Chapter 7

It seemed like another morning had arrived; his internal clock communicated this in its silent language to him. Heavy sound of pattering against the rooftop was trying to force his eyes to open, to get him to be more aware. But the temperature away from the bed seemed so cold suddenly that it would take a great amount of bribery to get him to abandon this awfully comfortable warmth he was feeling. There was something peaceful and simple in all of this and he was not going to open his eyes and start wondering where this rare moment of contentment was coming from. For the moment, he just won't...

But as the minutes dragged on and the loud sound of unmistakable rain pounded up above and all around, his forehead could not help but crease and his lips could not help but thin slightly as wakefulness dawned on him. There was something odd about this position, the way his arms wrapped around a very warm... pillow or something else... and the way his legs seemed tangled with -- yet -- another -- pair -- of... legs...

Sendoh's eyes finally opened. In surprise, he focussed them, blinking out the last remnants of sleepiness. He came face to face with none other than his friend Rukawa Kaede - who had his head buried on the crook between his chin and his shoulder by the way - and got instantly reminded of how this -- this situation came to be. As Sendoh watched the long lashes that lined the barrier to Rukawa's closed eyes, he recalled...

It was only last night when they had arrived back here in Kanagawa Prefecture - Yokohama City , most specifically. They had taken a train and the trip had taken less than an hour, it seemed. And they had gotten here in his home where he had to convince his friend thoroughly before the younger boy allowed himself to step in Sendoh's parents' home. Then they'd slept after settling down in his room...

And now...

Sendoh could not help but smile slightly. There /was/ something truly comfortable in this. He could not really explain but for some reason, he could not find any will to break himself away from contact. The morning air felt a bit cold. Heaters had been turned off a few weeks after Winter, he knew - that was the common practice in this house. And on this morning, so very different from last night, it seemed that a downpour during their first morning served as the welcome to Rukawa's long-awaited homecoming. Sendoh could not help but half-wish that the weather was much better although he knew within himself that he could not really protest what had come out of the cold temperature. Being able to hold Rukawa like this...

His breath suddenly caught in his chest as he realized something. What kind of thought had he been thinking? Hold Rukawa like this? A straight male saying that in his head even while he knew that there was hardly any conviction for him to defend his logic to - well, himself...

Sendoh sighed and dropped his thoughts, letting his sensual instincts take over. This felt good and he was not going to move unless Rukawa woke and told him to let go. Until then...

He slowly cast his gaze once again on the slumbering boy in his arms. They were so very close and when he exhaled, his breath could touch the younger boy's forehead. His arms were wrapped in a loose and secure embrace around Rukawa's back while his legs... His legs were entwined with Rukawa's own legs right under the dark blue comforter which they shared. It felt as though there was nothing better than this...

And so they stayed that way for quite awhile, Sendoh with no real thoughts as he watched the younger boy, and Rukawa blissfully unaware as his older friend took in the sight of him with silent wonder.

At long last, around half an hour of silent gazing, Sendoh felt that Rukawa was slowly beginning to stir. He still could not get himself to move. He somehow was curious what the younger boy would think when he woke to this. Would he... would he blush as he often did? Sendoh would be thrilled if that was his reaction again. Rukawa looked so adorable when he did that. Breathing softly, he awaited the reaction as Rukawa slowly moved his neck to and fro, making their faces near each other more - Rukawa's forehead now pressed against Sendoh's chin. Sendoh's eyes held wonder as Rukawa moved his arms towards him, wrapping them around his shoulders. And then Rukawa opened his eyes.

Sendoh smiled and watched - watched as Rukawa blinked sleepiness away from his eyes and tried to realize where he was and what was his purpose of being here. But something unexpected happened. As the younger boy looked in front of him and saw Sendoh's chest, his eyes widened and he almost jumped out of bed, almost breaking away if only Sendoh's arms had not been wrapped around him. Rukawa's frantic eyes looked up and about. When he looked up and saw Sendoh looking at him with concern and puzzlement, there was an emotion that hinted panic in his eyes. When he realized that this was truly his new friend however, he stopped all his movements, going slack in Sendoh's arms. His gaze lowered as if in shame and his cheeks reddened in seeming embarrassment.

"Nightmare?" Sendoh whispered gently, reaching up with one of his hands and running it on Rukawa's hair. When he looked at Rukawa's eyes, he saw that it was covered by his black bangs, obstructing the view. But Rukawa nodded faintly, saying nothing. Sendoh's eyes softened as he ran his hand forward on Rukawa's head, towards the bangs, then slowly lifted the long black silky threads. The action made Rukawa look up at him and Sendoh held his breath as he saw a faint glimmer of sadness in the younger boy's gaze. He could just feel his heart break at seeing that.

"It's okay..." he found himself saying, wrapping his arms more firmly around his friend. "Nightmares won't hurt you. They're just in your imagination. And your imagination also could not hurt you... if you don't let it."

Rukawa nodded again slowly before slowly speaking, his eyes looking at Sendoh for one moment, then looking down again, as if to hide his emotions. "I'm sorry... I..."

