United in spirit if not in blood. He is with us, I can feel it and I believe you feel it to.�

�Teal�c��

I want to believe!

�We will reach him, Samantha.�

She blinked, taken aback by the use of her given name. The large man�s somber tone and comforting demeanor was not dissimilar to the personification which visited her onboard the Prometheus.

Three months previously she had been injured and the Ship marooned in a gaseous cloud. The hallucinations that kept her sane during the long four days were still fresh in memory. Each member of SG-1 had appeared to her. Offering support, guidance, and advice that ultimately helped her to focus on getting Ship and crew safely clear. However, whereas Daniel and Teal�c spoke to the practical and scientific side of her nature, Jack�s presence and words were far more personal. His wraith came dressed in civilian clothing and sporting an attitude distinctly at odds with his usual bland wit and guarded heart. This Jack was open and honest and laid their situation on the table without judgment or malice. He was as she hoped he would be. Which was why his name was on her lips when she awoke in the Infirmary.

Sam nodded, accepting Teal�c�s certainty as fact. His conclusions were at least as real as the experiences on the Ship. She wanted, needed, to believe that the people who populated the delusions were not merely fragments of a fractured mind; but were the spirits of friends and family. Touching her soul in spite of the vast physical distance. The success of Ta Sha Ron would depend upon faith to a far greater degree than Sam was comfortable with.

Daniel stood and touched her arm. �We will,� he assured.

Teal�c rose from the couch and went outside. He returned after a moment with a box containing candles, holders, and other sundries. Sam shut off the lights throughout the house, and left the lamp in the living room on until both men had finished setting up. With the lighting of the first tall pillar she flicked the switch.

Shadows fell in inky shrouds from the backs of the furniture and mingled with their hazy silhouettes. Unidentifiable shapes jumped and shifted on the walls, emerging as pale reflections in the window that faced the backyard. The glitter of candlelight and the surreal appearance of their faces inexplicably disturbed Sam. She hastened to draw the curtains and ignored the puzzled look Daniel shot her from the far side of the room.

The air gradually filled with the pungent aroma of incense. Sam was unaccustomed to the odor but it was pleasing and after a moment she felt herself beginning to relax. Scientific curiosity niggled, wanting to know the expected effects of the smoke. She squelched the questions and sat down hesitantly on the edge of the couch cushions. The why and how were simply a defense against growing anxiety now that the moment had arrived.

We�I owe you more�

She smiled secretly and took a deep breath.

I believe�

�Sit upon the floor,� Teal�c commanded softly.

Sam crossed her legs and slid down to the carpet. Her knees bumped Daniel�s on one side and Teal�c's on the other. She looked from man to man unsure of what to do next.

Teal�c had been instructing Daniel in Kel No Reem and its benefits for several months. They both believed that his Ascended memories were simply buried and meditation was the key to uncovering them. Countless sessions had yielded little progress, unfortunately. However neither man was willing to abandon the efforts, and Daniel claimed the benefit of a more relaxed state of mind. Sam was inclined towards chemical intervention, perhaps combined with hypnotherapy to retrieve the possibly valuable information. Though the pragmatist in her resisted the latter in much the same way Jack had many years before when confronted with Daniel�s disappearance on Nem's planet.

�I�ve never been a fan of that bark like a chicken, cluck like a dog stuff.�

The recollection brought a tremulous smile and the instant ache of sorrow. Sam winced and tried to concentrate on Teal�c�s instructions.

�You must empty your mind of all but the firelight. See its light, feel its natural energy surround and lift you. Pick a flame and separate it into its composite colors. Track them with your eyes. Follow their progress from the smoking edges to the core of the flame��

Sam dropped her gaze to the small raised platform, which sat in the center of their triangle. Her eyes found a smooth, cream-colored pillar. She wandered across its breadth and up its length until she encountered the flame. It shivered on the end of the wick, snapping at the dusky air. Golden tendrils wrapped around an orange and magenta core. They writhed and popped. The light pushed at the encroaching shadows and retreated abruptly with her exhalation. Sam sat back, unaware that she had been leaning towards the mesmerizing glow.

Teal�c�s voice deepened and lowered, stroking her opening subconscious. Persuading the sheltered part of her soul to uncurl and stretch out.

�Bring the fire inside of you. Allow the light, the energy to fill your mind. Feel the heat seeping into the deepest places. Let yourself relax, trust the flame to light the path��

The flame steadied and straightened, forming a perfect oval in the center of the candle. Sam�s eyes shifted to the expanding pool of melted wax. She watched ripples form and spread outward. Encouraged by their breaths and the virtually unnoticed drafts in the room. She focused, picking out her flame�s reflection from the refractions of the two nearby candles. The others moved, shaking and shuddering with unaccountable cause. Hers remained constant, a steady golden orange glow suspended on the edges of the dissipating ripples. She followed its progress out from the central flame to the shores of the hardened wax.

Glittering, cream colored wax, beaded with impurities. Solid walls that stopped the flow, held it in a gathering pool that threatened to snuff the fire.

I�you�we are trapped!

Sam struggled to slow her racing heart and felt someone shift closer. A knee, warm and firm, pressed against her lower thigh.

*I am here, you are safe*

The voice was Daniel�s, and yet it wasn�t.

Teal�c�s large hand moved into view. He held a small blade. With a deft twist of his wrist he cut a trench from the edge of the pool, down and outward. The melted wax instantly flooded the new channel and spilled over the side of the candle. The fire flared from a crimson flicker to radiant amber.

�Follow the light, let it guide you. Free your mind to hear the hearts and minds of those whom you trust. Join with them as the flame splits and then coalesces into a single living entity.�

*Samantha*

She shivered and felt the walls fall away, much as the melting wax eased down into the fresh trough. The flame grew impossibly large but retained a soft, comforting glow. Red, orange, golden yellow: encompassed Sam�s field of vision. Then slowly retreated to form a flickering oval.

*Sam*

The feathery touch of their minds evolved into recognizable figures, and after a moment Teal�c and Daniel stepped from the smudgy flames. Their bodies were not quite true. Shadow made up the better part of familiar features and movements were slow. Hands and fingers left dusky shades as they drifted through the ethereal haze.

I am alone, God help me, help him!

*No, we are here, we will help him*

�How?� The audible whisper caused the vision to flicker. It became transparent, allowing the features of the surrounding room to seep through. Driving back the feeling of peace and the soothing heat.

�Reach down into yourself for the embers that burn.� Teal�c�s reassuring tones drew her back. The vision solidified and reality faded back behind the curtain.

*Three must become one*

*How* she silently repeated. The question echoed off the flickering walls of fire. The shades of Daniel and Teal�c stepped forward and stretched out their arms. She reached and curled her fingers around the transparent flesh. Marveling at the feeling of solidity and certain that her physical appendages were still firmly planted on her folded knees.

