Erap Dyoks Part Tu

In an emergency situation.
Erap : Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone.
Doctor : Are you CHOKING?
Erap : No, I'm SERIOUS!!

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Erap while still in gradeschool.
Teacher : What is 5 plus 4?
Erap : Eh, di 9.
Teacher : What is 4 plus 5?
Erap : Gagaguhin nyo pa ako, eh binaligtad nyo lang, eh di 6!!

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PDI Reporter : How's your Y2K conversion going on?
Erap : It's crazy, I can't imagine I'm going to work from MONDAK to FRIDAK
and spend SATURDAK & SUNDAK with the kids. Why do they have to convert Y to K anyway?

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While in a drug store.
Erap : I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Erap : It does not matter, cuz he can't read yet!!

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While in New York city, a Erap bumped a nigger.
Nigger : Hey, watch where you're goin' you "MUDAFUCKA".
Erap : Eh ta-tanga tanga ka pala, "MADAFA KA RIN SANA"!!

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Erap while translating a speech.
"We must strive" - Kailangan nating magsikap.
"We must help others" - Kailangan nating magtulungan.
"In union there is strength" - SA SIBUYAS ME TIGAS !!!

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While in a State Visit to Washington DC.
Bill Clinton : You know, we Americans hate you Filipinos going TNT in our
country. Sorry if I'm frank.
Erap (Shocked) : It's okay, I thought you were Bill!!

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In a science class.
Classmate : Bakit 'yung airplane pag umiikot and elisi, uma-angat sa lupa?
Bakit 'yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa din?
Erap : Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!!

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When Ninoy died, they wrote "NINOY, HINDI KA NAGIISA" in his monument.
When Erap dies, they will also write in his monument these words :
'ERAP HINDI KA NAGIISIP"!!

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While in the Malacanang clinic.
Erap : It's been a month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doc : Did you follow my instructions?
Erap : Yes Doc, sabi sa bote ng drug "KEEP TIGHTLY CLOSED"!!

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During a State Dinner with the Wives in Washington DC.
Bill to Hillary : Please pass the sugar SWEETHEART.
Blair to wife : Please pass the honey HONEYBUNCH.
Erap to Loi : Please pass the Pork PORKYPIG!!

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While hailing a taxicab in Makati.
Erap : Magkano papuntang San Juan?
Driver : Ikaw lang bang mag-isa?
Erap : Bakit, di ka ba sasama?

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While in a pizzeria.
Erap : What are your specialties?
Waiter : Sir, we serve all kinds of pizza.
Erap : Talaga, bigyan mo nga ako ng Shakey's !!

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While in a friend's wake.
Erap : Tayo na Jinggoy, mauna na tayo.
Jinggoy : Dad, maaga pa naman, kararating lang natin.
Erap : Hindi mo ba nabasa 'yung sign "REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED"!!

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Erap calling U.P. Diliman : Hello! Is this DILIMAN?
Operator : No, this is PADRE FAURA.
Erap : I'm sorry Father, wrong number!!

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Noong si Marcos ang Presidente, laging sinasabi "MABUHAY ANG PILIPINO".
Noong si Cory na, "TAYO'Y PILIPINO".
Noong si Ramos na, "TAAS NOO PILIPINO".
Noong si Erap na, "MABUHAY CASINO PILIPINO"!!

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While in a store to buy a pen.
Erap : Miss, mey ballpen ba kayo dito?
Clerk : Wala ho kaming ballpen.
Erap (MAD) : Bakit ang ipinangalan n'yo sa store n'yo "PENSHOPPE"?

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While taking a shower at home and calling for Loi.
Erap : Bakit walang shampoo dito?
Loi : Anong wala, kabibili ko lang kanina ng shampoo, eh.
Erap : Eh, puro For Dry Hair lang ang meron, basa na ang buhok ko!!

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Why does Erap take off his clothes whenever he takes exams?
Coz the test questions says "ANSWER IN BRIEF"!!

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Erap to Malacanang hardinero : I thought I told you to water the plants?
Hardinero : Yes, you did sir, but it is raining hard right now, sir.
Erap (MAD) : That's no excuse, I know we supplied you with raincoats!

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Inside Air France B747 going on a State Visit to France.
Erap to Stewardess : Excuse me miss, do you have a comfort room?
Stewardess : OUI, OUI.
Erap : No, U U ! !

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Erap, Sinita ng PSG while entering the palace.
PSG : "I.D. sir?" Erap showed his I.D..
PSG : "I-PIN nyo sir". Erap gave a wide smile! !