"You look sad sometimes." Sendoh muttered silently, breathing in the scent of the boy's hair. It smelled as it always did - like cherries. "I don't like seeing you sad..."

"I'm sorry..." the younger boy whispered once again, as if his being sad had been an offense. "I didn't mean..."

"Hey, it's alright." Sendoh smiled gently, slowly stroking the younger boy's back. It felt so comfortable like this somehow. Just two friends lying in bed, never mind the gender, and just speaking softly. He'd never done it with other male friends before, only past girlfriends. Other guys would have thought he was queer. But unlike those guys, Rukawa seemed okay with it, as if there was a silent need for simple intimacy like this. "It's okay. I was just... uhm... Don't mind me really. I don't make sense in the morning. I just wanted to see you smile more often, is all. You know me... Mister smiley and all..."

Rukawa could not help but look up at him, a hint of a tiny smile on his lips. There was also gratitude in his eyes. His cheeks were blushing again and Sendoh could only marvel at how cute this boy looked when that happened. But Rukawa spoke softly suddenly, making him realize reality.

"Uhm..." Rukawa said hesitantly, as if shy, although his eyes looked back bravely at Sendoh's own. "It's morning and uh... shouldn't you be up? Your mother may be downstairs. And... you must miss her..."

Before Sendoh answered, a sudden thought struck him - the memory of Rukawa's past, as told by his Uncle just last night. Rukawa's mother had been murdered when Rukawa was just five years old. He could not imagine if it had happened to him and that thought made something swirl in his heart - prompted yet another new emotion to be born for the boy he held in his arms. Seeing Rukawa still looking at him in question, he just nodded his head before slowly pulling his arms away and sitting up. He almost shivered at the cold air that greeted him and if he had not had control, he would have plopped back down and embraced his friend again just to retrieve the warmth from earlier on. Rukawa sat up beside him slowly before moving his legs to the side of the bed, letting his feet touch the floor. Sendoh watched the younger boy's back and silently appraised the body shape, realizing once again how slender Rukawa was, as compared to him. When Rukawa turned his head, he looked away, moving to stand up as well.

"You could go and use the bathroom if you want." Sendoh muttered, moving to fix the sheets on his bed. He was surprised when Rukawa was moving to copy his movements. Seeing pale hands beginning to organize the comforter, Sendoh held those same hands, just to stop his friend from doing any more. He looked at the younger boy once again.

"Don't. You're my guest. Go to the bathroom, Kaede-kun. Or... maybe you should call Anzai-sensei? Just tell him that you're here now... or maybe just confirm if he's there. It would be a waste if we went there and he's not there, right?" When Rukawa just looked back at him, obviously in dilemma at wanting to help Sendoh and to do as Sendoh had asked of him, Sendoh shook his head. "Leave this to me." He pointed at the bedside table where a black phone was at. "Go on, call him. Just find out if he's here. Okay?"

Finally, Rukawa nodded. Pulling his hands discreetly from Sendoh's, he moved towards the phone, picking up its handle then beginning to dial a number. As he placed the handle against his ears and lips, Sendoh could only wonder how Rukawa had memorized the number. He moved on to fix the sheets properly, then after, went to his closet, looking for clothes to wear for that day and half-listening to Rukawa as the boy began to speak into the phone.

"Hello, is Anzai-sensei home? Huh, oh this is Rukawa... Rukawa Kaede, his former student two... yes, I'm him... Oh... Okay then. Tomorrow? Yes, it's fine, Mrs. Anzai. Yes, I'm alright. And I'm sorry... I didn't contact him... I must have worried him so much. I'm so sorry... I will apologize when I see him... I'm really sor -- er, okay. Thank you, Mrs. Anzai. Good morning... Bye..."

"So... he's not there?" Sendoh asked as he picked a pair of jeans, a buttoned up navy blue shirt and a black jean jacket. He turned his head and saw Rukawa staring out the window, lost in his thoughts. Rukawa stiffened at hearing his voice, as if he forgot where he was. Sendoh placed his picked clothes on the bed then began to pull his shirt off. Rukawa averted his gaze immediately and Sendoh discreetly wondered why.

"He went to Kamakita to visit his sister for the day... Mrs. Anzai told me." Rukawa said softly, looking awkwardly back at Sendoh before averting his gaze once again. He walked towards his bag. Kneeling before it, he opened it and searched for clothes as well. His voice was regretful when he spoke again, as if he had disappointed Sendoh. "I... I need to stay one more night. I could move somewhere. I know I'm really intruding so..."

But Sendoh spoke to pause him from saying any more. "Kaede, could you stop it with that?" His voice was surprisingly gentle despite the obvious irritation behind the words. "I told you /it's okay/ for you to stay here. You're a /friend/. Please, I beg of you then, stay. Please?"

Rukawa's hands tightened their grasp on a pair of jeans. He turned his head slowly to see Sendoh's expression but then saw instead that Sendoh was half-naked still, pulling his own jeans on. The jeans were not yet zipped and buttoned so Rukawa saw that Sendoh was wearing the shorts he had worn last night - it had been boxer shorts. Rukawa flushed immediately and looked away in embarrassment once again. "Erm, okay... I'll stay if you want." His heart was thundering in his chest and he wondered if Sendoh could hear it. It seemed so loud. "Uhm, thank you for having me..."

