Valentine's Day Heartbreak

The first ever Super Smash Bros Melee Pay Per View!!! It's all here! Take a look!

RESULTS
February 23, 2002

(The crowd is on their feet, chanting "Melee! Melee!" Mario is standing the ring!)
Mario: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN......It's been an EXTREMELY loooooong wait, but it definitly worth it, and "IT'S A HIT!!!" It's been over a year of waiting, BUT "IT'S HERE!!!" SUPER SMAAAAAAAAAAASH BROTHERRRRRRRRRS MELEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (CROWD GOES NUTS!!!)
I said it before and I'll say it again! "The wait is over!" LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!! (THE CROWD GOES NUTS AS AN OLYMPIC TORCH IS LIT! With the song by Queen- We are the Champions, the cinema of the intro of SSB Melee on Gamecube is shown, and all the newcomers are blocked out of it! Fireworks blast all over the arena!!!)
Ryan: IT'S SUPER SMASH BROTHERS MELEE! AND THIS IS THE ONE AND ONLY, VALENTINE'S DAY HEARTBREAK!
(THE SSB LOGO AT THE BOTTOM RIGHT OF PEOPLE'S TVs CHANGES INTO THE NEW SSB MELEE LOGO!) before-                                             after-

Ryan: Will you look at this capacity crowd onhand?! We are at the original past stage from the beginning of SSB, Yoshi's Island; For a remarkable day of Super Smash Bros Melee Wrestling!
(DK's theme plays as the crowd is still cheering! Doneky Kong enters!)
Ryan: Well I'll tell you...Donkey Kong, I don't know what he has on his mind here. But he has just returned from a 2-month neck injury! I'll tell you, he has been one unbelievable superstar here in SSB. He's been going for the SSB Championship month after month! Super Smash Bros Melee is going to be a major craze for te next few months. As we head into the 2nd SSB Melee Pay Per View, Forward and March in 22 days.
Jeff: Same day as Wrestlemania X-8, isn't it?
Ryan: Yep. (DK is standing in the ring with a microphone. His music stops.) Donkey Kong was hammered in the neck by Link back on Holiday Havoc...
DK: NWO....I have had it with the 4 of you! Almost 3 years of the existence of you! I cannot fight you month after month after month! The show must go on! I've got too many problems as it is! I am all finished with you!
Ryan: DK is going to stop concentrating on the NWO for a while.
DK: You guys are one of the problems I have! Especially you, Fox McCloud! I'm sick of fight you all the time! I don't care if were major rivals or not! I've beaten you 3 times in a row! Besides, you have never EVER won any SSB Championship belt ever since they existed! (crowd cheers) Screw this, you suck anyway.
Ryan: It's true that Fox has never had any SSB belts. He's the only one who hasn't ever since Luigi was fired.
DK: Hey, I'm not here to talk about the NWO. No, no, no, no. I already have too many problems even with out the NWO! And I got this so-called "stalker" who's supposed to reveal himself at the beginning of the Pay Per View, when he hasn't come out yet--(ORGAN-LIKE MUSIC INTERRUPTS DK!!!)
Jeff: Uh oh!
Ryan: It looks like lightning on the Titantron.
(ALL THE LIGHTS IN THE ARENA SHUT DOWN! IT IS PITCH BLACK!)
Jeff: The power went out! Everything went out except the theme music!
Ryan: It sounds very familiar...
Jeff: It's a song by Kid Rock!
Ryan: I thought so. This is a very scary moment here.
(FLAMES BURST AT THE ENTRANCE!!! THE LIGHTS ARE FLASHING IN MULTI-COLORS! HEAVY METAL MUSIC IS PLAYING!!! SMOKE IS COVERING THE ENTRANCE!!!)
Ryan: The power is back on! But the lights are flashing in about 20 colors!
Jeff: I like this song!
Ryan: DK is still standing in the ring waiting.
(When the song gets to the part where the singer says "I'M AN AMERICAN BAD-ASS!", The Titantron says "BOWSER"!!! (THE CROWD GOES VERY WILD!!!)
Jeff: Huh?
(SOMEONE WALKS OUT OF THE SMOKE! HE IS BREATHING FIRE!!!)
