The Cohen Parents: As Usual, all they care about is getting the kids out of the house so they can bang around. What i don't get is that they live in a mansion, how hard can it be to find a nice secluded spot? Why do I have the feeling that, after the swingers party two episodes ago, the Cohen parents want to do something wild? Like maybe fuck on the center island in their well-equiped kitchen? Get crazy, Newport Beach! And Finally...
Oliver: You know, Marissa's pet freak from therapy. This guy is fucking great. He lives in a penthouse at the Four Seasons without his parents? Has a girlfriend that is MIA every single time the group hangs out? Sounds about right to me. I've always said that serial killers, as well as midgets, make any teen drama better, and finally someone has listened to me. Last week Oliver gets busted for trying to by 3 grams of coke from a cop (whoa Pablo Escobar!) and I fully expected little Olly to riot and bite the cop's face off. Maybe next week, when Chino corners him about flirting with Marissa, Oliver will get crazy and start beating ass (the previews for the next episode show Oliver slapping himself in the face, which stunned me into silence, but then caused me to laugh my fucking ass off.) Oliver is definitely a positive addition to the cast and I expect him to be entertaining right up to and past the point where someone opens the trunk of his car to find the corpses of the aforementioned parents and girlfriend. I hope he tries to pin it on Chino!
Okay, well that's it. If you think I left something out, you can go fuck yourself because I'm the reviewer here. So I'll see you next week and, until then, go out and enjoy some of the real OC, like Heroes or Pukeys, but definitely not Club 3-fucking-30.
And one more thing: I commend Pukey's (sorry, Back Alley) on their renovations and their sincere efforts to be a respectable drinking establishment. However, I feel I must Lodge another complaint that I hope someone will address: Why don't you get some "security" personnel that know how to set their fucking watches? Yeah Fucker, Daylight Savings Time ended in October, so there's no excuse for trying to keep me out at 12:15am because it was "last call." Then you tell my friend that we can stay because you didn't realize what time it was? Well great, all I wanted was to pee and get some water, but now I have to add kicking your developmentally disabled ass to my to-do list. Thanks. I'm sending over a digital Rainbow Brite watch (or would you prefer He-Man, tough guy?) that I preset for you. Think you can handle that?
Bye all!
