| Support for Gay and Lesbian Parenting |
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| Response by parents: Lack of a male role model in lesbian households |
| It is commen for lesbian women raising a male child to hear from a variety of sources that it is imparitive to raise the child with a male role model. It has been society's perspective that those children raised by lesbian women would grow up to be bitter and oppressed, as they would have been brainwashed by man-hating lesbian women. In Nelson's interviews with lesbian women rasing children, this is seen to be inaccurate: Rose: "'Our society has enough male role models out there. There are male teachers...There are all these males in helping professions now, in teaching professions, that there weren't when I was in school...plus Tina's [her lover] got a brother who loves to spend time with Tim [her son], so with our families and with society I'm not worried'" (15). Tina: "'Women have always need a man to validate their existence, and the family espically is the cornerstone of male domination.' "Is it also possible, in our mother-blaming culture, that the presence of two mothers is unthinkable given the received wisdom that one mother is all you need to bungle your life?" (15) Another interesting aspect to this debate is wheter or not lesbian women will raise boys as feminists, as they themselves are feminists. Some people fear that raising boys in this manner will damage their psychological development, make them less "masculine", and perhaps lead to their becoming homosexual. Several parents, as interviewed by Nelson, respond to this theory: Iris: "'I think that we have more things to look forward to because we are relatively enlightened about a lot of different aspects of life--like discrimination, racism, sexism, and things like that-- that a lot of heterosexual couples aren't exactly enlightened about. And I think we have an opportunity to pass that on to him and make him a better person...And I think that's a benefit from our lives'" (15). Janine: "'I raised my son differently, not because I was a lesbian but because I was feminist. Because I believed in equality and I believed in equal respect for both sexes...And I would expect of him that he would be as tolerant of gays and lesbians as he is of blacks and Chinese, and accept people as they are people and not because they happen to have a label attached to them'" (15). Nelson concludes that it is probable that these boys raised by lesbian women will turn out to be just as "good" or "bad" as the average child raised by a heterosexual couple. However, this is an area open to research, as the sheer number of lesbian women raising boys has grown significantly. According to Nelson, "Thus, in twenty to thirty years, a significant cross-section of the population of young men in North America will have been raised by lesbian mothers" (15). |
| Benefits to growing up in an "alternative" family |
| Many of the gay and lesbian parents that have spoken on the subject of child-rearing see nothing but good things for the children of these "alternative" families: "'Inadvertenly, children--both male and female--begin to see a more androgynous gender as opposed to it always being dad things and mom things. But moms can do things that they thought only dads did and vice versa'" (15). "'Because they can accept us, then they can accept all kinds of differences in other kids, in other people. So I think growing up in a "non-normal" family will teach the kids more acceptance' (15). "I think that homosexuals, whether they're lesbians or gay men, because they've had to go through a process and have had to challenge society, to say "I'm different"...they're better adjusted to people than the average Joe on the street. And they're less limited because they've gone through...a major sturuggle...So because of that they can transfer that to their kids, so their kids will be better adjusted and will have less limitations, limiting beliefs..." (15). |
| Studies of gay fathers raising children |
| In a study conducted by J. J. Binger and R. B. Jacobsen, found that gay fathers were generally more strict than heterosexual fathers, but were more responsive to their children. They also made more of an effort to socialize their children when compared to heterosexual fathers (03). |
| Ability of gays and lesbians to raise children |
| More than 20 years ago, the American Psychiatric Association removed "homosexuality" from its lits of mental disorders. The reason given for the change was, "homosexuality per se implies no impairment in judgement, stability, reliability, or general social or vocational capabilities" (16). The APA, in 1975, urged all mental health positions to help rid the public of the stigma on homosexuality (15). Research on the subject of homosexuality has shown that it is not a "psychological maladjustment" (16). Currently, gay and lesbain parents show no mental deficits which would lead them to be ineffective or incompetant parents. Research below has been summarized from Patterson's essay (16): *Lesbian women, when compared to heteroseuxal women, showed no difference in overall mental health or in ability to raise children. *Lesbian romantic romantic and/or sexual relationships have not been shown to detract from their ability to care for children. *Evidence suggests that lesbian parents divide the housework and care for the children equally and report satisfaction in their relationship with their significant other. *Research on gay fathers has found similar conclusions: no reason appears to deem them as unfit parents. |