*You must cease to question and accept what is revealed*

Shadowy hands tightened their grip. The flames flattened into translucent streaks. Expanding as they slowly spun around their bodies. Sam uttered an involuntary gasp as the pace quickened. The reaction dimmed the illusion and she welcomed the reassuring warmth of someone pressing closer to her corporeal body.

The colors grew and morphed and the sensation of flames gradually disappeared. Verdant green spread beneath their feet, rising and falling towards a distant horizon denoted by smudgy mountain peaks. Night retreated before a jumble of fuchsia clouds. The firmament rippling through various shades of gold until it reached a sparkling white barely kissed by a hint of blue.

*Where�*

*Believe*

Defiance reared its ugly head and the sky darkened to gunmetal gray. Sam shivered and forced back the insistent pangs of doubt. Her surroundings settled in seeming approval.

She looked around, trying to get her bearings. The land was a featureless sea of virgin grass. Wave upon wave shivered as if stroked by the breeze. But her skin and hair lay flat, bereft of sensation or movement.

A lone man riding a coal black horse appeared out of the ether. Sam squinted and felt her mouth drop open in disbelief. Though his features were obscured by distance, she recognized the set of the broad shoulders and the slightly bent torso.

*Colonel�Jack�*

He rode across the prairie, staying well clear of their position. His posture indicated urgency and he frequently looked back, as if he were being followed.

Sam tore her greedy eyes from his body and peered into the distance, seeking the pursuers. The featureless grasslands hid no one and she turned back. Startled and pained to discover that he had vanished.

*Where*

*We will not reach him until we are truly one*

*What must I do*

*We are deeper than I have ever been* Teal�c�s deep tones caressed ear and mind equally as he explained. *Jaffa masters speak of a joining of the heart, a sharing of our deepest pain. Only then can a true connection occur*

Fear rolled up and over them. Darkening heaven and earth and washing it free of color. Sam shivered and adjusted her physical stance, reaching out to cling to the hands of her companions. Willing a semblance of peace. After a moment dusky red and gold lightened the surroundings and a changed scene emerged out of the retreating darkness.

A primitive village square replaced the virgin grasslands. One and two story stone structures broken sporadically by muddy tracts defined a ring of booths and tables. Livestock paced small makeshift paddocks and stared stupidly over the rails. Bawling eerily silent protest as they were separated or held fast for slaughter. Children played and ran through the muck. Their shining faces radiating innocence like bright beacons in spite of the sketchiness of their nearly transparent bodies. Only their heads appeared solid as they moved between shadows and glaring sunlight. Ebony skinned with large, brilliant irises of blue and green.

The adults seemed mesmerized by the skies and surrounding fields. Their sharp, angular features frozen in rigid masks, which barely concealed shades of terror and grief. Their mouths opened and closed as they gathered and dispersed. The silent conversations characterized by obvious and increasing distress as the scene spread and solidified.

*They�re coming*

Daniel�s voice came sharp and sorrowful in her mind.

*Who are they*

The tone dipped to a broken whisper. *They were here�I should have stopped them�*

The flash of a staff weapon blast split the scene asunder. Bodies crumpled and scattered, felled by an onslaught of amber fire raining down from high above. Sam scanned the leaden sky and gasped aloud as Death Gliders descended in neat, tight formation over the innocuous Market Square.

�No.�

Daniel�s murmured plea lent sound to the unfolding massacre. Screams ricocheted around Sam�s throbbing skull. She clenched her friend�s hands, feeling the skin grow cold and slick as the vision unfolded.

The people in the Square cried out in terror and ran for the deceptive safety of the squat stone buildings, or the open fields beyond. The Gliders sailed overhead, strafing the crowd. Market stalls erupted in miniature fireballs, filling the air with charred shrapnel. Animals shrilled their fear and stampeded. Tearing loose wood and stone pilings as they fled through the frenzied crowd.

Sam�s eyes were drawn to a little girl dressed in a brilliant yellow robe. The long, braided plaits of her hair slapped heavily across her back as she ducked and ran.

*Hurry*

The little one fell across the smoking ruin of a horse still hitched to a burning buckboard. She screeched and scrambled off the animal�s neck. Across the Square someone shouted.

*Anya run*

The choking cry was filled with desperation. The child quickened her pace. Dodging the frantic scrambling of feet and hooves.

*Hurry* Sam begged, instinctively knowing and dreading the outcome.

A Death Glider screamed low and fast overhead. Deadly orange bolts pounded twin trails through an opening in the buildings. Bodies plumed and vanished in puffs of smoke as the energy disintegrated them on the spot. Anya stopped and turned away from the wall of fire and gore. She spun in a circle frantically peering into the faces of passers by. The impact of the blasts shook the ground and set up shockwaves that buffeted the crowd. They wheeled in a panic and retreated en masse from the deadly corridor of stone.

*Anya*

The child disappeared beneath the mob.

*Sam�Teal�c�Oh God�Dear God�I tried to stop them�I wanted to warn those people�but they wouldn�t let me�do you know�do you understand*

Tears blurred Daniel�s plea. The mental voice was thick, guttural as he choked on sobs of rage and grief.

*I failed them�I couldn�t let it happen again�* A heaving sigh blotted out the char and ruin of the Square. Plunging them all back into the orange glow, which flared and retreated with the waves sorrow. *The Elyans�they are the reason I appeared to Ska�ara and the Abydonian council� The reason I found the courage to come to Jack in the elevator and tell him about Anubis and the Eye of Ra� I couldn�t sit back and watch something so senseless happen again, no matter what The Others said*

Anger and guilt peeled away from Daniel�s soul in thin papery layers. Ska�ara and the Abydonians should have been enough, but they weren�t. Anya�s death was far more significant, and the disparity of hurting for someone less familiar ate at Daniel. Sam could feel the self-loathing emanating from his fragile psyche. Brittle shards of doubt and disappointment pricked flesh and spirit. A child and her world destroyed by the Goa�uld, innocence obliterated in a single frenzied heartbeat. A horror Daniel�s consciousness chose to keep hidden.

Perhaps only one of many?

Sam hastily squelched the question. The scene was mercifully fading and she welcomed the stabilizing sensation of Teal�c�s solid presence. There was more. She knew intrinsically that the vision was only a fraction of the pain Daniel was enduring, as repressed memory became shared reality. She reached out in every way and tried to console the throbbing energy of his spirit. He trembled and withdrew, and Sam�s soul wilted. Teal�c�s raw energy surrounded and bolstered them. Offering support devoid of opinions or judgment.

�You are not to blame DanielJackson*

*You didn�t know, Daniel� You would never have allowed her to die�* Sam comforted.

Gradually their surroundings stabilized into the pale, flickering ring that precluded the prairie and the horror. Sam relaxed in spite of herself. She did not doubt that Teal�c�s experience would be equally brutal, and a nagging inner sense warned that her own demons would outshine them both.

