| The Beginning
| Saturday, April 10 | |
| | Sunday, April 11 | |
| | Monday, April 12 | |
| | Tuesday, April 13 | |
| | Thursday, April 15 | |
| | Friday, April 16 | |
| | Saturday, April 17 | |
| | Sunday, April 18 | |
| | Monday, April 19 | |
| | Tuesday, April 20 | |
| | Wednesday, April 21 | |
| | Thursday, April 22 | |
| | Friday, April 23 | |
| | Sunday, April 25 | |
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 Sat April 10-I thought today was gonna be just like every other Saturday. I went to Cross County with Christine
we were looking for summer clothes and stuff to redecorate our rooms with. Anyway we were walking by the chinese take out place and these two guys stopped me . I only remember what one of them looked like {I wish I didn't} he was tall and SUPER skinny and dressed in a tank top and shorts that looked like speedos. Well, he says to me "do you always go out of the house half dressed?" I said "do you?" then I walked away calling him a jerk. Chris and I couldn't believe the irony . So we were roasting, it must have been 95 degrees out. We went to Burger King to get a drink and cool off and that's where the interesting part of my day took place. Chris and I sat down and I looked to my left and saw this beautiful man sitting all by himself. I pointed him out to Christine and she thought he was cute and that I should go talk to him cause he looked sad. I asked her if I looked ok and then I shocked the shit out of myself and walked over with complete confidence, sat down and sarted talking to the guy. He looked up at me and I said"I know this may sound intruding but are you ok you look a little down?" He smiled and said "I'm ok ,it's just so hot I thought I was gonna pass out." I smiled back and said "I know, I came in here to cool down too." He asked me what school I went to. I didn't want to tell him cause I'm still in Jr. High but I 'm graduating next month
but I didn't want him to think I was a baby. I told him though, cause I figured him thinking I was a baby was better than him thinking I was a weirdo. He didn't seem to know that my school was a Jr. High. "What school do you go to?" Ofcourse he was in highschool. I didn't ask what grade though cause I didn't want him to ask me. Instead I asked where he hung out. "This park Sullivan, we usually get a keg." I laughed and said "I live right down the hill from Sullivan, I'm surprised I haven't seen you around." "I just moved down from Peekskill a month ago so I just started hangin' out there." I told him I had relatives that lived near Peekskill. He said "that's cool, you know since you live so close to the park you should come hang out." I was so excited that he asked I can't believe I didn't make a fool out of myself but I said "sure, that sounds like a good idea." Christine came over and I introduced them. He gave me his number and we said good-bye. Me and Chris have been talking abot him ever since. I'm gonna call him on Tuesday. Chris said I should wait a few days cause I don't want to look like I want him that badly.
She knows more about this stuff than me, so Tuesday it is.
Sun April 11- I can't stop thinking about Kyle. That's his name.I was so excited I forgot to mention that yesterday. I went over to Christine's house earlier. I asked her what I should say when I call. She said I should try to talk about something interesting or funny that happened to me that day. I asked her what I should do if nothing good happens before I call. She laughed and said she would help me come up with something.She said she told Lucy about Kyle and Lucy said she thought he sounded cute and that she wished she had come with us so she could have met him too. Lucy is so boy crazy it makes me want to throw-up. Anyway it's getting late and I have to get up at the crack of dawn for school tomorrow. I can't wait for summer vacation.
Mon April 12- What an annoying morning! First I almost missed the bus. I had to run down the street like a mad woman. Then when I got on the bus Lucy started asking me all these questions about Kyle. Questions I didn't know the answers to. I felt like saying "listen you nosey bitch I don't want to talk about this with you." As you can see I don't really like her . She's so full of herself, she thinks that because she's thin that she's like so beautiful. She's not ugly or anything, but she's no supermodel. When I told her I didn't know that much about him she just smiled and started talking to Chris about some stupid soap opera. I avoided her the rest of the day. I don't know why Christine likes her so much. I met this girl Joy at school today. She seems really cool. the only problem I see so far is that she talks to Lucy too. She asked me how I met Kyle and she told me her sister Ann goes to school with him and thinks he's way hot too. She told me Lucy told her I met him somewhere last Sat. God she has a big mouth. We talked for a little while and we exchanged numbers. She's hung out at Sullivan a few times with her sister. I said I'de call her if I was going this weekend. I can't believe I have to call Kyle TOMORROW! I hope my mom doesn't come right home after work. I'de like to have some privacy, plus I don't want her to know I'm calling a guy who is four years older than me.
