Santa is Evi
l
and here is why........
- Well, lets start with the obvious. Just move the 'n' to the end, and what do you get? Satan. Clever disguise, but not quite clever enough.
- Next, why the chimney as an entry point? It doesn't make sense until you realise that he is missing the fiery infernos of hell, and is merely relieving his homesickness by immersing himself in flame.
- Santa causes dissent amongst children by giving out discriminately. When was the last time you heard of a poor kid getting the keys to a new car or a rich kid getting a can of soup in their Christmas stocking? A sure recipe for tension and social disruption.
- How does he find out where everyone lives? With the aid of the postal service, that's how, and we all know their reputation as a bunch of gun toting mass murderers. The link is conclusive when you consider that while Santa is unlisted, and therefore his specific address unknown, the posties still get his mail to him, even though the address is obviously not on the envelope. When was the last time your mail got delivered with just a name and locality on the envelope?
- Why the North Pole? Well, if we consider that cold can burn as well as heat, it stands to reason that a cold hell could be every bit as painful as a hot one. So he goes there when he's not attending business in hell for a bit of a change - without sacrificing eternal torment.
- Everyone thinks Santa has lots of little elves working for him, a tragic falsehood. He has the world's world child labor sweatshop, They aren't elves, but kids, their ears are pointy from being pulled all the time as they are dragged about by their brutal master. All that shopping centre stuff is merely scouting for fresh victims.