The UkeKitsune Mailing List Round Robin
Part 12 - by Chache Kitten

Chache: Okay!

That's it!

THAT-IS-IT!

*rolls up sleeve* Fic writer or not-! I will have to put my paw
down! I-

*gets bonked by a big…long…

hard… unripe

-Banana-*

Kataren: *flings bruised banana* And- WHERE-HAVE-YOU -BEEN?
Chache: ... uh... lurking? And good for you all too when I was gone,
yesiree!
Today is most unfortunate for y'all because I—
"The proud-Kaede-defender of AKAT"
have been provoked to DELURK by the grotesque circumstances!
This is MY CUE to step in!
This is waaayyyy overboard!
This is PREPOSTEROUS, OUTRAGEOUS! UNACCEPTABLE! UNPERMISSIBLE!!!
Crystal: Ah tut-tut! It's "IM"-permissible my dear!
Chache: -_-;; Whatever!
Mahki-jiisan is atrocious enough! And now it's that—

THAT low life b-*bleep! bleep!* self-proclaimed tensai my a-*bleeep!*
-.-;; That UNCUTE INSUFFERABLE UKE-WANNABEE!!! Kono y-*BLEEP!!!*
HEY!!! WHO THE *BLEEEP!!* IS CENSORING ME!??!!

Crystal & Lyv: Gomen ne Chache-kun, but no expletives please! *white
buddha-like aura appears around the 2 girls*
Crystal: We must be civil, diplomatic--
Lyv: --and peace-loving saddists...
Chache: phe! civil?
Kataren: *snorts* diplomatic?
Chache & Kataren: peace-loving my b-*BLEEP!*
Eddie: Maa, maa obachans...
Chache & Kataren: Ggrrrr....

Whooooo....

"And so the beautiful bishounen Rukawa Kaede was bishnapped! Snatched
away by that wild red-headed barbarian m-*bleep!*
"monkey!"
"Monkey!"
geez! o_O;; I just typed: "MONKEY!"

_________
"Sendoh!"

"Oi Sendoh!"

Slowly Sendoh's eyes fluttered open. "Mnnn... what happened??"
All around semes & ukes were looking down at him.

Kiyota: Hey you okay?

Sendoh: *utter disbelief* I fainted??!!!
SEMES & UKES: *nods*

Sendoh sat up and met the concerned gazes of all the semes & ukes.

Sendoh: What...? What's wrong? *feeling awkward at being the center
of such attention* ||So this is what it feels to be an uke...||
*looks around* Kaede? Where's my Kaede?

SEMES & UKES: ....

Sendoh could not comprehend their expressions until he began to
remember...

Flashback:

Sendoh was momentarily distracted by the commotion around him. So
many fine-looking ukes! So many hungry looking semes! It was like a
mad feast! Then suddenly he realized that he was the only seme left
standing...
Alone.
Where's my Kaede? He began to feel fearful that Kaede has run off to
some other seme... He fantically scanned the crowd. Then finally he
sees Kaede, in a distance.
Standing alone, and distinctly beautiful amidst all the ukes &
semes... So divine, like an angel waiting to be taken.
Rukawa held him, with those innocently seductive blue eyes. A faint
smile on his red luscious lips. One that Sendoh knew so well...

Star: Aha! I knew she'd write SenRu! I knew it!
AK ML: Sshhhh!!!! *love-struck & anticipating the romantic moment*
Star: Hey! Who invited them here??
Chache: *a-herrm* ^-^ I did of course!

Sendoh broke into a run. At last Rukawa was all his now! All the
semes were content with their own ukes! Finally! He and Kaede will
be alone together, the way it should be--

Suddenly horror struck him! A black sinister shadow was looming up
behind Kaede and was about to grab him!

"Kaede! Abunai!"

"Akira!!!" Rukawa managed to shout, his arms reaching for his lover
before both hands were yanked behind him & tied up. A dirty gag
desecrated his heavenly ukelicious mouth & lips.

"NO!!!" Sendoh leapt forward to stop the red-head from escaping, but
before he could do so, his body was suddenly as heavy as lead. And
slowly he plunged to the ground, losing consciousness, watching
helplessly as his lover got farther & farther from him. Kaede's blue
eyes in deep sorrow as the distance between them grew… Then the
last thing he heard was Sakuragi's menaical laughter...

"NYAAAHAHAHAHA!!!! The kitsune is mine!!!"

End flashback…

"My Kaede!" Sendoh wailed, trembling as he forced himself to
his feet. "I'm coming to rescue you Kaede! Wait for me!"

"Sendoh."
"What is it, Mahksan."
All the semes & ukes looked solemn. "We'll help you rescue
Rukawa."
Sendoh smiled weakly, "Sankyuu Mahksan, minna… but this is
something I have to do alone. Rukawa is MY boyfriend after all…
Besides now that you semes & ukes have found each other…"

"Oh no you don't!"
"You just want Rukawa all to yourself!"

Everyone turned to see the newcomers.
Two bishounens.

Goku piped up, "And who are you?"
"Are you ukes too?" Muraki licked his lips in anticipation.

