This is most likely where you will see most of the action. Its easy for me to just type some stuff out so this will be the place to come for updates in my life. I guess this will be a new medium to allow myself to vent as well.
Damn its been a while. Sorry. Alot has happened but mostly good. Im no longer seeing Annie which turned out to be a good thing cause I meant Rosalyne and its been a long time since I have found someone that im so compatible with. We have been together a bout 2 months and even though we have some rough times its going well. The move in date for the apartment is August 20 so that should be cool as well. Some shitty news is that I totaled my suburban at the beginning of JUne and had to buy a new car but it is turning out well. The band and I are moving along with some progress even with the busy schedule of all the band members. I have written two songs with them and working on two more at the moment. We are hoping to have a set of 10 songs finished by the end of August. I am also writing music on my own and have a total of about 5 written out. Now I just need to sit down and record but its hard to find time. I now have a second job working at a bank so I should be making good money between that an the answering service. Its seems like things are finally looking up for me and I'm grateful for this time of joy.
May 17 (12:22am)
Ok monkys Im back so too bad. Lots of suff to say so here we go. I started dating again but one went nowhere and the other was better as friends. I am now dating a girl named Annie and she is great, She can cuddle me, make me laugh, make me think and piss me off all at the same time. I kinda beefed school this year becuse many of you know I put alot of effort into working at Target cause I thought it would go somewhere. Well it didnt so I got a new job that should be cool. Me Steve and Jeremy are getting an awesome apartment. I am really happy in general. I just joined a brand new band and Im contuning to write on my own. I have about 3 songs finished and copyrighted and in midi format so I'll try to put them up soon. Also pics wil be posted soon. Damn thats alot. I saw the Matrix today and it kicked major ass. I was expecting an action film but it was really cool cause of all the philosphy. I reccomend it to all.
April 16 (2:04am)
Well it's been a while since I have been on here as some of you noticed. Im sorry. School and work are really catching up with me. You may ask why this entry is placed at in the morning? Its because I just woke up. Allow me to catch you up on things. I got a C- on my Shakespeare paper but dont care cause I hate the course and I have no idea what the professoo wants of me. I didnt do my drama paper cause I had the worse case of writers block ever, but I can make it up on he final. I am looking for a second job cause Target is not giving me enough hours. My friends and I are looking for a 3 bedroom apartment to move into. Im trying to find time to write music but have next to none. And I have somewhat of a truce with the female race. Yes Im going to be stupid and give dating a chance again. I know that all sounds really bleak but Im unusually happy.
March 28 (9:27 pm)
Well it has been opne hell of a week.I went to two plays. I went to see Shakespear's The Tempest at school that was very interesting and quite enjoyable. They put a different spin on the play that I never saw before. I also saw a play put on about Penelope that was writen by a student at UTSA. For those of you that dont know Penelope was the wife of Odyseus and sister of Helen. The play was written about Penelope and her struggle to become independent. At first it seemed like one of those god awful "I am woman hear me roar, burn your bra, man hater" plays. Sorry to all the feminists I just feel that sometimes its taken overboard as well as some other social activists groups. Not to say I dont respect you, just that sometimes people get a little overheated.Then a girl that i was about to start kind of dating told me she is now in a relationship. Thats number six for those of you keeping count that has pulled this crap. I told you about the girl that called me a terrorist. What else? Cant think. Oh well if there is more I'll add it later.
March24 (9:28pm)
Damn I havent been here in a while. Ok, well I worked alot of hours, went out twice with buddies, got stood up by the same girl twice and also got called an anti-american terrorist sympathiser by a girl that supposedly likes me. LOL. Long week. For all of you that dont know I am against the war for my own reasons those being that I believe in God and Karma. This does not mean that I am anti- american but you can say what you want because you would only be proving my point. You know what to do if you have a comment, POST IT IN MY GUEST BOOK . Thats why its there. So if you feel so inclined and immature to get mad about my opinion, bring on the hate mail.
March 20(8:16pm)
Ok so you may have noticed tha I havent done much updating. Well its because this week is Spiring Break which usually means overtime for me if I hadn't have gotten sick. Anyway I have been working alot and also on music . Almost done with the second one which is shaping out o be in the vain of a NIN type song. Once again Roger heard what I have done so far and he has given the ok with it. As some of you have been asking there are no updates on the relationship front because most of you know that I dont date. Its kinda hard to form one without the action of dating. And as you all know there is no way in hell I will ask anyone on a date because you know a small slice of my history with women. Anyhow, I am about to post some new pics and may bring up another page page for the personalty quizes that I have been taking. Yes for the lucky few of you that got to see them i have pulled them down cause they screwed up the flow of this page. Catch ya later.