As if on cue the flames faded to near blackness. Moonlight spilled down and the long shadows of hidden trees fell across their vision. Stray beams picked out leaves and shivering limbs, painting them in harsh tones of bluish white. Sensation replaced sound and the primeval forest was bathed in an eerie, silent chill.

They stood with their backs to one another in the heart of a clearing. The classic defensive formation elicited uneasy confusion in Sam. She peered into the shifting darkness, straining to detect the reason why they were there. The vision did not waver in spite of her mounting anxiety. A testament to whose past they currently resided in. Teal�c�s memories and will would not be denied, and Sam wondered at the force of them.

The Jaffa contingent appeared right in front of her. Gauzy forms slipped from the ether of the trees and filled the trailhead in the span of a single heartbeat. Sam swallowed hard and pressed her back against her companions.

*Do not fear, all is long in the past* Teal�c assured. But the hardness in his gentle tone gripped Sam�s pounding heart and squeezed until she could barely draw air.

He could not hide from the emotions the vision was gradually drawing forth, nor could he shield them.

The small enemy force moved into the clearing. Their heads up and weapons held loosely at the ready. A jostling in their midst drew Sam�s attention. She tensed in anticipation and gasped when the Jaffa separated to reveal the struggling form of a slender young woman.

*Jaffa, Kree�* Orders rattled off in quick succession and the group split apart. They formed a tight circle with staffs pointed outwards. A pair of warriors stood in the center holding their charge.

*What�*

The tenuous link between them shivered as Teal�c recoiled from the memory. Sam flexed her physical fingers and held on tightly, attempting to reassure.

The Jaffa were a warrior class with a core mandate of honor and responsibility which made them uniquely suited to servitude. But they were not immune to weaknesses of the flesh or spirit. Sam bit her lip and forced herself to focus on the scene at hand. Suspicion became reality as the larger of the two men forced the woman to her knees and ripped the dark robes from her body.

The woman cried out, her mouth opening and closing in silent screams. Sam cringed and reached for Daniel�s calming presence. He seemed to withdraw and then reemerge as his consciousness sympathized with her mounting horror.

SG-1 had faced countless adversaries over the years. Captivity and torture were always distinct possibilities and she had born them both with stoic resolve. A firm grasp on reality, on the necessity of the job, kept her sane.

Sam had never been raped.

The scene blackened until only a single moonbeam lit the center of the clearing. The warrior�s armor gleamed dull silver as he flexed and shifted. Forcing the victim onto all fours while his companion removed the plate and mail that protected his genitals.

*NO*

The woman bucked and screamed. The sound splintered the barrier of nightmare and shot arrow sharp through Sam�s heart. She writhed and felt Teal�c�s large fingers clamp down on her slippery wrist.

*Please� Do not abandon me as I abandoned her�*

*You didn�t�*

*I did* he denied harshly.

Daniel�s presence emanated peace tainted by bitter grief. *You were there�but you are not to blame�*

*Then whom shall I name, DanielJackson*

*They did this�they are without honor�they are why you fight�Evil in any form is what we seek to obliterate�*

Sam swallowed hard, tasting blood and bile. The woman sagged to the ground and sobbed openly as the Jaffa warrior knelt and forced himself deep into her trembling body. Sweat pocked his forehead, glistening pearl-like in the moonlight. A smile spread across his face as he thrust and retreated. The woman moaned and his lips twisted into a sneer. One gloved hand descended, impacting against her skull with a dull, wet thump. Her head lolled and the second warrior grabbed and shook her quivering chin. Nausea rolled over Sam and she fought it back. Willing strength to a woman who was, most likely, long dead.

The victim�s lips pressed into a grim, white line. She straightened her back, enduring the increasingly violent activity in stoic silence. The assaulting Jaffa laughed. Her defiance seemed to fuel his frenzied enjoyment. His hips thrust faster and he stared upwards. Face a mask of ecstasy as orgasm shuddered through his muscular body.

*You would never �* Sam struggled to complete the affirming thought, desperate to assuage the guilt washing through the strained mental link.

*What comfort is�was� that to her* Teal�c protested sadly.

*It is the past�do not lose sight of all you have accomplished* Daniel replied.

Jaffa laughter burned through Sam�s consciousness. She refused to look at the shadowy scene. No doubt the warriors had switched places and would encourage their brethren to take turns.

*I could do nothing, Samantha�forgive me�*

Tears stung Sam�s eyelids. She blinked rapidly and squeezed his chilled fingers. *I know�and I do�*

The darkness lifted abruptly, revealing the sunlit prairie.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief and felt instantly guilty. Teal�c�s mental anguish was only now retreating. Climbing over the distant mountains in a rolling black thunderhead, which released a last resounding rumble before dissipating into a wash of cloudless blue.

She dropped her eyes to the ground. Looking for the Colonel�Jack�s�mounted figure. He appeared at the edge of the grasslands, a dusky smudge where the lavender hillocks met the green apron beneath their feet.

Come to me�Please�I can�t remember�I don�t think I can share�

He wheeled his ebony steed and cantered along the edge of the mountains. Eventually turning and disappearing up a trail lined with the barely discernable shapes of firs and aspens.

*Samantha*

�No.�

The vision shimmered and faded to black. The ring of fire roared to life. Magenta flames danced around them, and the ghosts of furniture and walls began to bleed through.

*Come back* Daniel urged gently. *We�ll be there�we need you�he needs you*

*Samantha*

Hot tears burned Sam�s eyelids and trailed down her drawn cheeks. She bit her lip and sucked on the ragged flesh. Tasting blood and salt and bitterness.

Jack�please�.

She drew a tremulous breath and refocused her thoughts. The room faded and the blaze expanded, washing away the angles and planes of reality.

The vision began with a sound. A rapid staccato beat on the roof above their heads. Glass rattled as the wind whipped around the corners of the house and spattered the windows with driving rain. Sam blinked and looked around the startlingly familiar space.

A bedroom�

My bedroom!

The location was not unexpected given the gravity of Daniel and Teal�c�s images. Still, a shudder wracked her from heel to hairline, leaving her breathless. Sam strained for the sound of footsteps and pressed back against the reassuring bulk of Teal�c's shoulder when they approached and paused outside the closed door.

Me�this is�was�me�.

An adolescent Samantha Carter pushed open the door and closed it behind her with a soft click. She glanced furtively around the empty room and then slid a liquor bottle out from under her loose sweatshirt. Her lips pursed and twisted as she studied the clear alcohol. Tears tracked unnoticed down her shiny cheeks and splashed across the label.

*Dear God�please�I never want to go back there�*

*Sam�we�re here �* Daniel�s soothing voice reeked of confusion and the overwhelming need to support. He did not understand, and Sam balked at the thought of revealing an event that even her father was not aware of.

