One Act in A Tragedy

Part 4

Author: Ruby-Flame Jedi Queen

Rating: PG

WANTED: Feedback please!

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This morning passed as every other morning has ever since the day I got here.  No sunlight.  No fresh morning air.  Nothing except for memories.  Sometimes I can hear the little ones-- although now they are most likely young adults.  I say most likely since sometimes one day or one week, or even a month, can run into the next.  Time doesn�t even seem to exist in this place.  It is torture.  Too much time is a horrible thing; so much that fear of death has long since left me.  Left me.  Like Anakin.  The result of a relationship I never ever should have gotten into; one kiss that should never have taken place; one act that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I can remember the conflict that passed through my mind after Ani and I had shared our first kiss.  I remember the look in Anakin�s eyes as he became almost positive that I had feelings for him too.  So I tried acting like everything was normal.  But it was not.  And at that time, it excited me; I was young and in love.  Sadly, you must learn from your mistakes and it is from the knowledge of how to prevent future mistakes that wisdom finally emerges.  I would like to think that after all the experiences I have lived through that I would have become wise.  But I am not.  For if wisdom is what I think it is, than I am still the fool.  Because after all these years, after everything that has happened to me, I am still in love...

***

Amidala decided if she pretended that the kiss had never happened that nothing would change between her and Anakin and their relationship.  But something had.  For every time Amidala was around him, she could feel his tender lips upon hers the nervous fluttering in her belly�there was no way to dismiss it.  Or perhaps there was... � Forget the butterflies in your stomach, the way you wanted to melt when he touched you, the soft feel of his lips against yours... they never existed...�

Amidala sat upon her comfortable bed in her room in her and Ani�s suite at the retreat and leaned back against the pillows.  She could look at this as a vacation.  Her stay on Naboo was a chance, for once, not to have all the worries of the world on her shoulders.  It would be much better than constantly becoming bitter towards the Jedi since they were only trying to save her life anyway.  Amidala almost laughed at how silly her thoughts sounded.  Of course she should consider this a vacation! She, as much as anyone else, deserved to have one occasionally, right? And after all, she had been going non-stop at her work for-- much too long.  Amidala closed her eyes.  And how long had it been since she had been on a bed this comfortable? Amidala smiled and let she let herself relax even more.  Far too long...

A soft knock on her door pulled Amidala out of her thoughts and she instantly knew it was Anakin.  She had been avoiding him since what had happened earlier that day, but she didn�t want to be rude so she voiced, without opening her eyes as she was very comfortable the way she was, �Come in!�

She heard the door open and waited for him to speak.  �Stop it!� She mentally chided the fluttering in her abdomen.  �Yes, Ani?� she finally asked.

�I was just wondering if you were feeling hungry, M�Lady,� he replied and Amidala felt her stomach rumble at the mention of food, but then she couldn�t help but think about him eating it with those amazing lips of his...

�A little,� she admitted as the fluttering continued and she kept her eyes closed for fear that if she opened them she may not be able to quell her hunger�

�Well then, would you care to join me for dinner?� He asked her politely.  How could he be so calm? Amidala wondered, a bit shocked.  Here she was falling apart� and Anakin remained polite and accepting.  She had denied him, and yet here he was, asking her to dinner.  Maybe women were as evil as they sometimes were portrayed! I am no Eve, Amidala thought, and biting back tears, she replied, �Sure.  Just give me a minute.� Somehow speaking with him seemed more awkward than usual and that especially bothered Amidala.  It looked like despite her resolve to put the whole thing behind her, this just wasn�t going to float away.  As a politician, she had always been told to address the problem so that an appropriate solution could be found.  Maybe some of those principles were meant for real life as well.  Amidala sighed and picked herself up off the bed, silently promising to return to its amazing comfort.  For now she would have to step outside her comfort zone-- like it or not.

---

Nothing of the personal matters were mentioned over dinner as Amidala would rather have had full privacy in order to that, but there were waitresses waiting on them both.  So for the moment it suited the two just fine to be ignorant to earlier incidents and just enjoy the moment.  Fortunately, they managed to do so without the moment getting awkward.  Amidala suddenly realized how much she did enjoy being in Anakin�s company; she loved his smile, his laugh, and his funny antics.  He sure confused her for a second when he decided to move her desert.  She had forgotten all about the force and was baffled for a few seconds until she looked up to see his eyes concentrating on her plate.