March 17 (12:05pm)
Well this week shouldbe pretty cool. Its Spring Break and even though I have five nights off I am sure that I am still head for overtime. Whats also cool is that I actually get to go out. My friends and I were about to go to see Nashville P. at the rabbit but it was to late when I got out of work. So we went to Jims for like 3 hrs then to Wal-Mart for another 3. If I have not spoken to some of you Im sorry. Dont think I'm a butt its just that Ihave been really busy and now I want to make sure I can go out while I have the chance. Ok now on to things that are going on in my life. Actually not much which is good in my case. The only thing that is on my mind is the night that I went to Communiion. This girl that I met wound up being there and she was acting really weird and it kinda ruined my mood. Im not sure if she was acting that way cause I was talking with my friend or what but oh well. I mean I went with my friend so I wanted to hang out with him.Well people I gotta send off some mail and go to the bank so laters.
March 15 (3:10am)
Well today was an interesting day. Confusing but very interesting. Im not gonna bother going into detail with it but lets just say like always it revolved around women. Also I finally got to go to Comunion (its a club) and would recommend it to anyone though I may not be going back myself for personal reasons. I gotta get some sleep now for work. Laters.
March 13 (5:33pm)
Finally I am able to rest. I just got hone from my last classes before Spring Break. I lhope to use this time to start working on some new songs. Whats alos badass is tat my best bud is back in town and I will finally get to see him too. This is the big news. I have known Roger for about 13 years and we have one of those, " If your being stupid and doing something that sucks, Im going to tell you." relationships. He finallly got to hear the music that I have been woking on and he used they phrase "Damn Good". I cant wait to get my setlist done to start forming a live band. Other things I am lookiing forward to are getting tickets to Ozzfest and tickets for The Tempest. I have no one to go with so if anyone wants to come get back to me.
March 12 (12:37am)
Well this is pretty cool cause Im getting alot of sleep.Anyway, I have been working on my second song and I'm pretty shocked cause I actually like what is comiong out. Im usually very critical of everything that I do so its strange. The first song winds up sounding kinda creppy as I said before. This next one is turning ou to be a little bit more relaxed but still has emotion behind it. Im almost done witht the second and I'm working on the third. As of right now they only exist in sheet music and midi format. Im hoping to start recording through my four track next week during Spring Break/I have a midterm tommorrow in my liguistics class that Im sure im gonna fail but whatever. Its kinda strange cause since my bday I have been feeling kinda strange. Im not sure what it is. Part of me thinks that after all this time I think I may actually be comfortable after all the crap I went through with my ex. After an entire year I think that naybe Im not scared of women anymore. But the other part of me feels more unesay then ever before. Some of my female friends have started to say the old "I have feelings for you" line. Now I seem to be of a sort of defense with them. Its strange cause I do want to start talking with someone but its does not feel right with damn near any of the girls that I know cause I keep wondering why now? Is that strange?
March 10 (11:42pm)
Im now 21. Doesnt feel much different. Anyway I had a nice evening with Jeremy, Steve, and Lisa. We went to Bennigan's then to see Old School. That movie kicked ass. I was so grateful for the nice night out after the hellstorm I put up with Sunday morning when the Super Target opened. I should be able to start keeping up with the page a little better now that the hours are slowing down now. It happened again though, the annual "reflection" that always seems to happen on my b-day. I got a little sad cause of all the memories but I do want to thank god for giving one more year to try fix what I dont like about myself and the world. Thank you man, I love you.
March 8 (3:54am)
Alright this kicks ass. I found out that even though I do work tommorrow on my BDay, I dont have to close and I should be out by 5:30. Some of my freinds and coworkers are going to go out Sunday Evening so if anyone else wants to know when and where email and I'll get you the details. Im pretty tired now so Im going to go sleep. Laters.
March 7 (12:10pm)
Ok for you few people that actually come here I'm really sorry that I havent been saying much. This new job at Super Target is rough cause I close everynight until like 2 or 3 am. Come to the grand opening this Sunday if you want. Im probably going to have to close on Sunday as well which means I wont be able to do a damn thing on my B-Day. Oh well some other time. See yall later.