*I was so angry�so hurt�Daniel, please don�t make me go through this�*

�You have survived, Samantha. This time is passed and can no longer hurt you�*

Sam knew in her heart of hearts that Teal�c�s assertion was the furthest thing from the truth. The long, lonely night playing out before them still haunted her dreams. When the futility of the war and the loneliness of a relationship yearned for but unrealized became too much she sometimes fell back towards that place of despair. Time brought clarity, and maturity fostered strength. She never completely lost control, never toed the line in the same way, but�

*Three must become one* Teal�c reminded softly. She felt his grip tighten and smelled the spicy aroma of his skin. Daniel shifted closer, brushing her upper arm with his warm, solid shoulder.

*It�s okay�*

It wasn�t, but Sam had little choice. She relented, swallowing a sob of regret as the vision progressed.

Young Sam wandered through the bedroom, clenching the neck of the bottle in bone white hands. She paused at random intervals and unscrewed the lid. Gazing down into the deceptively clear liquid for endless moments before jamming the cover back on.

Minutes dragged to hours as she restlessly paced. Looking for something that would never be found, silently, ceaselessly crying. Eventually she stopped in front of the wall behind the bed. A tableau of pictures was mounted above the nightstand. Her dressed in knee-high socks and bristling with protective gear over a gaudy crimson soccer jersey. A picture taken during eighth grade graduation, the mortarboard perched at a roguish angle that nearly hid her sad, crooked smile. A photograph of brother Mark dressed in a suit. Taken the day he graduated Valedictorian of his High School class.

Someone to look up to, something to look forward to�

Young Sam slouched onto the bed cradling the liquor bottle close against her heaving chest.

*Mom, I needed you�Why weren�t you there*

She had missed out on so much. Events of the recent past and distance future would be forever tainted by her absence.

*Was this what I had to see, had to admit to Why should I share the darkest day of my life�*

*Because you will not reach him until you have faced your sorrow and conquered it. Because he is in a place beyond reason, beyond logic, beyond all that is familiar* Teal�c explained.

The sorrow rose up anew and washed a tide of pain over and between them. Sam struggled with the encroaching darkness and tried to drive it back. She could hear the rain pounding on the roof and walls. Providing camouflage for the sobs of her younger self.

Adolescent Sam picked up the liquor bottle and traced the label with trembling fingers. Bacardi 151 was spelled out in blocky red letters on a gold and white background. She unscrewed the cap and raised the mouth of the bottle to her nose.

Sam�s nostrils tingled in remembrance. The odor had been subtle, not what she expected.

The girl before them winced and stared hard through the sloshing liquor. Concentrating on the distorted pattern of the bedspread. Her free hand reached out and clenched the fabric, kneading a small square into a sodden, wrinkled ball. She released the cotton with an abrupt twist of her wrist and reached into the pocket of her sweatshirt.

A pill bottle rattled harshly above the thrum of the rain.

She cradled the amber tube in the palm of her hand. Wide blue eyes shifted back and forth between the two bottles.

*No*

Sam nodded stiffly, affirming Daniel�s assumption.

*Dear God�Sam�*

She shook her head and watched the teen on the bed. Morbidly fascinated by the rigors of her past.

Young Sam wedged the Vodka bottle between her hip and a pillow and studied the pill container through bleary, reddened eyes.

Valium.

The prescription belonged to Jacob and it was old. Given to him after her mother�s death as a sleep and relaxation aid. He refused to use them. Preferring to endure grief and guilt in terse, unyielding silence. Unaware of the effect his militant approach had on the children who shared his pain.

*We loved him�we needed him�he couldn�t be there�It was like he died with her that day�like his soul had been ripped out, leaving only shreds behind�.*

*JacobCarter is a warrior. It is not always easy for such men to feel, to share, what hurts them deepest*

A jolt of sorrow stabbed through Sam�s trembling body. She squeezed Teal�c�s hand.

*I understand�but God it hurts�I couldn�t help him�I couldn�t help myself*

*You expect so much of yourself all the time�let it go�*

�I couldn�t then�� The words slipped free, dimming the memory to pale shadows on the floor. Sam reached for calm as fresh tears streaked down her cheeks. �I can�t now��

*Sam*

*Samantha*

Their silent voices pulled her back into the past. The scene spun, painting the world in shades of blue, gold, and green. Sam gasped and held on tightly as it slowed and solidified.

Young Sam opened the bottle and shook out the contents into her hand. One of the pills bounced free and disappeared into the folds of the bedspread. She scrambled, finally sitting back wide-eyed and breathless when she retrieved it.

So easy�too easy�

She looked at the pile of innocuous capsules and then glanced at the bottle of Vodka.

Quick, painless. Sleep would come and all of this would disappear.

The rain stopped abruptly, plunging the small room into silence. She looked up at the ceiling and then out through the misted windows. The first streaks of dawn painted the horizon. Lightening the skittering clouds with splashes of violet and crimson.

Now or never.

She raised the handful of pills to her mouth and opened wide.

*SAMANTHA*

*SAM*

The drugs tipped from her palm and fell downward, bouncing off tongue and teeth as they disappeared. She clamped her lips shut and held them in her mouth as she unscrewed the Vodka cap. Her cheeks puffed and her throat convulsed, instinctively recoiling against the overdose. She raised the neck of the bottle and attempted to swallow.

*NO*

The desperate inner screams of three distinct voices tore through their link and Sam collapsed against the couch.

Her young counterpart flung the liquor bottle over the side of the bed and lurched to her feet. She stumbled across the bedroom and into the adjoining bath. Barely reaching the toilet before retching violently. The pills spewed free and splashed wetly into the bowl. She clung to the seat, gasping through the spasms that followed until nothing remained.

�Rise and shine, Sam.� Jacob�s voice drifted beneath the bedroom door accompanied by the sharp rap of knuckles on wood. �You up, kid?�

Young Sam nodded and climbed shakily to her feet. �I�m up, Dad,� she managed hoarsely.

�Good.�

*Is it*

*How can you ask that* Daniel demanded as the scene slowly faded.

*I did and sometimes I still do*

*It was a test, Samantha, one that you did not fail* Teal�c�s presence embraced her in healing warmth. *Just one of many that you have endured. Without it you would not be the warrior we respect*

*The woman we love* Daniel added softly.

*The one person O�Neill will return to, that which he waits for*

Sam swallowed audibly. *Does he*

*Of this there is little doubt*

The strength of conviction coursed between them. The blood roared in Sam�s ears, driven to a fevered pitch by one all consuming need.

To reach, to touch, to reassure�

The prairie returned and she stood alone for the first time. Daniel and Teal�c�s presence pulsed at the back of her mind, lending support without intruding.