�You did that?� she asked him, smiling.  How she wished that he were hers�

Anakin gave her that very cute innocent look and responded, �What?�

Amidala scowled at him and she tried to jab the fruit but Anakin, with a slight motion of his hand, brought the fruit up in front of her, teasing her with it.

�That! Now stop it!� Amidala laughed.  Anakin was laughing too at how easy it was to aggravate her.  Amidala reached out for the fruit and Anakin made it loop around her hand.  This must be payback for the dress I decided to wear last night� Amidala thought.

�Anakin!!� she scolded as he continued.

Anakin moved his hand and the fruit flew into it.

�I'm not really supposed to do that...� he admitted, �for fun, I mean. If Master Obi-Wan were here, he'd be very grumpy.�

Amidala watched him cut the fruit into several pieces and he sent one back to her.  She took her fork, and even though it felt strange doing this plucked it out of the air and ate it.  Being with Anakin was so much fun.  She laughed at the way he could tease her so easily and then romance his way out of it.

�It�s better that way, isn�t it?� Anakin asked her.  Amidala wondered for a second if he had been listening in on her thoughts, but then she realized he was talking about the fruit.

�Some things are better when you don�t expect them,� Amidala answered.  She secretly hoped he had noted her double meaning.

Anakin looked down at his own plate.  �Yeah...� he trailed off.

Amidala, for the first time this evening feeling awkward, turned her gaze out the window at the setting sun.  The sunsets here were very pretty with the mountains really bringing out the colors; they were a dark medium against such a light purple sky.

Anakin sneaked a glance at Amidala, and when he saw her looking out he followed her gaze.

�I�ve never seen a sunset quite like this,� he admitted.

�They�re better here.  The mountains--� Amidala began, but Anakin followed her train of thought.

�Yes.  They bring out the colors.�

Amidala turned and looked at him.  �That�s exactly what I was thinking.�

�Really?� Anakin asked her.  Amidala was not sure if he was being sincere, so she gave him a chiding glance.

�Oh, no!� Anakin shook his head as he realized what she was implying, �I wouldn�t read your thoughts without your permission, M�Lady.�

M�Lady.  Amidala wished she was his lady� Stop that Padme!� she once again scolded herself.  �Please, Ani.  You don�t need formality here.�

�Sorry...Padme.� Anakin spoke softly, and something in his voice prompted Amidala to stand up suddenly.  The nagging feeling in her stomach was driving her crazy now.

�Where are you going?� Anakin asked her softly, and she could see in his face that he had intended to speak with her eventually as well.

�I think I�m going to go relax by the fireplace for a while.� It was an open invitation.  �It was nice dining with you.�

Stupid.  Why had she said something that stupid? She was glad to be escaping to the lodge.  Even though she knew Anakin would join her there soon, she would at least have a moment alone to sort out her thoughts.

When she arrived by the fireplace and seated herself in front of the already lit fire, sorting became the last thing her mind would do.  Instead, her thoughts all seemed to rush at her with two different sides, like an angel and a devil on her shoulder, giving different advice�

He�s five years younger! You are a senator; he is Jedi! �Are Jedi allowed to love?� �...Attachment is �forbidden�...� Oh, that kiss was so wonderful, though... I love spending time with him, I love his smile, his jokes, the feel of his touch on my skin... But he is too young for you, though!

Ahh! Amidala rubbed her temples.  If she was to sort her thoughts then she needed the arguments to stop.

The sound of footsteps behind her caused her to open her eyes and whip her head around.  He was here.  She scooted over to make room for him and he slowly walked over and sat down next to her.  There was silence as she waited for him to start, a silence during which her stomach took the liberty to tie itself in knots, yet Amidala was almost ready to start speaking herself when he finally began, �May I tell you something?�

�I don't know,� Amidala replied, suddenly feeling very out of place.  Arrg! She thought she had prepared herself for this!

�Then how can I tell you?� Anakin was being the reasonable one now.  Why couldn�t she stop being so childish!

