| ... IN LOVING MEMORY ... |
|
To Michelle
Victim of Terrorism
Miss you always... |
| ... THINKER'S CALENDAR ... |
|
December 31: The year will need to be closed!
January 1: It is the New Year!
January 3: Koi's Birthday. Girl, you'll be lucky to get anything
other than a smile -- EVERYONE is flat broke!
January 15: Project Deadline as well as return to Knowledge
Acquisition!
|
| ... REGULARS ... |
|
|
For
those clamoring for past issues -- check out the archives and hope
to High Heaven that what you want is there!
|
|
|
| Read
extracts from my journal. Most of the interesting stuff is there and
I am thinking about sharing with you the really neat stuff like when
I helped milk a cow that turned out was a Friesian bull.... |
|
| Had to happen sooner or later. An agony
aunt column to cater for all those unfortunate souls in need of kind
and caring assistance in their times of need. Well - mostly kind and
caring... |
|
|
| Take a look at the agumbaru's corner
-- (see if you're there!) I rant and rave and pull no punches! For
all you know, you may be next! |
|
|
| Take a look at some assorted links.
I will collect more and organize them when I feel inclined to but
until then -- enjoy! |
|
| ... NEW YEAR... |
|
|
Did you have a good 2001? You didn't? Who cares? Pick up and get
on with the new year! Who would have thunk it? Another year
gone! I mean dang!! Just last year it was 2001 (HA HA!) and already
we are in a new year! What does this mean exactly?
 Have to adjust
to writing 2001 -- sorry --2002 instead of 2001. This will make
a lot of your work untidy I can assure you!
All those calendars
you were hoarding are completely useless! Unless of course you are
a cheapskate (and I KNOW you are) and will insist on using a 2001
calendar and mentally add a day to each date!
|
| ... THE FESTIVITIES... |
|
It is times like these that I thank my metabolism for the excellent
work that it does day in and day out converting substances that
I ingest into muscles and other whatnots. I can say for a fact that
I have never eaten so much and so richly within the span of a single
month. There was a stretch in December where I was determined to
attend a party on Saturday, another on Sunday, one on Monday and
one on Tuesday. The Matriarch threw another on Wednesday and who
was I do decline? The sheer volumes of roasted beef, mbuzi, kuku,
sheep, ice cream, potatoes, chips, popcorn, potato crisps, banana
crisps cornflakes, sausages, eggs, biscuits, scones, pastries, chicken
and other whatnots that have gone down the hatch is nothing short
of staggering! I am satiated and replete with good food and now
I am confident enough to go on a fast. If, that is, I were so inclined!
However despite all this stiffing I rejoice to say that there is
no sign of a pot belly anywhere or even a flabby belly! You just
come along and verify for yourself! ;-)
|
| ... PEOPLE OF 2001... |
|
Besides myself (of course),
there are plenty of people who you think have shaped 2001. Right now
am in the process of compiling a list which I shall put up as soon
as I am done with it. But among them you will find Osama Bin Laden,
George Bush, Mungiki, Danny Boy Moi, Raila, Missy Elliot, Nate Dogg,
Ludacris, J R R Tolkien, Harry Potter and many many more! You, however,
are unlikely to be there unless of course you can convince me why
you should be there! |
| ... ADVICE ... |
|
|
Anyone who
knows me even remotely will will tell you that I am a daring chap.
Very daring indeed! The things that I have foolishly or otherwise
attempted will be the substance of a lengthy and very engrossing hardback
novel but that is stuff for another time altogether. The issue at
hand is that during my holiday I encountered a situation that even
the most daring of us would have hesitated and lost! I kid you not!
I can and did find a situation that is classically known as being
between a rock and a hard place with a tiger in front and a lion behind. |
| Perhaps I
should explain. The facts are as follows: the first of the all night
parties was as far as I can say excellent. I enjoyed myself thoroughly.
