Meanwhile my career had proceeded fine. I had passed the Officer Candidate program and was promoted from Sergeant to 2/Lieutenant in 1956 amd moved to Camp Borden. (Central Ontario) I was then promoted to Lieutenant in '59 and posted for 3 years to Whitehorse Yukon. I became Captain and moved to Calgary Alberta in 63. Then in '65 the Canadian Government passed the declaration white paper that all three armed forces would be amalgamated into one force. The first corps to be amalgamted were the Pay Corps and Medical Corps. I received word, that due to the amalgamation, I should be prepared to become paymaster aboard a Navy ship which could mean being at sea 6-7 months out of the year. With four young children, I decided I couldn't do that so requested my discharge from the army. It was finalized in 1965, over 14 years after my original enlistment. We moved back to Toronto as civilians and bought a house in the suburbs.
My relationship with my wife was fairly strong through most of my army career. We were kept so busy with the kids, Officers Mess Functions, traveling etc., we did not readily recognize nor discuss our sexual disfunction, which was worsening from year to year. When we moved back to Toronto, I got a job with a large department store as their accounting manager. The office was in downtown where Toronto the good was quickly becoming the gay mecca of Canada. By the 70s, I was going through what some call the "Male Menopause". (I use to refer to it as "My Pause Between Men") I had been dropping into the gay bars after work for several years and struggled with my feelings. I was falling in and out of love with anything in jeans but would not allow myself to get into a sexual situation until early '73 when I could hold back no longer. The resulting guilt feelings were so strong, I actually considered suicide. I don't know really whether I was too moral, too weak or too strong to carry through, but I knew I shouldn't and couldn't and wouldn't do such a thing. Which brought me to the only other alternative. I came out to my wife and children just two months before my 44th birthday in November 1973.
Linda was devistated, angry and above all disgusted. I was prepared for all the reactions because I knew that her religious beliefs convinced her that homosexual behaviour was an evil sickness that could not be forgiven. Of course, over the years her feelings mellowed quite a bit, but she still has strong opinions that it is an unnatural sickness. However, she and her new husband attend most of the family gatherings that my lover and I have held over the years, and we exchange Christmas cards and phone calls on a regular basis. The cards are always addressed to both Ron and myself. The first thing I had to do was move out of our bedroom, so I moved into one of the boys room and they shared another room. We decided to stay living together until after Christmas. The two boys seemed more upset over the seperation, than they were about me being gay. Tommy was concerned that some of his friends might see me in a gay bar, so I explained to him that if they did see me they would have to be there themselves and I doubt if they would say anything. Paul didn't worry about it one way or the other as long as he could live with me. Tommy also wanted to live with me. Penny was to stay with Linda. That only lasted a few years however when she was such a handful with her drinking and drugs that Linda asked me to take her in. I wasn't successful in getting Penny to stop but at least I could control her a bit better than Linda could. Laury of course, was married by this time. Linda and I both went to talk to Laury and her husband which was the first time we knew how homophobic her husband was. Actually, he managed to alienate my daughter and I for years because of me being gay. However, fifteen years later, she caught him with another woman and divorced him. She is now with another husband who is a real prince and who has brought my daughter back to me again.
Coming out to my sister was rather amusing. She lived in Victoria BC by this time and was coming down to Toronto for a visit I was meeting her at the airport, because I wanted to talk to her before she got to my apartment. So I took her into a bar at the airport and sat at the bar. I ordered the drinks and just as the bartender was serving them, she turned around to me and said in a loud voice. "Well, dear brother, are you or arn't you?" I said "What are you talking about?" and she yelled out "Queer?" So I said "Yes I am. And now the whole God damned bar knows it too." Then she said. 'Well I don't give a shit. But you could have told me sooner so I didn't have to find out from my son." The whole bar broke out laughing.Apparently, my son Tommy had been talking to her son, who then phoned her out west.
I didn't come out to my parents until the spring of '74 as they had been in Florida for the winter. I was really nervous about telling them but after a few "Are you sure"s and "Maybe it will pass" they finally settled down and said that as long as I'm happy they will support me. Mom lived another 25 years after that and I never once heard her say the word 'Gay' nor did she ever tell anyone, friend or relative, that I was homosexual. Later when Ron moved in with me, she would introduce him as my cousin. But at least she didn't disown me. Mom and Dad lived to see their 69th wedding anniversary just before Mom died. Dad lived another 4 years after that and died at 94 years of age.