"No problem." Sendoh answered, grinning. He fastened his jeans and picked up his shirt, raising a brow as Rukawa stood, clutching to his own clothes. The younger boy was really pale, his long arms and legs exposed as he wore only a shorts and a tank top. Smiling gently, he jabbed a thumb towards the direction of his bathroom. "You can use that. I'll go down and use the other one. Just follow later on, okay? Don't be shy. I'm not even sure if my Mom's home. I'm going on ahead to look for her. And then maybe we could go out and do something... while we're free to do so..."

When Rukawa just nodded his head, he put on his shirt then buttoned it, picking up his jacket before going over to the door. He opened the door and stepped outside, the last sight he saw inside his room that of his friend going over to the bathroom. Later on, perhaps they could do something. Despite the wet weather outside, there were still other things to do. It was a shame to waste a free day such as this one. Maybe he should visit his cousins and introduce Rukawa to them. It had been quite awhile since he'd last seen them.

***

"Would you like some coffee?"

He heard the words before he was even fully in the kitchen. Rukawa nodded faintly as he stepped into a patch of dull gray light on the floor, an echo that came from the large window on his right. Outside, it looked almost cold and uninviting despite the fact that the hard rain from earlier on was now just a light drizzle. It was in total contrast with the interior of the house. Inside, everything seemed deliberate from the choice of rugs, furniture and indoor plants. There was the hint that someone actually lived here. It looked cozy and warm despite not being such a large house.

"With cream and sugar?"

Rukawa turned his attention back at the young man who sat at a wooden stool near the marble counter of the kitchen, pouring black coffee in a blue-gray cup. Sendoh's eyes were inquisitive. With another nod, Rukawa let himself in more into the kitchen, inhaling the heavy scent of coffee, mingling with the scent of himself. He had decided to take a shower and was now in fresh clean clothes - a pair of jeans and a simple black turtleneck - and he smelled, as usual, like his trademark cherry and soapy scent. He hoped his clothing would suffice for the temperature.

Seeing Sendoh adding cream and sugar to his cup of coffee, he wondered why the older boy looked careful. The large hands were precise even when stirring the coffee with a small silver spoon. As if seeing that he was observing, Sendoh looked up and smiled, raising a hand to beckon him to one of the stools.

"I spilled hot water once," Sendoh said, turning back to the coffee. His own cup was just nearby, half-empty by now. Rukawa sat himself on the stool next to his friend, looking at Sendoh with curiosity. "It was an accident really. My Dad had asked me to make him a cup of coffee when he got home from work one day. I think I was probably eleven or twelve. I wasn't paying attention so I knocked over the kettle which contained hot water. I was burned - just my feet though, but it wasn't severe since I wore socks, and it didn't mark at all. It was barely a first degree burn and the intense pain was only at one moment."

Rukawa's eyes widened, just imagining the pain of it, no matter how brief. He didn't know if he would have endured it. Sendoh smiled when he looked at him, carefully handing the cupful of coffee to his hands.

"Thank you," muttered Rukawa, bowing his head slightly as he accepted the cup. He raised it to the level of his lips and inhaled the heavy scent of coffee once again. He took a sip and felt the hot and sweet liquid burn his tongue. It made him place the cup down on the counter table; he would wait for it to cool down a little. Steam danced across the light brown surface of the coffee as he turned towards his friend, watching him.

"Hot, isn't it? Wait for it to cool down." Sendoh said, picking up his own cup and drinking from it easily. There was barely any steam emanating from his cup now. After drinking two swallows of coffee, Sendoh glanced at Rukawa once again, noticing that the younger boy was carefully observing his way of drinking. The edge of the cup was pressed against his lips but the cup was tilted so that coffee did not pour into his mouth.

"Your mother... was she not here?" Rukawa asked, after a second of silence. He looked away from Sendoh's curious eyes, looking on back at the steam above his cup.

"She wasn't. She may have been at a friend's house." Sendoh answered with a shrug. He pulled the cup away from his lips and set it down on the counter table and looked at it, seemingly lost in thought. "My mother..." He looked up and saw that Rukawa had picked up his cup of coffee, slowly sipping on it. "My father isn't often home. He's a traveling businessman. He's in Hong Kong now, I think... Kaede-kun, I don't mean to pry but... where is your father?"

When Rukawa looked up from his cup of coffee, his expression was unreadable. He shrugged before placing down the cup once again. "My father... If I remember correctly, he was a businessman too. He is the son of my grandfather - the grandfather who I had lived with here before. My grandfather told me nothing of him. I only met him once... after my mother died. I think he might have moved to America..."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear it." Sendoh muttered silently, wondering if...

"Uhm... what is it?" Rukawa asked as he saw Sendoh looking closely at him, appraising him. He felt sort of naked whenever Sendoh did that - as if the older boy could easily dissect him... figure him out...

"Did... did you go to America because you wanted to see him?"