�Maybe you should use your Jedi intuition,� she replied. Stop it! She chided herself for the millionth time.

�It doesn't work around you. My mind is always a muddle... I can only think of you.� He gave her that piercing gaze, those deep blue eyes locking onto hers...she just didn�t think she could take it...

�Anakin, don't--� she started, but he continued anyway, as she knew he would.

�From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you.� Amidala didn�t want to believe it.  Talking was already much harder than she thought it would be, and HE was the one doing it! �And now that I'm close to you again, I'm in agony.� Believe me, so am I! She thought.

Anakin continued.  �The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over � my mouth goes dry. I feel dizzy. I can't breathe.� Ahh! Amidala couldn�t believe it.  He was describing symptoms she had begun to experience as well... �I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me.  My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar.� Amidala reminded herself that she was not Eve, but she could not give in to this�

Suddenly he said the words that would eventually break Amidala�s defenses� �You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask...� All this time, even since he had met her, Anakin had accepted Amidala�s indifference, and in all that time Amidala realized that she had not even begun to consider the depths of his emotions.  She hadn�t been prepared and it left her completely off guard.  Or maybe she wasn�t prepared for the realization that her feelings reached that depth as well...

Silence. The logs flamed in the hearth.

It was Anakin who continued.  �If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me.�

Blur.  Her mind was a blur.  How she managed to get any words out puzzled her.  �...I can't. We can't. It's just not possible.�

�Anything's possible. Padme, please listen...� he begged, and something in her mind finally clicked.  She needed to be in control of the situation, not just sitting here, listening and letting him decide for her...

�You listen,� she told him.  �We live in a real world. Come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi Knight.  I'm a Senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go...� Amidala took a deep breath, �...regardless of the way we feel about each other.�

�Then you do feel something!� Anakin exclaimed, immediately picking up on any of Amidala�s meanings.  �There's an extraordinary connection between us. You can't deny that.�

Amidala thoughts floated back to the time that they had shared a telepathic link.  She remembered the awkward dream she had had, the one where she had seen Ani as he was now.  She remembered the feeling she got the first time she had laid eyes on him.  There had been something about him...

�Ani, it doesn't make any difference. Jedi aren't allowed to marry. You swore an oath, remember? You'd be expelled from the Order. I will not let you give up your responsibilities... your future, for me,� she finally replied, feeling her heart sink as she said the words. Why can�t I just admit what I feel for him?

�I was destined to be a Jedi. I don't think I could be anything else.  You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do. I wish I could wish my feelings away... but I can't.�

Too true, Amidala�s mind told her, but she HAD to fight it! �I am not going to give into this.  I'm not going to throw my life away. I have more important things to do than fall in love.� Amidala felt her heart sear after she said that and she wanted to cry out an apology and rush to him, but she held her ground.  Anakin did not help the burning pain she felt inside as his face remained emotionless while he stared, pondering, at the fire.

�It wouldn't have to be that way...we could keep it a secret,� he suggested.

A secret.  It took all of Amidala�s control not to except his tempting proposal, but��Then we'd be living a lie - one we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. My sister saw it. So did my mother. I couldn't do that.  Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?�

Anakin hesitated.  �...No, you're right. It would destroy us.�

Amidala looked up and almost broke into tears at the look on Anakin�s face.  It was the look of someone who had just come back to reality they didn�t want to be a part of.  It wasn�t angry, just...sad.  And Amidala felt that look pierce through her heart.  She needed to be alone.

�Excuse me,� she said, and brushed past him.  Then it was all she could do to keep from running back to the sanctuary of her room.

---

Amidala woke up the next morning feeling more refreshed from her rest then she had in a very long time.  Nights here at the retreat seemed to have a way to whisk away troubles and replace them with a new sense of serenity in the morning.  Amidala took a delight in getting showered and dressed at an extremely leisurely pace; it was so unlike the constant rush she had gotten used to as queen and then as Senator.  Just one look out of the window at the beautifully sunny day could convince anyone that there was no such thing as war, and there was certainly no threat on anyone�s life.  Maybe that is the real danger of this place, Amidala mused.  So even in her joy at the relaxation the retreat offered, Amidala kept a small part of her mind alert for any danger, and she sure hoped that Anakin was doing the same.