The plain shifted rapidly from brilliant green to burnt umber. Twilight, figurative and literal crawled across the land. Bringing the damp of night and the waning of years. Youth and innocence fled as the wavering grasses dried to dead husks. A chill breeze whipped into miniature whirlwinds and rattled the seedpods, spattering her face with grit. Sam winced and raised a hand against the glare of the setting sun. Her eyes scanned the deepening shadows cast by the mountains.

Where are you? Where have you gone?

The sun plunged below the horizon, drawing a shroud of darkness over firmament and earth. The black horse and rider appeared at the base of a jagged cleft, a flat silhouette against the navy stone. As dusk deepened they peeled away from the wall and approached. Form and figure gradually lost the shimmering translucence of dream and became opaque, featureless flesh.

Tingles of apprehension sparked Sam�s fingertips and caught the breath in her dry throat. She stepped forward, anxious and terrified.

The angles and planes of Jack�s face shifted into specific relief as he reined the stallion to a halt. He stared at her from beneath lowered eyelids. The skin of his lips and cheeks was stretched tight and tinted an ashy gray, eerily reminiscent of the ice cavern. The lines deepened as his jaw worked spasmodically. Flares of emotion gradually kindled life in the dead eyes. His voice was cold, hollow, as it whispered across the space between them.

*What are you doing here*

Sam licked her lips and hesitantly approached. The black horse pawed the ground. Digging up the brittle grass and dry earth with his massive hoof. She stopped, heeding the warning.

Keep your distance�

Stay away�

The dust swirled up and around them in choking clouds. Jack�s grim visage disappeared. Hidden as completely as their feelings had been for far too long. Sam stepped forward and reached out. Her fingers encountered the horse�s quivering shoulder and she stroked the short, soft hair. Soothing with a touch as she murmured nonsensically.

*Stop*

The command was sharp and unexpected. The horse snapped at her fingers and shied away. The flash of its white teeth cut through the swirling dust and Sam fell back. Struck by the vehemence of pain and fear.

*Jack�*

Thunder rolled down through the mountains and undulated across the darkening fields. Dirt and debris lifted and swirled as lightning flashed a spider�s web of flickering blue and green. Jack�s rigid features reappeared. The taught, pale skin pocked by a pair of black, soulless eyes.

�You left me, then, now, always�*

Sam trembled violently and struggled to understand.

*I cannot see you, hear you, feel you�You left me�*

The papery voice sliced at her heart as comprehension dawned.

*I had to, but I never did�*

*Liar* Brilliant flares of crimson fire punctuated the expletive. The deep-set eyes flashed as the pent up frustration and sorrow of three long years boiled to the fore. Sam sank to her knees as Jack dismounted and stalked forward. She felt small and vulnerable, utterly stripped of the protective armor of duty and denial. The air rumbled ominously when he came to a halt in front of her curled body. *You never let me in and now it�s too late�*

He knelt and tipped up her chin. The tones of regret now replaced by creeping hate. *I watched you walk out the door long ago. I heard it slam as you threw me away forr him�Then�now�*

*I didn�t*

The white lips thinned and twisted into a furious grimace. Tapered fingers released their hold with a painful thrust and Jack sat back on his heels. He glared long and hard into Sam�s moist gaze. Cowing her heart with the force of his concentration.

*I did*

Bitter satisfaction passed between them. Jack climbed to his feet and returned to his mount. The stallion blew a rattling sigh through his hair and nipped his shoulder. Seeming to approve of the admission and dismiss Sam out of hand.

*Wait*

*Why* he demanded icily. *So you can do it again*

*No�*

Jack leaned across the horse�s broad back. *I watched you�I heard�I felt* The murmured phrases softened to strangled whispers as he stared at the dark, empty plains. *I thought I knew what you wanted�I was wrong, so wrong�*

Sam clambered to her feet and stood swaying in the breeze. The storm growled in the distance, approaching and receding with the pounding of her heart. *I didn�t�I don�t�dear God don�t you see*

*All too well* He swung up into the saddle. The stallion capered and pawed, watching Sam with large, rolling eyes. Jack stroked the high arched neck and the animal slowly quieted. After a moment he glanced up and offered a cold smile. *I only wanted one thing�all these years�Do you know Do you understand* he emphasized.

*I didn�t�* She stepped forward. Mindful of the stallion�s protective bulk but determined to reach Jack�s retreating soul. *But now I do�*

*Really* The angry rejoinder was tinged with sarcasm.

Sam nodded and dared to take a step. *On the ship�*

Jack laughed, a raspy bark that caused the horse to toss his angular head and sidle away from her.

Memories swirled to vicious life. His voice and hers thickened the still air. Mocking the mirage she tried to build, tearing assurance into tiny, useless shreds.

�Samantha, I'm a figment of your imagination. You're gonna call me Sir?�

�Old habit. Sorry.�

*Were you, are you* he taunted.

Sam stared up into the grim features and tried for strength. *Yes*

�Came to give me a pep talk?�

� That's what friends are for.�

�Friends?�

�Hey. This is you talking here. Might as well be honest.�

He laughed a second time and settled deeper into the saddle. *Yes, let�s be honest, Samantha*

She cringed at the acidic tone. *I was�*

Jack�s face hardened into a lifeless mask as the memory resumed.

� What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?"

�I would never ask you to give up your career.�

*I never did, not once�*

�Because you don't feel anything for me?�

�Carter��

*Samantha�that was never the reason�*

Sam closed her eyes, blotting out his painfully blank expression. She could feel the calming threads of Daniel and Teal�c stirring in the back of her jumbled thoughts. Urging her, them, to confront and move beyond the traitorous emotions of anger and regret.

�I'd let you go right now if I knew.�

*Was there ever any doubt where my loyalty lay*

�That easy?�

�I didn't say it would be easy.�

She looked up, catching and holding Jack�s chilly gaze. *Never easy, not then�not now�*

*No* The question held the spark of life.

*No. How could you think otherwise*

*How could I not* he retorted harshly. *You walked away* The reminder was faint, exhausted.

�Then what's stopping you if you really wanna know?�

�I'm trying.�

Jack scrubbed a hand across his haggard features. *You were�you are�Why did you come�*

�Maybe it's not me that's the problem here. Let's face it, I'm not that complex.�

�Me?�

�Sam. I'm a safe bet.�

*Safe� Is that why* He gestured expansively and the stallion�s sharp neigh reverberated through the fetid air. *Here, in this place where I cannot escape� Here is your answer�*

�As long as I'm thinking about you, setting my sights on what I think is unobtainable, there's no chance of being hurt by someone else.�

�Jacob was right. You deserve more�.�

Jack�s hand dropped to his thigh and he took up the reins. The horse chomped on the steel bit and shifted restlessly in place. A humorless smile touched Jack�s lips as he stroked the stallion�s thick neck. *You do�and I don�t think you�ve found it�but then who am I except the man who loved you�*

��I will always be there for you, no matter what. Believe me.�

*I wanted to be�I thought I always would�I thought it didn�t matter�somehow, someway�* Defeat registered in the wasted features for the first time. *I was wrong�Go away, leave me be�*

He dug his heels into the horse�s sides and the animal reared. Lightning arced across the sky and flashed silver on the striking hooves. The stallion screamed thunder and descended. The impact of his landing rocked the earth and Sam fell in a boneless heap.