"I... uhm..." For a moment, Rukawa did not know how to answer, his eyes looking blearily at the counter top. He sighed deeply, shrugging his shoulders and speaking in an oddly calm voice, "A foolish child's wish. It was perhaps stupid of me to think that going there would give me a chance... I... I wasn't even sure if he was there... I just heard it from servants of my grandfather..."

Rukawa looked down, bowing his head lower than ever, ashamed to have admitted one of the reasons for leaving Japan so long ago. Not only did his trip there result to nothing, he had even gained scars that didn't seem to be able to heal. Sendoh must think he was an idiot, going for childish instincts, but at that time when he saw an opportunity to go to America, he had been so passionate, so sure that his future would be bright there. He had been wrong.

And now...

Rukawa almost jumped when he felt something touch his hand. Wide-eyed, he raised his head slightly, seeing that it was Sendoh's hand touching him. A large palm stroked his thin fingers, as if soothing him, and he could not help but feel something akin to loneliness. Why was... Sendoh so nice to him? It somehow felt wrong. Because it could easily provoke emotions inside him that he knew could destroy him without remorse. He /knew/ about it... so much...

"It was not a foolish child's wish." Sendoh muttered. His other hand reached out and rested under Rukawa's chin. Slowly, he tilted the younger boy's face upward so they could see eye to eye. He shook his head firmly. "Never a foolish child's wish because.... It had been an honest longing by a person who could still hope. And I respect that person. I..."

Rukawa smiled slightly before nodding his head. There was an air of awkwardness to this, despite it feeling so natural to him. He reached up with one hand and touched the hand of Sendoh which was underneath his chin. Gently, he pulled the hand away and made it rest on the counter top. There was a silent need to move on, to break away from the silent struggles he was feeling deep inside himself. Slowly, he looked on back at his cup of coffee once again, muttering, "I respect you too. Thank you."

"I meant it... I..."

"I know..." Rukawa nodded, although he so wanted to deny Sendoh that respect because he knew that he was a person who could never ever deserve it. Picking up his cup again, he looked at the light brown liquid. The sweet taste still lingered on his lips. He initiated to change the topic...

"Akira?"

"Hm?"

Rukawa breathed in the coffee-scented air and noted that it was still cold. "I mean no offense but... don't you eat breakfast? It's not that I want to eat breakfast or anything but..."

"Oh, uhm..." Sendoh immediately moved one of his hands to rub the back of his head. He looked sheepish as he grinned nervously. "I forgot all about it, I'm sorry. My Mom would usually cook for me when I'm in here. But in Tokyo, usually, I just skip it or I buy at a restaurant or cafe. Would you like to eat? I think there's some instant ramen here..." As he was about to stand up and look for instant ramen though, he saw Rukawa looking at him with incredulity. He blinked his eyes in confusion.

"You..." Rukawa's eyes were wide, as if disbelieving what he'd just heard. "You mean you... You don't eat properly? How have you been getting your strength when you play basketball or when you study? Don't you know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? And instant ramen?" He stood suddenly from his seat. "You've been doing this in Tokyo for your first year in College, haven't you? You should... Never mind. Can you point me to the ingredients? If you don't mind, I want to cook for you a proper breakfast."

"Huh? Oh, uhm... You don't have to... Well..." Sendoh saw a look of firmness in Rukawa's eyes and slumped his shoulders, getting up from his seat. He moved towards a large closet and opened it to reveal rows of miscellaneous food, ingredients and even drinks. He rarely looked inside this cabinet - save for the times when the food in the refrigerator looked too boring.

"Miso Soup and Rice for your breakfast... would you like that?" Rukawa asked, coming to stand beside Sendoh. He looked inside the closet and scanned at the many condiments. "Or... I could cook an American dish. Pancake? How about a Continental breakfast? Or just bacon and eggs? How about..."

Rukawa could not help but pause as he saw Sendoh grinning in amusement at him. He finally realized that he was talking so eagerly about wanting to cook food for Sendoh. He seemed so out of character suddenly.

"It's funny," Sendoh just smiled. "You, who doesn't like to eat much, would be disappointed in me because I don't eat properly as you say. You know what? We should live together. You cook for me and I'll have a proper meal. But only on the condition that we share equal portions of the meal so it would be fair. How about that?" Sendoh chuckled heartily, before shrugging his shoulders and going on back to sit on one of the stools. "And for breakfast today... I think I want... sausages... Hm... yeah, that's I want."

Rukawa, while standing there, looking still inside the closet, could only blush in response, not looking back at Sendoh. What did Sendoh mean by living together? Of course he wanted to feed Sendoh properly! They were friends, weren't they? He was acting properly. But... Suddenly, his brows frowned as he turned at his heels, looking at Sendoh with incredulity once again. "Sausages? You only fry that. Only that? You need a more decent meal. Something with nutrition."

But Sendoh was laughing at him. Laughing with amusement. "You're such a mother hen. Fine, fine, anything then. Okay, mother?"