Tues April 13-It's only 7:00am right now,I'm writing before I leave for school. I hope I can find something to talk about today when I call. One good thing is I found out my mom is going food shopping after work today.PRIVACY YHAA-HOO!Anyway time to leave for school. Ok, it's 3:07pm and I just got home. I have to call soon cause I don't want to talk to him when my mom's here. So,I'm gonna call now.Please DON'T LET ME MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF!! I'm back. Kyle and I got off the phone a little while ago. When I called he was on the other line with Ann,that's that girl Joys' sister. I hope he doesn't like her.Well, like her like a girlfriend. He did get off the phone with her for me. That's gotta stand for something huh? He told me he plays the guitar.I asked him if he was in a band. He told me he's not in one yet but he would like to be. We talked about our families. He told me that he has no brothers or sisters and lives with his dad. His mom still lives up state. I told him about being the baby of the family and that my parents are still married. Towards the end of the conversation he said he would be at a keg at "Sullivan" this Friday. I said I would stop by and I asked what time people get there. He said to come by around 7:30pm -8:00pm. I said i'de be there.We said our good-byes. I'm so glad I didn't have to make up something interesting to say. We seemed to have plenty to talk about. I called Christine and told her she had to come with me on Friday. We're both pretty excited about this keg party. I don't think I'm going to drink though. I've never drank beer before so I'm not sure what I'll do if I get drunk. I gotta go do home work, what fun!
Thurs April 15-On Wednsday I took a math test. I'm almost positive that I fucked it up royally. I can not understand this algebra stuff. I mean when did math become letters? At least my parents don't give me to much hell about math. Nobody in the house is any good at it. We're all writers. Not that they're happy with my math grades but they understand. They tell me to study and try a little harder. My feeling is I'm never going to use this crap anyway. I don't plan on writing my first novel {or any of them} about algebraic formulas. I'll probably end up writing my novel from prison. Chris told Lucy about going to the keg and now Lucy is going too. I'm not sure which one of them I want to kill more, Christine for opening her big mouth, or Lucy for existing. I know shes gonna flirt with Kyle.I should kill her. Well, maybe she'll surprise me. Right! and maybe I'll win the lotto and maybe Revlon will want me to replace Cindy Crawford. I told my parents I was going to the movies. I don't think telling them I was going to a keg would go over to well. I just better not get busted. They understand about math but they don't understand lying. I gotta go find an outfit to where for tomorrow. I'm excited about this. I hope the rest of the people at this keg thing are cool. Time to go dig through my closet now.
Fri April 16- It's actually Saturday. It's 12:15am I got home a little while ago. The keg was interesting. I would say fun but I'm not sure if it was . I'm all confused, let me tell you what happened . The three of us {yes Lucy came too} showed up at 7:45pm. Christine said it would be agood time to go cause it wouldn't look right if I showed up on time and it wouldn't look good if I showed up late. Don't ask, I just went along with it. Kyle introduced us to some of the other people. I only remember a few of their names. There was Danny, Kevin, Jen, Sandy and Melissa. The girls weren't to talkative. They're a few years older than us. Joy and her sister were there too. Ann was really nice. I tried to be as friendly as possible with everyone. Kyle and many other people offered me beer. I said no but I thanked them for offering. The keg was kept under one of the big trees near the baseball field bleachers. Chris and Lucy were drinking. Kyle and I went to hang out in the back part of the field with some other people. There was this kid who was really fucked up {drunk} he kept running into the fence and bouncing off it and falling down. We watched him for awhile. Every so often we would make sure he was ok when he stayed on the ground fo to long. Alot of them were talking about stuff that happened at school. This one kid got suspended for cursing out a teacher. They said he only said "he didn't give a shit" and he got suspended. We all found it a bit extreme. When it was time for me to leave, Kyle walked me to the enterance of the park. I said "good-night" and he said "good-night". Then we kissed. A real kiss, I guess you would call it a french kiss cause there was tongue involved. I thought I would be ecstatic because he kissed me but I'm not! That's what I'm confused about. I need to think about this and get some sleep.
Sat April 17- I'm going to the Galleria with Christine today. I wish I had more money though. Why can't I get a real job? Maybe cause I don't have time for one cause I have to go t o school and I'm too young. I've been thinking about the whole kissing thing. It just doesn't feel right. Not that he's a bad kisser or anything. It's like there wasn't much to it, like we really shouldn't have been doing it. I don't mean that I feel guilty. I got it!!! Our hearts weren't in it, there wasn't a lot of passion. I guess he doesn't like me in that way. When I think about it, I'm not sure if I like him in that way. He's definitely good looking, in fact he's REALLY good looking. We're probably not compatible or something. I know I said I needed to think about this last night but now I don't want to. Maybe I should talk to somebody about this. Guess it'll be Chris. Speaking of talking, Joy gave me her phone number and asked me to call her. Last night I found out that she's not that close with Lucy. Infact she said she doesn't know her that well. There's hope for Joy yet! Maybe she wont be a big Lucy fan. Wait a minuet who is a big fan of Lucys' anyway. All the guys who think she's so hot. Anyway, I have to get ready to leave for another shopping mission with Chris.
