Zac walked into his old house with a feeling of nostalgia. He sighed, reminiscing silently about his childhood as he stood, unmoving, in front of the closed door. It hurt; this house hurt, its memories hurt. If he had any other choice, he wouldn�t have stayed here at all. Granted, he was grateful his parents had offered him, his wife, and their son and newborn daughter a temporary place to stay, and he really had no other option as it was. It was just� Taylor was here, and that was what hurt the most.

Slowly, Zachary removed his shoes with support from the wall by the door. They slid off easily and he threw them sloppily to the floor, not caring where they landed. He was tired. The first thing he noticed as he stepped away from the foyer was that the house was exceptionally icy. He debated keeping his wool jacket on, and, in the end, decided it was better to wear it than not. Idly he wondered to himself if the house was cold in more ways than just one.

It must�ve been around two in the morning, he assumed, and a quick glance at the bright green numbers on the kitchen�s clock confirmed his thoughts. He walked across the tiled floor slowly, not thinking to turn on a light. He wouldn�t have risked waking up everyone else, anyway; instead, he felt his way meticulously around the kitchen he knew so well. Zachary�s hand finally reached its destination: the refrigerator handle. The door slid open easily, and with its opening more light was shed upon the room. Its presence was soothing and soft to his weary mind. Zac searched for something; he wasn�t sure what just yet. He scanned the contents of the refrigerator rather indifferently before his eyes rested on a carton of orange juice. After deciding it looked more appetizing than Dawn-Marie�s baby formula, he took the container out with a reluctant sigh. Zac grabbed a glass from the cupboard above his head, but put it back when he realized there was only a little bit of juice left in the carton, anyway. He shrugged, raising the container to his lips.

After he took his first few mouthfuls, he put the container down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Suddenly he stopped, hand in mid-air, and listened intently. Someone was still awake in the cold, dark house. They were trying to be quiet, but if Zac strained his ears hard enough he could hear ragged breathing. It was definitely a girl by the higher-pitched sounds she was making. He crept slowly, not wanting to startle her.

�Hello? Amanda, honey, did you have a bad dream?� He whispered. The crying and soft gasping quieted completely after he broke the comforting silence. He fumbled delicately for the switch on the lamp.

�Keep the light off.� It startled Zac to hear her voice. It wasn�t his niece like he�d expected; the voice sounded older� more careworn. It held a hint of anger or bitterness in the tone that Zac knew his niece or wife would never use with him. The voice sounded almost� like a vague memory.

With a sort of reluctant anxiousness, Zac flicked the tableside lamp on, disregarding the warning of the girl. A flood of soft white blinded Zac instantly. It was painful to him rather than soothing this time, and he rubbed his eyes harshly.

�I said, keep the Goddamn light off.� The voice held a lot more of the hostility than before, and the words were enunciated with harsh clarity. Zac�s vision cleared and he saw the back of a blonde head poking out from a large mound of a blanket. He swallowed against the tightness in his throat; he�d immediately recognized that blanket. None of his family members had used it in ages. Its home had been folded neatly at the foot of his parent�s bed for fourteen years; no one in the house ever dared to touch it. It had been Taylor�s.

She was huddled in the corner of the couch that was closest to Zac, her back towards his watery eyes. She had her legs pulled up to her chest and the precious blanket wrapped tightly around her; she didn�t turn around when Zac sighed noticeably.

�Why don�t you ever f*cking listen?� She muttered, slouching more as if she wished to disappear from existence completely. He then realized who it was.

�How would you know what I don�t ever do? You�re never even around!� Zac spat back without missing a beat. A long pause ensued as Zac watched Zo� from the doorway. �Who are you angry with, Zo�?� Zac crossed his arms and spoke calmly once he realized yelling at her had done no good before. He hated her more than ever right then, yet, somewhere deep down inside, he loved her so much because of what she had to go through.

�It�s none of your Goddamn business!� With her swear, Zac�s carefully forged composure crumbled and his anger showed. He grabbed Zo�s wrist and forced her harshly to look up at him; she averted her eyes back to the couch.

�Don�t talk to me like that.� He whispered angrily. His brown eyes were narrowed into angry slits that were so rare to see on his face. �Look at me!� He jerked her head towards him.