"Stop joking about food..." Rukawa pursed his lips before turning to the closet again, starting to pull out some condiments and ingredients. He decided that a Japanese breakfast was well enough. Closing the closet by pressing the side of his hips against the door, he moved on near the stove where there was a small space where he could work. He looked around and saw that on a dish rack were just what he needed, such as a pot and some bowls. He immediately set to work, determined to feed Sendoh properly.

As he worked though, he did not notice that Sendoh was just looking at him, smiling as he appreciated him all the more now that he found out that he could care so much even in simple things such as this. Sendoh did not say anything about it though as he initiated a new conversation.

"You know what, Kaede?" Sendoh's eyes were gleaming in joy - joy at having found such a wonderful friend such as Rukawa.

"What?" Rukawa asked, half-concentrating on Sendoh as he set about his tasks.

"Two years ago, we were not really friends. We were only playmates. I didn't really know you. The only way I knew you was by hearing things about you. People talked about you often..."

"What did they say?" Rukawa muttered. He did not seem particularly interested in hearing rumors about him - he seemed used to them.

"Nothing important... Rumors, of course. But you're different. So different."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you are this... like this. This person that I know now. I can easily talk to you. You're such a nice friend. You care about me... even about how properly I eat... They were all wrong about you. They knew nothing about how special you are."

Something suddenly clang against the floor. It was the pot. It had fallen.

Rukawa was silent as he immediately picked it up, rushing to wash it in the sink with hot water. His movements were so deliberate as he filled the pot with water, as if he was used to working in the kitchen. He returned to the stove then placed the pot on it. There was an eerie calmness as he turned on the heat of one of the stove's electric burners. And then he spoke softly, opposing Sendoh's words.

"I'm nothing special, Akira..." he almost whispered, his soul hurting deep inside.

Sendoh was shocked to hear that - not really because he thought that Rukawa was being humble but because he heard a finality in Rukawa's tone as if the younger boy believed, without a shadow of a doubt, that he could never be special. Sendoh shook his head firmly even though Rukawa could not see his actions.

"But you are!" he insisted in a firm voice. "You /are/. To me."

"Akira..." Rukawa sounded as if he wanted to oppose some more but then he paused and sighed. He said nothing more as he stirred the Miso soup; it was slowly reaching the completion of the cooking time. Sendoh watched his taut back but he did not notice it, his mind in disarray with jumbled memories and regrets. Soon, the kitchen smelled heavily with the scent of Miso as Rukawa turned off the stove then moved on to the rice cooker with two bowls. He placed rice on each, putting more on one because it was Sendoh's and less on the other because it was going to be his bowl. He moved on back towards the stove and placed Miso on the two bowls before handing the heavier one to the older boy. Their hands brushed against each other at the passing of bowl and Rukawa lowered his gaze, moving back to the stove to get his own bowl. Sendoh was already getting a pair of chopsticks from the holder in the counter and Rukawa moved there to do the same. When Sendoh began to taste his meal, Rukawa held his breath, just watching, waiting for the results.

There was a look of concentration in his face as he closed his eyes, silently appraising his breakfast. And then Sendoh opened his eyes. And he smiled.

"Live with me, Kaede." His eyes were now pleading, gleaming with mischief and an odd light of desire as he suddenly placed the bowl down on the counter top. He seemed so melodramatic as he moved towards Rukawa, clutching at the top of his black turtleneck. "Please? I promise to be a good husband! Just make me Miso soup every morning and I would never disappoint you!"

"A-akira!" Rukawa just stuttered, looking at his friend with an expression of half-hearted exasperation. And then he frowned slightly, looking a bit disappointed at Sendoh's behavior.

"Please?" Sendoh asked, pulling Rukawa's bowl out from his hands and, half-looking, placed it on the counter top too. He advanced on Rukawa, making the younger boy look at him with half-suppressed apprehension even while he joked.

"Akira... you don't need... I mean..." Rukawa looked away. But then he suddenly yelped as he was pulled forward, turned around and pushed gently yet firmly against the counter. Sendoh's arms were on each side of him, the older boy's eyes focussed only on his own. There was something in Sendoh's eyes - wonder and a very deep sense of curiosity he had never encountered in anyone else's eyes before. Rukawa was silent as he felt the edge of the marble counter top digging into the small of his back, his cheeks beginning to warm with yet another blush. Sendoh would not stop looking at him. And here he was, trapped underneath Sendoh - Sendoh's body leaning on him, closer annd closer and...

"Er... Uh, sorry..." Sendoh suddenly said, suddenly moving away and turning to look at the window. Outside, the wind was howling. There seemed a storm suddenly. From the drizzle, it had become heavy rain that was now pouring hard once again. "It was a joke, I..."

But Rukawa, even though his heart was beating quickly and he was almost shivering at the loss of warmth on him as caused by Sendoh's body, spoke calmly. "Eat your breakfast, Akira. Before it gets cold."

When Sendoh looked back at Rukawa, he saw that the boy was already sitting on one of the stools, beginning to focus on his meal. Rukawa was silent and Sendoh was now hating that he joked so casually about... something...

But then, was it a joke? Did he want...? What was he thinking anyway? It seemed to have no sense at all to even be pondered at, although a small part of his mind screamed faintly at something that was supposed to be significant.