As soon as Amidala was dressed, she rushed out of her room to find Anakin.  A day like today needed to be shared with someone, and it needed to be spent outside soaking up the sun�s rays.  �Anakin?� Amidala shouted excitedly while prancing around the house.  �Anak--oh!� Amidala nearly ran over Anakin in her excitement and he was just as surprised to see her this way as she was to nearly run him over.

�Well, it�s good to see you up, M�L--Padme,� Anakin joked, the tension of the past night set aside by a fresh new day and by the feeling between both of them that no matter what they both knew what they felt for each other�

�Oh, what�s a retreat for if not to move at a slow pace?� Amidala retorted.

�Good point,� Anakin admitted, and tried to hold back a smile at the sudden exuberance in Amidala�s mood.  It was very different from the serious senator he was accustomed to seeing.  He liked this Padme much better.

�Let�s go outside, Anakin! Let�s go explore! I don�t want to feel cooped up on a day like today!�

�You�re right-- I thought the exact same thing.  So while you were moving at your �slow pace�, I took the liberty of fixing us a little picnic lunch.  So, I am ready to go whenever you are--� Anakin started, but Amidala had already grabbed his arm and was pulling him out the door.

�I�m ready to go now!� she exclaimed, and Anakin barely managed to levitate the picnic basket off the table and bring it into his hand before he found himself outside.

---

The mountains are beautiful and the day is warm! Amidala thought and ran up to the top of a green hill.  The last time she had been able to run up and down hills in the grass was... Amidala thought back... the day of her 18th birthday.  Had it really been that long? Five years since she had last run in the grass? Five years�the number of years that Anakin remained her junior...

Reaching the top of that hill revealed another, taller hill, and after that a slow ascent to the mountains.  Amidala whipped around, making her chestnut brown hair fly behind her, to smirk at Anakin who was lagging behind.  �You know, I would have thought that as a Jedi you would be able to climb hills no problem! Yet look, here I am, and I haven�t climbed hills for five years now, by the way, beating a Jedi! Impressive!�

Anakin lifted an eyebrow and used the forced to pull himself to a position beside her in a split-second.  �Very.�

Amidala laughed, in the back of mind replaying his move and thinking about how sexy it was, and she raced over to a huge tree that sat right at the top of the hill.  It was nice and cool underneath its branches, so Amidala plopped herself down there.  �Hungry yet, Ani?� She smiled and asked, no double meaning in her question today.

�Looks like I have no choice,� he replied in an amused tone and walked slowly over by her.  �Truthfully though, I am a little hungry,� he added, and set the picnic basket down.

�Let�s see what you managed to make...� Amidala said, and looked through the picnic basket.

�Oh, nothing special.  Just a couple sandwiches, and I brought some of the fruit like those that we had the other night,� Anakin replied.

�Well, the sandwiches certainly look good,� Amidala declared, and after biting into one nodded.  �Yup.�

�I�m glad you approve, M�La--� Anakin began, but Amidala gave him a playful shove.

�Oh, I told you to drop the title.  It�s just you and I, Ani, nobody is going to be unhappy if you don�t.� Just Anakin and Amidala.  Maybe that isn�t such a good thing, Amidala thought.  After all, now Anakin knew she had feelings for him, and so now between the both of them it would be hard to brush those feelings aside...

�Sorry, Padme,� Anakin answered, and glanced up at her with that �look�.

�It�s alright,� Amidala responded and looked away.  How much harder could he make this?

The rest of the picnic was for the most part silent, but it wasn�t so much of an awkward silence, Amidala just got caught up in the beauty of the mountains that surrounded her and the lake that stretched before her.

�It is gorgeous up here,� Amidala said and sighed contentedly.

�Yes, it is.� Anakin replied, but Amidala noticed that once again he was staring at her instead of the view.  She didn�t acknowledge this, however, and kept looking straight in front of her.

�I know a path to a beautiful meadow just beyond that hill,� Amidala pointed out, �when you finish eating we should head there.� Amidala did not want this time between them to be awkward.  Anakin seemed to realize this.

�Well, I�m finished.  Let�s go,� he replied.