*O�Neill*

*Jack*

Daniel and Teal�c�s strident pleas split the air as their figures emerged from the haze and pulled Sam erect.

*Please�listen�*

*NO* Jack roared back. *I can�t come back to watch her throw her life away on a man who doesn�t care�I won�t�*

Sam swallowed hard, suppressing her anger with growing resolve. There was more here, much more. Jack O�Neill would never let anyone deprive him of something he fervently desired. He would fight until the very last, and when all seemed hopeless he would find a deeper, greater strength.

This isn�t about me, it�s about you!

She took a deep breath and slipped from Teal�c and Daniel�s grasp. Their wraiths faded back into the ether, but their support remained. Forming a tangible field, which sought to encompass both Jack and herself in its� healing embrace.

*You�re afraid* she challenged.

The click of teeth on iron was sharp in the heavy silence. The stallion frothed and fretted against Jack�s tight hold as he wheeled back to face her. *Of you* he hissed derisively.

*Of facing the future and of sharing a part of yourself�*

Thunder rumbled and lightning flashed a crimson sheet across the turbulent sky. Emotions smoldered in Jack�s dark eyes as he dismounted and walked slowly towards her. *Is that what you think�*

*It�s what I know* Sam murmured levelly.

He reached out and gripped her hunched shoulders with surprising intensity. *I�m afraid* he taunted. *Who slept with a man, gave up her duty, her honor, to appease him Who of us cannot admit that the desire for love is simple human nature and not a sign of weakness, or failure Who came to me and then did not speak�*

*Stop it* The ground rumbled, reflecting her desperate scream. Sam wrenched free and glared at the malicious wraith. *I hate you�I hate that you are the one I love�that I couldn�t say the words and then that you stopped me*

Jack�s arms fell to his sides. *Not then�and now�what else is there to say* He shook his head, releasing a brittle chuckle. *I�ve never left, I never walked away*

��I will always be there for you, no matter what. Believe me.�

The haunting words echoed between them. Simple, uncharacteristically candid, made heavy by the guilt they engendered. Sam�s fingers clenched and flexed, quivering with the strain of holding back.

*Damn you*

His lips lifted in a humorless smile. *Do you want to hit me Would that make you feel better, stronger�*

*Shut up*

*Why�because I�m right� because in the end you made your choice and now you have to live with it�* The smile faded and pain came to hover in the fathomless brown eyes. *Because I�m here�always�and there is no second chance�*

*No* she denied bitterly *No, that�s not true�it never was�*

*Really* Jack crossed his arms and leaned back against the quivering bulk of the stallion. *I�m not afraid* he stated flatly. *I always knew what�who�I wanted I waited, sure of myself�foolish in that certainty�*

*What did you expect* She was screaming but he did not flinch. The lack of reaction only served to fuel her fury. Sam advanced and struck out, anticipating an unyielding barrier of blood and bone. Her hand slid through his chest and she stumbled to her knees. Breathless and shaken, she stared at the brown grass and dead flower petals. Seeking to explain the hurt etched so deeply in his face and voice.

*I should never have expected anything* The admission dragged from his throat in a strangled whisper.

Sam looked up, blinking in disbelief. *No�*

He looked over her shoulder, fixated by something only he could see in the far distance. *I should have learned�after all those years�after Sara�and Charlie�I should have learned not to look Not to care�God I tried�But there you were�and I allowed myself to think, to live�to love again Against all the better judgment in the world�I dared to feel�* Jack�s eyes shifted, coming to bare on her crouched form. *I always knew�I knew that you were the one to bring that life back�I leaned on that assumption�made it the reason I got up every day even when I hurt in more places than I ever dreamed of I just knew�and I was wrong�* He swallowed audibly. *I was wrong and here�now�all I can do is ask you to forgive me�because there is nothing more�*

The piece of her that had shattered beneath the Antarctic ice disintegrated into dust. Crushed by the tender request. Sam scrambled to her feet. *There is�you have to believe that*

Jack straightened, the effort to stand unaided seemed to take all the energy left in his body. The remaining color drained from his pallid cheeks and the dark eyes misted to an opaque gray. *I�m dying�*

�Sam, I�m dying. Please follow my order�please��

Long forgotten words pricked the heavy air. Sam shivered and stepped forward. *Stay with us� with me�*

The black stallion�s shrill neigh of protest ricocheted across the barren plain and up to the heavens, rendering the clouds into gauzy shreds. He disappeared without warning and Jack sagged to the heaving earth.

Rain poured down in blinding sheets of unchecked tears. Sam knelt in the fresh mud and reached out cautious fingers.

Hear me�feel me�touch me�

She stroked one ashen cheek. The cold, hard flesh quivered and he jerked away.

*Don�t�I can�t�*

*You can* she persisted urgently. *You have to hold on�we�re�I�am coming to get you. Please, don�t give up*

Jack looked up. The matt gray eyes darkened to muddy pools of confusion that seemed to stare right through her shriveling heart. *Why* he murmured desolately. *Why not give in�I�m tired�so tired�*

*Because we�*

*We�* He repeated with a touch of disgust. *We�*

Sam�s tongue felt leaden and her mouth was full of suffocating cotton. The admission, the deepest secret she had ever harbored, lurked at the back of her constricted throat. The feelings they had squashed so relentlessly ran like a vein of brilliant ore through the chambers of her soul. A glittering thread that thrilled to life with the barest need and shrank to a wisp at the fading of hope. As hard as she tried to erase it the gossamer strands remained: unbreakable, undeniable and ultimately unattainable until this precious moment. *Because I love you*

Jack released a shaky breath and seemed to gather himself. *No, we won�t do that�not here, not now�not ever*

*What* The ground trembled and Sam fell back. She could feel Teal�c�s solid bulk and Daniel�s fingers in hers. Their presence seemed to stabilize the flickering mirage, and the staid angles and curves of her living room faded back into the darkness. Sam gulped a greedy breath and reached forward. Grasping for the reality of emotions in the midst of the chaotic illusion. *Don�t�Dear God not now�* Her hand settled on his shoulder and trailed down to clutch his curled fingers. *Please don�t shut me out�*

*I don�t want your pity�your eleventh hour admission* he rasped. *We both deserve more than that�*

*It is more* Sam clasped his hand and drew it to her cheek. Praying to feel the press of his cool fingers. *Don�t you see�it was and it is� or I could never have made it this far�*

Jack shook his head. *No�it�s not real�I can�t go down that road again�*

*I�m coming�please hang on�* she whispered. His fingertips brushed her skin and it burned, alive with fiery resolve and blossoming desire. *I love you�now�always�*

He shifted onto his knees and cupped her cheeks. Wicking away the sudden tears with hesitant strokes. *Are you sure�.*

Sam released a breathy laugh and rose up to press her body firmly to his. The sensation was elusive, at once solid and warm, flimsy and cool. She yoked her arms around his neck and stared intently into the darkening, restive gaze.

