Ladies and Gentlemen,

Good morning. How pleasent it is to be here in this wonderful Great Hall, so reminiscent of my days at Oxford. [Chairman steps forward and whispers in Sir Hubert's ear] Ah. Yes, of course. I was at Cambridge, not Oxford. Ha ha.

I have been invited by the Grand Mufti of the Robert James DeBurgh (Poet) Appreciation Society to present some thoughts on the controversy surrounding the appearances of The Master in different regions of the world, apparently at the same time. Being myself the foremost authority on psychic phenomena, and a devotee of the work of Master DeBurgh, I applied myself towards resolving this controversy, and, I believe I have reached somewhat of an approach to an avenue that may lead to a conclusion of the controversy - or may not. History must be the judge. However, press on...

The phenomenom of apparent multiple appearances is not new. Sri Babindram Auropadagamiswathy, as early as 1788 AD, was reported to have been seen in Sri Lanka at the same time that he was known to have been in Calcutta. This sighting later proved to be false as it was his cousin who was in Calcutta, and someone who looked like his uncle who was in Sri Lanka; as to where Sri Babindram actually was, well, nobody gives a stuff, but one must keep an open mind. Which naturally brings us to the notion of Astral Projection.

Schizophrenia has always been thought of as a purely personal and internal problem. The sufferer contains within himself several personalities and has difficulty telling one from the other. That's not an accurate description of the malady: it is the popular misconception, but it'll do for now. Now, consider for a moment, if you will, the possibility that schizophrenia may not indeed be confined to the internal geography of the psyche, but that it may, under peculiar circumstances, make that quantum leap from the internal regions to those of the external geography!!!

Rene Descartes said "Cogito ergo sum" ; I Think, Therefore I Am. How little faith it takes to extend this sound philosophical principle from "I Think, Therefore I Am" to "I think I am in Constantinople, therefore I am in Constantinople", and lo! and behold! there he is, in Constantinople!! See what I mean. Since none of us is there to observe ourselves at the moment we think we are in Tiblisi, Armenia, for instance, what right have we to say that we have not been seen there, passing in the crowd, in the marketplace in Tiblisi, by someone else? What right I say, what right? None! And further, it is evident from the (Poetry) that there was a certain measure of schizophrenia inherent in R J DeBurgh, as there is in all great poets and artists.

Consequently we must be free to imagine that any one or number of the personality fragments that constituted that great soul, could have, at any time, fancied itself in any part of the world, and following the Extended Descartes Principle, found itself immediately there - in Tehran, in Baghdad, in St Petersburgh, in Salonika, yes, even in the marketplace at Tiblisi!! All at the same time!!! And dressed differently, too. It's a worry. Think on the implications, ladies and gentlemen, should this theory have any semblance of veracity about it, which it hasn't - but Press on regardless!!

That "friend", that bore whom you so studiously avoided, suddenly seen in a cafe, may not in fact be there at all. Or your landlord, and you owing six months rent, coming up the garden path, may actually be on holiday in Barcelona : or he may be only thinking he is, which is worse. Or even worse still, it may be some Spanish waiter, wishing he were the landlord coming up the garden path to collect six months back rent. See what I mean? And now to the really dark side of things : what about yourself? Are you really here, or are you somewhere else wishing you were here, or here wishing you were somewhere else, which is more likely? Ah ha! Now there's a question. And what about your dog? Is he really your dog or someone else's cat? [screams from the auditorium as, sporadically and inexplicably, seats are seen to become vacant. And a Swahili Chieftan in full ceremonial robes with feathered headress suddenly appears in Row 5 Seat 21]

Weifigenfeld, in his famous essay, "On the Phenomenon of Quantum Physics and the Uncertainty Principle" allows the possibility, since demonstrated, that a single particle may pass through both of two adjacent holes simultaneously. [the Swahili chieftain appears again, without the headress, in Row 12 Seat 17, and again, mopping his brow, in Row 13 Seat 18] It is not, I may say with some confidence, impossible that this phenomenon may be extended to the more complex particle structure that is called "Man". [voice from the audience "Woman too... "] And Woman too. Developing this theme, what is there to prevent any person from participating in this phenomenon too? Man, woman, and whatever else there may be - no offence, Dr Cassidy.

Robert James DeBurgh (Poet) may have been, or he may not have been. Such a man, (Poet), wanderer, Secret Agent, profligate, Freemason, and above all else, Lover, was possessed of great energy, charm and above all else, great duplicity, perhaps even triplicity, quadriplicity - the possibilities may, like the poetry of Robert James DeBurgh (Poet), be endless.

Consequently I put it to you that the many simultaneous sightings of Roberts Jameses DeBurghs (Poets) in many different places, may have been just that, what they looked like at the time, and the datings and placings of the subsequently discovered Poems verifies that, absolutely!!

[Loud cheers and Tobacco spits ensued from the audience, along with cries of "where did that Swahili chieftain go to?"]

NOTE:
The good Professor Mukerjee disappeared shortly after this Address under mysterious circumstances....
Some Members believe that he had finally discovered the workings of the Extended Descartes Principle and is happily living several lives at once, in several places (namely, Jaipur, Delhi, Scunthorpe, but mostly Bangkok...), in relative anonynmity....
Other Members believe that his "disappearance" was orchestrated by a consortium of Travel Agents and members of the Airline Industry....

We may never know the Truth....