THE UNAUTHORIZED MAN IN BLACK

ROOKIE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

 

This is about bloggin’, the sharin’ of ideas, knowledge, life experiences, the love of the Braves.  This is not a fight club.  But if you want to make it a fight club, then the rules were probably written for you.  We generally make rules up as we go along, but the Rookie Rules of Engagement are the ones we most frequently make up as we blather along:

 

 

1.      Good BBQ, movies, t.v., music, baseball, beautiful women is all DOB asks.  No, really.  That is all the man asks.  The rest of the ridiculous rules just complicate the beauty of the simplicity of his most humble request.  So, this first rule shall really be the first and only rule.  Ye shall consider this the cardinal rule or golden rule!  You don’t have to worry ‘bout any of the other rules if there is full compliance with this rule. Also, No Religion!  No Politics!  No Race Baiting!  No Profanity!  No Explicit Sexual Content!  No Homoerotic References!

 

2.       If Ye Dare Enter The Ring Of Fire, Ye Best Get Rhythm And Walk The Line, Or DOB’s Gonna Cut You Down, Causing Ye To Be Hurt And To Cry! Cry! Cry!, Finding Ye Locked In A Rusty Cage, Singing The Folsom Prison Blues, And We’ll All Just Say I Guess Things Just Happen That Way.  Grinch However Shall Teach Ye How To Make Jailhouse Moonshine.   DOB Is The Manager And Ye Shall Never Backtalk The Manager!  When Coltrane Is Away, The Mice Shall Not Play. Do Unto Stinson And Rogers As Ye Would Do Unto O’Brien.

 

3.       Do Not Directly Address Any Veteran Denizen.  No Eye Contact Either.  Ye Can Speak To A Vet When A Vet Speaks To Ye First.  Look Us In The Eye When We Speak Directly To Ye Lest Ye Be Thought Of As A Possible Jackal Or A Troll.   It Is Only Sort Of Okay To Be A Pompous Long Winded Diatribe Perpetrator.   It Is Okay To Disagree And Even To Fight.  Just Be Respectful And Never Personally Attack The Other Denizen.   Never Go Nuclear!  Beware The Potential Perils Of Engaging With Those Who Will Go Nuclear On Ye Or Who Ye Yourself Might Go Nuclear On. When Vets Are Fighting With Each Other.....  Stay The Heck Out Of It..... Ye Shall Never Take A Swing At Esteemed Veteran Denizens.  If Ye Have To Ask Who These Are, Perhaps Ye Should Not Be Swinging At Anyone Just Yet.  If Ye Are An Esteemed Veteran Denizen, Ye Shall Not Quit On The Blog, No Matter How Frustrated Ye Are.  There’s No Gittin’ Out.   No Threats To Leave Either!  An Esteemed Veteran Denizen Who Quits Shall Nevermore Be Considered Esteemed……  IF you are a rook blogger, please don’t complain about the familiarity the vet denizens have with one another …… someday, you will be a full fledged denizen yourself and hopefully have friends you chat with and be just as annoying to a new rookie …… IF you are a vet blogger, please stop complaining about rookies and their posts as if you are in a secret society and they need your approval to post …… just post and do your thing …… the  best way to change the tone of the blog and the multitude of conversations and arguments you may disapprove of is to be a leader and create your own argument or conversation …… if you are as much of a leader and as esteemed as you think you are and if your point is just that valuable, your fellow bloggers will take your lead… … BUT merely complaining about the insider nature of the vet dialogue or the crass attention seeking nature of the rook exclamations is purely detrimental to the blog……

 

4.       Ye Shall Not Respond To Any Mets Fan Except For Metropolitan Man.  There’s Really Only Two Mets Fans Anyway: Metroman And The Smelly Troll Who Poses As Many Mets Fans.  Hence, Why Ye Shall Only Respond To Metroman.  Don’t Be A Troll.  Do Not Feed The Trolls. Trolls Feed On Attention. If None Is Received, They Go Away!   Don’t Be A Jackal Who Steals Other’s Identities, An Offense Warranting Immediate Banishment And Contempt From All.  Assume An Identity.  Only One, Maybe Two Is Permissible.  More Than That, Come On, Be Real, Who You Kidding Besides Yourself, You Know You Are Secretly Tempted To Become A Dreaded Troll Or Jackal!

 

5.       There Are No Stupid Questions, Demands, Or Opinions, Just Stupid Denizens!  Attention Seekers Shall Proclaim Intelligent, Well-Crafted, And Well Researched Or Well Experienced Opinions Or Questions, Even If Misguided, Should They Desire Proper Attention, Respect, And Response From DOB And Their Blogmates.  Or, They Can Just Be Like The Rest Of Us, And Say Whatever They Want And Suffer The Shame Of Ignored, Ridiculed, Or Lambasted Posts!  Also, Speculation Is Just That! Speculation!  Persistent Buggers, Don’t Ask Questions More Than Once.  If No One Cared The First Time, No One Will Care The Second, The Third, The Fourth ... ... And Be Patient And Hit The Post Button Once.   Better For Ye Drivel To Disappear Than For Us To Endure Ye Drivel Twice.

 

6.       Calm The Heck Down!  It’s Baseball!  It Is A 162 Game Marathon!  It Ain’t Football!  The World Is Not Going To Hell In A Handbasket Just Yet Because Of A Darn Blown Save Or Because Andruw Failed To Come Through Yet Again!  The Sun Will Still Rise And Set Tomorrow With Or Without You Killing Yourself Off With A Heart Attack Over One Baseball Game Out Of One Hundred And Freaking Sixty Two!  Or So Says The Hypocritical Legislator!  There’s No Cryin’ In Baseball And There Certainly Ain’t Any Cryin’ In Bloggin’.  Suck It Up!  Else We’ll Have To Question Your Raisin’.

CLICK HERE FOR ANNOTATED VERSION OF RULES

 

CHECK OUT LEW’S ARTWORK AT www.lewhartman.com

WURLITZER PRIZE WINNIN’ POETRY BY WAYNE FROM UTAH:

‘Twas the night before Opening Day, and all through the south, Not a Braves fan is blogging, not even the Coach. The Met fans are nestled, all snug in their beds, Not aware of the train wreck that is lurking ahead.  O’Brien is dreamin’, and MetroMan is scheming.   Hoping their team will be victorious tonight.  The Journalist has visions of toes in his head,  While KC and Lew are off to their beds.  Carolina Lady and Rosalynn add class to this site.  While PhillyGirl and the “Ghost” are accepted in spite.  Now the JackA$$ and The Grinchster are colorful it’s true,  But JoeBrave and some others, are in danger of the “dude”  There are so many others, it is hard not to include,  There is caveman and scribe, and oddjob too.  Sir Stealth he is, and meansonny he is not.  Scalp ‘em and Thrillhouse, and Arkansas Hillbilly are hot!  We have our two Roberts, with Justice the Best,  While the other our beloved Bobby, he must detest.  We can’t forget DonCo, Daybed, Kieran and Gil, Or Ernesto and scoots; woogidy and rammerjammer too.  Shaun is crunching numbers, N8 will sound off, Our pastor Matthew, is ready to preach. Greg and Paul, from Tennessee will expound And we wish from No Chop, not even a sound.  If I’ve forgotten anyone, forgiveness is due,  We old farts out in Utah, our memories are few.  Now it is getting late, even for our Mitchie-san,   So I need to exclaim, as I turn out the lights.  Chop Chop to the Mets, Frenchy tomahawk one tonight!!

SCALP ‘EM BRAVES!!!!!

SCALP ‘EM!!!!