A Very Little Man

By Robert James DeBurgh (Poet)

I saw a very little man, by no means reckoned huge,
He was sitting at a table in the Paris Moulin Rouge.
He was drawing on the tablecloth
In charcoal and in pen
In my opinion they should sling such people right
Down in the Seine !

When the dancers came out on to the floor
(Several of the girls, I know, is a whore)
He took his charcoal stick in hand,
And as they high-kicked and can-canned
He sketched them on the tablecloth
But I�m sure the rules there say that he didn�t ought,

Next came a man so tall and thin
With a great hook nose and a curled up chin,
And a bent top hat with the the tip stove in
And the Very Little Man with the black charcoal
Sketched out the man who was nearly as thin as a flag pole.

Then I spoke to the Maitre, who ownded the joint,
And I to the Very Little Man did point.
�What�s he up to?�
I urged - �Go over and check�
�What? On him? � said the Maitre, �That�s Toulouse-Lautrec !�

PARIS 1887

NOTES ON PROVENANCE;
This work was discovered, written in a drunken hand, on the back page of a Moulin Rouge menu dated 7 Aug 1892. The menu card has been a treasure in the family of M. Claude Chaussette, of Place du Tetre, Paris, for over a hundred years. One of his great-grandfathers, Jacques Fouqueu, was a waiter at the famous Paris nightclub. However, he only lasted a few days there, having been dismissed for using rude language whenever the patrons asked his name.

NOTE;
A theory circulating in the early part of the 20th Century was that Robert James DeBurgh and Henri, Comte De Toulouse-Lautrec, were in fact one and the same person. However, as Le Chevalier de Dux rightly pointed out, the inherently Contradictory and Paradoxical nature of this particular theory DOES take quite a bit of explaining....
For what we have here is RJdB (known to have been in Alexandria during the period in question) in Paris, believing he was Toulouse-Lautrec, yet at the same time, Observing HIMSELF from across the room!!!!
Impossible!! I hear you say....

Perhaps, perhaps not. We may never know for sure.... Yet, in one of the last entries in his Journal, Theobald Smegwich (the Positor of this Theory) gives us an inkling of an insight as to how it may be possible....

"Let us approach the problem in two parts. Firstly; it is known that The Master was haunting the Souks and Bazaars of Alexandria at the time. Given that we are all familiar with the Extended Descartes Principle it is not difficult to accept that RJdB was also in Paris. But in Paris TWICE??? As different people??? At the same time??? Impossible? Most emphatically NO!!
Allow me to explain. You see, there is increasing evidence that our revered Master, was in fact suffering from Schizophrenia or, Multiple Personality Disorder. Consider then, Is it not possible that the Dominant Personality of RJdB, while physically located in Alexandria, was thinking it was in Paris (as set out in the Extended Descartes Principle), yet, at the same time, one of his Sub-Personalities (whose "Artistic Bent" leant more to the "Visual" rather than the "Poetic") was ALSO thinking it was in Paris???
More than possible, I say!! But what about the severe difference in height? I hear you ask! Oh Yea of little Faith! I believe it is a seldom manifested side effect of the Extended Descartes Principle. RJdB was known to be in Alexandria at the time, but he was thinking he was in Paris. So Obviously, to people who saw him he would appear smaller because of the great distance involved. A simple matter of Perspective. Easy. Ahh, Here come those nice young men in White Coats again... Hellooooooo! Nice to see y....... ERK!"

So there you have it. Sadly, the few remaining entries in Smegwich's Journal give no indication as to what the Second part of his argument was.....
(However, his argument regarding the difference in height between RJdB and Toulouse-Lautrec, while "novel" to say the least, falls down because it's blindingly obvious that RJdB had NO sense of perspective whatsoever....)
See also Von Trauserschnappen, Otto J on "Veird Scheisse I haf Seen"