New Year's Worst Nightmare

Mario: Ranked Numer #1 is....Donkey Kong. (crowd is cheering loud)
Jeff: Donkey Kong is not here! Is he with Link or something?
Mario: Donkey Kong, I know you can hear me! I saw you in the backstage before this began! And man, you are definitly set for SSB Melee! I've been tlaking to you abut it since...May! In June, I talked about it to you in the ring. And I told you softly in your ear....to get...ready...
Ryan: Mario has a point right there.
Mario: Like I said before, Donkey Kong had suffered a neck injury from Link at Christmas and should be back in February. And he is ranked #1 because he has done SO MUCH in SSB! Donkey Kong, I know you can here me because I saw you in the backstage of this arena. DK began here as a heel here and was a giant to all of us. He was a powerlifter. And about 2 months later, DK was Tag Team Parteners with Fox McCloud. They were an average Tag Team. And they were pretty good too. While SSB had gone off the air in July, DK was no longer able to be with Fox McCloud so he hung out with Yoshi. And SSB came back on a month later. DK and Yoshi were the newest Tag Team. DK was all of a sudden funny as an SSB Superstar! His nickname was "Super Insane"! And he turned his back on Fox and joined up with Yoshi and the 4 Smashers. NWO beat the 4 Smashers, yada yada yada...oh! DK made the best performence for the new millenium! At New Years of 2000, DK came out with the D-Generation X theme along with the Donkey Kong 64 Kongs! They managed DK's matches. The team was named "The DK Crew"! And it as a good DX parody also! DK was one weird man 2 years ago. And uh...sometimes he fought with his own teammates like Yoshi for example. He and Yoshi faced each other in April 2000 and turned out to have lost against Yoshi. And during the summer, he got out of the DX generation and went into rap and hip-hop and all that stuff! He and Yoshi were like...a mafia! They did weird stuff also like using guns, and other weapons. 2001...was the big year for DK. In January, he was the 2001 King of the Ring Winner! In March, He and Fox McCloud got into a great fight and wanted a match so bad! And DK said he could wait all year for it! So they waited. A week later, "Forward and March" came. DK waited for him all that day. They had no match. Then "Egg Breaking Time" came, the Easter Pay-Per-View. Still no match between DK and Fox. So at the end of the Pay Per View, I came out. And called Fox out. I told him he had a scheduled match for Memorial Civil War! VS Donkey Kong! The main event of the biggest Pay Per View of the year! And WHOO! I loved that match! After a close loooong battle, ...DK turned out to have been the winner of the match! (crowd cheers!) And he hospitalized Fox after the match! He thanked me since I was the guest referee in that match for no interference! And the team of me and DK became a small alliance throughout the summer. We won the first ever Tag Team tournament at Summer Slamfest! And at Fireworks Fight, he got a title shot to face the SSB Champion, Link! I wished him good luck and he won the championship belt! On July 4th also! He was the champ throughout the rest of the summer! In the middle of July, Yoshi defeated Link and was the No. 1 contender for the SSB belt! DK faced him at Beach Battle, the other big Pay Per View of the year! And he destroyed Yoshi in that match! After that, that's when the summer was coming to an end as school was starting for people. And at Autumn Armaggeddon, just 8 days before September 11th, DK faced Pikachu since Pikachu had such a great performence at Beahc Battle. During the match, the NWO came in as well as the return of Fox McCloud! As Fox bashed DK with a metal chair, Pikachu scored the victory! Pikachu became the new SSB Champion! It was a major upset, thanks to the NWO! DK was pissed and wanted a match against Fox at Halloween! But before that was Clash Court. DK was one of the 5 men to defeat the Mob...and at Halloween DK faced Fox! And Donkey Kong AGAIN defeats Fox McCloud! (crowd cheers again!) The madness between DK and Fox was over after that. After 8 months of beating up each other. DK had challenged the SSB Champion Link at Thanksgiving but lost. It was a close one also. Because Yoshi came in and bashed DK with a chair. After the match though, Yoshi also bashed Link with the chair! The match at Christmas was a Triple Threat Match! Link vs DK vs Yoshi! During the match, Yoshi was eliminated by Link. Then Link broke DK's neck during the match and finished him off! Link remains champion! ..whew!...Sorry, I gotta catch my breath...
Jeff: So much to say about DK. He's the next Rock isn't he? Ha!
Mario: So DK...you'll be back in action soon...you're recovering from the neck injury. Oh and DK! Just remember... About Super Smash Brothers Melee.............Get......ready...(crowd cheers very loud and applausing)
Jeff: So what's next?
Ryan: We'll find out.
Mario: Well it's a whole new year. And there will be no title matches today! Today's there's one match. And that one match is a 6-man Tournament!
Jeff: Alright!
Mario: Every Pay Per View is supposed to represent a WWF Pay Per View. And New Year's Worst Nightmare represents King Of the Ring! So here are the competitors for today, to see who will win the giant SSB trophey: Luigi, Captain Falcon, Jigglypuff, Ness, Kirby, and Pikachu!
Jeff: I know who won! I'll predict it now.
Mario: The rest of you are free today. Okay NOW LISTEN UP!!!
Jeff: GRR! How many more announcements?!
Mario: Today, to see who'll make it all the way, ...2 of you will lose your job today! Forever!
Jeff: WHOA!!!
Ryan: Who will it be?
Mario: Now my last announcement! I promise. We're 1 month away from the first SSB Melee Pay Per View! (crowd is cheering!) And what I'm saying is by then, "Gamecube is going to wipe out Playstation 2 and XBOX, off the face of this Earth!!!" (crowd cheers very loud as Mario and the others leave!)
Ryan: We are 1 month from SSB Melee!
Jeff: Whoo-hoo! Party time!
Ryan: And which 2 superstars will lose their job today?!
(Commercial break)

