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by Kellryn
R/S
http://members.nbci.com/riouka/s-storm.html
SYNOPSIS:
| Duo and Heero avoid each other after a sudden and unexpected advance was made. However, after Heero suffers a traumatising event, they discover how much they really need each other to truly live. |
MAKO:
| I mentioned in Tenshi's review about indulging a new fixation...This is it! Gundam smut! Thank you, Darkflame! |
MISH:
|
Pilot shag! Pilot shag! Pilot shag! � comes very late in the story.
In an attempt to add variety to an otherwise mundane page, I chose a GW fic. I wanted to read some pilot shagging. Instead, we get yet another romantic tale of first love. What is it with our latest bout of sappy stories? Doesn�t anyone write smutty shag-filled plot what plots anymore? |
MAKO:
| If I had known you wanted "Pilot Shag," I could have recommended TONS of it! Shagging till they pass out type Pilot Shag fics. Shagging till the reader begins to wonder if they sweeten coffee with Spanish Fly type fics. |
MISH:
|
Well, now you know.
Anyway, for those of you who do enjoy the sappy mush fics, Silent Storm delivers that fairly well. There�s 12 whole pages of well written romance as the two pilots explore their relationship. Honestly, I was a bit thrown back with the writing. Several years (well, months, really) of fanfic reading has acquainted me with the general lack of grammatical skills employed by over half of the surfing population. When I began to read this story by Kellryn, whom I don�t know nor have read any of her other writing samples, I expected yet more piss poor grammar. Much to my surprise and delight, the fic was nearly mistake-free. I even liked the many point of views. They were structured well and kept in tense. |
MAKO:
| One thing Darkflame does is preread the fics submitted to her, and she does reject fics for similar reasons that we wail on them. Kellryn is archived at DF's GW fic archive, sort of the Gundam equivalent to Mink's Ronin Yaoi Cake Archive. It is probably one of the biggest GW fic archives out there. |
MISH:
|
But� I do have two complaints that can�t go unmentioned. The first one is this�
{FLASHBACK} Everyone is gathered at the kitchen table, finishing up with breakfast. |
MAKO:
| Flashbacks! ARGH! I'm not illiterate! If I were, Mish would never have asked me to do reviews with her in the first place! And having read way more Gundam fics than Mish, I can tell you that flashback alerts are much more common. *shudder* |
MISH:
| Does that dredge up horrible memories of a previous writer we reviewed, or what? The problem with Miss Paula was that the way she wrote her flashback, the readers could tell it was a flashback, but she still felt the need to tell us it was a flashback anyway. In this excerpt, I don�t think Kellryn gives the readers any context to suggest it would be a flashback which, in my opinion, is an even worse offense. |
MAKO:
| Another liberty GW writers take is messing with characterization. A little OOC (out of character) is okay. Too much completely ruins the whole effect. The same goes for any series a writer works with. |
MISH:
|
The second beef I have is that I don�t believe the characters are in character. It�s not as noticeable with Duo, he still makes the snide remarks, but Heero on the other hand�
excerpt: "I let my body react without conscious control." "And now that you've had time to think about your actions....." "I don't.....I just don't know. Duo, I'm sorry that I can't answer your questions. Can't we just forget what happened this afternoon and go on with our lives?" |
MISH:
| �is not the same Heero from the show. I have trouble seeing him lose control at all, and then, later on in the story, sulk about past events. |
MAKO:
| This is more along the lines of Heero from the OAV Endless Waltz. Seeing that many fic readers have never seen, or in some cases (though doubtful), have ever heard of it, it does lead to a little confusion. |
MISH:
| I�ll give it a 7. I was going to give it a 6, but for someone who was in the mood for smut, the ending was redeeming. |
MAKO:
| 7 out of 10. It does get a little long winded in places for my tastes, but over-all it is a wonderful piece of ass...errr FICTION! Wonderful piece of fiction! *goes back to DF's archive to drool some more* |
MISH:
|
You mean you've actually LEFT DF's? =p =)
Fic reviewed on July 25, 2000 |