Keith's Ballad
Long story short, this song is about Amanda Cohen. Er, I guess that's not too long of a story to begin with. I met her in my Modern Drama class which aside from having a great cirriculum and a great teacher, it also had Amanda Cohen in it!! Best of all she was sitting right next to me. Interesting, sweet, intelligent, she has the works. Such a cool person drives me wild. Needless to say, it drove me wild on a daily basis. I could talk for a year about her but that's not what this page is about, per se'.
Keith's Ballad is a song I wrote on a Friday evening and I played it at the open stage that very night. It's one of my more energetic/upbeat songs. The energy behind it is simple: it was a Friday so I was kind of pumpd up, but at the same time it was a Friday and therefore it would be a couple days before I would get to see Amanda again. The song is more or less the result of my struggling with the question of how to express my feelings to Amanda. I would fantasize in class about just leaning over and whispering in her ear, "I like you." Too bad I didn't have the balls to do that. And that's where Keith's Ballad comes in. I was certain that the only reason I was hopelessly petrified and unable to confess to Amanda was because I was being bogged down by the topicality of school. I felt like I couldn't muster the strength of heart to go for it while I was also battling the constant demands that schoolwork puts on my mental capacities. So I hatched a plan -- I would acquisition a time machine.
If I could get a time machine then I would be able to ask Amanda out, because I could live through the day one time and get over my schoolwork related terrors. Then I could psyche myself up at home and jump into the time machine to position a relaxed and heartful me sitting next to the amazing Amanda Cohen in class. I was certain I'd have the courage to ask her out if I could just do a little bit of time hopping. It made perfect sense based on the very real way my mind bases feelings on connotations and placements. Unfortunately, I did not have access to a time machine.
Keith's Ballad is fairly optimistic. I start the song with the bold notion that Amanda likes me back: saying that if I could travel through time then I'd have the guts to ask her out and then since we like each other I would eventually find myself in her arms. This song was more about raw emotions than contemplated wordings, so I'll admit out-and-out that some of the lines don't make complete sense. I can't shake the feeling that people will think the line "if I had a line for every day I'd say it out loud" means that I want to give her cheesy, superficial pick-up lines. That's not what I intended. What I meant for the line to say is that if I had the courage to speak my mind, then I would have something sincere, beautiful & nice to say to her every day. "I wish I had the time enough to talk to you" is a very literal line. Check it, k? I had Modern Drama 7th period & Humanities 8th period. The Humanities classroom was far off in the middle of nowhere so I would usually be late no matter what, and when I had the balls to stay and talk to Amanda I would be, like, astoundingly/uber-late and Dr. Rosen is leniant but he's not THAT leniant. "The choices that I make, I don't trust them much..." is actually a plea for assistence, heh. What I was saying there is that I want her to step up and correct me on my impressions and my methods. It's kind of a "tell me what to do and I'll do it" type thing. The line about her being out on the lawn doesn't mean anything in particular but I never hear this song without being reminded of the Post Gazette Pavilion and, like, being in a situation where I'm up in the seats and Amanda's just out there on the lawn and I can't reach her. I'd love to see a concert with her. Then the next verse of the song, "Its in your eyes, I see your spoon is on the floor," I'll admit was not intended to say anything. However my vocal coach says it means she is doing cocaine and that I want to join in. Sounds good to me, but I didn't intend for that.
The next lines of that verse, "the gates are closed when you want, but I want to get through them now. Don't be denied when there's love to pay," means to imply that I'm ready to be hers but she has to initiate it since I am a dork. But I don't mean to suggest that it is some kind of ultimatum or crap like that. On the contrary, it's a vote of confidence. Of course, I put in the phrase "don't be denied" as a nod to one of my favorite Neil Young songs by that same name (off of the amazing Time Fades Away album). The final verse of the song returns to the first, as my songs often do, but like usual it contains a twist. Here I am accepting of my nature... you know what, even if I had a time machine I still wouldn't have the balls to ask her out. That's just the way I am, terrified of doing stuff. I say that in the song by suggesting that rather than finding myself in her arms as I do in the 1st verse, if I could travel through time I would just go back to the moments that we spent together in Modern Drama and re-enjoy those; saying that if I could have any wish then I'd just stay in Modern Drama for an extra few hours to be next to her. "I could talk to you / but I'm so wrong" is meant to say that I know I don't have enough courage to talk and even if I did she might not like me in the least.
And that'd be quite a sad ending to a comparatively happy song, brimming with the enthusiasm generated by Amanda's style and spectacular personality. BUT there is a chorus to save our hearts with. I love this chorus because it, to me, expresses a sincere lack of superficiality. Now... don't get me wrong... I'm definetly superficial (just take a look at how gorgeous Amanda is! Oh wait am I supposed to say that?) but if nothing else I am also very sensual, and I certainly would argue to the death that I am a pretty non-superficial guy in most cases. "If you could travel time, what would you do?" is me trying to inquire about her dreams and wondering if she would see me there the way I see her. "If I had 9 lives, could I spend one with you?" is saying that I'm totally into it and would be willing to be 'true loves', but also it's only 1 out of 9 lives, so I'm equally open to a totally whimsical arrangement. "While we are alive, will you lend me your mind" is to say how genuinely interested I am in her thoughts & feelings and it's also to try and reverse the machismo that would suggest a man has to be the hardcore leader of a relationship, and it says that because I'm asking to use her mind i.o.w. follow her decisions & ideas. "If we have the time, I have a kiss for you" is just a beautifully sentimental ending to the song, saying that if she liked me too then I'm all in.
Other things about this song: The quintessential influence of the song is Tom Petty, definetly. At the time I was gushing over Amanda and listening to Petty CDs Chad had given me with songs like Deliver Me on them. I was amazed how Tom could make love song after love song agan and again and each one would have some really deep content and some unique worth. Also when Jesse heard this song he made me feel like a true songwriter by re-interpreting it. Jesse, being someone who believes in reincarnation, took the 9-lives line as being very true to life, and he said that he feels very fortunate to get to spend at least one life with someone so great as his wife Lila. Thanks, Jesse.
Oooh did I forget to explain the song title? All credit for the title goes to my dad. Originally when I wrote the song I had no title for it so I stuck it with the name "lizards lizards lizards" (no meaning what-so-ever there, I just naturally fall back on lizards when I have no titles in mind) and when we were on our way home from the open stage I asked my dad what I should name it and he suggested Keith's Ballad. It turned out to be a very insightful name. When I was born I was almost named Keith instead of Doug, which makes a lot of sense since that makes Keith my alter-ego, and this song is about what it might be like if I was the person I wanted to be (the one with teh balls).
I'm not even sure Amanda even knows this song is about her...
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