1st Match- Quarterfinals-           VS
Jeff: We're starting the tournament! It's a new year, snow is on the ground, and we're in my favorite: Mushroom Kingdom! All this stuff makes me hungry! Luckily I have a Kix box right now!
Ryan: Whatever. The first match is about to start.
(Glass shatters! Austin's theme is playing! The crowd is wild! The titantron video says "Kirby 3:16"! Kirby enters and the crowd starts booing!) (New theme)
Jeff: Aah! It's the rattlesnake!
Ryan: Kirby now with Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme!
Jeff: What a ripoff!
Ryan: Kirby's opponent is about to come out.
(HBK's theme starts playing! The titantron video says "HBK" and the crowds goes wild! Ness enters and the crowd boos)
Jeff: Hey this new theme has Ness singing in it! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Download does not have that)
Ryan: Kirby is Austin, Ness is HBK!
Jeff: Ripoffs! And why is Ness saying in the theme that he's just a "Nessy boy?" It's "Sexy boy!" Ness is an idiot!
Ryan: Ness's other quote is "I love me!"
Jeff: I think Ness is gay.
Ryan: Both Kirby and Ness are Tag Team parteners and are facing each other. Here we go.
(The Bell Rings!)
Jeff: They are facing each other. Who's better: Austin or Shawn Michaels?
Ryan: Ness with a PK Thunder!
Jeff: They're both on the elevators!
Ryan: NESS IS FALLING!
Ness: PK THUNDER!!! (tries to boost himself back up but the PK Thunder hits Kirby! Ness is still falling as the crowd is laughing at Ness!) NOOOOOO!!!! (falls out of the ring!)
Ryan: TAKEN DOWN ON THE WORD "GO!!!" (Kirby's theme plays)
Jeff: Ha-ha, Ness! You suck! Austin beat you! That was fast!
Ryan For Ness that was humiliating!
Jeff: That was only a 5-second match, like Sumo Wrestling!
Ryan: Well up next is the 2nd Match in the Quarterfinals!
(Commercial Break)

TOP 5 BIGGEST INJURIES OF 2001
Ryan: And for a special part of this Pay Per View, here is the Top 5 Injuries of 2001!

5) July 16, 2001- Donkey Kong is training for his match against Yoshi at Beach Battle. (August 8th) He suffers a 2 week concussion after falling on concrete! (He came back in action on August 8th)
4) January 15, 2001- The phone rings after the match of Ness vs Jigglypuff, making them injured! Then on the next match (Kirby vs Fox McCloud), the phone rings AGAIN, injuring them also! Those 4 were out for a month!
3) May 28, 2001- Donkey Kong faced Fox McCloud as the main event of the Pay Per View. At the end of the match, DK finishes Fox off with a powerful Wind-Up Punch, giving him the victory and hospitalizing Fox! Fox was out for 4 months!
2) March 17, 2001- Pikachu is facing Fox McCloud in the Semifinals of a tournament to become the first ever SSB Champion! Before the match started, the phone rang, injuring Fox, Pikachu, and the Commentary! The crowd was cheering after that! Mario and Donkey Kong had to fill in for the commentary!
1) December 23, 2001- Link and DK are the 2 remaining men in the Triple Threat Match. Link stuns DK and then takes his sword by 2 hands and swings it right at DK's neck! Link broke DK's neck, giving Link the victory later in the match!