Yes�

*Yes*

�Yes�

The illusion fragmented into a million painful shards at the sound of her voice. Sam sank back onto the carpet and stared sightlessly up at the shadowed ceiling. Hot tears streamed from her burning eyes and soaked her hair. She could hear Teal�c and Daniel shifting restlessly. The smell of smoke tainted the air and the dull orange glow that filled the room faded as they snuffed the candles.

�Sam?�

She blinked and tried to come to grips with the anguishing reality, which insisted on reasserting itself.

I was there�

Now I�m here�

The world swam and refocused into the familiar and unwelcome contours of her living room. Sam swallowed hard in an attempt to gather some moisture into her dry mouth. Daniel was leaning over her with an anxious frown resting on his lips. His warm hand squeezed her arm before drifting up to wipe away the fresh tears.

�Hey there, are you okay?�

�No,� Sam murmured thickly. �Did we do it?�

A dream? A wish? A fervent hope? Tell me please!

�We did indeed, MajorCarter,� Teal�c intoned from somewhere by her feet.

�Here, let�s get you up.�

Sam nodded mutely and allowed Daniel to gently assist her onto the couch. She felt shaky and yearned for a glass of water, but was unwilling to ask either of them for anything just yet. The odor of the incense still lingered, a blatant reminder of what they had attempted and at least partially accomplished. Something as trivial as water seemed selfish in light of the experience.

Teal�c turned on a table lamp and settled across from her in the chair. His broad face was unusually light and shiny in the artificial light. Sam was surprised by the heavy frown tugging on the full lips. She rubbed her arms against an inner chill of apprehension. �Teal�c?�

�MajorCarter?�

�It wasn�t your fault.� Sam wasn�t sure where the comment came from, only that it was necessary for both their sakes.

The large man jowls quivered, the only outward sign of the emotional battle churning deep within. Eventually he nodded. �I am aware.�

�Are you?� Daniel interjected softly.

�Indeed, but regret is a part of life is it not DanielJackson?�

�Too much,� their teammate agreed. He shifted focus to Sam, licking his lips with quick, nervous strokes.

She smiled wanly, caught up in the irrational desire to put his mind at ease. �Daniel, it�s okay, really.�

�No, it�s not.� He grasped her wrist and held it. Not squeezing but simply sharing the warmth as he struggled for words. �I don�t remember much about my parents. For a long time I was angry that they died and left me alone. But as I got older I began to really miss their guidance and support. I never realized how hard it�s been for you and I�m sorry��

�It�s not your fault,� she excused. His words were disquieting, his proximity worrisome in a way she could not define. Even with the events of the evening still fresh in mind, there were still barriers left up. Walls that might never be breached in spite of or because of the bonds of friendship.

The urge to be alone was sudden and took Sam�s breath away. She felt vulnerable and unaccountably selfish. These two men had shared an intimate part of their personal history without reservation and out of love for both her and Jack. She should be grateful, but only blackness presented itself when she looked deep within her fractured soul.

�Please, you need to leave. I�m sorry.�

�Sam?�

Teal�c�s dark eyes flicked to Daniel and back to Sam. He put up a calming hand and rose to his feet. �We will depart.�

�Are you sure?�

Sam flinched at the tone of worry in Daniel�s voice. He meant well, still�

�The Rite of Ta Sha Ron can exact a high price on both body and soul, DanielJackson. It is best that we all reflect on our personal journeys in solitude.� Teal�c advanced and placed a hand on Sam�s hunched shoulder. �I will take my leave, but first I must express my gratitude. Your desire to comfort O�Neill has given me the opportunity to confront and examine a painful part of my past.� He bowed deeply and moved away. His heavy steps faded rapidly down the hall before ending abruptly with the opening and closing of the front door.

The declaration caught Sam off guard. She looked at the floor and drew a shaky breath.

I didn�t do anything. I was along for the ride, without you there would have been no contact, no hope.

�Sam?�

�Yeah?�

�It�s going to be okay.�

Really? She forced herself to look up and meet Daniel�s frank gaze. Is it? When? How?

He bent and grazed her forehead with a tender kiss. �It will be.�

The words were said with conviction and they filled Sam with a fragile peace. She nodded mutely and watched Daniel walk out of the living room through blurred eyes. The front door clicked shut and she fell back against the pillows, shivering uncontrollably as tears coursed down her cheeks.

Sam held the printout in cold, trembling fingers.

From: President Henry Hayes
To: Dr. Elizabeth Weir
Subject: Transport request

Private communiqu�. Authorization code #### #### ####.

Dr. Weir

You are hereby authorized to make available the resources of the SGC to Major Samantha Carter Ph.D. for the express purpose of transporting her to the Antarctic location of the recently discovered Ancient�s facility.

The primary objective of this mission is to uncover any information regarding the alien device responsible for the destruction of Anubis� ship. The secondary objective is to research and design a plan capable of extracting the pod containing Colonel Jonathan O�Neill. The end result is to relocate the pod and any pertinent information or materials to Area 51 for further study. It is the hope of this administration that valuable information may be obtained from the artifacts in question and a way may be found to remove Colonel O�Neill from the pod.

Let�s not quibble, let�s get it done.

Hayes

�I can�t believe it.�

Elizabeth Weir crossed her arms and nodded curtly. �Neither could I, seems you got your wish, Major.�

A thrill of panic rattled across Sam�s raw nerves. �Excuse me?�

The head of the SGC lip�s quirked into a cool half smile. �I�ve read Woolsey�s reports and I�ve seen the documentary that Breggman shot.� She sighed. �The base has a pretty efficient rumor mill.�

�If you�re suggesting��

�I�m not suggesting, I�m stating a fact.� Weir�s bright, blue eyes sparkled in the dim light of the office. She leaned on her desk and fixed Sam with a penetrating glare.

Sam flinched involuntarily. She had met few women in or out of the military possessed of such a strong will. Weir was daring her to lie, perhaps holding out a faint hope of catching an indiscretion for reasons only she knew for certain. Dancing the dance would take far more energy than Sam had at the present time. She straightened to attention. �Yes, Ma�am.�

�I believe the term is �at ease�.�

�Permission to speak freely?�

Weir pulled back and settled slowly into the deep leather chair behind the desk. �Granted.�

Sam took a steadying breath. �My personal feelings regarding Colonel O�Neill are not at issue here. Extracting the pod and relocating it to Nevada is a logical first step in retrieving a valuable resource for the SGC.�

�Colonel O�Neill being the resource in question?�

�In part, yes,� she replied carefully.