�You�re not my father, Zachary Walker!� She finally looked him in the eye and her harsh words stung even more when he caught sight of her mascara-streaked face. She�d been crying. She paused a moment, then added softly while turning away: �You never could be.� Zac sighed, letting go slowly of her wrist while she hid her face in the couch. He softened immediately and gently took Zo�s chin in his fingers. He turned her face toward him.

�Why are you crying?� His manner of speaking was something between anger and the tone used to comfort a hurt toddler. He kneeled down on the floor so he could be eye-level with her. Something seemed to change in Zo� right then; her eyes watered uncontrollably as she searched Zac�s eyes for forgiveness� for unconditional love.

�I�m so sorry�� She covered her face with her hands and drew her knees up to her chest; the blanket fell in a sloppy heap around her. Zo� was sobbing now. �I�m so sorry, Zac�� She hadn�t called him �Zac� in years.

Zac realized this wasn�t an act and quickly found it in his heart to forgive her. The love and forgiveness was always there- it always had been. She needed someone right then, and no matter how angry Zac was with her for everything she�d done, he couldn�t help but love her.

�Zo�� He used the childhood nickname lovingly. �Zo, please�� Zac sat on the edge of the couch cushion near the armrest and pulled her sideways body into a hug that enveloped all of her upper half. He leaned his chin on the top of her head. �Please don�t cry.� He softly rubbed her back with one hand and kissed her hair.

�I ruined everything, Zac��

Zac sighed. This was where his job got tough. �I don�t feel sorry for you, if that�s what you want.� He felt her entire weight against him in that moment; she needed so much more support than he knew. �Here- scootch over.� She lifted her head away from Zac�s chest a little reluctantly, but moved her feet nonetheless. Zac sat where her feet had been. Quite unexpectedly, she turned around and, lying on her side, put her head in his lap so that she faced the more unrelenting blackness. The lamp on the table had been turned off quite some time ago; it was easier to forgive and forget in the dark. Zac looked down at the girl on his lap. He was slightly dumbfounded by her actions, but he knew she relished any kind of loving contact at that moment, so he didn�t question it. Zac delicately brushed the hair out of his baby sister�s eyes. �Zo, you�re freezing.� She shivered lightly as he said this; Taylor�s blanket had fallen to the floor long ago. Zac removed his heavy wool jacket and draped it over the girl�s small body, then sighed again lightly and rested his hand on his baby sister�s shoulder. �What do you want me to say to you, Zo� Genevieve?� His tone was soft, not scolding.

She was quiet for a moment or two. �Tell me everything will be okay.� She�d started crying again; he could hear it slightly in her voice, even though she was trying to hide it. �Tell me everything will be okay, and that you love me.� She paused once more, sniffling just a little. When she got the courage, she spoke again in a tear-choked voice. What she said next was so soft that Zac thought for a moment he�d imagined it: �Sing to me, Zac.�

Zac froze. The hand that had been stroking Zo�s hair stopped dead, and he swallowed hard. Closing his eyes, he could picture clearly sitting on this exact couch in this exact place a week after Taylor�s death. Zo�, at only four, had crawled up into Zac�s lap and asked him to sing to her as unspoken words reminded them that Taylor couldn�t. That had been fourteen years ago. It was one of the hardest things he�d ever done, and he didn�t think he could do it again. �Not today, Zo�.� He swallowed hard again. �Maybe tomorrow.� It was the same answer he�d given her a million times as she grew up. She�d learned long ago not to believe he would; the answer was the same every night.

They sat in reflective silence for a few more moments until Zac steadied his voice enough to speak up. �How�d you get this way, Zo?� He knew the question was a rude one; he softened it by stroking her hair again and by the use of the nickname. She wiped her eyes with her knuckle. Zo� knew exactly what he meant and where he was taking this. She didn�t want to be angry with him anymore; she didn�t want to be angry in general anymore. She wanted her childhood back again, but out of all of it, the thing she wanted most was Zac. Zo� turned her head into Zac�s knee more; maybe for forgiveness or maybe to make sure he was still there.

