I want to be treated like a queen. Just not Marie Antoinette.
-Maxine
Never lose your sense of superficial.
-Lord Northcliffe
My eyes are oh so pretty
My hair is oh so fine
If I wasn't me
Then I'd surely want to be mine
My legs are really kickin'
And my butt defies gravity
It must be apperent
Why it's so grand being me
My hair is bouncy
I don't look a day over eighteen
My main objective in life
Is only to be seen
When I walk into a room
All the men stop to stare
Can't give attention just to one
It just wouldn't be fair
My lips are nice and full
My tongue is in the pink
They don't stand a chance in my way
I know they haven't time to think
I would hope everyone has pretty days
Just like mine
But, then again, I guess not everyone
Can be this fine
-Lil
________________________Contents_______________________
Women and Bonding
I was sitting at home one day watching television and wondering where my life had went wrong, when all of a sudden, there was a knock at my door. I had to put on my bathrobe because I had been sitting around in my birthday suit, I do that often when I'm alone, then walked over and looked out the little peephole. I just love those peepholes, one of man's greatest creations in my book. Who do I see standing on my door step? Why, it's my next door nieghbor! This is quite a shock, seeing how she's never been to my house before. Yet there she was, looking very nervous, so I figured I had better find out what she wanted.
I began to open the door when suddenly, I'm thrown back against the foyer wall as she burst in! Then, as I stand there in disbelief, she slams the door close and locks it. Finally, when I came to my senses and asked her what was going on and she tells me that she was in the middle of a shower when she hears an explosion in her house! So she ran out the back door and as she did so, whoever it was that had tried to blow up her house started shooting at her. They even shot her cat!
"Oh no", I'm thinking, "this sounds like trouble".
Then she proceeds to tell me how she was running through the back yards in the nieghborhood, trying to escape, when she got the bright idea that maybe she could hide at my house! She asked if I could please help her.
Of course, I was more than willing to oblige.
I handed her an aluminum trash can lid, then told her to get the hell out of my house! I mean really, the nerve! Interrupting my TV show with her cocamami story, and just bursting threw my door without being invited in. What kind of behavour is that?
I have to admit, as I was watching her run down the street with that pitiful, bullet ridden trash can lid, I had to stiffle a giggle. I guess that maybe, my life isn't the hell I thought it was.
-RT
_____________________Contents_______________________
The "Real Woman" Test
OK ladies, now it's time to find out if your a "Real Woman" or not. Answer the following questions, then turn the page to find out how you rank.
1. You just get home from work and your boyfriend comes
over for a little "playtime," you:
A. Tell him to go to hell, you're to tired.
B. Say, "OK, but let's take a nap first."
C. Start stripping to a Britney Spears song.
2. How long does it normally take you to get dress and ready
to go?
A. Thirty minutes tops, if they don't like you the way you
are, tough.
B. Depends on the occasion, of course.
C. An hour or more, I always have to look beautiful for
"My Man".
3. When your boyfriend calls to cancel a date with you so that
he can go out with a "buddy" that's just popped into town,
you:
A. Bitch him out till he no longer feels like going out and
having fun with his "buddy".
B. Tell him it's fine, then go out with your "buddies".
C. Tell him that, if it really makes him happy, he should go
out and have fun. Then you occupy your evening by
sitting at home writing sweet things about him in your
diary.
4. You have a dear friend that has shown up unexpectantly
from out of town and need to cancel a date with your
boyfriend, you:
A. Tell him you can't make it, you have another date.
B. Tell him you won't be able to make it and ask if it would
be possible to go out another night.
C. Ditch your friend, you can't possibly miss a date with
"Your Man".
5. Your boyfriend asks you to go to the grocery store for him
because he's not sure of what to get, you:
A. Tell him to drop dead.
B. Tell him "Hell No."
C. Go to the store and pick him up a months supply of TV
dinners, because you know that's all he knows how to
cook.
6. You have two tickets to go see Garth Brooks in concert, you:
A. Invite your best friend.
B. Ask your boyfriend if he would like to go, then invite
your best friend after he says no.
C. Give both tickets to your best friend, you don't think
"Your Man" would approve of you going to a Garth
Brooks concert.
7. You need a date for a wedding this Friday night, you:
A. Insist your boyfriend go with you.
B. Ask if he would like to go.
C. Don't even bother asking him, you know better.
8. You run into your boyfriend with his "new" girlfriend at the
movies, you:
A. Punch his lights out.
B. Walk away.
C. Make a public scene by crying and begging him not to
leave you.
9. Your boyfriend invites you over, then asks you to clean his
apartment, you:
A. Laugh in his face, leave and never go back.
B. Tidy up a bit, leave and never go back.
C. Clean the entire apartment, then stick around in case he
needs you to cook his TV dinner for him also.
10. You're at work when your boss comes up behind you and
grabs your ass, you:
A. Slug him, the prick!
B. Slug him, the nerve!
C. Slug him, the bastard! You're only a pushover when it
comes to "Your Man".
RESULTS
___________________________________________________
To check out the other goodies this website has to offer, please go to the Main Menu. If you have any stories or links you would like to summit, please email me. Feel free to leave any comments in the guestbook.
All stories and poems are the
Copyright property of Brainiax.