Sun April 18- So, the trip to the Galleria went well. Lucy came and much to my surprise she was actually tolerable. I talked to her and Chris { I was really talking to Chris and she was just there} about the whole Kyle situation. She said "don't call him see if he calls you, then you'll know if he's interested." She also told me I should give it another try and see if there's any "chemistry" then. I said "I guess that's what I'll do." Lucy agreed with Chris and said to see what happens next time. I'm not to sure if there's gonna be a next time though. That's not the problem, the problem is I'm not sure how I feel about that. Why is it that things having to do with boys are so complex. Well, they're complex to me. I wonder if other girls have the kinds of problems I have. Like, Christine and Lucy seem so at ease around guys, it's like they know exactly what to say and do. While we were shopping I bought a cool pair of silver hoop earings and a bunch of silver bangle bracelets. We ate luch at Mc Donalds, Lucy didn't even tell me about all the calories in my fries for once. I'm should call Joy. I want to find out if she went to "Sullivan" last night. I wonder if Kyle was there. Gotta go
Mon April 19-I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!!! LUCY FOOLED AROUND WITH KYLE LAST NIGHT! She had the nerve to tell me about it this morning while we were waiting for the bus. I should have punched her . I was to stunned to do anything. I just rolled my eyes and walked away. Chris knew about it last night but she said it was to late for her to call me. {my parents have this thing about people calling after 10pm cause they go to sleep} I told Chris I really wanted to be alone. I sat by myself on the bus and at lunch today. I thought about trying to find Joy durring lunch but i decided not to. I didn't want to tell anyone about what happened with Lucy. I knew if I spoke to anyone they would ask me what was wrong. I didn't want to let anyone else see me cry. I shouldn't be this upset though. I had a feeling Lucy would do something like this. I guess I just don't understand why she tries to hurt me. I mean, she knew the situation with Kyle and that I was hoping things would work out between us. Bet she slept with him, I just have this feeling she did. I didn't ride the bus home today cause I didn't want to look at her. I called my mom and told her I missed the bus. She came to get me and we went to see my grandma. I tried my best to seem happy. God, this sucks!
Tues April 20-Today I sat with Joy at lunch. I told her about what Lucy did. She said her sister told her all about it when she came home from "Sullivan" Sunday night. I said "I hate her." Joy said "I thought about calling you and telling you but I didn't want to upset you. Don't let it bother you too much. I mean he's obviously using her. He barely knows her and he screws her." I screamed so loud alot of people turned and stared. I thought they might have slept together but for some reason I was hoping they didn't. She's a slut! Joy agreed with me. I told her I wasn't gonna go to "Sullivan" anymore. She said "Don't be dumb, come hang out with me and we'll drink a few beers and have fun." I told her I'de think about it and that if I did hang out I most likely wouldn't drink. She said "don't drink then, just come and hang out, you can babysit me and make sure I don't go to far with Jim." I laughed and told her ok. Jim the guy she likes is cute. He's six years older than her though. That's one of the problems they're having. It seems like he is interested in her but he's afraid she's to young. Joy is adorable she's real tiny, shorter then me and I'm only five feet! She has this amazing long curly black hair and dark almond shaped eyes I would kill for. The only cool thing about my eyes are that they're green. But I got stuck with hair that doesn't know what color it wants to be. It's like a red brown. Some day I'm gonna dye it, I don't care what my mom says.
Wed April 21-Lucy hasn't come near me since Monday morning. I'm glad. She's been hanging around with Chris so I haven't spent much time with her either. I talked to her on the phone last night. I can tell things are not the same. Maybe it's my fault cause I'm kind of mad that she's still hanging around with Lucy. I know it's not fair for me to expect her to choose between us. I think what I'm most mad at is, she knew how I felt about Kyle, why did she go with Lucy to meet him? It's like she feels it's ok for Lucy to do something like that to me. Maybe our friendship doesn't mean as much to her as it does to me. The sad thing is, is I feel like I want to say did to me instead of does mean to me. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. Oh that's great, look what waiting to see what happens did for me last time. Lucy ended up with Kyle. Maybe if I had called him it would have been me he was with Sunday night, not her. WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT!! I don't want to sleep with Kyle. I don't know him well at all and what I do know doesn't make me want to give myself to him. Atleast I have self respect if I have nothing else. No guy, no friends. Well I can't really say no friends. Joy seems like a good person. I have a feeling we're going to get along well. I hope so cause I could really use some friends I can trust.