Pursing his lips, Sendoh sat down on a stool beside Rukawa. He looked down at the bowl. Steam rose from it and the scent of it was making him all the more hungry. He picked up his chopsticks and began to eat once again. And silently, he began to speak.

"I'm sorry. I'm such trouble sometimes. Did I offend you by any of my remarks? My actions?"

"Er... no... not really..." Rukawa answered, trying to concentrate on his own bowl. His mind tried not to draw comparisons between... Rukawa shook his head in a small movement, the action barely noticed. He tried to say something that would distract himself from the thoughts that were trying to surface. "But... do you really need someone to cook for you? Because... Because I can do that for you. Because we're... we're friends."

In surprise, Sendoh placed his bowl down, looking sideward at Rukawa. "That would take too much of your time, you know. Besides, I wasn't really serious. I mostly dine out or at school anyway... It's not important..."

"But dining out costs a lot," Rukawa said in a reasoning tone. "I know. And... even if you are rich and have money to expend easily, still, you could use it for better things..." And in a softer voice, "There are many out there who don't have what you have... It would be nice to use your money wisely."

"Then..." Sendoh muttered. "What do you suggest? No, don't say anything. I have a proposition. How about what I had said earlier on... Now I ask it to you in truth and not in joke... would you like to live in my condo? I'm alone. I don't have anyone with me. I could use a companion. Even though there is one single bed, we could share, right? So... do you want to? You could let go of the dormitory room which I know costs quite a bit. You could cook for me and in exchange, your rent would be free. How about it?"

Slowly, Rukawa placed his bowl down and turned towards Sendoh. His brows were frowning. "You're serious?"

"Yes, of course. It would be good for both of us, I think. You could see that I would have proper meals and in return, I can watch over you."

Rukawa almost raised a brow. "Watch over me? What do you mean?"

"When you eat. Or in... Uhm, never mind. So, what do you say?"

"And... I..." Rukawa couldn't quite make out how it could work. This was all so sudden, this proposition. Was it real? There was no basis for it at all. "And I just cook for you? And my lodgings are free?"

"Yup! So...?"

Rukawa seemed to be thinking, slowly looking away from Sendoh, eyes tuned to the view beyond the kitchen - that which they were facing - the view of the living room. "But... the wages of a cook... does it really suffice for rent? Are you sure about it?"

"Yes, I'm sure!" Sendoh nodded his head. "And I really want to have someone there with me. It's too quiet being alone. Last year, I was in the dormitory and it was great fun. There were lots of friends to converse with. But then, my uncle gave the condo as a gift to me. I could not refuse him. It would have been rude to refuse him."

"I see... but why me? I'm not really a... fun person, I know. I'm rather... dull..." Rukawa said slowly, trying to find a flaw somewhere. He knew this might be just be too good to be true.

"What are you talking about? Dull?" Sendoh shook his head and grinned. "If you were dull, would I be your friend? Notice this: I am one of the most easily bored person out there. Women can bore me because sometimes, they're so easy... Basketball can bore me if there was no challenge out there. And now, look, notice... We're talking. We're talking so much. I'm enthralled with you. You're so complex - no offense," And he winked in effect. "And I would prefer something challenging, something that stimulates me. You... You..." But he couldn't find any more words. Looking at Rukawa though, the younger boy was speechless, lips slightly parted. He had gotten his desired effect.

Rukawa opened his mouth, tried to say something, but then could not. He looked from Sendoh's grin to his bowl. And finally, he sighed. "So, when do I start?"

Sendoh's grin, if possible, seemed to have grown wider.

***

"We can't go out..." Sendoh muttered.

They were in his room and he was sitting on a chair that faced the window. Rukawa, meanwhile, sat on the bed, feeling a bit awkward at not being able to do anything productive. Outside, the rain was as harsh as earlier on. Even after they had eaten breakfast then lunch hours later, the rain hadn't stopped. Now, it was mid-afternoon and they were still stuck in the house of Sendoh's parents. Sendoh's mother had not yet come home nor had called.

"Your first day back in Yokohama and this is the welcome that nature gives you..." Sendoh chuckled quietly, slowly turning his head so as to face Rukawa once again. The younger boy was silent, looking at a picture frame in his bedside table. Sendoh's eyes narrowed, moving his eyes to look at it as well.

"Oh, that..." Sendoh grinned. "Don't be jealous. She was an old girlfriend. The only reason I don't take that picture off that table is because my Mom liked her."

Rukawa looked a bit indignant but his voice was silent, different from how he looked. "Who says I'm jealous? What are you thinking of? She's... Uhm... You must have had many girlfriends."

"Heh, a few." Sendoh shrugged. He stood from his seat and sauntered closer to Rukawa, his eyes still on the photo. "You said you've never had a girlfriend before. That's an amazing feat, didn't you know? Eighteen year old male and never having experience... Innocent, I'd say. Would you like me to introduce her to you? She's pretty and nice and rather responsible."

