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by Aquarian Babe
NC-17/S
http://www.fortunecity.com/victorian/
bellow/381/fics/problemsolved.htm
SYNOPSIS:
| Sage is having a major crisis and Cye offers to help...but it seems as though Cye may be the source of the problem. |
MISH:
| I was actually eating a lemon flavoured Jolly Rancher the entire time I was reading this one, I kid you not. Honestly, it was a whole lot sweeter than this fic. Where should I start? |
MAKO:
| The only thing I did like about this fic is the fact that Sage is the bashful, shy klutz for a change. I've read through it a few times, and about the only time it makes any sense whatsoever to me is if I'm *hic* drunk. Aquarian Babe tries REALLY hard to load the fic full of lavish detail. Unfortunately, she fails miserably. |
MISH:
|
The grammar in this story is just horrible, way beyond the "run it through a spell checker and check the punctuation" variety. Some of the syntax in this story is seriously messed up. I mean, I get what the writer is trying to say, it�s just that Aquarian Babe is going about it the wrong way.
excerpt: Even the least visually perceptive of the group, Ryo, noticed that Sage was not acting like his particularly poised self. |
MISH:
| It would be better to say "even Ryo, the least visually perceptive of the group, noticed that Sage was not acting like his particularly poised self" as far as the syntax goes, but what�s up with "visually"? Can you see someone acting like himself at any given moment? And can you act poised, especially particularly? *hangs head in disappointment* |
MAKO:
|
Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but how can you tell if someone is "particularly" poised? Aquarian
Babe has a tendency to use too many words to describe a very simple action, such as knocking on a
door.
excerpt: Cye went up and knocked on the door and took a deep breath. When he hit the wood of the door, the sound of his fist against the door almost seemed too loud. |
MAKO:
| I have the distinct feeling that Aquarian Babe took the U.S. government course on grammar. If you've ever read any articles about how the government or the miitary write things, you'll know what I'm talking about. They go out of their way to say a simple thing like, "let's go here!" The government would word it like this: "We should go over to this place, because it seems like the most logical choice." |
MISH:
|
Aquarian Babe even commits one of the most detestable sins of grammar: a sentence fragment! I admit, sometimes I�m a bit too ruthless with Zippy Jr., but come on! You�re only allowed to break the rules of grammar once you have shown that you�ve mastered them. Aquarian Babe obviously has not. (See? That was a perfectly acceptable sentence fragment, but I know my grammar, so there!)
Besides the horrible grammar, Aquarian Babe further insults the series by completely misrepresenting the characters. No matter how hard I try, I just can�t see Cye as the initiator of anything, let alone sex. |
MAKO:
| Cye is definitely the omega wolf of the Ronin pack. Although I have written fics where Cye is the aggressor, my Cye is nowhere near as aggressive as she portrays him in this fic. |
MISH:
| I definitely can�t see Sage as the type that would get so consumed by his emotions that he completely changes his behaviour, either. |
MAKO:
|
Heh,
that's what made me laugh when I first read the fic.
excerpt: "You okay?" Ryo asked. "Sure, why wouldn�t I be?" "Sage, you�ve been at this for hours�come in and get some lunch or something. Cye made some of those salmon things you like a lot." |
MISH:
| No. Just no. It has been established through popular fanfiction trend and through cannon that Cye would NEVER cook fish. |
MAKO:
| My Gods! I didn't know Cye cooked fish, I could have sworn he wouldn't touch the stuff with a 50' pole! Aquarian Babe has the boys GROSSLY out of character, so much so that I think she might have confused them with somebody else. |
MISH:
| Aye, it seems that the only thing that connects this fanfic to the show is the name of the characters. Everything else is completely unrelated. This whole fic is an injustice to the Ronin Warriors. It should be banned. |
MISH:
| 1/10. I�m going to burn the paper I printed this on, and then take a scalding hot shower. |
MAKO:
|
2 out of 10, just for the laugh.
Fic reviewed on April 18, 2000 |