March 2 (10:44pm)
Wohoooooooooooo! I finished writing one of my songs today. It took three days but I dont think that is that bad seeing as how I really dont know how to play any instruments and I cant remember any of the music theory that I have learned. I wrote the song out in sheet music and put it in midi format. So far my friends and family like it but they think it is a little creepy and ominous. Still, they cant wait to hear the arrangement with a live band. Any ways, some things have happened lately that have made me reevaluate my ideas about women and relationships. It should be no surprise to anyone that my porblems are not the nromal fear of commitment stuff but fear of women for what they have done to me in the past. But I know that I dont want to wind up alone. I think that it may be time for me to start to give dating and relationships another shot but I am going to be very cautious. I just need to finally find someone that wont use me as thier toy.
March 2 (12:09am)
Well I finally found out how to copyright music so I will be posting up lyrics and midi formats of the songs I have written. Yes I have to put the in midi beacuse i have no idea how to record to my computer to make mp3. If somone knows how to do this let me know, but if costs money dont bother cause im poor. Besides it would be better to stick with midi cause this is a free site. LOL. Anway it was nice to have a weekend to myself to just sit around and work on music, workout and veg. I dont know when I will have that opportunity again with the store opening up. And then the 9th is my bday and I have to close so Im not sure whats gonna happen. I hope I get to do something.
February 27 (11:26pm)
Man what the fuck is wrong with my life? Or is it people or God? Why is it that when I finally get over something or accpet things the way they are or finally move on something has to bring it back up? What did I do to deserve this? I finally come to grips with the fact that even though I am lonely at least i dont feel pain anymore. Then all of a sudden some fucking ghost from the past has to come and bring it all out again. And God wonders why I hate him sometimes. All I want is peace, why cant i have it? I dont want to die I just want to at least feel comfortable. Is that too much to ask?
February 25 (10:33pm)
Im sorry fopr not keeeping up to my promise of writing in here everyday but I am in traning everynight for my new job at Target and studying all day. I am doing much better now for the most part. I am in the stat of mind where I just want to know whats going on and tying up all the loose ends. emailed that girl to tell her that I am just going to wait till she askes to see me and she calls. She hardly ever does so I told her this was probably goodbye. I feel a little sad but I fiigure that there isnt much point in putting effort when she cant put in any. As for my birthday, I am not sure what to do or what I want to do. I know I hate parties but I like get-togethers, strange huh? Oh well. If anyone has any suggetions tell me.
February 23 (5:29am)
Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try to change you wil never be able to? You try your best to become a good person but someone is always there to shoot you down and bring out eveything inside of you that you hate. Has it ever been someone in your own family? What are you supposed to do when the people that are supposed to be there for you seem to do everything they can to harm and punish you? Will God punish you if you hate them? Why is it ok for them to dothis to you and you can't. Why is it that you can't treat them like what they are? Enemies. You try to change and all they do is continue to bring up the past and everything that you hate about yourself and what you were. Why is it that everyone in the world can see that you are trying as hard as you can to change but they can't? Why can everyone else see and notice the pain that you are in caused by them but they are oblivious to it? Why cant you just escape?
February 21 (12:19am)
I was lying in bed right now and that feeling of sadness came over me again. I really dont know why it just kinda happened. I started thinking about the fact that I cant seem to meet a girl that I can really connect with and it seems like the few that I can want nothing to do with me as anything more than a friend. Then my mind wandered to the fact that I am about to turn 21 on march 9 and it hit me. I started to look back at the year and realized how empty my life is. A year ago I was in a relationship, I had a fun job, school was a breeze and I even had my fraternity. Now I have nothing, I honestly started to cry because I thought to myself what the hell am I gonna do if I am alone an my birthday. Anyone that knows me notices that I am always kinda somber anyway cause I often reflect on my life on my Bday and the only thing that cheers me up is having people around me. But this year Im afraid. Everyone seems so busy and I would bever dare get in the way of their plans and and I just dont know if I can really handle it if my friends arent there with me. I mean I wont kill myself or anything but I know its gonna be a bad day. I mean other years that my friends werent there I at least had a compainion if not an actual girlfriend. Now I just cant stop thinking that for everything Ive done so far it all seems pointless, and I feel like Im destined to be alone forever.
February 18, (6:25)
Ok I dont have anything to talk about. SORRY!!! I have too much school work to do to have a life, screw it up, then come here and put it all down. Nothing new anyway except I think I actually want to start talking to a woman if I can find one that isnt evil. Check out the links page and pics page for updates.