?: BOWSER IS IN THE HOUUUUUUUUUSE!!!!!!!!!! (THE CROWD IS STILL WILD AS HE WALKS DOWN THE RAMP AND MAKES HIS WAY TO THE RING, PICKING UP THE MIC DK DROPPED.)
?: AND I AM THE NEW MAN ON THE BLOCK! ...........Now for those of you who don't me, I am BOWSER!!! (Crowd goes wild!) Your new hero, fan favorite, and legend!
Jeff: Man, look at the size of him!
Bowser: Now I've come to SSB for a reason! A very important reason! As you can see, my career in Japanese Wrestling is up. You might have known someone as "KOOPA!" That's me! I've decided to come to the greatest wrestling association in America! (crowd starts chanting for DK) Which turns out to be having me as the biggest man in SSB!
Ryan: Donkey Kong is not impressed.
Bowser: And now since I'm here, that means something. When having my contract in Japan end, I have signed a contract HERE! In SSB Melee! And I am the one who has revealed himself! I had to make go after the biggest baddest man in SSB to make a big impact! If I didn't...I could have been one of those boring wrestlers you see in the WWF!
Jeff: What?!
Bowser: You see, SSB has really sucked without me! After seeing SSB for almost 3 years with no Bowser, it was so LOW-rated! (crowd boos)
Ryan: What is he talking about? SSB has always been High-rated!
Bowser: I am here to save SSB from extinction! When seeing it suck for 3 years....I find you all booing almost every superstar in SSB! And I know why you are not cheering right now! You could careless about every wrestler back there, in their locker rooms! (turns to DK) And especially this idiot in the center of the ring!
Ryan: Donkey Kong is going to explode in any minute!
Bowser: I mean it's like this! How bad was SSB before I came? It almost went bankrupt for good in July of 1999 for God's sake! And in early 2000, AGAIN it almost goes out of business! And last September, people hated SSB so much, that even a Mob tried to shut it down! Man I admit, people rate SSB the lowest form of wrestling! (crowd boos)
Jeff: What a lier!
Ryan: It's been high-rated at all times except those times it almost went bankrupt!
Bowser: And now for the first time in SSB History, you finally have someone who is good enough for you! Someone who is exciting to watch! Someone who can always kick ASS!
Jeff: I don't even know who the hell Bowser is!
Bowser: The man who has revaled himself has arrived in SSB! Now that BOWSER is here, SSB's History will change forever! Now to all the workers in SSB, to all the wrestlers back in their locker rooms, (turns to DK) including this one, to all the crowds, my quote is: "BEWARE OF BOWSER, THE GREATEST CHAMPION OF ALL TIME IN S...S...B!!!" (crowd is cheering)
Jeff: Beware of Bowser?
Ryan: Yep. But I don't know if he'll be a fan favorite for very long.
Jeff: Ha! That's what you get for lying! Ha!
(DK walks up to Bowser. They stare each other down! The crowd is cheering! DK takes the mic right out of Bowser's hand!)
Ryan: Uh oh.
DK: .........After hearing all that crap and all those lies,
Jeff: See?
DK: I find you as one thing.......A NO GOOD (beep noise!) PIECE OF TRASH!!! (crowd goes wild!)
Jeff: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
DK: ......How dare you choose to go after Donkey Kong for 6 months! Donkey Kong has ben waiting for this for so long: YOU WILL GO ONE ON ONE WITH DONKEY KONG!!!!!
Ryan: Donkey Kong is challenging Bowser!
Jeff: DK is ready to kick ass!
Bowser: ......Donkey Kong verses Bowser...a fantasy match...a match of the ages.........I ACCEPT! (crowd is cheering!) I will face you, Donkey Kong! .....But not today. No, not today. I have a score to settle today! But we will face each other some other time! Maybe this spring! Is that a deal, Donkey Kong?!
DK: ..........That was my plan, you punk-ass freak! (crowd cheers) That match will have a name....it will be named as DONKEY KONG BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF BOWSER!!!! (crowd cheers!) BANANAAAAA-SLAMMA!!!!! (leaves)
Ryan: Wow! Donkey Kong vs Bowser this spring! A Dream Match!
Jeff: Nintendoland.com had something to do with that!
Ryan: Well up next is an Exibition match to start off SSB Melee!
Jeff: Look at Bowser! He's thinking "I don't think so!"
