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My New Year celebrations were healthy and entertaining. I started
welcoming the new year with a party on Sunday that I quite enjoyed,
despite arriving a tad late and receiving the cold shoulder by people
who were leaving as I got in!
New Year's Eve was even more interesting. Arrived home in the evening
with the firm resolution that this year's welcoming of the New Year
was to be like no other. And I was right. For starters when I caught
up with my crew one or two of them were under the influence of what
was clearly not the Christmas spirit. It was an altogether different
spirit that can convince someone that not only do they have superhuman
powers (such as flying, walking through walls, etc.) but they also
exude charm and sophistication from every pore. (Henry my lad, you
don't!) Whatever they put in Safari Cane I nether know nor care
to know. The fact of the matter is that it is lethal!
Naturally prior to the New Year some entertainment had to be provided
and my colleagues were surprised at the indignance and spirit with
which I refused to participate in a game of Truth Or Dare. Someone
had to fan me with a hanky and someone else mopped my brow (That
I didn't mind!) Music offered a suitable compromise and while some
of us put our hands in the air, and waved them around like we just
don't care the rest of use either prostrated themselves on the sofa
or found other means to keep ourselves busy.
Some minutes to the New Year someone suggested we go out and see
how our countrymen were welcoming the New Year so out we went. First
thing that I noticed was that almost no-one was in their homes --
every Tom, Dick and Harriet was out and about. There was a lot of
yelling and running around and dancing on the street, none of which
I minded. In the fever of the New Year anticipation some of us had
in their enthusiasm forgotten key issues such as zipping up their
flies after putting on their trousers of slotting the top button
of their blouses with the top buttonhole of the same. But it was
all good. Everyone was quite forgiving.
After a while we congregated at a street party of sorts and some
seconds later 2002 noisily and enthusiastically came into being.
Fireworks were lit and exploded. Amateurs who insisted on holding
the fireworks during this went home howling. Professionals who with
the aid of bottles aimed rockets at the windows of upright pillars
of society were rewarded by the pillars of society flinging open
windows and bawling down language quite unsuitable for the eager
ears below. I have a feeling that some of our youngsters have added
substantially key terms to their vocabularies.
Some of the other youngsters were welcoming
the New Year with a novel way. Armed with the knowledge that most
people had gates, and that a stone when propelled against a gate
makes a quite satisfying loud noise, they had amassed an arsenal
of mother nature's rocks and these they were tossing against gates
and the resulting racket had to be seen to be heard. A youngster
flung a rock with the same enthusiasm and energy as his colleagues.
But this time instead of a resounding crash there was a tinkle of
breaking glass and a clatter of something falling over. Seconds
later the small and energetic figure of Ndemange, one of the night
watchmen was amongst us. Who, he screamed, had thrown the stone?
A powerful instinct that they would be implicated by association
caused the guilty party do depart at high velocity. Ndemange, rungu
in hand set off in hot pursuit. I was laughing at the chase when
another stone from a small boy missed a gate completely and hit
me accurately in the solar plexus.
The agony I can assure you was nothing to be sneezed at. In nothing
flat I was writhing on the road in absolute agony. My lungs refused
to function despite pleas from the brain. Persuasion, force and
threats left the lungs unmoved. I can assure you at that point in
time my thought towards small boys were not charitable. I did not
wish to rub their heads tenderly and shower them with love. I wished
to smack their heads heavily and shower them with kicks. I am still
looking for little Jamal and wish to assure him that having my head
pillowed on his sister's lap as I struggled to breathe has not helped
him in the least. It took me five minutes and a lot of consolation
and tender living care before I was able to regain the vertical,
whooping for breath. And some seconds later I was looking around
for the culprit in order to rip his pancreas out to polish my shoes
with.
New Year greetings were duly exchanged in a variety of fashions
(of course including the traditional New Year Greeting of them all!).
Clearly I was looking a lot worse than I felt because I received
two offers in rapid succession to be supported and I can assure
you even a lad in the best of health would not decline offers to
be supported by the extremely pretty ladies who were offering. Left
arm around one's shoulders and right arm around the other's and
I earned the undying envy of my boyz. But who was complaining? Their
concern was touching and I was touched!
It was some hours before I was finally taken to my very doorstep
and some minutes later was making my thoughtful way to bed. All
in all it wasn't a bad night!
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DEAREST JOHN: John Doe's better half replies with energy to issues
raised by her worse half!
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