I had myself a good dinner then some minutes later was engaged in
a very enthusiastic dance competition (if you don't know what fluid
motion means you have yet to see me in action). But anyway after a
while people mellowed out and sat down in quiet conversation, myself
included. And when a plastic bottle showed up and was co-opted into
a game of spin the bottle I watched a good number of God's children
depart swiftly. I myself resolutely remained. Amongst the group were
perfect strangers as well as friends and this looked like it was going
to be fun. The first feller chose a dare and ended up hopping around
the house three times on one leg, bereft of jacket, T-shirt, socks
and shoes and crowing very loudly to the merriment of everyone. Number
two was a lady who got to tell us her most embarrassing moment which
was a convoluted tale involving low clothes lines and skirts going
up in the air. Third was my friend Sam and after he foolishly chose
a truth I asked him very nicely to volunteer who amongst the strangers
and friend in the party would he consider going out with and how would
he approach her? To say that the gent was in it up to his eyeballs
would be an understatement. He floundered for close to five minutes
after which he painfully fulfilled his truth. The gent then spun the
bottle with energy and zest and (I suspect by design) I became the
victim. Foolishly I chose Truth. The last syllable was leaving my
lips when friend Sam, clearly bitter about his ordeal managed to get
me very neatly with a question that I shall store for use in future
campaigns. Since Sam is one of my best friends he is privy to quite
a number of my secrets so he had fertile ground to harvest from. The
query? Would I please, giving names and other details, clearly and
accurately enumerate each and every lady that I had ever had or been
close to having a crush on since 1999. I was astounded at the audacity
of mankind. It would have been a very simple question to answer or
creatively subvert were it not for the fact that Sam and my other
good friend Mark knew the answer and were waiting with loaded guns
for me to make the wrong move. Even this I could have borne were it
not for the fact that two of the good ladies were present at the party!
Pleas to change the question were resolutely ignored and I must say
I have never seen so many people so keen to hear the details of my
existence! Even those who were dozing off were all ears and leaning
so far in front so as to be almost tipping off the chairs. A quick
scan showed that one of the lasses who stood head and shoulders above
the rest (but was quite ignorant of it) was in the kitchen but upon
realizing that her sister was seated beside me sealed my fate. Suffice
it to say that my life was picked to pieces by an enthusiastic congregation
of Kenyans! I have never been to court but I know how it feels like
to be interrogated! Henceforth I have decided to take the DARE if
I am ever induced to participate in Truth of Dare! |
|
| ... THOUGHTS ... |
|
Sometimes you are sad....and no one sees your tears.
Sometimes you are happy....and no one sees your smile.
But fart just ONE time.....
|
| ... FEEDBACK ... |
|
I have a constitutional right to give my own shout-outs to whoever
I please!
Laura: What happened to my birthday present?
To all my fans and friends and colleagues, acquaintances and
people who are going to meet me and thank the Lord for the blessing:
Happy New Year!
To all my enemies, foes and people who generally get on my nerves:
Turn over a new leaf and STYLE THE HECK UP!
Sam: I owe you one, my son! I owe you one!!
|
| ... ONE OF A KIND ... |
| Stacy (I wonder...), Anissa
(Will anything ever get you down?), Cynthia (Proved that distance
cannot break friendships), Jimo (You're a thoroughly interesting
brother), John, Josephine (African Queen -- how's that??)
Wanja (Thanks for the support), Njeri, Sam,
Allan, Joe na kadhalika (Pals 4 ever)! And you too Grace
M Kuria! U seem to have forgotten we share the same earth, but
you're a pal anyway! Gathoni of the Friesians -- me
I am a man of Guernsey's, but you're cool! Sinei (Sarcasm personified!
He he!) |
| ... ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ... |
I would like to thank Me for all the support I have
given myself. I am one of a kind and I admire the time I have taken
to do this when I could be doing other more interesting things like
shelling peas.
Let us not forget
Myself for the valuable contribution as well , of course,
as I who is indispensable to this project!
There will also be
some people who will want to be thanked effusively despite the fact
that they have contributed nothing whatsoever. But I will thank
them anyway when I can remember their names and when they are actually
looking over my shoulder and I have no choice but to thank them for
nothing! |
| ... CONTACTS ... |
| Don't call me, I'll call you!
I'm too lazy to write some database stuff to gather your feedback
so if you are really inspired you can catch me at [email protected]
Or vent in the Guest
Book. Please send suggestions, thoughts, rants and raves and anything
you like to me. I however reserve the right to delete your mail without
even reading it! |
| ... NEXT UPDATE ... |
| This site is updated IF and WHEN the
owner FEELS LIKE updating it. He is under NO obligation whatsoever
to do it on any particular schedule. Any questions? |
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