themselves
clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva
that
works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt where it hides and
whisking it away.
I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind
believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary,
the
kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage, and dirt smudges
that
cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must
look
squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and
announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."
When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some
advice
you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and
head
for the bathtub:
-- Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack
of
concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize
on
that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in
an
open area where he can force you to chase him.
Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet
square,
I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the
sliding-glass
doors as if you were about to take a shower (a simple shower curtain
will
not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain
quicker
than a politician can shift positions).
-- Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the
skin
from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how
to
dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into
high-top
construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a
hockey
face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
-- Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a
towel
when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water.
Make
sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make
sure
the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the
water.