My computer keeps telling me that there are cookies in it. It also says something about bites and mega-bites, which I assume is how you are to eat the cookies. I have taken apart the entire computer looking for any cookies- I have not found even one stray raisin or chocolate chip. Why is my computer telling me these rotten lies?
Hungry
I find myself in a rather uncomfortable situation. I need a fourth person to attend a concert with me and two of my friends. I sort of halfway told a friend, let's call him B.O. Dave, that he could have the fourth ticket. However, I think he's forgotten about it, which is kind of a good thing.This guy is known for being spontaneous, though, and I am worried that he may remind me about it. I really do not want him to go and I want someone else to come instead. Do you have any advice for me?
Reputationalist
Since my name is not Maria Lucille Van Vogt, I can't answer your question. However, if you see something labeled "chip", do NOT eat it.
With the economy on the upswing, assassins are cheaper than ever. However, if you would like to take a less-violent course of action, I would recommend A) don't bring it up. B) if he brings it up, tell him kindly that you promised the ticket to someone else (which it sounds like you have) and take him out to lunch or something. Or you could take him to the concert and use him to clear out the people in front so you can have front-row seats.
I am very troubled because I tend to suffer from not being able to get one of my piano songs down. I also hear that you play the piano. I must get this song down by next month (the 20th or the 21st) and I am VERY scared. Do you have any advice?
Scared
My first piece of advice is don't be scared. All musicians have problems sometimes with memorizing music! First, you must work calmly and methodically. Don't try to memorize the whole thing at once!!!- try to play one measure by memory, then two, then three, and so on. Go slowly! When you're not practicing, if you think about it, try to hear the song in your head as if someone were playing it (a recording is good, too!). This will help you in remembering what comes next when you're actually playing it. And if all else fails, you can pretend to have a seizure onstage so that you don't have to play. Good luck, and happy memorizing!!!
I have a horrible fear. I'm terribly afraid of pants. They just scare the you-know-what out of me! And what's worse, I'm a man. Men wear pants, but I can't even stand the sight of them. I'd rather wander around the city in my underclothing than touch the abominable garments! I've tried wearing kilts, but people think I'm gay because I'm Mexican! They said that Mexican people can't wear kilts. I find this kind of racist, but my real problem is what to do about my fear. Winter is coming and my legs are cold!
Sincerely,
Scaredy-pants
I will seam cruel, but this question had me in stitches! So my advice will be right off the cuff. For my advice, you will need a good seamstress (unless you can sew yourself). First, buy a pair of the big, baggy, oversized knickers that are so fashionable among teenage boys now. These are close enough to skirts in my opinion (and why on earth guys like them I shall never know). You will feel uncomfortable in these two-legged items at first, but two weeks after you've adjusted to them, take them in a half inch. After you've overcome your fears of that liitle half inch, take them in another half inch. And so on till you've become a pants-wearing citizen. If this doesn't work, you can don your kilt and move to San Fransisco.
Eye's gote me a pwoblim. Eye am en eliventh gwad (es thet how yoo spill it?), and am the geke of the class. Why am eye the geke of the class? Nobuddy understandz me. Weye?
Misunderstude in ahbliveeon
This is indeed a puzzler. Do you like the smell of glue? Are your shoes always untied? Kids will make someone a class geek for the silliest things.