The Year, dummy!
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January 1: It is the New Year!
January 3: Koi's Birthday. Girl, you'll be lucky to get anything other than a smile -- EVERYONE is flat broke!
Jan 7 to Jan 11: Somewhere between these days a lunch has been arranged
Jan 11: Some get together of sorts in honour of someone departing is being arranged.
January 15: Project Deadline as well as return to Knowledge Acquisition!

God the Almighty, that master sculptor that had a hand in making us what we are today clearly has stumbled across something! I realize now that an extra arm is not merely handy but necessary! Why do I say that? Elementary, my dear Watson! But I am jumping the gun here. What is all this talk about two arms? Well, I shall tell you. My friend, I shall tell you!

We are barely 2 weeks into the new year when yet again another of My nine lives goes down the tubes! This time it is after a lunch at a dear lady's at which I did justice to an excellent meal and then watched My colleagues exert themselves playing badminton with quite unnecessary violence while I sat serenely at the side and exerted myself making conversation with quite dashing lasses.... but I digress. On the way home, the driver of the vehicle I was in recalled a joke while he was in the middle of his duties as driver and as he turned the share the good cheer and wit something was struck powerfully and heavily and as a direct result of it I was catapulted violently forwards.

Newton or was it Young? Anyway, one of those physical chaps came up with theories of momentum which dictated that the momentum of two bodies before colliding is equal to the momentum of the two bodies after the collision. The feller also went on to say that energy is transferred between the two bodies and this for a second I do not doubt. The floor of a Mazda imparted quite a bit of energy to My shoulder and as a result of this I am going about My business with a white sling to keep My arm immobile because it refuses to follow instructions and if I try to force it to do its duty it objects loudly and painfully. Shoulder muscles I did not know I had are strained and have demanded total rest and recreation that I shall grant them because in this condition it is quite impossible to do many things and very difficult to do others. Showering, in particular is a lengthy and frustrating procedure!

However people are being very nice to me and someone actually opened a door for me. Which encourages me to insist that the same activity be done for gentlemen as it is for ladies! I don't mind having a door opened for me, or a chair being pulled out for me!

But I am suffering!!!! Ouch!

Your Warship....

Why? Because if this were to be implemented then Kenya would only have two cities with Mayors. The only Mayors I know who have degrees are those of Thika and Kisumu. Everyone else, I am sorry to say does not know what University means. West Pokot, I am led to believe has only four councilors who made it to Form Four, and are considered the elite of the area. Mombasa's Mayor is awaiting his exam results anxiously!

But on retrospect why only Mayors and councilors? Why not MPs, Ministers and Presidents while we are at it? I for one support this idea with all My heart because this way at least we can prevent cabbages from being our leaders. I am in no hurry to forget Bruce Lee John Ndirangu who advocated that the only vegetation that should be grown in Nairobi is vegetables... I guess it takes one to know one!!

If you are classified as the "fairer sex" and you happen to see me at Carnie and you hear Notorious B.I.G or Outkast saying "Throw your hands in the air" and you KNOW that beneath your armpits there is enough hair for a good afro, keep them arms down!.
My brother, being one myself I understand that there are times when the itch strikes mercilessly and swiftly. However RESIST the temptation to scratch your nether regions IN PUBLIC!
If you call me on My cellphone, wait for it to ring once then hang up and wait for me to call you back then I fear that you have a long wait because I do not have the slightest intention of doing that. Ikiwa funds are tight you tell me in advance and I shall see what I can do. Lakini huu uninga wa flashing -- not for me!
If I am hanging out with My boyz having a merry old time and you show up unannounced and proceed to help yourself to the meat we have been waiting patiently for the past hour.... jinga wewe!!

The letter "f", introduced judicioulsy, brings a whole new meaning to Marital Arts...

What's Cooking?

It is a new year. If you don't know that by now rejoice in the knowledge that you are a dullard and that your IQ does not increase with time and therefore when you are old you are unlikely to be wise. But that's besides the point. I myself and a very dynamic kind of chap I also foresee a change or two to that will annoy the hell out of you and keep you on your toes.

And by the way where were those cabbages who were complaining about updates when I said I was taking a break? Anyway I am going to ...

Pull a Prince and change My name completely. I am getting tired of 'Thinker' and to tell the truth adopted it only because I lost a bet. Which name? I dunno.... we'll see.
Postpone the idea of the essays at least for the first few months. I shall get to them in good time
Write lots more of those articles that everyone is harassing me to write.
Shelve our Aunt Mojo for a few months too
Let you sample some of My other works. I invite opinions on some of the short stories I've written
Change the entire layout of the page

Otherwise everything will pretty much me the same ;-)

I have a constitutional right to give My own shout-outs to whoever I please!

Kibe: Don't take this the wrong way, but My son, you are a first class, boiled and barbecued, braised and branded JACKASS! I mean this from the bottom of My heart!
Stacy: That's right! You just leave without saying good-bye!
Pam: If wishes were horses I'd call you Wish
Cherie: Happy new year! However what's with the DEAFENING silence!
Aida: Happy new Year! Was it something I said?
Sam: I owe you one, My son! I owe you one!!
Yvonne: I admire you for your patience!
Little Jamal: Be Afraid. Be VERY afraid! I have not forgotten you!