February 17, (11:16pm)
Well yet another craptastic day in the life of Mike. Everyone keeps saying how great the Winter GothFest was. Thats where I was supposed to ne on Sat but you know the story. I apologize to any women that think the comments were meant towards them. I also some how managed to lose my $70 Grammar Book so I need to take care of that as well. That girl e-mailed me today and said that she wants to get to know me as well I think? I told you its wierd. She said that the fact that I havnt given up on her counts for something and that only time will tell. Not to be offensive but I dont speak female so any of you that do please help me. Other than that there isnt much to tell. Oh yeah and that girl that stood me up has yet to call so there goes that one.
February 15, (7:01)
You know what I take it all back. Women are just a problem. Tonight I find myself being stoodup be a girl that asked me to go out. What is wrong with all of you that may be reading this? Here I am wanting almost nothing to do with any of you cause I dont trust you just to have another say the old, "Im not like the rest" line just to prove they are. Im tired of all this crap. I want nothing more than to be myself and keep my true freinds close but I go ahead and say fine I'll go just to be nice and tell my friends I cant go out tonight just to have this kind of crap happen. I hear so many women complain that they have no one and they get angry when I tell them to think if any of their actions may have caused it. All I want is to be happy alone or with someone, I dont care which way, but its obvious that it cant ever be with someone because women are nothing but problems and lies. Do me a favor and just leave me alone.
Febrary 15, (1:35pm)
I had an epiphany last night while I was lying in bed for 4 hours trying to fall asleep. I started to think about what im feeling right now and realized that even though Im somewhat lonely, this is the first time in a long time that I am not really angry or depressed or stressed out. In fact I havent been in this good of a mood since before my first girlfreind. Then I started to wonder if what some guys say is true. Are women really just a problem? LOL. I dont think this is the case. I think its just the women I seem to meet. I have yet to meet someone that walks that middle line between controlling yet accepting, intelligent but a little low brow, affectionate but not too clingy. A women that lets me know that she is interested but understands my past and therefore isnt too aggresive in the pursuit. Im pretty sure this is the reason that I want to get to know this girl better but at the same time I find my interest declining becaue she seems a little too distant and criptive about what she wants. We didnt see eachother last night cause she had to work but she sent me an e-card but Im still confused about her feelings and thoughts. Im so pissed about last night. I had planned to record but instead my computer started to be a butt so I had to reboot which took all night cause of the backup and reloading. If anyone can help me I would really appreciate if you could get in contact with me cause I need help learning about copyright laws so I can finally put up at least the song lyrics and poetry. I have been working on these for about 3 years now which why Im so protective of them. Infact I had the lyrics written and the songs in mind before I ever learned to play instruments. Even now Im not very good enough to play onlive at the instruments but good enough to record the ideas alone to get the point across of what I want in order to find musicians. So if anyone can help I would really be thankful.
February 14, 2003 (2:23pm)
Woohoo I have a whole day to myself. I finally get to rest so I'm gonna try to record some today. Just Wrote the lyrics for another song so i need to start working on the riffs for it. If i can get it to come out the way i want it will be pretty good. Expect a hardcore vibe on this one, kinda like an anthem cause I worked in a spot for crowd participation so they can go nuts as well. Soon I'll start to post lyrics poetry and random stuff that i write so you can start to gain a little insight into the music and the place that it is coming from. I have two auditions lined up this week. One on mon and one on weds. Well to everyone that may stumble into this place I wish you all A Happy Valentine's Day. See ya later.
February 13, 2003 (4:26pm)
Just got home from that damn test. The questions he asked were more like paper topics. Anyway, I have two auditions coming up soon but Im not expecting anything great to come out of it seeing as how bands in SA have no guts to try anything other than screaming, yelling and speed. It's apperant that even when I do finish recording I will probably never bother to play in San Antonio. I hope to get some recording done this weekend between the mountains of homework and projects that I have to do.I found myself kinda depressed today as I walked around campus and saw all the old Valentines BS. Its been so long since I have had someone to fill that other part of me. The part that teaches me about things that are actually good in the world and shows me that there is hope. I realize that I'm starting to get lonely but of everyone that I've met no one has caught my interest because I dont feel as if anything would even come of it so there isnt much point to it. Part of me wants someone there to go to when things are all messed up and to have someone that can just except me for what I really am. For the most part people dont really get to see what I really am. But I know that this is not the time to even try to have a relationship because of everything that I'm trying to take on. School, work, fraternity, band and the few moments to myself that I need. Maybe it is for the best that I have not met someone so wonderful that they would make me abandon some of my plans or at least slow them down inadvertanly. Maybe this is a sign.