The shaven-haired boy smirked, "You must be joking. Me? An uke?
Never! Maybe he is!" with that he pointed to his droopy-eyed
companion.
"Shut-up you egg-head! What do you know?"
"Look who's talking, kalimero!"
"Yarou!!!"

Kataren: Whoa, whoa, wait! What's a kalimero?
Chache: *grins* It's what Sakuragi called Minami in
Prin-Sensei's Deep Purple. It's a chicken doll with half-an eggshell
on his head!
Everyone bursts out laughing.
Minami: URUSEI!!!

"Ah, Kitasawa-san, Kalimero-san… Sorry but I don't have
time for you right now." Sendoh said apologetically.
Minami sweatdropped.
"That's Sawakita!" Sawakita corrected. "And you're not going to have
Rukawa all to yourself!"
Minami retaliates, "Yeah, you Rukawa-hog!"

UK ML: Rukawa-hog?
Chache: You know, "ball-hog?", "Rukawa-hog?" eh…hehehehe… ^^
Everyone: *sweatdrops*

Sawakita grabs Sendoh's arm, "Now see here Sendoh, Rukawa is OUR uke
too!"
"That's right." The kalimero added.

Chache: *gets bapped*
Minami: I've had enough of that!
Chache: ehehe… ^^
Rukawa: WILL YOU ALL QUIT STALLING & RESCUE ME!!!
Sendoh: o.o Kaechan... Did you just scream?

Meanwhile somewhere faraway, dark and musty…. Rukawa is strapped
unto a four poster bed. Arms & legs spread far apart…

SEMES, AK & UK ML: *massive nosebleed*

"Hanase do'ahou!" The fox-eyed ace said indignantly.
Sakuragi loomed over the now very vulnerable Rukawa, a very malicious
expression on his face. "No one can save you now kitsune! You're all
mine!" he bends down for a kiss. Rukawa stubbornly kept his lips
sealed, unfortunately it just seemed to add to the red-head's
anticipation. "You'll be begging me for more when I'm through with
you! Nyahahahaha!"

Roughly Sakuragi tore off Rukawa's shirt and…

Chache: AAAaahhh!! Chotto matte!!! *types insert* LEMON ALERT!!!!
Kataren: Ah… err… I think it's a bit too late for that
now, honey…
Chache: Sou ka na… Hmm, okay! Don't wanna break any rules... I'll
just take out the lemony scenes instead…

Diggler: NooOO~!!!
UK ML: *GROANS*
HANARU FANS: KOROOOOSSUUUU!!!!!
Crystal: &@$%#!!!

2 hours and 15 minutes later…

Sendoh bursts into the dimly lighted room. "Kaede!!!"
A faint moan came from the shadows. Suddenly Sendoh was seized by
overwhelming dread. There was a limp figure on the ground.
"Kaede?!" Sendoh gasped. He wanted to run, but his body felt
paralyzed. Slowly he inched closer until he finally reached the
motionless figure. Tears began to drench his cheeks. He couldn't
look. He didn't want to confirm what the furious pumping of his heart
had already surmised.

"Kaede…" Sendoh trembled, "My beloved Kaede… I'm so sorry! This is all
my fault…I-"

"Akira you do'ahou! What took you so long?"
The voice came from…
Rukawa Kaede was standing behind him, looking very fine.

"Kaede?" Sendoh choked, "You're alright? You weren't ravaged by
Sakuragi?"
"Hell no! That'll be the day! That do'ahou wanted ME to
ravish him!" Rukawa spat in disgust. "I'm not that desperate."

Sendoh was all teary-eyed with relief. He scooped Kaede into his arms
& squeezed him tightly. "Yokkatta… I knew you loved only meeeh!"

Crowd At The Back: BOOOO!!!! SenRu mush! Talk about crappy dialogue!

Chache: *takes out giant club & bonks unpaid extras at the back* (who
are actually RuHana spies)
Eddie: Spies??? Who? Where? Lemme at em?
Anduril: Paranoid aren't we?
Star: *sigh* AK Syndrome alright.
Kataren: Hanamichi fans are ok here right? This IS not strictly SenRu
right?
Crystal: Not if they're RU X HANA fans... This is RU-UKE... Rukawa is
our ultimate uke! However, Ruru being a SEME to Hanamichi o_o And--
Hanmichi being an- *cringes* -UKE??? *shudders* That's very taboo in
here! ^-^;; Not to mention gross...
Lyv: Indeed.
AK ML: *nods* Ditto.

Chache:*.* Will you please all "SHUSH!" This is a very dramatic
moment! *continues typing* This story still needs to have a moral
lesson!
UK ML: *throws bananas furiously at Chache* Moral lesson? What kind
of ending is that? It's so SenRu!!!
Chache: ^^;; Well, it's better than RuHana isn't it? *gets assaulted
by more bananas*
"And so, the moral lesson of this chapter is that 'be it seme or uke-'
it's only a position! What matters is… *sigh* true love!
UK ML: Bah!!!! *throws more painful objects* We want some RU
torture!!!
Chache: There, there now guys… ^^ *runs off* I think I'd better go
back to my turf now…