Jeff: That was cool! I liked them all!
Ryan: For those of you who just joined us, what we mean by the "phone ringing" is that it fuzzes up the TV, giving people a big shock! It can hospitalize someone but it cannot kill anyone.
Jeff: Speaking of that, it will never happen again. This business has been recently updating.

2nd Match- Quarterfinals-       VS
Jeff: So there's more Top 5 stuff coming up, right?
Ryan: Yeah, later today. Coming up is the next match in the quarterfinals!
(Techno music plays as Pikachu enters. The crowd is cheering)
Jeff: Pikachu is awesome! He's even a 1-time formal SSB Champion!
Ryan: He won that title thanks to the NWO. That's how he beat Donkey Kong back then.
Jeff: Let's see if he can win another belt soon! Maybe he'll win the King Of the Ring!
(Superhero music plays as the crowd is booing! Captain Falcon enters with a microphone)
Ryan: Uh oh. Pikachu has to face a superhero!
Jeff: Captain Falcon's aweome winning streak is 4-0! 5-0 could be here!
Captain Falcon: Greetings, citizens of The Mushroom Kingdom! (crowd boos) And Happy New Year! I have come to become the 2002 King Of The Ring! So I can save SSB! The villian, Pikachu is standing in the ring right now! I have come to save SSB Melee from all villians! Show me your moves, Pikachu! LET'S GET IT ON!!!
(Captain Falcon runs down the ramp and into the ring. The Bell rings!)
Jeff: Here we go! Pikachu with an Electric Tackle!
Ryan: And there's the Falcon Kick! Pikachu is back on his feet.
Jeff: WHOA! (crowd cheers!)
Ryan: Pikachu with a Hurricarana!
Jeff: Whoo-hoo!
Ryan: We are about equal in this match. Captain Falcon with another Falcon Kick!
Jeff: And a Snapmare! (R+Forward)
Ryan: Pikachu is trying to fight his way back.
Jeff: THUNDER!!! ....Damn! He missed! That's why I hate that move in Pokemon Stadium!
Ryan: Captrain Falcon counters with an Enziguri!
Jeff: Counter...I like that Pokemon move. I hate it when I miss though!
Ryan: Captain Falcon is dominating Pikachu now!
Jeff: HEY! He Falcon Kicked a Pirahna Plant! Funny!
Ryan: And A Falcon Kick onto Pikachu! They're both at the far right of the ring! Someone could fall out!
Jeff: Back in the center again!
Ryan: Pikachu with a Thunder Jolt.
Jeff: Why isn't that in Pokemon Stadium?
Ryan: Because it's weaker than Thundershock! Stop all this Stadium talk!
Jeff: To the right again!
Ryan: Pikachu with another Hurricarana!
Jeff: Falcon Kick! Show me your moves! One magazine said that he says "Show me a move"! I bet an idiot said that, like they know nothing about SSB!
Ryan: Yeah that could be true. Pikachu and Falocn both go down after a double kick!
Jeff: Double Kick is awesome too!
Ryan: Pikachu has Flacon where he wants him! It could be over here!
Jeff: YES! THUNDER!!! ....GOT HIM!!! A FALCON IS FLYING!
Ryan: Pikachu with a strong kick. Captain Falcon landed on his feet.They've surronded the pipe.
Captain Falcon: FALCON PUNCH!!!!! (crowd goes nuts!)
Jeff: YES!!! PIKACHU GOES FLYING! HE FELL OUT OF THE RING!!! CAPTAIN FALCON IS NOW 5-0!!!
Captain Falcon: I'm going all the way to become King Of the Ring!
Ryan: Captain Falcon's been acting like a superhero since Thanksgiving. Ever since then, he's been undefeated!
Jeff: We'll see if he wins the tournament! He'll have to face the Rattlesnake later today!
(The camera goes in an unknown place. It looks like the outside of the Contemporary Resort in Disney World! Link is sitting near the pool on a chair! He has sunglasses, lemonade, and his SSB Championship Belt. He is all alone though)
Link: SSB...It's me, Link! You're up in the Mushroom Kingdom in Brooklyn, New York while I'm down here at Disney World in Orlando, Florida! It sure is nice out here. About 85 degrees or so. In January also! Mario gave me this vacation because he respects me just like what you should be doing also! I'm still the SSB Champion! I've been the champion since Halloween! You see...I'm the champion because I'm better than all of you! I'm a 2-time SSB Champion! Because...I've been on a high winning streak! I mean..why am I in SSB when I've beaten everyone?! There's nothing left for me to do in SSB! What mountains are left for Link to climb? I've beaten just about every individual in the business! Yoshi-BAM! Donkey Kong-POW! Ness-KABOOM! .......
Jeff: Ness?
Link: If I've beaten everyone already, why don't Link just retire? No, no, no, no, no. I ain't going to retire. I'm going to be the SSB Champion throughout this new year, and the next year, and the next, the next, the next, and so on! I'll be back in action at Super Smash Bros Melee...

