The Championship Manger Story
Anyone that knows me will be aware that I am a big fan of the game Championship Manager. Over last Christmas, I began playing the latest installment, CM 03/04. I decided to give an account of my first season here on my site. I hope ye enjoy, and there is some fictitious parts because I can't really talk to the players.
Sir Alex Ferguson had enjoyed many years of success at Old Trafford, taking the club to its current position, even winning the treble in his time, but when he sold England captain and fan favourite David Beckham, his days were numbered. Millions of fans around the world sent hate mail to the fiery, no-nonsense Scot. Eventually he could not take the constant threats on his and his families life, so he resigned. No other manager dared take the reigns of the biggest club in the world at such a time, as this job needed someone with 'balls of steel'. But someone had those balls, and yes, that someone was I. I was appointed manager of Manchester United FC on 14th July 2003, a day that I promised would signal the start of a new era for Manchester United. In my first press conference I stated "We would be like Real Madrid going forward, and AC Milan in defence. We would entertain and Old Trafford would truly be 'The Theatre of Dreams'". Many thought these were words to re-assure the fans, but I meant them. It did ease some pressure; after all, I was in the doghouse for getting the job. Man Utd fans aren't used to seeing their beloved club under the control of a 23-year-old Laois man, but I knew I'd win them over.
I walked into my new office, took a deep breath, and looked around. It was brilliant.
The smell of polish filled the air and the walls were covered in pictures of
ex-managers, most of whom I didn't recognise, except for Matt Busby, Sir Alex
and Big Ron. Knowing that if I did not prove myself soon, I would be going on
the wall in less time than it takes a fat bird to scoff a cream bun, which is
very quickly.
I sat down at my desk in my extremely comfortable leather chair, and looked
at the squad list I had asked my assistant to prepare, and I decided which positions
needed strengthening. I noticed that the club had acquired American keeper Tim
Howard, who was suffering form Tourette's syndrome. Also in the ranks were new
boy Cristiano Ronaldo, a summer signing made just before I had arrived. Beckham
had gone, so had Veron, instead we had Kleberson, Eric Djemba-Djemba and David
Bellion. What the fuck was Sir Alex thinking when he signed these muppets? Maybe
the reserves needed strengthening.
I decided to try strengthen most areas of the field, and I had a transfer budget
of £28m. Bids were put in for Nesta, Roberto Carlos, Chivu, Joaquin, Joe
Cole, Wayne Rooney, Jermaine Defoe, Garth Barry and young American, Freddy Adu.
Quinton Fortune was told he was surplus to requirements. Fabien Barthez was
told he was not needed, as American goalie Tim Howard would be the man between
the sticks for us this term. Armed with my French-English dictionary, I called
Fabien into my cosy office to break the bad news. He did not take it well…
ME: "Fabien, I'm gonna have to let you go. Sorry."
Barthez: "Moi? Pourquoi?"
ME: "You are a world-class goalie Fabien, but you are too eccentric
for my liking. I also don't like ever since you fucked up against Arsenal. In
fact I hate you since then. Too many cock ups in Alex's time has cost you your
place in my team."
Barthez: "Socer moi, Brian."
ME: "I don't understand what dribble you are speaking, but I think
your girlfriend said that to me last night."
Barthez: "Maird! Je pense que tu es un…"
ME: "You think I am a what? What the fuck did you just say? Say
it again you French git."
Barthez: "Au revoir!"
ME: "Come back here you wanker. Puffy French gobshite. Piss off
so. Tim Howard is the new man here."
And with that, he left for the reserves until an offer came in for him.
After a rather busy pre-season in the transfer market, I ended up only signing
two small name players, all the bids I made for big name players being turned
down or the clubs looking for silly money, e.g. Real asked for £46m for
Carlos! We signed Freddie Adu, the young American for free (he's only 15), and
Jermaine Defoe for £10m. This is what my first team was like…
GK: Howard/Carroll
DL: Phil Neville / Silvestre
DC: O'Shea / Silvestre (multi-purpose player is Le Plumb)
DC: Ferdinand / Roche
DR: Brown / Gary Neville
DMC: Keane / Butt
MC: Giggs / Ronaldo
MC: Scholes / Djemba-Djemba
MC: Butt / Fletcher
FC: Adu / Forlan
FC: Van Nistelrooy / Solskjaer
Obviously, I would be rotating the squad on occasion, playing Ronaldo in midfield
and starting Solskjaer with Van Nistelrooy for example. I decided to have an
interview with my new boys, Tim Howard and Ronaldo, who Sir Alex brought in
before his departure, and with Adu and Defoe, who I had bought.
