Intelligance doesn't threaten me, stupidity does.
-Unknown
Caveman's Motto: He who hesitates is lunch.
-Stphen C. Leahy
Once upon a time, there was a boy named Johnny. One day, little Johnny was walking to school when he heard some girls giggling behind a bush. He went a little closer to hear what they were laughing about, but all he could make out of the conversation was "purple posies". Now, Johnny was a curious boy, so when he got to his classroom, he went to the teacher and asked her what a purple posie was. The teacher immediately flew into a rage saying, "Oh my goodness! I can't believe you said that! You go to the principles office right NOW!" So little Johnny went to the principles office.
When the principle called Johnny in, he asked, "What's the problem Johnny? You've never been in trouble before, What did you do?"
Little Johnny replied, "I don't know, all I did was ask what a purple posie was and..."
Before Johnny could even finish, the principle started screaming, "Oh my! I can't believe you are using that sort of language in my school! Get out and don't ever come back!"
Little Johnny was really starting to worry now, he just didn't understand what was so bad about a purple posie. He went home however, and when he got there, his mother was shocked. "Johnny, what are you doing home so early?" she asked.
Well, by now little Johnny was almost afraid to say, but he told his mother, "I was walking to school when I heard some girls talking about purple posies, and when I asked the teacher what they were..."
At the mention of purple posies, Johnny's mother's jaw hit the floor and he knew he was in serious trouble. With an evil look in her eye and an eerily calm, low voice, she said, "Go to your room young man. You stay there and think about what you've done till your father gets home."
So little Johnny did as he was told and went to his room. A few hours later, he heard a knock at his door, then his father came in looking extremely grim. "I hear you've gotten yourself into some trouble today Johnny, care to explain?"
Little Johnny was in tears by this point and through his tears he tried to say, "I don't know what happen, all I did was ask what a purple posie was and...." Johnny stopped then, seeing his fathers face turn red and the veins in his neck start popping out. He had never before seen his father look so scary and this just made him cry harder.
His father simply said, "Get out, I never want to see your face again." So, still in tears, little Johnny left.
Several weeks later, little Johnny was sitting on a park bench stuffing old newspapers in his shirt to help keep him warm, when an old bum sits down next to him and ask, "My, you seem awfully young to be homeless, how did this happen?"
Little Johnny tried to explain, "I'm not really sure what happened. It all started when I heard some girls talking about purple posies one day. When I asked what they were, I got in trouble at school, then my father kicked me out of the house and through all that, I still don't know what a purple posie is. Could you please tell me what a purple posie is, sir?"
The old bum said that he couldn't tell Johnny what a purple posie was, but did tell him how he could find out. He said, "See that building across the street over there? Well, you go in that building and in the lobby you'll find an elevator, take the elevator up to the fifth floor and when you get off go to your right, go through the third door on your left and in the back of that room, you'll find a curtain. Behind the curtain is a flight of stairs, climb the stairs till you come to a green door, then go though the door and follow that hallway all the way to the end, there'll be three more doors, take the middle one and in that room, you'll find out what a purple posie is."
Little Johnny was so excited to find out what a purple posie was that he jumped up and ran towards the building, but as he went to cross the street, he was ran over by a bus and died.
Moral to this story: Look both ways before crossing the street.
-Unknown
(but I'd sure like to find out who came up with this one)
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Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
There once was a woman, (we'll call her Kerry for the sake of this story) who lived in a small town somewhere between nowhere and anywhere. She had a lonely life and lived in a lonely house at the end of a lonely street with her lonely cat. Kerry often dreamed of being happy, having a happy home with a happy cat, but somehow, that life always eluded her.
One night, Kerry decided to take a walk down her lonely street to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes. She usually drove (because she could), but tonight, for some reason, she felt compelled to walk. As she went along, she happened to look up. It was a beautiful evening- warm, cloudless, and just a hint of Jasmine in the air. (She had no idea where this smell was coming from however, to the best of her knowledge, Jasmine did not grow in her area. Not that she knew what Jasmine smelled like anyway). "Oh well", she thought as she inhaled deeply, "it smells nice, whatever it is".
As Kerry walked along, looking up at the stars and enjoying her lonely evening, she caught a glimps of something out of the corner of her eye. It was a shooting star. She remembered the old saying about wishing on a star and quickly made a wish for a life of never ending happiness.
Kerry thought this wish might even come true, maybe because she walked instead of driving or maybe because it just felt "right". By the time she got to the store, bought her smokes and started walking home, she felt more and more sure that her life was on the verge of a major change. She went to bed that night and had the sweetest dreams. She dreamed of finding Mr. Right and moving into his happy home, she even dreamed that he had a happy cat (the perfect companion for her lonely cat).
When Kerry woke the next morning, she was still exhelarated from her fantastic dream. She decided to walk to work, to give herself a little extra time to think about her dream and the wish she had made. So she got dressed, had her coffee and headed out the door.
As Kerry went to cross the street, a city bus roared by and came mere inches from running her down! She barely had time to think of how lucky she was and how glad she was that she had made that wish, before the semi hit her.
Moral to this story: Be careful what you wish for.
-RT
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