| 12-02-02 3:50 pm confusion...questions left unanswered ..i pretend like it's nothing, ill push it in the back of my head like the other times..and move on..therefore it becomes nothing, maybe it was nothing from the start and i just thought it was something..ill never kno cuz i will never ask..3 words..confusion..defeat..acceptance, and when i feel this way..it makes me wonder why...why it happened more than once...wut changes ppl's minds so quickly? dont they kno that it affects me?? maybe i was nothing from the start...i hope it's not true..but the only way things will make sense is if it is...but it's alright..it's a little part of life..ill take it and forget it..and be happy....cuz i'm happy person..dont get me wrong, i really am...although these same thoughts come back from time to time, they go away..and i pretend and forget...for example...wut was i talking about again?... |
| 12-11-02 i dont like how people are indirect with me...ppl keep things in that they think i dont wanna hear when i really do, i need my friends and the ppl around me to be honest with me, and not keep things in even if it might hurt my feelings...i would appreciate and respect that much more than somebody who tells me wut they think i want to hear..stuff that should please my ears..but really doesnt...flattery is stupid. I cant ask simple, opinionated questions anymore cuz ppl hesitate..they will keep in wut they really think, and say wut sounds the best...or say wut they think i would say..or wut they think i would want to hear..not knowing that i see thru it and that the more fake, unreliable answers i get from ppl..the more i cant trust wut anybody says...words are deceiving... It really frustrates me and makes me sad when the ppl who im close to cant even give me straight answers...and i really hate it when i catch myself doing it |
| 12-13-01 hehe..i found this one thing that i wrote about a month ago..but it's kinda interesting cuz i dont even kno wut i was thinking when i wrote it..it's like in the sixth sense when bruce willis tells the lil boy (who is really cute by the way!) that he should try writing stuff down..and random..random things will just pop out..well this was a day that i was in my car at night, waiting for my mom to finish in the gym so we can leave..and there are no lights in the car cuz they're all out (ghettOoOoo)..so it was dark and i was just listening to music and thinking... but anyways here it is in the format that i wrote it in..nothing is changed except i took out a line..hehe..dont ask why.. I would like to go home Why? Why focus on the negative? Tomorrow will be a better day Tomorrow! This song makes me depressed; Yikes! i need to do my homework & then study, because teach forgot about quiz Too much stuff to think about, I say i might do things When i dont really want to. Why? That's the hardest question to answer, I sit here, no light but wuts on the outside, trapped on the inside; always |
| 12-22-02 wow..this year is almost over already...and trust me..it was a rocky year..had it's ups and downs but it's all good in the end, cuz everything is good now..or everything that is important..i think my new year's resolution will be to think positively of myself..and be able to express myself without caring wut other ppl are going to think...it's nice to be able to be happy, to be able to fully support urself..and to be secure with urself...becuz ur fine the way u are..unless u wish u were somebody else..or u wish u werent so this or that..cuz then ur not fine.. u wanna be perfect and u ask for too much..wut's wrong with being average? the average person is average.. so ur normal buddy..dont let a height or weight (etc) issue damage ur self esteem so that u end up feeling inferior to other people..cuz ur not, and no one should make u feel that way..you shouldnt let anyone make u feel this way..it's all u..ur as competent as anyone else...so who cares about wut other ppl think or wut they look like..i should never compare myself with other people..i am me.and they are them..that's the way it's always going to be..and therefore we must all accept it and quit looking at imperfections that bring us down and affect how we act..how we express ourselves...if we even do, we should just stop looking thru the eyes of other ppl..seeing wut we think they see..and look at the world from our own perspective... |
| 12-27-02 this guy is cool! he won the lottery!! $315 million!!!! can u believe that?? that's a freaky load of mula!! yea..he's my hero now..haha..i kinda wish he were my husband!..heheh jK not really..but wut do u think the chances were of him getting the right Six numbers?? like zero! but he still won.. he's soo lucky eh?? hehe..in some way..this is kinda inspiring to me..because the chances of winning the lottery was soo minute...the smallest possiblity!..but yet he still went for it...somebody is bound to win it.. and it was him! and that brings me to.... how we all get lucky sometimes..we just have to believe in things that seem impossible..and just go for it! take chances! be positive..anybody could win.. and why couldnt it be u?? it could! unless u dont try.. some of u out there may think that im not living in the real world, but look at that hot guy in the corner! he won what seemed impossible... nothing is impossible..when we say things are impossible we set limits to things! and when we do that..it's our fault that we wont step out of our little..dumb..safe box and experience things! things that may turn out good..or things that may turn out bad..but bad is good too..cuz there is no good without bad...if everything was good nothing would be good! (paradoxical eh?)..it would just be normal..therefore it's good that we have bad in our lives..which is all a learning experience anyways...it's life...accept it..always be positive.. dont limit ur capabilities...becuz there are no limits..unless u set them.. it's all u foo..dont take life too seriously...and like i said before..dont put limits to things..cuz u might regret it later |
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