Rukawa frowned, looking away from the picture, not retorting to the other words. If Sendoh found out what kind of person he was... what would he say? How would he react? And... why was he even here with him anyway, acting as if they were friends? Should he not be somewhere else, in a place where he - ? Rukawa lowered his gaze until all that he saw were his pale hands resting on his denim-clad thighs. "I'm not interested."

"Then what are you interested in? You can't be alone forever." Sendoh asked, slowly turning back to Rukawa once again. When he saw the younger boy looking down as if embarrassed, he cracked a grin. "Oh I see... You're still a kid then? Well, that's okay. Don't be corrupted like me, thinking about all kinds of dirty things... Naughty things I could do to..."

Sendoh paused when Rukawa suddenly looked up at him. The blue eyes of the younger boy never looked as clear as it did today, even as only dull light illuminated the room. The eyes were slightly disbelieving as Rukawa spoke softly, "You're not like that."

The carefully spoken words almost threw Sendoh off-guard. How pure did Rukawa think he was? He slowly shook his head. He had never met one so simple as Rukawa. Simple yet adorable, and yet full of hidden emotions - emotions locked away in secrets he only had glimpsed at sometimes. "Why don't you think so? I'm a man. You should know... Oh, of course you don't... Sorry." Sendoh sighed as he stood in front of Rukawa, watching as the boy looked back at him.

<Pretty boy,> he thought. If he didn't know any better, Rukawa was actually made for males.

And then suddenly, that thought seeped deeper inside him and he found himself shocked at them. What was he thinking? But then, Rukawa /was/ attractive. And yet it was wrong! What were these kinds of thoughts that were suddenly invading his mind? He was not like that! But then... was he sure? How could he be sure of...?

Well, only one way to find out.

Rukawa suddenly gasped as a pair of hands pushed his shoulders, with enough force to pin him against the bed. The mattress and the sheets were so soft as compared to Sendoh's hard body. When he tried to push away at Sendoh's body which had pressed against him, the older boy's hands suddenly grabbed ahold of his wrists, holding them on either side of his head. Sendoh looked down at him with intense curiosity and wonder once again. That seemed to have been the common expression that the older boy had whenever he looked at him. Rukawa trembled slightly, fighting recollections that his mind was trying to bog down on him. What was Sendoh doing? Was he joking with him again? Sendoh seemed to love doing that to him. He tried to calm his nerves which were on edge, ready to just allow him to punch the older boy away from him. Sendoh was rather heavy with all his weight on him and the hands which held his wrists were holding him rather tightly.

Sendoh looked down on the younger boy, seeing confusion and other emotions mingling in the eyes that had the same color as his own. What could his friend be thinking now? He wondered. And yet it felt nice like this, pressing the younger boy down with his weight, exuding power as if he alone had the right to do this... this possessive act. He leaned down some more, seeing the eyes widening further, and down some more until the tip of his nose was pressed against his friend's throat - the part right above the top edge of thhe black turtleneck. And he inhaled.

There seemed no greater scent than this. Women he had been with in the past either smelled of designer colognes or expensive perfumes just to impress him. This was different. It seemed natural, as if it was part of who Rukawa was. And yet it almost held meaning - this sheer sincerity of who his friend was. It held identity - a scent that distinguished his friend from all the rest. Sendoh decided that he liked this scent.

When he raised his head to see Rukawa's reaction, he saw that the younger boy was just looking back at him, no clear emotion in his eyes. Sendoh could admit to himself that there were no other eyes like his friend's. Except maybe his own. Their eyes were so similar and so not. The color was similar but the expressions were mostly different most of the time. He could admit that his eyes could hold vibrance and compared to Rukawa's, it held more life. But his friend's eyes... It was as if it was a door to something spectacular - something grand. It was as if, behind the door that was his eyes, to get to see his soul was a great journey to get to know this special person who now lay underneath him. And...

Sendoh tilted his head slightly as Rukawa slowly closed his eyes. It almost seemed like an invitation. But to what? Looking at the younger boy's face, he could not help but look at the lips. Even though Rukawa was a male like him, the lips looked different than any other male's. It looked soft, like a velvet petal. What would it feel like to press his own lips against it? Would it feel like kissing another woman or would it feel different?

But then... if he tried, what would change? There would be an air of awkwardness and he'd have to explain that he just wanted to test his reaction. That would be such an insult to his friend. He would kiss his friend but he would not really mean it. That would sound so mundane to any pair of ears...

So Sendoh chose not to chance it.

And yet, looking down at his friend now, as if the younger boy was expecting him to do something, Sendoh suddenly realized something. It was something new, something unexpected. He'd never really thought of it before, so he asked in a whisper...

"Have you been with a man before, Kaede?"

He'd expected Rukawa to glare at him perhaps, maybe to even hit him or kick him off for such a question. He did not expect the unmistakable look of guilt that passed through his friend's features though - the guilt, the fear and the pain. It was as if Rukawa expected him to denounce their friendship suddenly - so much sadness. And then Rukawa looked away, his eyes turned to one of the wrists that Sendoh still grasped tightly with one of his hands.

