Within the awards, there are two basic categories. One for serial killers, and one for mass murderers. This is because the two categories are quite distinct from each other, and it would be unfair to put them in competition. And so, brought to you by the Porky Prince of Darkness, here are the first non annual Rudolph Awards!

I put this all together mostly off the top of my head, with referencing to confirm facts where necessary, but it means I may have overlooked worthy contenders, since I was only looking up killers I already had ideas for. So stay tuned for a future edition where I get off my butt and put in some research for the best in warped, screwed up multicide there is.

Serial killer – Ed Gein, wearing a delightful ensemble for a night out on the town, consisting of a belt of nipples, double breasted waistcoat, leggings, and wig, all handmade from his own personal collection of cadavers.

Mass murderer – Howard Unruh – in his best Sunday suit, complete with bowtie and 9mm Luger. The perfect attire for a casual stroll through the town, whilst gunning down 13 of the inhabitants.

Mass murderer - The U.S. Postal Service - After a spate of work related shootings by posties in the U.S, including one of the worst lone nut massacres at the time, the term 'going postal' was introduced into the english language, at first to mean going nuts on a gun rampage. But gradually it has become a more general term to describe outbursts of aggression, whether physical, verbal or even political (eg going postal on crime). The postal phenomenon has spread through film, television, into song, and even has it's own computer game called Postal, for which a sequel is currently being developed. Despite the ultimate reality that violence by postal workers has not been all that much more than any other workplace, this small minority have captured the hearts and prejudices of the world and have helped define the stereotype of the mass murderer.

Mass murderer – Douglas Crabbe – a lesson in improvisation for wanna be mass murderers lacking in weapons of destruction. Whilst less impressive now, since September 11 made the use of vehicles as weapons of mass destruction well known, using a road train to plough through a bar, killing 5, was quite an impressive use of available resources for the pissed off trucker in 1983.

 Serial Killer - Jack The Stripper - this particular fellow, who was never caught so, was believed by some to choke his victims to death using his penis. It is theorised that the first time was probably accidental. And it wouldn't be the first case of fatal fellatio either, but to use this experience to develop a technique for premeditated serial slaughter gives him this particular award.

Serial killer – David Berkowitz – whilst on the prowl just about every night he could, he scored off relatively few. Whilst this is not entirely uncommon amongst serial killers, his arrest whilst preparing for a massacre at a nightclub later that same evening reeks of what should have been..

Mass Murder – Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold – who, given the level of preparation and planning, especially the planting of bombs, most notably the large propane one in the cafeteria, not to mention the fact there were two of them at a crowded school, should have killed in the hundreds. But the bomb didn’t go off, and they seemed to lose the urge a little, probably because they realised they’d already failed to gain the magnitude they should have. The massacre fizzled out much like their final bomb as they killed themselves. The biggest school massacre at the time, but if you consider Erfurt, where another senior student, Robert Steinhauser, killed 16 with just a pistol (the shotgun wasn’t used), no bombs or second gunman, not to mention his just going after teachers and leaving plenty of potential student victims, it really was a pissweak effort by the two.

Mass Murder – Brenda Spencer – apparently she didn’t like Mondays. Fair enough.

Serial Killer – Ted Bundy – whether it was conscious or not, you just have to check out all the pics of his victims, then compare them to his ex girlfriend.. As near identical as you could ever hope for.

Mass Murder – Larry Gene Ashbrook - the FBI think he's a serial killer. Can't be true, or he'd have gotten the next award….

Serial Killer – Richard Chase – If he didn’t drink blood and lots of it, his blood would turn to powder. Why is that you ask? Because the underside of his bar of soap was gooey.

Mass Murder – Julio Gonzales – got into a fight with an ex girlfriend, $1 worth of petrol, a dodgy firetrap of a club and 87 corpses later he still hadn’t managed to kill her.

Serial Killer – Richard Chase – the wonders of the deranged mind. Apparently if the front door to a house is locked, you aren’t welcome to go in and kill and mutilate the occupants, drinking their blood and blended up body parts. But if the door is unlocked… Yes, that is how he picked what houses to go into. Lock your doors…

Mass Murder – Laurie Dann – who not only shot at children, but tried handing out poisoned food and lighting fires, while being a close contender for best dressed with her superman outfit of undies and garbage bag cape as she spiraled further into the depths of insanity. Only killed one, so isn’t really a mass killer. But then I can’t find a female who has killed the mandatory four needed to meet the criteria, and if it weren’t for her incompetence the body count would’ve soared. Her motives and technique were in the right place.

Serial Killer – Aileen Wournos – basically because she is the only commonly accepted female serial killer, despite active participation by female partners of male killers, profit motivated ‘gold diggers’ and lethal nurses. Some books claim technically she’s the only one, others consider dozens of them as serial, nonetheless she seems to have defined the genre. Recently executed in Florida.

Serial Killer - Ed Kemper - Who after killing his mother, threw her larynx into the garbage disposal unit, which coughed it straight back up. "even after she was dead she was still bitching at me!" complained Kemper.

Mass Murder - Howard Unruh - Who not only had a polite conversation with a journalist in the middle of a tear gas assault on his house, but when asked by an arresting officer 'what's wrong with you? Are you a psycho?!' He replied in a level manner 'I am no psycho. I have a good mind.'