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 A fun variation on the norm of kissing. Whoever the bottle is pointing at after spinning it in the middle of the circle, is to smash the bottle over that persons head instead. Whoever gets smashed has the next turn, but if the bottle is destroyed may use the neck or and shards of glass to stab the person once. Whoever remains conscious longest wins.

This activity is best played on a larger property. A stash of goodies, chocolate, lollies etc is well hidden somewhere on the property. A series of clues directing the children, split into teams, towards the stash, is also hidden. Each clue gives directions (written vaguely and creatively) to the next. But some are also misleading, and lead to boobie traps, such as land mines and claymores. The first clue is given to each team (it can be two or three separate hunts), and they go off and search. Whoever gets to their treasure first wins. The candy is poisoned in order to teach the children a valuable lesson that winning isn't everything.

Usually this involves guessing how many jelly beans or other similar candy are in a jar, with the closest guess winning the lot. A much more fun and profitable version can be played with daddy's drug couriers. As each new courier arrives, the kids have to guess how many condoms full of heroin they have stuffed up their butts. Closest one to the right answer wins the stash.

The participants sit around in a circle, with the person running the game standing nearby at a tape deck, with some lively music ready to play. A live grenade is given to a randomly selected participant. The music is started, and the grenade must be passed around as quickly as possible, until the music is stopped at the supervisors discretion. Then whoever has the grenade must remove the safety pin. When the music starts again, the grenade is passed around once more, again as quickly as possible, but whilst trying to keep the handle intact. As it stops, whoever has the grenade lets go of the handle, and the grenade is immediately passed around as before. Whoever is left alive wins. A large circle, using half charged grenades, can enable elimination competitions, and varying the fuse lengths in the grenades adds a little extra excitement.

In today's politically correct climate, the well known game of Cowboys and Indians has no place, teaching children irrational negative stereotypes which degrade the Native American race. So the game has been updated for the new millenium. The basic concept remains the same, to seek out and destroy the other team, but the methods and specifics of play have been modified. The Westerners team is armed with ignorance, a strong sense of self importance and self righteousness, and a shitload of military firepower (Daddy's handgun will do fine). The Arab team have a large number of innocent peace loving Muslims as cannon fodder for negative stereotyping and bombing, with a handful of fanatical Western hating extremists doing the damage. They are armed with a complete lack of respect for human life and a couple of airliners (or if airliners not available, a few molotov cocktails can be improvised).

The play area is split into two halves. The Westerners dominate both halves, but do so mostly from within their own, having authority figures elsewhere. The Arabs are located in both halves, where they are largely all treated as terrorists. Except for the extremists, who are nowhere near any of the Western hostility, but rather hiding in the West half. The game starts when the extremists do exactly what the Westerners have been doing to them for years, but in the Western half, and in full view of all. The Westerners win when they have successfully killed everybody, including themselves, in a Nuclear holocaust. The Arab extremists never win, because their ideology is seriously flawed and makes it impossible. The rest of the Arabs never win either, because they are always mistaken for the extremists. But it's a great game for getting rid of a heap of little kids in a bloodbath of senseless violence, and inciting hatred that can be taken into many other fun activities. 

In raising healthy, happy children, it is important to start young. The following are both fun and educational, and serve as parenting pointers as well as activities for the kids. Not to be taken seriously if you want normal kids.

We all know 'here comes the airplane' at feeding time. A fun variation could be 'here comes the airplane into the world trade center'. Tasteless and vulgar for sure, but at least the child won't turn into a naive idealist.

Forget the Wiggles, and all that cutesy kiddies music crap. Raise your child on Pantera, Sepultura and the like. When the child is eventually exposed to this other nauseatingly fake 'happy' music at preschool or wherever else, which teaches them to mask emotions because happy is good, and the Wiggles are always happy, so why aren't you, teach them to incorporate elements of their heavy metal upbringing into dealing with it. For example, standing up during a Wiggles performance, and screaming in a hoarse raspy voice, "Can you hear Jeff's keyboard? Answer me, can you hear the fucking keyboard?", or requesting songs such as "Wiggly Suicide Note", and asking for a "Vulgar Display of Wiggles".

Try teaching your child the facts of life from early on, before any sense of logic develops to question what you are saying. Just the basics will do fine. That is, that everyone must die a terrible terrible death at your hands, that the child was an accident you attempted to have aborted many times, and that everyone with blue eyes is inferior to those with green eyes (what ever would we do without zany ethics free psychology experiments?) Oh, and don't forget to tell them that the blood of virgins, drunken daily after dinner, is the only failsafe remedy for headaches. The kid will be a bloodthirsty freak, but because of the severe mental distortions you have implanted, won't be able to be held responsible for his / her actions in any court of law. Although you might.