A breeze whistled its agreement and lightly guided them to their feet.  The sun was shining brightly overhead, and the weather was perfect; it seemed to be trying to allay any of Amidala�s second thoughts.  Whatever the reason, the day, the feel of the breeze, or just the way Anakin�s glances kept making her melt, something prompted Amidala to make a bold move and reach out and grab Anakin�s hand.  His face reflected his disbelief, and he felt Amidala�s hand in his as if trying to decide if he was dreaming or not.  He gave Amidala a look of shock, and she just smiled as if she had been keeping this moment up her sleeve and just waiting for the perfect timing.  Anakin returned her smiled and slipped his hand more firmly around hers.  And this is how they continued their journey to the meadow; hand in hand, heart in heart.

Once upon a time, Amidala had been a complete stranger to the art of flirting.  She had been a child thrust into training and work, about to become royalty, so her social life had suffered a bit.  Her social blunders were laughable upon thinking back now, but Amidala remembered how embarrassed and misplaced she had felt when one of the boys in her Youth Program had suddenly noticed her.  He was the first boy ever to try and �flirt� with her, and she had felt too awkward to properly respond�and neither had she any inkling of what a proper response might have been at the time. But that was then, and presently, Amidala felt very proud of herself because flirting was coming rather naturally, and she even managed to keep it to a level that kept Anakin both wanting something more and enjoying a friendly moment.  Flirting definitely was an art.

When Anakin brought up the subject of other boys Amidala almost laughed aloud, thinking how funny it was that he had nearly read her mind.  Was he testing her? Finding out how ready she was to bring their friendship up another notch? Well, she would conduct her own little test then�

�So, Padme? Who was your first interest then?� Anakin prodded.

� I don't know...� Amidala pretended to shy away from the subject.

Anakin raised an eyebrow.  Of course he wasn�t buying it� �Sure you do... you just don't want to tell me.�

Amidala grinned.  �Are you going to use one of your Jedi mind tricks on me?� she asked coyly.

Anakin did not even blink, �They only work on the weak-minded.  You are anything but weak-minded.�

Ah, so he is up to par.  Let�s trod a little on the possible grounds of jealousy now, hmmm? Amidala thought to herself.  �All right... his name was Palo,� she began.  Then with a sly smile she continued, �I was twelve. We were both in the Legislative Youth Program. He was a few years older then I... very cute... dark curly hair... dreamy eyes��

Anakin interrupted her.  �All right, I get the picture...� Well, the jealousy was sure there.  For some reason this brought a blush to Amidala�s cheeks.  She felt like the old �youth program� Amidala she had once been.  �Whatever happened to him?� Anakin continued.

Amidala was even more impressed.  She could tell he was trying to be sincere for her sake even though she knew inside he was hoping that Palo had been injured in combat practice�she felt guilty for teasing him.  She changed her thoughts to those most sincere, �I went on to become a Queen. He went on to become an artist.�

Amidala looked at Anakin, at the way the sun shone on his hair� at the way his eyes never left her when she spoke as if was absorbing ever word�was this what life was heading towards? Amidala continued to drink him in even after he said his smart-alec comment about Palo�s smart choice.

She wasn�t offended, but surprised to see a bit of Obi-Wan reflected in Anakin�s statement.  �You really don't like politicians, do you?� she asked.

�I like two or three, but I'm not really sure about one of them,� Anakin smiled.  His smile was so beautiful! Hey! What did he mean? Amidala tried to decipher this while the conversation continued�

��we need a system where the politicians sit down and discuss the problems, agree what's in the best interests of all the people, and then do it.�

Amidala gave up trying to decode what �I�m not really sure about one of them� meant as she became a little offended that he didn�t realize that the system worked exactly like that.  She tried not to sound to huffy as she replied, �That is exactly what we do. The trouble is that people don't always agree. In fact, they hardly ever do.�

Anakin replied seriously, �Then they should be made to.�

This statement worried Amidala a bit.  Were the Jedi all so sure that they could accomplish things by �aggressive negotiation�? �By whom? Who's going to make them?� she questioned him.

Anakin shrugged.  �I don't know. Someone.�

Amidala smirked.  He sounded just like the little Ani when he said that.  �You?� she prompted.

