The Year, dummy!
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January 1: It is the New Year!
January 3: Koi's Birthday. Girl, you'll be lucky to get anything other than a smile -- EVERYONE is flat broke!
Jan 7 to Jan 11: Somewhere between these days a lunch has been arranged
Jan 11: Some get together of sorts in honour of someone departing is being arranged.
January 15: Project Deadline as well as return to Knowledge Acquisition!

I must say that 2002 is turning out to be just as trying as 2001! For starters in a fit of generosity brought out by the Yuletide spirit I loaned quite a bit of money to a number of ladies and gents whose enthusiasm in making good their duty is quite conspicuous by its absence!

I also got punched in the mouth by yet another peace loving Kenyan as he struggled to get into a vehicle I was also getting into. I cannot understand what it is about an open door that brings out the worst in people!

Our ISP is also beginning to become troublesome. I will not name names but if ever again I surf at 100bps (yes, that's bits!) someone will be in for the high jump! Stories of leaving no stone unturned until the problem is solved are beginning to sound a bit too familiar!

And on top of it all some stupid bugger -- er -- good man -- is under the mistaken impression that I am after his lady love. Last time I checked it was not a crime to visit anyone, whether or not they are beloved to someone else. If the visited party chooses to ply me with cake, tea and conversation that does not mean I am keen to win her hand!

Otherwise it's been pretty cool.... By the way, I promised to release my list of people of 2001 and shall do so later this week! I promise! And no, you're not there!

I knew that my resolutions, particularly the crack about defecting from the rank of bachelor would invite comments, snide and otherwise and in order to save my poor fingers the effort of typing plenty of mail I shall reply to some of the -- ah -- correspondence that came my way.
Kibe: When I said that I wish to leave the ranks of the bachelors I did not mean that I would do this with the aid of your lady love. You, sir, are an insecure CABBAGE!
KJJ, Njomo, J, Koi & plenty more: Nice try. But I see no need to enumerate to you my activities in the past! Exactly how many 'liaisons', as you have so eloquently put it, I've had are no one's business but my own!
That delightful lady who sent me photographs and a comprehensive resume: I am quite sure you sent that mail to the wrong person!
Myke(He insists on the 'Y'): Oh but it is quite possible to go out every day of the week! It is however jolly difficult!
Carol, Njeri & The rest of them: Never have I claimed to be God's gift to womankind! As a matter of fact I am often told I am a strain! But even this year I shall continue my campaign to educate people to stop accepting coloured pills from strangers!
Yvonne: What's so good about me? Talk is cheap. Very cheap! I believe you should make up your own mind!
Cherie: Head and shoulders above the rest ;-)
Gathoni: Actually the game plan is to retire in a cosy little farm...
Egbert(Jamaa that name is a fake): If I don't blow my own trumpet who on earth will do it for me? And I'll have you know that a day has 24 days. Nowhere does it say that 12 of these hours must be spent in bed!

I have never fancied myself as an Oracle but just yesterday a vision appeared to me in the midst of a dream that led me to believe that I do have the gift of prophecy! And I chose to share it with you, my loyal fan and follower!

This is what I foresee will happen in 2002. No animals were harmed in the writing of this document.

Mwai Kibaki's DP will finally merge with Kanu. The new party, together with NDP will be called the Kenya African National Democratic & Development Party (KAN-DDP) and its logo will be a cock driving a tractor and holding a lantern. As a result of this Kenya will gain a fourth city -- Othaya. A leading wrestler, Diamond Dallas Page, has been commissioned for advertisements of the new developments.
James Orengo will retire from politics and become a professional sprinter. He will give Maurice Greene a run for his money especially if a member of the KAAF stands at the starting block wearing a police cap.
No stone will be left unturned and every lead will be investigated, heads will roll etc. to find Ouko's killer, the chap who stole millions from KenGen, the cause of unrest in schools, etc.
Mombasa's Mayor will pass his KCSE and become the third Government official in KENYA to have a Secondary education!
President Moi will retire from politics for the seventieth time
Kenya Bus Services, Kencell and Safaricom will merge and the new company shall be known as KENCOM. The new firm will have buses equipped with phone booths and will operate from Kencom House, Nairobi.
Professor Ghai & Co will discover halfway through the year that they have not actually been referring to Kenya's constitution but actually to a sheaf of papers that was meant to have been delivered to Munyiri's Fish and Chips for the purposes of wrapping fast food. By then it will have been too late because yet another potato will be president.
Arsenal and Manchester City in the sprit of mergers and cooperation will also merge in in order to meet the challenge of Manchester United. The new team will be called Arse-City. The initially suggested logo was rejected as being unsuitable.
Saucers and other dishes around the world will protest at the glory given to the cup. Among the evidence they have raised is the World Cup, African Cup of Nations, Cup Winner's Cup and many others. The Chairman of the UC, United Cutlery, Mr. Johannes Xhosa will have a lot to say about the issue.

To be continued...

What's Cooking?

It is a new year. If you don't know that by now rejoice in the knowledge that you are a dullard and that your IQ does not increase with time and therefore when you are old you are unlikely to be wise. But that's besides the point. I myself and a very dynamic kind of chap I also foresee a change or two to that will annoy the hell out of you and keep you on your toes.

And by the way where were those cabbages who were complaining about updates when I said I was taking a break? Anyway I am going to ...

Pull a Prince and change my name completely. I am getting tired of 'Thinker' and to tell the truth adopted it only because I lost a bet. Which name? I dunno.... we'll see.
Postpone the idea of the essays at least for the first few months. I shall get to them in good time
Write lots more of those articles that everyone is harassing me to write.
Shelve our Aunt Mojo for a few months too
Let you sample some of my other works. I invite opinions on some of the short stories I've written
Change the entire layout of the page

Otherwise everything will pretty much me the same ;-)

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

I have a constitutional right to give my own shout-outs to whoever I please!

Kibe: Don't take this the wrong way, but my son, you are a first class, boiled and barbecued, braised and branded JACKASS! I mean this from the bottom of my heart!
Stacy: That's right! You just leave without saying good-bye!
Pam: If wishes were horses I'd call you Wish
Cherie: Happy new year! However what's with the DEAFENING silence!
Aida: Happy new Year! Was it something I said?
Sam: I owe you one, my son! I owe you one!!
Yvonne: I admire you for your patience!
Little Jamal: Be Afraid. Be VERY afraid! I have not forgotten you!