Can_I_Ask_You_A

I am a very public Pagan. I am a long-haired male, bearded, fond of dressing in black, with a rather large pewter pentagram (my only piece of jewelery....REALLY noticeable against a plain black background) around my neck. In other words, I've never tried to hide my identity as a Witch...my broom closet has screen doors in it!

Now, any of you other public types out there will know what I'm talking about when I say that I tend to get a LOT of questions from non-Pagans. (NOTE: Since there are some who dislike the terms "cowan" and "mundane", I will henceforth refer to such people as "metaphysically challeneged") Some are rude, and are ignorant, and some are in a class of there own.

It can be difficilt to know how to answer these people. After all, some of them may never get the opportunity to hang with real occult/Wich types, and probably wonder if we all work for those "1-900-YOU-PUTZ" tyupe psychic lines. I, however, have quite a bit experience intereacting with such types, and have a huge collection of "Save you soul now" style pamphlets to prove it. As a public Pagan service (and also because I've been spending all of my time lately writing love songs to a beautiful blue-eyed Witch and thus Have NO other ideas ready), I have decided to give you a list of my favourite questions from the metaphysically challenged, along with possible answers. (Please not that there are POSSIBLE answers, and I assume no liability for personal injury resulting from there use. Remember, it's safer to be a smart ass in print than in real life.)

Top Ten Questions From The Metaphysically Challenged

1. Is that there one of those quartz crystals around you neck? (No it's a CIA transmitter...)

2. *while pointing to any occult/Pagan book in your possession* What do you have there? (A BOOK....see the pretty words? Oooooooohhhhhhhh.......)

3. *same as above* What book you got there? (Build A Thermonuclear Weapon From Ordinary Household Goods In Three Days...why?)

4. Are you going to Hell? (No but it's on my way if you want to be dropped off..)

5. *while looking at pentagram* Is that a satanic symbol? (No, it's a Masonic symbol...would you like to donate to the Shriners Hospital?)

6. Do you believe in God? (Which one?)

7. How does someone become a Witch? (Well. first there's a written exam, and then the swimsuit competition.....)

8.Can you do a spell on me? (Don't tempt me, please)

9. *pointing to pentagram* What are you, Jewish? (Shalom!!!)

10. *A real experience* Well I like you....you seem like a nice person. I'm really worried about all this occult stuff you're into though....why don't you come and talk to my pastor? He knows lots about occult stuff, and I think he can set you straight....you might even find Jesus! But before you do that, could you give me a tarot reading??? (No, but I'll give your pastor one...)

Author - Taliesin Athor Govannon