�Of course not me,� Anakin replied, realizing that he was sounding childish. �But someone,� Amidala finished for him.

Anakin knew she was making fun of his words now, so he decided to play along, �Someone wise.�

That brought Amidala back into the present.  �That sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me.� She thought of Palpatine and shuddered.  He may seem wise, but she felt like a puppet at times�

Anakin, obviously not reading her thoughts this time, couldn�t hold back a grin.  �Well, if it works...�

Amidala stared at Anakin, at first not realizing that he was playing with her.  When she finally realized she gaped at him.  �You're making fun of me.�

Anakin must have noticed how defensive she began to act when she was made fun of.  �On no, I'd be much too frightened to tease a Senator,� he joked.

�You're so bad!� she laughed as she realized how bratty she had sounded, and picked up a piece of fruit that she was supposed to be eating and threw it at him.  He caught it of course, as he caught the rest of her �fruit tirade�.

�You're always so serious. Always carrying the weight of the universe on your shoulders,� Anakin reprimanded her.  Then he began to juggle the fruit she had thrown at him.  She picked up on the silent message behind the action: You need someone who can help you loosen up.

As a reply Amidala tossed more fruit at him.  Then it happened.  She started to giggle.  To feel giddy, like a little schoolgirl.  Amidala tossed her head back and let the laughter comes out; who cared about proper �royalty� etiquette here in these beautiful meadows? From the surprised look in Anakin�s eye, it was obvious that he noticed the change in her normally formal behavior, so he also abandoned his stereotyped image of a disciplined Jedi for a moment as well.  He ran circles around a Shaak and waved his arms at it while keeping his eyes locked onto Amidala�s the whole time.

It was wonderful; one of those special moments that would always remain between the two of them.  Anakin leapt onto the Shaak and attempted to ride it but was bucked off.  Amidala laughed even harder.  But Anakin did not pick himself up.  He didn�t stand up.  Panic suddenly overtook Amidala�s whole body in a split second, faster than the giddiness had come over her.  She felt a pang in her heart and ran over to him. We agreed never to fall in love� Resounded in Amidala�s head. Why?

She ran quickly over to him and gently turned him over, but instead of meeting a grim unconscious face she met a smirking one.  Relief surged through her body and a bit of anger for him worrying him like that.  Amidala yelled in mock fury and took a swing at him.  He caught her arm easily, of course, but Amidala wouldn�t go down without a fight.  She struggled against his grasp and suddenly was turned over and trying to pin him in the grass.

It was at that moment that, like a lightning bolt, reality struck in, and Amidala saw in Anakin�s eyes that they both became very aware of the contact between them.  The moment turned awkward, and they quickly sat up and let go of each other, breaking eye contact as well.

Anakin, thankfully, decided to brush aside the moment, and he stood and offered her his hand.  She realized the gesture and accepted it, and he helped her to her feet.  When she was standing, Amidala didn�t feel quite so awkward, and shifted back to the easy friendship they had had around each other.  Or then again, maybe she didn�t shift at all, but instead she decided not to care.  She was happy with Anakin.  And free.  Freer than she had been in a long time since a senator was expected to act a certain way all the time.  Here, she could enjoy herself, and she was sick of holding back from Anakin.  So they had promised not to fall in love.  They hadn�t promised not to touch each other.  Anakin helped her onto the Shaak, and when she was on it she wrapped her arms around his waist and enjoyed the feel of him.

��so I would come home and help my mother out in our home.  C3PO was a big help, though.  I noticed my mom looked less tired during the day,� Anakin finished saying.  They had ridden the Shaak all through the meadow and stopped once to wade in a stream where the hills started to climb again.  Then, right before dusk they had returned reluctantly to the retreat.  It hadn�t taken long for Amidala to realize how much she did NOT want to sit inside her room, so she had sneaked over to Anakin�s chamber and asked her to join in �sneaking out.� It wasn�t much in the way of sneaking out�s, for they were surrounded by water on either sides of the retreat, but they had found a nice empty old-fashioned wooden boat to sit in and watch the sunset.

---

�That�s very impressive, Anakin.  Building your own droid.  I wish I could do something like that,� Amidala replied.

