So what is the point? What should we do while we're here? Where are we going after it?

And here is Santa to reassure you about your purpose.

You are on this planet because your parents got a bit randy without any contraceptives. In effect, you are here because of the pleasures of sex. How it all started way back in the beginning (assuming there was one), take your pick. A big bang got your life started, so why not for arguments sake say that’s what got the universe started too. But really, we're talking billions of years ago at least, and you're here for five minutes effectively, so it's not too relevant.

So, ultimately you are an insignificant organism here to wriggle around for a bit then die. The point of life really just seems to be life itself. You live, you die. Why bother searching for much more meaning than that? Do you like this life of yours? If so, then what's the problem? Just keep on enjoying it while you have it. If you don't, well it's probably advisable to try and start in some way or other because ultimately if it's a shit life then it's a shit reason to live it.

And yes that is about it. We are no more the wonderful, intelligent centres of the universe we like to think we are any more than a grain of sand is a beach. Yeah, we are a part of it all but that doesn't mean we have to have meaning. Do the grains of sand on a beach need to have a particular order? Are they all structured according to some sort of plan? Does it really matter if one goes missing? Some of you might like to think so. Santa doesn't.

As for life after death, well yes Santa does fuel the depths of hell with the souls of the wicked, but then Santa is a fictional character. So, most probably is an form of afterlife. All of you who have seen those tv shows where people talk to the dead should look up cold reading and get a taste of reality. Those people are just master manipulators, as incredible as it sounds given some of the stuff they seem to come up with. But it's all just trickery. When you die, you will just lie stinking in the ground, rotting away to nothing. And that is that.

So if there is nothing but death, and only death, why should we bother? Because we're stuck with it. No one can ask to be born, but you may as well make the most of it while you've got it. You're not a corpse just yet.

And anyway, Santa needs people to work in his slave factories churning out toys, weapons and religious propaganda to disease mankind, and make his life satisfying.