"You..." Sendoh blinked his eyes slowly as realization dawned on him. He was slowly understanding. "You did... I don't hate you. Hey, look at me..." He slowly let go of the wrists he held in his hands and reached out with one hand, letting his long fingers caress the soft skin of Rukawa's face. And gently, he tilted the face to his direction so they could look at each other eye to eye. "Hey, are you afraid that I would reject you for that? Hey, it's okay. I would never hate you for something like that. Never..."

Looking down at the boy, Rukawa's eyes were almost misty in the sadness that was signed in the irises. And then the sadness converted to bitterness as Rukawa slowly pushed Sendoh away from him. When Sendoh sat up respectfully on the edge of the bed, Rukawa stood, his eyes tuned to the harsh weather of the outside world. He was silent, his arms suddenly raising from his sides, going up to cross against his chest. It was one of those defensive moves Rukawa seemed to always do. In the pale light of the gloomy and rainy afternoon, he looked so thin against the glow of the window - like the shadow of a ghost. Sendoh was struck once more by curiosity - to know more about this boy while trying to know more about himself.

He truly wanted to know how he would...

"Let me paint you."

It was a request. It was a request he'd wanted to voice out for as long as he'd known Rukawa Kaede. Sendoh had always been an appreciative of works of art, or people who possessed a certain amount of grace and beauty. Even back when they had first met, he knew that Rukawa was one of those that he just had to paint. Rukawa was a walking model of the streets and he'd always wanted to capture him in art. On this dark day, the opportunity presented itself. He so wanted to know Rukawa beneath the layers...

See the lines and curves that defined his physical beauty...

And maybe, just maybe...

See his friend as who he truly was - get a portrait of the bleeding soul he'd only glimpsed at before. And learn. And understand.

Sendoh wanted to get to know Rukawa deeper.

"Well?"

Slowly, Rukawa turned around to face him. There was a mixture of disbelief and confusion in his face. He simply did not understand yet the depth of what Sendoh asked of him...

"We both have nothing to do. Would you model for me? I have a strong urge to paint and I want to paint /you/."

"But..."

"Please," Sendoh smiled. He stood up and walked towards Rukawa, eyes never leaving the other boy's. He reached out and let their fingers entwine. Rukawa's hands were cold and almost trembling. Sendoh wondered silently once again about this silent vulnerability, but said nothing of it. Slowly, he pulled the boy towards the bed and turned around so their position was reversed. He held Rukawa's shoulders then slowly pushed the boy down to sit on the bed. Smiling reassuringly, he leaned down, slowly beginning to tug up the black turtleneck away from the younger boy's body.

Rukawa pushed him away, wide-eyed. "What are you doing?"

"I said I want to paint you." Sendoh said, blinking his eyes. He staggered slightly from the push and stood up straight. "Can I do that? Or am I offending you?"

"But... I'm not..." Rukawa muttered, his arms going up to almost hug himself protectively.

Sendoh's eyes couldn't help but soften. He misjudged once again. "It's okay then... I'm sorry." He turned around and walked towards the door to his room, hoping that his friend wasn't angry at him for this error. He thought he could... Anyone else would have been thrilled when he asked them to model for him. But Rukawa was different, he'd always known. He should have known better than to assume...

But as he placed his hand on the door knob, he suddenly heard the younger boy speak. Rukawa spoke so softly, in barely a whisper. His tone was quietly determined yet... with a trace of some other unrecognizable emotion...

"Akira... tell me why..."

"Why... I would want to paint you?" Sendoh did not turn his head. He looked only at the white color of his bedroom's door.

"Yes, why..." Confusion once again in the younger boy's voice.

"Because I've always did." Sendoh admitted. He wondered what the younger boy must be thinking or why there was the need to clarify things. But then this was Rukawa, adorably complex sometimes. "Even the first time we met. I wanted to paint you because I liked to paint beautiful things..."

"But I'm not - !" But the protest was halted. There was a sound of shuffling of cloth in the background and Sendoh wondered what Rukawa was up to.

"Were you offended? I'm sorry..." Sendoh whispered, slowly turning the doorknob. "I'll go to the living room for awhile. Perhaps you're angry with me..."

"No..."

"Huh?"

And then there were silent footsteps. Rukawa was nearing him slowly - but stopped before they could get close together. Slowly, Sendoh turned around. His friend had removed his turtleneck. He tilted his head and studied the fine lines and muscles of Rukawa's bare torso. It looked so smooth and white, the way he'd always thought it would look like. But Rukawa was slender, almost with the body of a dancer's compared to his own body. Sendoh liked what he saw.

"If it would make you happy..." Rukawa said carefully, his voice threatening to give way as his cheeks had heated up in a warm blush. His hands were opening and closing into fists in his seeming nervousness. "You can paint me if you want to... What... What should I do?"

Immediately, Sendoh's face brightened, his lips curving upward in a smile.

"Have you heard of nude paintings, Kaede-kun?"

Poor Rukawa's face suddenly did the greatest impression of a ripe tomato.

"Well?" Sendoh's smiled widened even further.

Red-faced, Rukawa slowly nodded his head.

"Well start stripping, honey."

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