Anakin waved his hand, �No, you can do far greater things.  Ruling Naboo took much more talent that that.�

Amidala�s mind wandered for a second, back to what Anakin had told her when they had stopped at the stream.  He had never had a girlfriend or even anything to close to it before.  How strange.  And even stranger was that a part of Amidala was relieved.

He was waiting for me.

Amidala suddenly smiled for no reason.

Anakin locked eyes with her.  �May I put my arm around you, Padme?� He asked so sweetly, his voice melting away her defenses, and the gesture so endearing that she wrapped her arms around his waist, and rested her head on his shoulders.  �Now you can,� she replied.

�I thought we agreed�� Anakin began, but Amidala cut him off, �That we would not fall in love.  So we�re not.  We�re�warming up.�

Anakin laughed.

Amidala suddenly got the giggles too.  �Shhh�� she warned him, �we�re supposed to be inside, remember? Don�t want them to hear us,� but somehow that just made them laugh harder.  Soon they were laughing so hard that they decided they had better get back inside to try to stop the giggles, and Anakin once again helped Amidala to her feet.

�You such a gentleman, Ani,� Amidala grinned.

�At your service, M�Lady,� he replied, and they returned inside as the last rays of light disappeared, and a wave of exhaustion came over the two.

---

It was silent, such an eerie silence that Amidala felt a chill surround her.  She was no longer at the retreat but in a sandy portion of the desert behind an encampment of domed-tent-like buildings.  A menacing laugh rolled in the background like thunder.  Oh no, Amidala realized, this is one of those dreams.  At least she could now recognize them.  Yet she also knew there was no exit out of the dream except to follow it to it�s completion, or to be frightened enough to wake up.  She did not really prefer either choice.  Suddenly a cry of pain rang out, a woman�s voice. 

�You can�t�AHH!� The woman cried out, and Amidala realized she had heard that voice before.

�Mom? No!� The present day Anakin cried.  �Mom!� Amidala finally reached the point from where the voices came, and to her horror, she saw Anakin�s mother beaten to the ground by a species wearing masks and hooded robes.  Yet even more terrifying was the look on Anakin�s face, a look of anger so intense that for a second�he changed.  He was more like a monster�a big mechanical monster�

�Mom!�

Amidala opened her eyes and was greeted, to her immediate relief, by her Lake Retreat chamber�s walls.  She heard Ani call out one last time in his chamber, and listened to see if he would again.  But all became quite.  Amidala�s heart was thumping in her chest.  She didn�t want to go back to sleep in case the nightmare was waiting for her there, but she couldn�t fight the droop of her eyelids.  Slowly and surely, she drifted back off into sleep�

Her garden stood before her�exactly the way it had been the last time she had been inside of it�the day Palpatine had discovered it.  She remembered yelling at him� (then she had �apologized� and used her �mental state� of the time as an excuse.  Something told her that neither of them had bought the other�s story� After that day, Amidala had felt as if her gardens had been spoiled by Palpatine�s presence, and Captain Panaka had allowed the gardens to be sealed off.  Just now, though, she remembered that she had seen Palpatine around the closed gardens many times, and she wondered why she had not thought it suspicious before.  He had no business there that she knew of; was she overlooking something significant? Her dream spun around from one encounter to the next, but Palpatine�s scowling face and a vision of the garden hung like a premonition in the back of her mind for the remainder of her dream�

When Amidala woke, she felt a sense of urgency about the day although she was not at all sure why.  Could it have been her dreams? The dreams� Ani� She did not even take the time to dress but remained in her night robe and left her room to search for him.

She found him deep in meditation on the balcony that overlooked the retreat�s gardens.  Even though he stood very still, she could feel the confusion that plagued him almost as clearly as their thoughts had passed the time their minds had been linked.  She did not know if he would be angry if she approached, though, as she did not understand Jedi meditation, but Anakin stopped her in mid-step as she turned to leave, with a simple plea, �Don't go.�

Amidala turned around and faced him again, explaining herself, �I don't want to disturb you.� Somehow this brought up the nightmare about Anakin and his mother and Amidala shivered in her nightdress.