Ryan: Who knows who will win that match? And who knows what will happen later today? Well up next is the exibiton match!
(Commercial Break)

Exibition-        VS
Jeff: I heard that there will be NEW weapons in each match today!
Ryan: Yes. Everything is new today! And were live at one of the Past Stages, Yoshi's Island! Right now is the first SSBM match!
(Techno music is playing. The crowd is cheering! Pikachu enters.)
Jeff: Pikachu rules!
Ryan: It's been a long time since SSB has been on TV, so everyone has a few new moves! Pikachu is ranked #6 here. However, he is 0-1 so far in 2002.
Jeff: Alright! see if he can balance that out!
(Superhero music plays. The crowd is booing! Captain Falcon enters.)
Jeff: It's Captain Falcon! The Superhero! His winning streak from the birth of his superhero ego is 5-0! See if he can save the world once more!
Ryan: Captain Falcon is ranked #5. His 2002 score is 1-1. This is a rematch from last month. Pikachu got eliminated by Falcon in the King Of The Ring.
Captain Falcon: Greetings, citizens of Yoshi's Island! (crowd boos) Newcomers await here. And it seems like one of my old villians, Pikachu is standing in the ring right now! Captain Falcon is ready to become the greatest Melee champion of all time! Show me your moves, Pikachu! LET'S GET IT ON!!! (runs down the ramp and into the ring. The Bell Rings!)
Jeff: The very first Melee match! Here we go!
Ryan: Captain Falcon with an Enziguri.
Jeff: There's the Falcon Dive!
CF: Yes!
Jeff: Pikachu is Headbutting Falcon!
Ryan: Ouch! An Electric Shock!
Jeff: Captain Falcon trying to punch Pikachu but keeps missing! So unaccurate!
Ryan: Pikachu from behind! HE SPEARED CAPTAIN FALCON!!! (crowd is cheering!)
Jeff: He went so fast on Falcon that he almost fell out of the ring! His Quick Attack is improved! New moves are awesome!
Ryan: And another Electric Shock!
Jeff: Go Pikachu! Whoo-hoo!
Ryan: Pikachu is starting to beat the hell out of Captain Falcon!
Jeff: Man it would be so funny if Captain Falcon lost because he is a superhero!
Ryan: Uh oh! Falcon Dive!
CF: Yes!
Jeff: Axe Kick by Falcon! NEW MOVE!!! Thrusting Kick! Cmon, do a Falcon Kick!
Ryan: Falcon with those Multiple Punches.
Jeff: HE'S OUT OF CONTROL!!! HE'S FALLING!
Ryan: But he came back in the ring with a Falcon Dive.
Jeff: That would have been a major upset! Even as a superhero!
Ryan: Is Pikachu going to make it back in also?
Jeff: Yep. Both on! But CF's is leaving the cloud! OH! He almost fell again! So close!
Ryan: The cloud's gonna collapse!
Jeff: It's gone!
CF: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! (falls out of the ring!)
(The crowd is laughing at CF as Pikachu is victorious!)
Jeff: Pikachu beat the superhero!
CF: AAACCCCCKKKKKKK!!!! I've lost.........(leaves)
Jeff: Captain Falcon is humiliated by 50,000 fans here! That was so funny that he lost!
Ryan: Well up next is a tag team match. Kirby & Ness in action!
(The camera is backstage in the NWO's locker room. Link is with Fox & Samus They all saw the match on the TV)
Link: What?! Captain Falcon lost?!
Fox: Darn. How could he lose if he's a superhero? It's like seeing Superman getting his ass whooped!
Link: Well I guess that turned all of us down.
Fox: Yeah.
(The door knocks)
Link: Come in. ..........(gasp) ZELDA!!!
Zelda: LINK! (The crowd goes wild!) It's so great to see you again!
Link: Is everything at the castle fine?
Zelda: Yes, but I've come here to talk about something else! I've signed a contract here in SSB Melee! (crowd goes wild!)
Link: OH YES!!!!!!! Zelda, lots of people here are quite dangerous. So you might want to stick with me, Fox McCloud, Samus Aran and Captain Falcon. The NWO! How about you become our newest member?
Zelda: .....Yes!
Link: ALRIGHT!!!! A team of 5 now!!!
