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by goat girl
NC-17/PWP
http://minkland.dreamhost.com/goat1.html
SYNOPSIS:
| A lovers� quarrel leads to Warlord Lovin and, eh, that�s about it. |
MISH:
| Oh. My. God. *Takes a seat in the sweat hut, attempting to purify herself after reading the fic* I�m still twitching after this one. Oh, the grammar! *weeps* |
MAKO:
|
*Hands Mish a tissue, then proceeds to read* =/
Mkay..... Obviously the
author was going for deep heart break here, I think;
and/or maybe just
looking for a reason to get them to shag. I'm still
trying to figure that
one out.
excerpt: Anubis slammed against the stone wall with a metallic church of his subarmor. |
MISH:
| Metallic church? |
MAKO:
| New heavy metal band? =) |
MISH:
|
Or the drummer in Godsmack?
excerpt: Anubis closed his eyes his head still turned. He nodded. Dais slowly pushed inside Anubis. He heard him make a sound that was a mixture between a sob and a choke. He stopped. Anubis' breathing quickened as he grabbed hold to Dais. He had never been taken before, not even after all this time. He didn't know it was going to hurt so much. |
MISH:
| Sentence� variance� eep. Subject, verb. Subject, verb. Subject, verb. No, no, no! *twitches* |
MAKO:
|
*slips Mish seizure meds before attempting to
continue* I'll admit my
knowledge of grammar isn't the greatest in the world,
but Jesus bleeding
Christ! Even I can see that the structure and text
need help. Note to
all fic writers, beta readers are your friend! So's
spell check and at
least a little knowledge of the language.
excerpt: Anubis keep his eyes locked his Dais'. |
MISH:
| AAAaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!! *hides in the sweat hut* This one�s all yours, Mako. Take her away. |
MAKO:
| Uhm, no offense, Goat Girl, but there isn't much to "take it away" with. It took me all of two minutes to reread this for the update and I remembered fairly quickly why I haven't read it since first finding it. I'm not the Warlord shag fanatic like Mish, but even I like a good shag fic in general. This was ...eh.... |
MISH:
| 3/10. Why? WHY? Warlord Lovin is such a beautiful thing� tarnished! By bad grammar and plotlessness! *weeps* |
MAKO:
|
I'll be a bit more generous: 3.5/10. If only for the
blood drawn. *goes to
console Mish*
Fic reviewed on November 12, 2000 |