"Okay boys," I said to Tim Howard and Ronaldo, "I know you must
both be feeling a little pissed that Alex has left, and you might think that
you are not wanted now, but do not worry. Let me assure you both that you are
integral parts of my plans, both of you. You will be very important to the future
success of Manchester United"
"That's fine bastard with arse me" said Howard.
"OK…" I replied to Tim's outburst. I'll blame that abuse on his
disease where he says some weird shit.
Moving swiftly on to Freddie Adu and Jermaine, I told them my plans for them.
Freddie would provide cover for midfield, and play most of the time with the
U-19's, until I needed him. Jermaine would play upfront alongside Ruud in my
4-4-2 system.
Two friendlies were arranged, one with our link up in Portugal, Sporting, and
the other with Celtic. We enjoyed our trip to Portugal where we beat Sporting
2-0, thanks to two identical Ruud Van Nistelrooy headers Giggs providing the
cross on each occasion. We beat Celtic 3-0 at Old Trafford thanks to a fine
Ronaldo lob on Hedman in the first minute, a Solskjaer penalty on 28 mins and
a wonderful Giggs run and finish on the 90th to secure the 3-0. My defence seemed
to be playing well as we had only had one shot against us in these two games.
Freddie Adu broke his nose in this one. I guess that's my fault for playing
a 15 year old against Neil Lennon and co. for Celtic.
The season started early for us as we played Arsenal in the Community Shield.
We beat them soundly 3-0, Defoe, Ruud and Silvestre all netting. The media were
making us joint favourites with Real Madrid for the Champions League, even though
the draw wasn't made yet. I told the media that my ambition was to conquer Europe
in the forthcoming season, though I was secretly more worried about the league.
Europe would come later.
Now, to the Premiership's big kick off. This was crunch time, as I would finally
see my team run out to a packed Old Trafford, and the big question in my mind,
would my training regimes have worked. Today would tell. Chelsea took a drubbing,
as manager Claudio 'Tinkerman' Ranieri and his multi-million pound squad got
a 3-0 hiding. Paul Scholes, who had been playing well in pre-season, scored
the first on 18 mins after a sensational run which saw him take on three players
and score a left footed shot. A Roy Keane rocket on 49 mins made it two nil,
and late sub Jermaine Defoe got a goal on his premiership debut with a simple
finish after some good work from MOM Ronaldo on 90 minutes. Nice start!
At home to Southampton next, and a sweet 4-0 win for my boys. Ruud Van Nistelrooy
got his first competitive goal of the season, Scholes scored a header after
18 mins and Solskjaer completed the win with 2 late goals.
Away to Leicester and a 2-0 win, which would have been more if Ian Walker had
not played so well. Ruud Van Nistelrooy and Defoe both scored. Following that,
a 1-0 win at St James' Park was ours thanks to a Van Nistelrooy tap in. He had
now scored in three games in a row and we were sitting pretty at the top of
the Premiership table with 4 wins from four games, having scored 10 and conceded
0. My decision to plump for Howard in goal seemed to have turned out to be a
good one.
So far so good in the league then, but the competition was about to go up a
notch as we entered the Champions League. We drew Sparta Prague, Galatasary
and Deportivo. Of course I was aware that we would be battling Deportivo for
the top spot, but I was also aware that I had to watch out for the other two
clubs, as away games in Europe can be a bitch. I knew that I needed to strengthen
the side more, but to do that I needed to sell. I decided to put Diego Forlan,
Solskjaer, and both Neville's on the transfer list. I also offered some of the
reserves to clubs in an attempt to raise more money. But I would have to wait
for the transfer window in January to get them out. But I made new attempts
to strengthen, agreeing a £12 million fee for Joe Cole, £6m for
Gareth Barry and £5m for Phillipe Mexes.