| ... IN LOVING MEMORY ... |
|
To Michelle
One of a kind...
This is for you.
I Miss you... |
| ... THINKER'S CALENDAR ... |
|
January 25: Get things jammed down my throat by burly nurses!
January 26: Get some more things jammed down my throat by
burly nurses. Get nauseous medicine to boot!
January 27: Absolutely and positively NOTHING!!!
|
| ... REGULARS ... |
|
|
For
those clamoring for past issues -- check out the archives and hope
to High Heaven that what you want is there!
|
|
|
| Read
extracts from my journal. Most of the interesting stuff is there and
I am thinking about sharing with you the really neat stuff like when
I helped milk a cow that turned out was a Friesian bull.... |
|
|
| Take a look at the agumbaru's corner
-- (see if you're there!) I rant and rave and pull no punches! For
all you know, you may be next! |
|
|
| Take a look at some assorted links.
I will collect more and organize them when I feel inclined to but
until then -- enjoy! |
| ... NEXT UPDATE ... |
| This site is updated IF and WHEN the
owner FEELS LIKE updating it. He is under NO obligation whatsoever
to do it on any particular schedule. Any questions? |
|
| ... Whisper whisper ... |
|
Crikey is this year turning out to be a year and a half! 2002 by
no stretch of my imagination can I give the honour of being my best
year todate. I seem to have contracted a little throat infection
that now denies me the necessity, luxury and pleasure of speaking!
That's right my friends, I can but whisper pitifully and you cannot
imagine just how the inability to yell bloody murder and other such
expressions can cramp your style! I'd tell you about the tubes that
have been inserted into my throat but I've just had my painful lunch
and I wish it to remain where it is! Sheesh! On the bright side
at least my year can only get better!
|
| ... YAWN! ... |
|
Eon!
|
Soccer fans all over the
world (and even you) must have caught at least a few of the matches
in the African Cup of Nations and I feel sure that I am not alone
in concluding that the action and excitement of the tournament are
conspicuous by their absence. I for one am of the opinion that the
teams, within the confines of their locker rooms, have arrived at
a common consensus not to score any goals, as opposed to the more
traditional of soccer's objectives, not to |
|
concede any goals. They might as well play without the benefit
of goal posts I propose they nail a net across the goal mouth and
the goalie can then spend his time hunting for butterflies or doing
cartwheels. Everything is all nice and leisurely on the pitch and
after 7 such matches unless anything improves I am going to take
some decisive action! Since the players refuse to score the goals
perhaps the referees and the linesmen may be induced to take over
the job. If things are really tight then the coaches, water boys,
first aid chaps and idlers along the pitch should also be persuaded
to get in there and score the goals!
|
| ... MEMOS!! ... |
|
Since I am a busy man (without a voice) allow me to write a string
of memos to assorted personalities and organizations seeing as I
cannot make my point by yelling outrageously.
Microsoft: I would just like to inform you ladiess and gentlemen
that it iss NOT, repeat, NOT Mombassa but MOMBASA!!
Yes indeed that is a single 'S'! For four version of Microsoft Office
we have endured this nonsense and I urge ye to arrange for your
spell checker to be updated accordingly.
Dick 'Whittingtion' Waweru: My dear sir attending University
in the evening purely with the motive of using the vocabulary picked
up for press conferences the following day is not doing much for
me. I refuse to pay a single cent of my hard earned money to you
and your mediocre commission until I see some services being rendered!
I warn you that I am considering taking you to court because taking
money under false pretences is a criminal offence!
Nairobi Hospital: Some of your nurses besides being formidable
both in expression, dimensions and stature also take their duties
to quite unnecessary lengths! I am yet to discover why it was necessary
to accommodate a number of injections in my -- ah -- nether regions
to attend to a complaint in my throat!
Barclays Bank: Your habit of charging fees for every conceivable
reason I find a tad disconcerting. At last check you charge to deposit,
withdraw, use the ATM, leave the money in the bank, credit transfer
and statement of account. I have no doubt as the year proceeds you
will find yet another way to charge me for the privilege of giving
you my money.
|
| ... ONLY IN KENYA! ... |
|
Mooving Stuff!
|
The Kenyan thug may lack
many things but one cannot have everything. But even then there are
some of the criminal element who, the truth be told, have the IQ of
cold water. Intelligence is clearly something that was passed out
while they were playing truant and doing cartwheels in a field behind
the creator! Sample this -- a foursome of budding crooks decide to
go the bovine route and treat themselves to a spot of cattle rustling.
And since opportunity will always knock at the door of the wary, chance
came along soon enough and the Four Musketeers found themselves in
possession of a handsome Fresian. |
|
From here these gents choose to go directly against the principles
and maxims developed by thugs, brigands, villains, robbers and rustlers
over the millennia. They do not decide to sell it or kill t or anything
along those lines. Instead the four men lead the quite amiable cow
to their very house in Kiambaa and proceed to set up the animal
in a bedroom, where it is left replete with foliage and other bitings
for its sustenance and amusement.
I can but picture the faces of the neigbouring households as they
sit down to their breakfast, intent on gossiping about the quiet
nature of their immediate neighbour when they hear the contented
lowing of a grade cow also partaking of its own breakfast....
The faces of those curious enough to explore the strange phenomenon
I believe should have been immortalized as Kodak™ Moments.
The cow was complacently found lying down comfortably on the floor
of the bedroom, fresh green foliage before him and fresh green digested
foliage behind him, comfortably and happily chewing his cud and
wondering who all these people were gawking at him, some with the
effontery of flashing bright lights at him.
|
|
| ... THOUGHTS ... |
|
What's with the stupid headgear that our lawyers and judges wear
with such pride? Many of them look like they are sporting dead cats
on their heads!
|
| ... ONE OF A KIND ... |
| Stacy (I simply give up!),
Anissa (Will anything ever get you down?), Cynthia (Proved
that distance cannot break friendships), Jimo (You're a thoroughly
interesting brother), John, Josephine (African Queen
-- how's that??) Wanja (Thanks for the support), Njeri,
Sam, Allan, Joe na kadhalika (Pals 4 ever)! And you
too Gathoni of the Friesians -- me, Aida (Damn
u got style!), Sinei (Sarcasm personified! He he!) Cherie:
I think you're very nice! |
| ... ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ... |
I would like to thank Me for all the support I have
given myself. I am one of a kind and I admire the time I have taken
to do this when I could be doing other more interesting things like
shelling peas.
Let us not forget
Myself for the valuable contribution as well , of course,
as I who is indispensable to this project!
There will also be
some people who will want to be thanked effusively despite the fact
that they have contributed nothing whatsoever. My friends,
mtangoja kweli! |
| ... CONTACTS ... |
| Don't call me, I'll call you!
I'm too lazy to write some database stuff to gather your feedback
so if you are really inspired you can catch me at [email protected]
Or vent in the Guest
Book. Please send suggestions, thoughts, rants and raves and anything
you like to me. I however reserve the right to delete your mail without
even reading it! |
| Powered by Ugali
& Mouthwash� |
|
DISCLAIMER 
Sign
Guestbook