�Because you left me.�

Zac sat silent; he didn�t know what to say. He�d been oblivious that his leaving had affected her as much as it had. Thinking hard, he remembered how close he and Zo� had actually been. She�d always turned to him for help back then; it was why she was turning to him right now. She trusted him; no matter how many years had come between them, they still ended up close. It wasn�t the closest they�d ever been, and both knew it would never be that way again. Zac felt tears in his eyes as he laid blame on himself yet again for something that he couldn�t control.

�Nothing�s changed, Zo�.� His voice was calmer than he actually felt.

�Bullshit.� Zo� muttered. Zac continued as if he hadn�t heard.

�Nothing�s changed� because I�ll always be here. I never left you, Zo. People grow up. People change. After Taylor di- left, I had to get out of here. It�s just him. This house- it�s him. You have to trust me, Zo. I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all you. I love you. You know that. No matter how much you screw up, I still love you. You�re all I have left of him.� Zac finished quietly in a tear-choked voice.

Zo� tensed noticeably at this, though she remained laying with her head on Zac�s lap. �I�m not Jordan, Zachary. I never will be, and sure as hell don�t ever care to be, got that?� She growled.

Zac almost became angry; he wanted to scream at her to open her eyes and stop pretending. He wanted to tell her to grow up, to stop living a lie. Somewhere between his brain and his mouth, however, the signal got confused and he ended up hissing: �Why do you hide from the past, Zo�?�

She stopped, silenced. That had cut, and it had cut deep. She�d tried many nights to find some small memory stored away of Taylor, but failed miserably every time. She�d loved him, she knew. She could vaguely remember his soothing voice and its calming effects on her. Why couldn�t she remember him?

�Zac�� She started her confession, silent tears soaking through the knee of Zac�s jeans. �I can�t even remember his face anymore��

�Zo�, of course you-�

�No, Zac. All I remember is what people told me to remember. What Mom and Dad told me about him. What I learned from home movies taken before I was even born. Those aren�t my memories, Zac. They�re everyone else�s.� She finished quietly. Zac didn�t know what to say. What could possibly be said to something of that nature? He sat quietly and stroked her hair again; she was right. How could a four year old possibly have been expected to remember a face, a personality? Taylor was just a name to her; he was a character in the stories her relatives told when they got together. He was fiction.

It became quiet again as each sibling became lost in his or her own world. �How can you just overlook everything I�ve undone?� The silence was shattered suddenly with the addition of Zo�s voice. �How can you see past it all? Why are you forgiving me, Zac?� Zac sighed. He was going to be honest to her. He was sick of lies.

�Because this might be the only chance I have to get through to you.� She�d started sobbing heavily at that; giant sobs that wracked her entire body. He finally made her see: she hated the person she�d become. She hated what she�d done to her family.

However willing to forgive Zac had been before, nothing could possibly prepare him for what Zo� would say next. �Zac?� Zac looked down at his baby sister upon hearing her teary voice. He stopped stroking her hair to prove his complete attention. �I�m pregnant.� *

He froze. He was completely frozen. His mind stopped working, and it felt like his insides turned into blocks of ice, freezing his blood in his veins. His baby sister just told him she was pregnant. The now clich�d phrase �babies having babies� floated into his head. His mind had started working again. She�d started crying again.

�Zo�� He said quietly, his voice almost a whisper.

�Please don�t tell Mom and Dad, Zac, please�� she begged him. He was the only person she could trust.

�I won�t,� he heard himself saying.

�Promise me you won�t tell anybody.�

�I promise.� He resumed stroking her hair gently.

�I didn�t tell Jimmy. He�d be so mad�� she cried quietly.

�Zo�, are you sure? Do you know for sure?� He felt her shaking her head �no� in his lap.

�No,� she said quietly. �I�m too scared to go to a clinic, and I won�t ask Mom for money to buy a pregnancy test. I�ve already hurt her so much��

�It�s ok,� he said quietly. He gently stroked her hair, and they sat in silence for a long while. He finally whispered: �I�ll take care of you.� She cried harder, squeezing his legs. She had someone to turn to; she had someone to trust; she had someone to open up to, finally. She cried on his lap for a long time, and he soothed her even longer. And for the first time in years, he carried her to bed after she�d fallen asleep, like he used to do when she was small and innocent.

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