February 12, 2003 (7:21pm)
Ok Im taking a quick break from studying. More friggin Shakespeare. I have a test tommorrow so I am rereading both and watching the plays of Othello and Measure for Measure. I finally got an email from that girls saying that she is working. I beleive her but I am a little peeved that I had to wait about 10 days for an answer. So yeah I am with out a date. I may actually go to Communion if I can get one of my buds to come with me. Sorry if this is kinda boring but for me this is a good thing. With my life its better that it be uneventful then the normal interesting stuff that happens to me cause its hardly ever good. Oh yeah and my Suburban is being a tard. Now I have to go study.
February 11, 2003 (7:41PM)
Well after having to suffer through hours of class I'm finally home so I can rest. I have a test in my Shakespeare and I so despertely hate that man. The hour and fifteen minutes I spend in that class seems to last an eternity and every time I look at my watch it seems to take longer. Any way now Im home. I sent an e-mail to that girl to tell her that since she hasnt given me any word as to whether or not she is working on Valentine's Day that Im just going to make plans with my buds. What this actually means is that im most likely going to stay home and watch Boondock Saints or Pulp Fiction alone again as I did last year because Im the only one left single. I guess Pinky will give me affection if she doesnt try to kill my fingers or feet first.I guess I should look at the bright side cause it will give me more time to record and work on music. (Yes Im still working on it) Speaking of I came up with lyrics for another song today. Its kinda like a really depressed Stabbing Westward song which is bad cause anyone that knows Stabbing knows thats depressing enough. Not very aggressive though. I need to snap out of this cause ive been using my acoustic and piano way too much lately. Damn, single depressed and lonely. Thats alot of ammo for another song.
February 11, 2003 (12:09am)
Felt like taking some time off from studying. Reading Measure for Measure reminds me why I hate Shakespeare. Scripts are made to be seen not read. Anyway, its a mixture of things that have been getting me down lately. Looking at the world, self reflection and of course confusion over what a particular girl wants of me. We have been friends for sometime and at moments I think that perhaps she wants more but I cant be sure. I myself know that I dont want to rush into anything but I do want to get to know her better. She was never quick to act too interested in me but I always felt welcomed and cared for around her. She has recently seemed to make more of an effort to keep in contact. As I said before I have kinda shut myself off out of protection and have realized to myself that as of late, all the girls that talk to me do not interest me except for her. They were all too quick to want to spend more time together and call me "babe" which made me question thier sincerity. I mean one has to question it if it seems that affection in any way shape or form copmes to quickly. Another thing that has really shown me that I shouldnt be too hopeful about these girls is that even though they know that I am upset but not by what, none has even attempted to talk to me during this time in my life except for my friend Ashleigh (thank you for being there). It seems that all these women that seek to "know me" are eager to talk at times of happiness and ease, but when I'm sad or angry and actually need support they run as far as can be. LOL. I have yet to hear from any of them at all. The girl that I have feelings for however is not aware of my stooper right now so I cannot hold it against her. But even then I am not sure what she thinks or feels of me cause she goes through periods of talking to me often to not talking for weeks. She says that she is busy but I think to myself if she is interested and cant make the effort or time to call for 5 minutes just say hello, how interested can she be and would I even want something like that? Oh well. It looks like its shaping up to be the second Valentine's Day in a row alone. Maybe I'll go watch the Daredevil flick even though Ben's acting isnt so great. If he ruins Daredevil, A CURSE ON HIM. LOL.
February 10, 2003 (6:30pm)
Lately I have been feeling kinda down but I'm not too sure why. Actually I do know why I'm just not sure why I let it bother me.Its the same thing that seems to happen every so often. I take a look at the world and see what is wrong with it. People only caring about themselves and even then not really caring. I try my best not to think abou tit but the thought just catches me once in a while. Im sure it does everyone so I'll just try my best to do what I do and not let it get me down or stop me from trying my best. "What I do is so this world we know, never changes me." Aside form that I'm feeling pretty good. A little confused but then again who isn't. This problem is about women. (BIG SURPRISE) Its been about 3 or 4 months since I last dated a woman and about 9 months since my last real relationship. I chose to remain single because of my past relationships. To sum them up, things happened that made me very edgy about trusting women when they say things. So I felt like I just needed some time to be alone. there has been sometimes that it has kept me out of trouble when girls approached me but now I'm starting to wonder if I'm being a little too defensive, maybe even a little antisocial because lately I have felt lonely but have yet to meet somone that I am actually interested in talking to even though I continue to still be approached by women. I got things to do now.....to be continued.