Thurs April 22- Remember that math test I thought I failed last week, well I got my grade back today. It turns out I got an seventy seven. Today at school there was a walk out. We were protesting the fact that they want to make us where school uniforms. As if the rest of my fellow classmates don't look dorky enough already. Joy invited me over to her house. I met up with her as I was walking out. She lives right around the corner from school. I told her she was so lucky to live close by, cause she doesn't have to get up hours ahead of time to catch a bus. A school bus no less! She said "living close has it's good points but it has it's bad too. Like when I cut I have to be extra careful so my neighbors don't see me and tell my mom." I told her I never thought about it like that and now I don't feel so bad about the bus thing. Atleast I don't have to constantly watch out for my neighbors. The first time I ditched out of school, Chris and I went to this mall in Greenburg, cause we figured nobody we knew would catch us there. Turns out my Uncle was there shopping at this special fishing store! He never told on me though. I couldn't believe it. Anyway tomorrow I told Joy I'de meet her at "Sullivan" at 7:30pm. She told me she wasn't gonna be at school because she had to help her sister, who's getting married do some last minute wedding things. I never knew she had another sister besides Ann. I don't know what I'm going to tell my parents about tomorrow night. I said I was going to the movis last week. I wish I didn't have to lie but I know they'de never let me hang out at the park. I found out some of the oldest people there know my sister. If they tell her I'm afraid she might tell on me. I'll just have to ask Holly not to say anything and promise her I'll be really careful and not drink. I hope Lucy isn't there with Kyle tomorrow. I hope Kyle isn't there at all. I can't decide how I should act towards him. I guess if he says "hi", I'll say "hi" and then just go on about my business. Almost as if I could care less that he even exists. Because I don't care. I wish I knew if I really mean that.
Friday April 23-
There was an interesting turn of events at Sullivan . I met Joy and Ann up there and we stood around near the big tree by the bleachers with everyone else for a while. Everyone was waiting for the lights in the park to go off so they could get the keg. Anyway, it was kind of chilly out and this guy Kevin and some other guy were standing near us and Kevin said he was cold. The other guy said to him "Why don't you hug that cute little girl right there. I bet she'll keep you warm." He was talking about me! So Kevin says "you know that's a good idea." He comes closer and puts his arm around me. I couldn't believe it. Kevin is really good looking I never thought he would even talk to me. I could help wishing that Kyle, Lucy or Christine were there to see it. They all were missing in action, probably off having a threesome. I really shouldn't talk about Chris like that but I'm really starting to dislike her. She hasn't made any effort to hang out with me lately. But forget about her. Getting back to Kevin, he asked me if I wanted to take a walk with him. I was like a walk to where. He took my hand and we started walking back to the trails that go into the woods of the park. When we got to the middle of the trail he stopped and kissed me before I even knew what was happening. It felt so good to be wanted I surprised myself and pulled him closer and kissed him. So we're making out for a few minutes and I feel his hands moving and the next thing I know his hand is on my chest. I didn't want to seem like a prude but I didn't want this to go any farther either. So I slowed my responses to his kisses down and eventually pulled back a little from him. He reached out to pull me close again but I told him I had to get going. He asked me why and I told him I had to go out really early the next day so I needed to get some sleep. It wasn't a total lie. I was going upstate with my parents the next day but we all know the reason I had to go home was because of my curfew. We kissed goodbye and I took the back trails to my house. I feel bad that I didn't get a chance to say goodnight to Joy and Ann but I know they'll understand. Well it's getting late so off to bed I go.
Sunday April 25-
Yesterday I went upstate to my Aunt Victoria's house. I hung out and played Nintendo with my cousins Richard and Kayla. All in all the day was very uneventful. I really hoped we would be home in time for me to go to Sullivan but we weren't. I called Joy a little while ago and told her about what happened with Kevin. She said she had a feeling we fooled around. She also told me this girl that Jessie goes to school with likes him too. I didn't ask about this girl cause I didn't want to seem like I felt threatened but I keep wondering what she looks like. If she's prettier than me. Almost everyone is. People always tell me I have bad selfesteem. They tell me I'm pretty but I think I'm to plump. Joy asked if I liked Kevin alot and I told her I didn't know. I mean he's very good looking but I don't know him at all. She told me that Kyle , Lucy and Christine were hanging out at the park last night and that she and Ann didn't talk to either Lucy or Kyle but they said hi to Chris when they first got there. She also told me that they were drinking and acting like to bimbos. Plus Lucy was all hanging all over Kyle and they were carring on so much people were taking bets wether or not they were going to fuck right there. As she was telling me this I kept trying to not let it bother me. It's not even so much that I want Kyle it's that I know Lucy is thinking she's so much better than me cause she got him and I didn't. And the last thing this world needs is Lucy's ego getting any bigger. I swear to God I will get even with her for this whole thing!
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