�Your presence is soothing,� came Anakin�s reply, and Amidala sense the validity of his statement.  Her mind was much more at peace than the turbulence she felt within him.  She began to worry.  She needed to ask him about the nightmare�if he had been having nightmares like these without her.  After all, it had been many years since the last disturbing dream, and since then Amidala had presumed them over.  A contempt for Palpatine rose like a wave of nausea over her, and she decided to address the matter of nightmares and dreams with the direct approach, �You had a nightmare again last night,� why had she put in the �again�? Was she trying to make him confess to previous ones? He had told Obi-Wan that he had had nightmares about his mother before�

Anakin stiffened at her statement.  Amidala didn�t know what to expect as an answer from him this time.  �Jedi don't have nightmares,� he finally replied.  Amidala knew that he had said this as if to imply the nightmare was the truth. Jedi have visions. It remained unsaid, but Amidala knew the words were there.

�I heard you,� Amidala replied�her statement holding double meaning of it�s own.  Yes, she had heard him call his mother�s name in the night, and she had heard his unspoken words as well.  Anakin opened his eyes and looked at her.

�I saw my mother. I saw her as clearly as I see you now. She's suffering, Padme. She is in pain...They're killing her!� Amidala listened and realized that Anakin�s explanation of his vision meant he had not seen her present within it.  She debated telling him, but Anakin continued, �I know I'm disobeying my mandate to protect you, Senator. I know I will be punished and possibly thrown out of the Jedi Order, but I must go. I have to help her! I'm sorry, Padme. I don't have a choice.�

Amidala knew what she had to do.  �Ani, I told you I wouldn't let you give up your future for me.  I'll go with you. That way you can continue to protect me, and you won't be disobeying your mandate.�

Anakin seemed to consider this. �What about Master Obi-wan?� he asked her, as if she had the answers planned out.  Amidala took his hand in hers.  He sounded so much like the little Ani that she smiled mischievously.  �I guess we won't tell him, will we?� she replied.

Anakin realized she was only trying to cheer him up with her statement, for he had told her some of his �horror stories� involving the games he would play with Obi-Wan.  Like the time he had hidden from his Master behind the statue for a day because he had been so mad�

�Come on, Ani.  Let�s get the bags packed.  And lets tell Accu we�re leaving a bit earlier than expected,� Amidala prompted him.

Anakin nodded.  �I don�t want to rush, but��

��We�ll pack quickly,� Amidala finished.

�Quickly,� Anakin echoed.

Amidala watched Anakin rush off his room and she walked quickly to hers.  When she entered the room, she found that everything was already packed.  Packed? She had put away a couple things the night before, but not all this�

�Oh!� exclaimed a servant that had noted her confusion through her open door.  �I noticed you had started packing.  You are planning on leaving, ma�am, yes?� she asked.

Amidala realized she had become paranoid about a stalker again.  She allowed herself a sigh of relief.  �Yes, thank you for your services,� she replied, and gave the servant a curt nod.

The servant bowed and left.  Amidala picked up her bags and headed towards Ani�s room although she found him shortly, waiting for her next to the chamber entrance.  His bags had obviously been packed as well.  She found that a bit odd, but dismissed the thought by remembering that they were on a mission to find Ani�s mother.  �Let�s find Paddy,� she suggested.  Anakin nodded but remained silent; he was surely thinking about his mother.

Amidala led the way, and Anakin followed even though his mind was clearly in a different place.  Amidala sent in a servant to his chambers to beckon him, and he finally appeared in the doorway.

�Leaving already?� he asked a bit taken aback.

�The lodge was lovely, but something has come up,� Amidala explained.  �But my husband and I had wonderful time,� she added as the paranoid feeling once again came over her.

After he glanced over Amidala�s �ready for business� face and Anakin�s �deep-in-though� face, Accu nodded.  �Let us be on our way then.�

So Amidala found herself traveling the length of the lake back to the landing platform, and she remembered the trip that had made up here and all the things that had happened at the Lodge.  She had had a wonderful time, she wasn�t bluffing about that.  The Lodge would remain even more special to her, for Anakin loved her.  He hadn�t said it, but she had felt it in his presence even when she had claimed her duty came first.  That made her all warm and tingly inside.  Amidala hoped Anakin had only had a dream as opposed to a vision, but she had a bad feeling that the happy moments they had had at the lodge were about to become only memories�

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