Theobald Smegwich
From the Archives of the Robert James DeBurgh (Poet) Appreceation Society
Below is an excerpt from a "follow up" article regarding the "unfortunate Incident" of Theobald Smegwich, referred to in the previous pages.....
Following the successful re-capture of Theobald Smegwich, and his return to The Slovotkin Institute Asylum, we endeavoured to obtain some comment from The National Poet-Hero Boris Svertlovich, jealousy of whose reknown seems to have been the motivation for the outbreak by Smegwich. We are happy to report that, after much pleading on bended knees, offers of free beetroot and a plate of pickled herrings, together with an oblique suggestion that we may re-open the files on his case concerning young boys at the National Poetry for Children Weekend in sunny Vladisvostok, National Poet-Hero Svertlovich agreed to an interview. �In regard to Smegwich� he said, �I have to advise you that, not being me, Smegwich can in no way be regarded as any sort of authority on Robert James DeBurgh (Poet). In short, Smegwich is quite mad. He of course doesn�t know that but then they are always the most dangerous ones. I am not mad. One moment, please� Comrade Svertlovich paused to adjust the hang of the bunch of blackcurrants dangling from his left ear. He lit another roll of newspaper, took a puff of the smoke, set fire to a yak-fur bedspread, and continued, �I recall� continued the great Poet, �The time I met Professor Sir Hubert Ramakrishna Mukerjee in Istanbul, Omsk, Minsk, and Samarkand at the same time. As usual, Smegwich was not there, being in Cairo, Dublin, and Ottowa that morning. |
Not his fault, I hasten to add. It was a risk anyone took who met with Professor Mukerjee� �But Smegwich, you said, was not with Professor Mukerjee� �True� Svertlovich agreed, puffing contentedly on the Tuesday June 11 edition of �Pravda� �But that�s not my fault. Nor Professor Mukerjee�s either, suffice it to say that Smegwich was not there, and if you insist on being abusive I shall terminate the interview� �National Poetry for Childr�� �You have my undivided attention� Svertlovich quickly cut in �Smegwich?� I said �Ah yes. Poor soul.� He pulled a blackcurrant from his ear, wiped it in his shirt, popped it in to his mouth, and scratched his crotch several dozen times, smiling as he did so. The fire in the bedspread had by now attached itself to some curtains. �However, were you to ask me about Robert James DeBurgh (Poet), on whom I am the worlds foremost authority, I would say that� Here the interview was brought to a premature end by the arrival of the Novgorodny Fire Department, a lot of little men who proceeded to pick each other up by the ankles and beat out the fire Once the smoke had cleared, I looked around and there was Svertlovich - gone! Stanislav Dvorkin |
We have since attempted to contact Mr Dvorkin to gain his first hand impressions of the incident, but unfortunately he died soon after filing this story, in a freak accident in a laundry...
Archives of the Robert James DeBurgh (Poet) Appreciation Society.
Document No 9859/Smegwich/Slovotkin Period.