- Department of Highway Maintenance
One afternoon, I decided to take a break from my road travels
and stopped in this little town somewhere between Pennsylvania
and Montana. It was a nice looking town that had a lovely park
right in the middle of it and I decided I would take a walk and try
to get rid of my fatigue. At first, it was a bit painful, my legs felt
like Jell-O and my neck was hurting, but it passed as I continue
walking. Soon, I found myself wondering around with my head in
the clouds, taking in the sunshine and listening to the birds sing.
Then I spotted this cute little diner at the edge of the park, it
appeared to be a respectable establishment, so I went in.
On the inside, it looked like a homely place.- You know the
type, a vase of fresh flowers and place mats of the United States
on each table.- I went over to the counter and sat down. There
was an older couple and a young man sitting in separate booths at
opposite sides of the diner and at first, I felt a little out of place.
Then I thought to myself, how could anyone be out of place in a
joint like this?
Then the waitress came over to introduce herself and asked if
she could take my order. I told her that all I needed was a strong
cup of coffee. She looked at me funny, but was polite and quickly
returned with my coffee. Then she asked if I needed cream or
sugar and I said no, so she said OK and disappeared behind a
swinging door that I assumed lead to the kitchen.
So, as I'm sitting there- in my own little world, drinking my
coffee and enjoying the atmosphere- this voice breaks through my
thoughts. I looked up and it's none other than the young man who
had been sitting alone and I realized that he's trying to make small
talk with me. I did my best to ignore him, but it was useless. He
seemed a bit weird and his endless banter totally ruined a perfectly
good daydream, but out of politeness, I remained seated.
After a few minutes, I saw the older couple get up to leave and
when they did, they looked over towards us. That's when I put on
my best "Help Me" face, but they just looked back at us with their
"Aww, isn't that precious" face, then turned around and left. I was
trapped!
I didn't think the waitress would ever come back, but when she
did, I asked for my check. After paying it, I made a polite excuse
to the young man next to me- who had somehow gotten onto the
subject of how badly the pandas at the zoo were being treated-
and left. As I walked out the door, and into my freedom, I
thought to myself, "never again! from now on, it's Ronald
McDonald and his funky red shoes for me!"
-RT
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You Have the Right to Remain...
I was driving along one night when I decided to pull over at this
little roadside park and vent my fustrations at the world. I usually
do this in the privacy of my car, but I had been traveling for some
time and I figured I could kill two birds with one stone and do
some stretching while I was bitching.
I was in the middle of a yoga stance (Sun Salutation... or
something like that) and ranting and raving about how my waitress
that evening hadn't smiled while she served me my hamburger
and fries when this police officer walked up behind me. He shined
his light on me as I peered up at him through my legs and I had to
wonder what was going though his mind, even as the rage was
building in mine at this intrusion to my mental regression.
Well he must have sensed my irratation because he politely (if
not causiously) requested my ID and asked what I was doing out
in the middle of the night in such a secluded location. I was so
amazed at how he had managed to keep a straight face after
seeing my ass sticking up in the air like that, that my anger quickly
began to ebb. I explained to him that I had been on the road for
most of the day and needed a break, so I had stopped at the park.
Then he asked why I was so upset and I told him that I wasn't, it
was just my way of releasing tension. I continued blabbering on
about how that was probably the reason I was (am) still single.
And that, my friends, opened the floodgate.
After about forty minutes of me carrying on about how my life
was not what I thought it should be, he finally said that he had to
get back on the road himself and said that he didn't need to see
my ID, he was sure I was an upstanding citizen and that I
wouldn't be any trouble. So, sniffing and wiping back the tears, I
thanked him profusely. He said that it was alright and quickly
went back to his car.
It was only as he was driving away that I realized just how
lucky I was that he had not checked my ID. I'm sure he would
not have been so understanding if he had seen the warrant on
there for my arrest for beating a certain waitress to a bloody pulp.
-RT
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12/02/02
Ode to 7-11
When late at night, your guiding light
Calls to me, with all it's might
I follow true, with such high hope
That with my hunger, you can cope
For when I'm tired, and travel weary
Your coffee's hot, and waiting for me
It draws me in, with sweet temptation
Then holds me here, with fasination
Chips and soda, donuts and more
Your tempting isles, I must explore
Cookies, candy, Slim Jims, Peanuts!
All pull me from, my travel ruts
The milk and eggs, I'll pass right by
'Cause I'm looking for, a sugar high
But how 'bout nachos? oh yes I can
Junk food counts, in my master plan
Oh while I'm here, a nice hot-dog!
And bubble gum, or a pecan log!
An ice cold beer, sounds mighty fine
But no... scratch that... I gotta drive
Magazines! to keep me sane
Something new, to tease my brain
So much to do, so much to eat
Your many off'rings, just can't be beat
With this in mind, I now profess
My undying love, and nothing less
So as I leave, with my goodie sack
I wave goodbye, and... "I'll Be Back!"
-RT
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