| Mike is the newest member and is now the singer. Mike is a proud thesbian. He has braved the rest of the band's comments that being a thesbian isn't the natural order of things. Every time he walked into the room, Ben would turn crimson and bellow 'You dirty thesbo!' at him. However, as we all know, people who make a big show about being anti-thesbian, usually turn out to be thesbians themselves. Ben has now admitted to thesbianism. Good for him we say. Mike hails from Hinckley which is really a ghetto with a couple of decent streets and a rugby pitch. Most people think that Hinckley has always been this way but oh no! It used to be a lovely quaint town where people raised their hats to each other in the street and nobody swore. That was why the aliens selected it. One fateful night they landed on one of the many greens and lurched out of their ship. People were apprehensive. 'We come in peace! Our planet was destroyed by a meteor and we are all that's left. On our home planet we used to be congenial to each other, much like you are here in Hinckley. We want merely to live among you and raise our hats to you in the street and perhaps some day you will raise your hats to us in return'. Many of the gathered croud burst into tears and started a rousing bout of 'For They Are Jolly Good Ugly Slimy Tentacled Things'. 'Oh and one more thing', continued the alien. 'We require your babies for sustenance. Which house is mine? I've travelled many light-years and desire to hit the proverbial hay'. It was too late. The towns people had already sang 'For They Are Jolly Good Ugly Slimy Tentacled Things'. According to the 'spiffing fellows' act of 1842, they were obligated to let the aliens stay. About a week later Mike heard a knock on his door. A cloaked figure swept inside. 'I have followed these evil-beings for countless aeons. They move in, munch on all the babies and move on. Only one thing can stop them. The only thing that can stop them is........ROCK!' With that drop-D power chords rang through the air and the stranger removed his cowl to reveal his face. It was none other than Axl Rose. For the next few weeks Mike learned all that could be taught about rock. His body became a vessel for the ancient power of rock and his eyes grew a black tint. One day Axl grasped Mike by the shoulders. 'My Son, it is time' he scowled. The timing couldn't be better as Hinckley was quickly running out of babies. Mike bowed. 'Thank you master' he whispered before charging out the door. 'Bring me more babies!' Skallathrax, leader of the aliens shouted. He heard a knock at the door. Mike flew in. 'You die!' he shouted, launching into 'Thumper' by Raging Speedhorn. 'You are strong' replied the alien, 'But I have also harnessed the power of music. I'm issuing a major beat-down through the power of easy-listening'. Skallathrax began to sing 'Why do Birds Suddenly Appear?' Things continued this way for three days. The pure destructive power of the battle began to crumble the walls of the cottages in Hinckley. Exhausted, Mike brought together all his remaining energy. He exploded witht the climax to 'Strength Beyond Strength' by Pantera 'Hail! Kings! The New! Kings!' he roared. Witnesses say they heard Dimebag's guitar accompanying as if from nowhere. 'Nooooooo' screamed Skallathrax as he blew up into a thousand tiny chunks, taking down most of the village with him. Mike had won. He was truly in tune with the mystical force of ROCK. |
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| Mike |