�You�re good, Major. But then you would have to be to survive here.�

�Dr. Weir, I know you�ve made a concerted effort to familiarize yourself with the history of the Stargate program and the people who have helped to write this history. Surely you are aware��

The doctor held up a placating hand. �Colonel O�Neill�s value to the program, to the planet, is not in question.� She sat forward. �Part of my job is to be aware of the personalities under my command. Until someone says otherwise I am in charge of this facility. If anything untoward is going on I not only have the responsibility, I have the right to know what it is.�

�Of course.� Sam bit back the �Sir� with effort. She could respect Weir�s attention to detail, but the woman was pushing hard. Backing Sam into a dark corner with no room to maneuver. She met the cool, earnest gaze and rolled for broke. �I am a Major in the U.S. Air Force, Colonel O�Neill is my commanding officer. We have served together for seven years. We have made powerful allies and dangerous enemies in an effort to purchase security for this planet. In the process we have formed a bond far stronger than the USAF would sanction.� She licked her lips and prayed for understanding. �From a military standpoint our motivations may have been questionable on some occasions. However, neither the Colonel nor myself have ever failed to do our duty. We have never put personal allegiance above duty to country.�

Weir rubbed a finger over her lower lip and nodded slowly. �I have reviewed your service records in some detail since the Colonel�s �entrapment� and your subsequent collapse.�

Sam flinched. Her reaction to Jack�s situation had been severe and uncontrollable. She would not apologize to anyone for it. �And?�

�I find that you both have conducted yourselves with professionalism over the course of your time here. Colonel O�Neill�s various incidents of insubordination notwithstanding.� A genuine smile touched the doctor�s eyes. �You�re human, Major. I don�t want a bunch of automatons under my command. I want people who feel. However,� the light faded as Weir�s voice dipped to a hardened whisper. �I cannot knowingly support an association that violates the code of conduct as set out by the USAF. Your �relationship� whatever it is, will have to remain under wraps or otherwise resolved after Colonel O�Neill has been revived.�

What? Sam blinked rapidly, nonplussed. �Ma�am?�

Weir nodded curtly and began to gather the scattering of paperwork resting on her desk. �I only wanted the truth, Major. No frills, no subterfuge. We�ve had enough of that, wouldn�t you say?�

�Yes,� she agreed hastily.

�Transport is waiting topside to take you back to Nevada. The Scoutship provided by Master Bra�tac will be made available. I assume Dr. Jackson and Teal�c will accompany you back to the glacier?�

�Yes.�

�I wish you all a safe journey and a speedy end to this situation for everyone�s sake.� Weir looked up. �Dismissed.�

Sam stepped from the office and softly closed the door.

The woman was inscrutable. Fixated on her purpose with a tenacity that would make a lioness jealous. She had been conned, cajoled, threatened, and ultimately asked to take on the responsibility of the SGC. It was a challenge not many could handle. Sam walked to the elevator feeling a new sense of respect for Weir�s position and a surprising gratitude. The doctor was willing to see beyond the regulations to the simple humanity of Sam�s predicament. No matter what happened in the future, she owed Weir the courtesy of loyalty, and silence.

Sam took the elevator up to Level 19 where Daniel�s office and her lab were located. An hour earlier they had arrived at the SGC within minutes of one another and joined Teal�c in the commissary. Intending to use a lengthy breakfast to discuss a plan for approaching Dr. Weir. The appearance of the airman bearing the doctor�s summons was an unwelcome shock to a system still reeling from the Ta Sha Ron.

As the elevator made its clanking ascent, Sam reflected on the lonely evening that followed Daniel�s departure.

She cried for hours, though where the reserve came from remained a mystery. Surely the well was dry after her catharsis aboard the Prometheus. She lay on the couch in a quivering, bitter ball. Locked in a desperate struggle to identify whom the tears were meant for and thereby stem the useless tide.

For Jack? Continued grieving would not help his situation, but Sam could not shake the impression that she owed him. An explanation, a pledge, something frustratingly intangible and frightening? Sorrow could not possibly make up for too many wasted years and missed opportunities.

Herself? The idea left a sour taste in Sam�s mouth. A swift kick would be more appropriate than understanding.

Daniel and the shocking waste of Anya�s death? Empathy for the sadness, which was new and suffocating now that memory was fact and not nightmare.

Teal�c, for the atrocities he had witnessed, the rape and so many other dark memories locked behind the hooded gaze.

Finally the tears faded to hitching sobs. Sam was exhausted, but sleep would bring dreams and she wasn�t ready for a fresh set of reminders. She walked out into the backyard and strolled the perimeter fence. Idly fingering the swelling heads of tulips and the pink curled leaves of the lilacs. Pausing occasionally to weed the grass and vines that dotted the beds and trailed over the bushes. The flowers survived in spite of a lack of care by her or anyone else. She was always amazed at their tenacity. As if the plants sensed her need for a soft, sweet place in which to retreat when the burdens at the SGC became too much to bear.

She stopped and rested on the bench in the corner of the fence. The night was heavy with sounds and smells. She let nature and the intermittent intrusions of the suburban neighborhood wash over her. The skittering of nocturnal creatures, the bark of a dog, the sounds of quiet conversation on the street behind the fence; all cast a soothing pall over troubled thoughts. Sorrow and worry faded, bowing to the necessity of honesty and forgiveness.

Sam leaned her head against the rough wood of the bench and allowed her mind to drift. The internal monologue rose unbidden and she formed the words with silent lips. Speaking to the soul marooned a world away in a tomb of crystal.

*I did what I knew how. I loved you in the way that served us both in the best possible way. Who knew it would turn out like this? With all the warnings I still believed there was time and I think so did you. It�s not over and I�ll hang on with everything in me. If only to see you smile and hear you laugh. To see the light in your eyes, the silent, unequivocal testament that I am loved. I believe in you, and in us. There will be a someday.*

The inner assertion brought peace and sadness in equal measure. Sam forced her feet into motion and stumbled to the house. She made it as far as the couch and collapsed in a heap. The smell of incense and the lingering aura of friendship lulled her into a dreamless sleep.

The elevator doors opened putting an end to reverie. Sam straightened and tossed the airman at the door a pale smile as she stepped into the hall. She felt hopeful for the first time in days and proceeded down the busy corridor with a bounce in her steps. Teal�c and Daniel�s muted voice drifted out of the open door as she rounded the corner. Two pairs of eyes focused on Sam as she entered the room and nudged the door closed with a toe. She allowed the smile to spread into a broad, confident grin. �We�re going back.