(Commercial Break)

Tag Team Match-           &               VS ? & ?
Jeff: That Pikachu/CF match was only 36 seconds long!
Ryan: And up next are Kirby & Ness vs 2 NEWCOMERS!
Jeff: That makes it the 3rd and 4th newcomer today!
Ryan: Moments ago, CF lost and had left the building during the break!
Jeff: And guess who our 2nd newcomer for the day was? ZELDA!!! Whoo-hoo!
Ryan: While Link was in his locker room.
Jeff: Man, Link's a lucky guy! He's the SSB Champion, he was on vacation, and Zelda came and became the newest member of the NWO! What more will Link get?
Ryan: Who knows?
(Glass Shatters! The titantron says "Kirby 3:16"! Kirby enters! The crowd is booing.)
Ryan: Kirby is the 2002 King Of The Ring!
Jeff: And he cheated! Jigglypuff should have won that match in the final round! Kirby can't use the Stone Cold Stunner!
Ryan: Kirby is going on each turnbuckle for people to take pictures of him.
(HBK theme is playing with Ness singing in it! Ness enters as the crowd is booing!)
Ryan: Ness is trying to be a ladies man here in SSB.
Jeff: This theme of Ness singing in it is so meaningless! "I'm just a Nessy boy", what does that mean?
Ryan: Ask Ness.
Jeff: No!
Ryan: Ness is posing as fireworks are right behind him. Just like the real HBK......Kirby's got the microphone.
Kirby: Hey we just heard that we're facing 2 newcomers in a Tag team Match! So newcomers....Get your butts out here! I'm going to open a can of whoop-ass on ya! And that's the bottom line, cause Kirby said so!
(ICE-LIKE MUSIC IS PLAYING)
Ryan: And here they come! A Blizzard is on the titantron.
Jeff: HA-HA! RIPOFFS! I heard this theme in the WWF!
Ryan: He's gone in the WWF, Jeff.
(the 2 newcomers come out)
Jeff: Huh? 2 Eskimos? With hammers?
?: Allow us to introduce ourselves, you Rattlesnake ripoff! (crowd is cheering!) I am Popo! And this is my sister, Nana! Our team name is the ICE CLIMBERS!!! (crowd is cheering!)
Jeff: Ice Climbers? I heard about that somewhere!
Popo: You'd better watch out you WWF imposters! We're going to knock you down with some Newcomer Power! (Both Ice Climbers run down the ramp and into the ring!)
(The Bell Rings!)
Jeff: Popo look like Ness in a suit!
Ryan: Kirby is punching both of them! Ness swings his bat at both of them!
Jeff: Bats are better than hammers to Ness.
Ryan: Ness throws Popo in the air! Kirby is punching Nana!
Jeff: We want to see Kirby's Stone Cold Stunner!
Ryan: Both Ice Climbers are taking a beating!
Jeff: WHOA! I just saw Kirby about to swing a hammer of his own! New move!
Ryan:Ness with a Headbutt on Nana. Ness threw her!
Jeff: Yum! Good Popo for Kirby! Ice Ability! Kirby threw ice at Nana! Man, I love Melee so much!
Ryan: I think the Ice Climbers are starting to coming back in this match.
Jeff: Whoo-hoo! Kirby fell out of the ring!!! No more Austin!
Ryan: NO! He's flying back up! Kirby's back in! (crowd boos)
Jeff: While Ness is able to take out both Ice Climbers.
Ryan: Yeah, he's looking great in this match.
Jeff: Whoo-hoo! Kirby's falling again! DAMN! He's back in!
Ryan: WHOA! Kirby & Ness stole one of the Ice Climbers' team attacks!
Jeff: Huh? KIRBY FELL OUT OF THE RING! NOW POPO FELL!
Ryan: Ness with a Headlock onto Nana! Nana is giving up! Kirby & Ness win! (Ness' theme music plays)
Jeff: HBK was all left. Nice...
Ryan: The Ice Climbers tried to win their first match but could not. Well up next and our last match of the day is the Street Fight! Mario and Yoshi! NEXT!
Jeff: Let's have some breakfast. SSB VALENTINE'S DAY HEARTBREAK IS SPONSORED
Ryan: Yeah.                             BY:                     ON MARCH 17th!
PAGE 2