3rd Match- Semifinals-        VS
Jeff: What a loser. Link is just a cheater when it comes to fights. Reminds me of Y2J being the Undisputed Champion.
Ryan: He should defend his title at Valentine's Day Heartbreak, which is the start of SSB Melee!
Jeff: He said last month that Yoshi & DK are done getting title shots! Who will beat Link then?
Ryan: Who knows? Well up next, these 2 are automatically in the semifinals! Luigi and Jigglypuff!
(Mushroom Kingdom music plays as Luigi enters. The crowd cheers)
Jeff: It's me! It's Lu-i-gi! It sounds like he says "La-wee-jee" when he says that.
Ryan: He's the mansion man! With his game, Luigi's Mansion! Out in stores now for Gamecube! Rated E.
(The lights go off. Red lights are at the enterence. Heavy Metal Music plays as Flames burst! Jigglypuff enters! The crowd is cheering)
Jeff: This is the first 1 on 1 match Luigi has ever had since September!
(The Bell Rings!)
Jeff: What;s Luigi doing?! He's standing on the elevator with his shiels on while the elevators are sinking!!!
(LUIGI FALLS OUT OF THE RING AS THE CROWD IS LAUGHING!!!)
Jeff: HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!! LUIGI LOST!!! HE ELIMINATED HIMSELF!!! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!
Ryan: That was one stupid move by Luigi! Jigglypuff goes to the final round! Against either Kirby or Captain Falcon! Oh man! That was funny!
Jeff: Even Jigglypuff was laughing also! Oh man I can't stop laughing!
Ryan: Wait a minute! Here's comes Mario! He's coming in the ring!
Jeff: He was probably laughing too! Oh man!
Ryan: Actually he looks angry! How is it not funny to him?
ario: Luigi, get back up here! (Luigi enters the ring) What were you doing?!
Luigi: Uh, I slipped and fell?
Mario: That's a bunch of crap! You let your self lose!
Luigi: OK! I admit it! I eliminated myself!
Mario: And I know why you did that! You aren't man enough to wrestle in Super Smash Bros Melee! So you know what? ......YOU'RE FIRED!!! (CROWD GOES NUTS AS LUIGI LEAVES VERY ANGRY!!!)
Ryan: OH MY GOSH!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! MARIO JUST FIRED HIS OWN BROTHER!!!
Jeff: Why Luigi?! WHYYYYYY?!!!!!!!!! What will Luigi do about this?!
Ryan: Luigi is walking up the ramp! He is talking trash to Mario!
Jeff: Can't here him from up there. Why the Mansion man?!
Mario: Oh wait! Everyone! SAY GOODBYE TO LUIGI!!!! You still want to see him?! Take your pictures now! He's just about out of sight! Now he's gone! FOREVER!!! (leaves as Jigglypuff enjoyed seeing all of that!)
Jeff: Oh why did Mario have to fire the Mansion man, Luigi?! We'll never hear the quote "It's me It's Lu-i-gi" ever again!
Ryan: Mario mention that 2 superstars will lose their job! Luigi was one of them! But who else will lose their job?!
(Camera goes at a pitch black room.)
?: Donkey Kong...
Jeff: Uh oh. It's that stalker again.
?: I have some good news...and you'll like it...It's been August since I've been here...and after 5 months...I've made my decision....Next month at Super Smash Bros Melee....right at the beginning of the Pay Per View.................I WILL REVEAL MYSELF!!! (crowd starts cheering!)
Jeff: Yes! We finally get to know who this man is!
?:......Remember....at the beginning of the Pay Per View......It is time for my dreams to come true....
(Commercial Break)

SSB NEW YEAR'S WORST NIGHTMARE IS SPONSORED BY:
                         LIKE IT SAYS: NOW AVAILABLE ON                                          GAMEBOY ADVANCE!

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