Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen!
Today I have a very special guest inter-
viewer here with me who happens to be
an expert on our subject for today, the
fabulously popular star of stage and
screen, Mr. Ben Affleck! And, thanks to
my buddy Brian over at Sprint Cellular,
we will be doing this interview LIVE!
-- I would like to take a moment to thank
Brian for sending us all of these nifty cell
phones, headsets and other little gadgets.
I have no idea of what some of them are,
but Mike says that they are very impres-
sive high tech thingamajigs that we need.
So I'll just take his word for it. I would
have thanked you in person, if not for
that restraining order... which personally,
I don't understand, I thought I was very
good to you when you were here and
how do you thank me? You up and
marry Reggie! I just don't get it. And besides, what's wrong with sending a let-
ter or two? Fans do that every day, right?
But we'll finish this later. --
Kim, our special guest who will be conducting today's interview, has been
following Mr. Affleck around for weeks and has a good idea of where we
might find him. From my understanding, he moves pretty fast, so without
further ado let's go hop in the van and get down there before we miss him!
RT: Welcome back folks! We're coming to you LIVE from the streets of
LA! I thought we would be cruising around down here forever, but
Kim, the expert that she is, found our Mr. Affleck with no problem
what so ever and she is on her way into the Laundromat to speak to
him right now. So I'll turn this interview over to her and... Oh, wait a
minute... Kim? What are you doing? Kim! Stop That! Let go of his leg
and Talk to him! For God's Sake Woman, Quit Groveling!
K: I can't help it! I Love You, Ben... I Love You!
<< Muffled voices >>
RT: Oh thank goodness, she's getting up. Aw, look at that, he's helping her
to her feet... What a sweetheart!
Oh! Oops! << giggling >> Well I guess she sort of asked for that
smack. Kim, are you OK?
KD: He touched me! Did you see that? He Touched Me!
RT: Kim dear, that looked more like a right hook to me. But whatever... get
back over there and get that headset on him so we can talk!
KD: OK.
<< muffled voices again >>
RT: It looks like she's finally talking him into putting them on.
<< pause >> Mr. Affleck.... Mr. Affleck, can you hear me?
BA: Yes, I can hear you... but you don't sound like Mat Lauder.
<< to Kim >> I thought you said it was Mat Lauder... who's this?
RT: << shocked >> Mat Lauder? What the... Umph... Yeah right! I'm
better than Mat Lauder ever Dreamed of being, buddy! I mean...
Really!
<< then pauses to regain composure >>
Sorry folks, didn't mean to get carried away there. Mr. Affleck, we've
been trying to get an interview with you for months, but your agent
keeps putting us off. So we thought we'd take matters into our own
hands.
BA: << looking confused and maybe just a little bit annoyed >> Who are
you people?
RT: That's not important Mr. Affleck. What's important is that Kim, there,
is going to ask you a few questions, just answer them nicely and we'll
be on our way, OK?
BA: OK
RT: Alright Kim, go ahead.
<< no response >>
RT: Kim?
<< still no response >>
RT: Oh Keeuumm, where did you go now?
<< muffled sniffing sounds >>
RT: Oh my God, would you stop already! This is so embarrassing! Quit
sniffing his clothes and Get Over There!
KD: << blushing >> I'm sorry, but they just smell so good!
<< to BA >> What kind of softener do you use?
BA: << showing us the box >> I use Snuggles Dryer Sheets because they
always leave my clothes smelling fresh and clean. And it doesn't wear
out after only a few days. No, the freshness just last and last...
RT: OK, we got ya, enough with the commercial already. You're barking up
the wrong tree anyway, pal. No one ever listens to our interviews.
BA: They don't? Then why are you bothering me?
RT: << sarcastically >> Umm... so Kim has an excuse to get close to you,
maybe?
BA: Oh.
KD: Sorry to disappoint you. But now that it's all out in the open,
can I have a hug?
BA: Will you go away if I do?
KD: Cross my heart...
BA: OK.
<< as BA moves in to give Kim a hug, she latches on to him and they fall
to the floor, where he struggles desperately to get away >>
RT: Aww... I knew they would make a cute couple! It was only a mater of
getting them together. Well folks, I think we served our purpose here,
let's get out of here and give these two love birds some privacy.
Interview. A figment of my imagination
and a product of having way to much
time on my hands. If I have offended
anyone, I sincerely apologize.
Thank You.
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