Well, this is how it starts.... or ends, depending on your perspectives. Grade 12, the final high school year. The year I thought I had it all, and perhaps, maybe I had. I had spent most of my younger years hoping I'd get a girlfriend sometime who liked me for me, then finally, I thought I had it all in the summer of 2002.

Other than the expected miscommunications & disagreements about alcohol or what not, I had the relationship I'd always hoped for. I guess this was the kind of situation where it was too good to be true and I took everything for granted & straight to the heart. I had fell harder this time than I'd ever fell before, with no real intention of getting back up.

I guess I had no choice of seeing it coming or not really. All was well, at least I thought. I don't think I had been as blind as in the past, but when the day came, I knew right off. I could feel it.

So three of the best months of my life... gone, just like that. And all I could do is wonder why me?

The first school dance is on and *she* decides she wants to tell me she couldn't imagine dancing with only just me. Unsettling at first, I let it slip by, realizing later just how I felt about her dancing with other people... I dunno if its just me, or if having a 'friend' dance with other people just make you jealous? Later, I decided to test out a theory... and asked her if she felt the same about me as she did before. She said yes, but lied to herself. And to me.

That Friday came, the day after, and it hit me like a thousand letters at once... Everything I thought could be true, was never meant to become. So once again, I slowly recover, only wanting to be left alone... why does the people you care about the most the only ones that can hurt you so deep you might as well just fade away into nothingness & become oblivious?

I believe now, I can truely compare love to a knife. After several attempts at testing the sharpness of the blade, or figuring out the devotion of your partner, you eventually get cut. Depending on how hard you grasp your knife, or relationship, the deeper the cut eventually becomes. The deeper the cut, the more bleeding, which leads to more suffering and pain in the relationship. Testing a knife so much that you almost become facinated by the sharpness of the blade is almost like testing your mates love & devotion to see if they really care as much as they claim. Most times you probably wanna leave the knife alone and toughen up first.

So I'm left alone once again as I get ready for the first grad bowling trip. I was enjoying myself too much to think about her... Katrina, for the meantime. So the ignorance and bliss became my main priorties. I never realized how hard it'd be to see her everyday of school and wonder why me... & wonder why I feel so stupid. Everyone told me how it'd end, and she kept reassuring me we'd work it out, but still I fell.

Onward to better things I now say to myself. Maturity conquers all as I tell myself why I should forget her & move on. She was too immature, I don't need this!

The second grad trip comes. Halifax's I-Max, then the Halifax Shopping Centre, and finally the Metro Centre, sweet deal! ALL GRADS were warned that if we were to drink alcohol, we'd be caught. But still people, like Brian, persist. They drank some beer, and have potentially ruined our grad school year, as tattle tales enformed my principal and/or teachers people were drinking. If those of fault do not confess, bye bye to all grad trips. No Ski-trip and no Upper Clements Park. Brian and Ryan Malone both confessed as lucky for them, they will not die for their actions... this time. But unfortunately, 7 or so people remain to confess, so for now, all trips are suspended until they do!

Vanessa talks to me one night on msn and informs me that Katrina has a crush on Brian... Brian, recently breaking up with Courtney (also Katrina's friend), so typically, my response would be, "Why the hell are you telling me this??" I feel now like I want NOTHING to do with her at all! It's hard enough to avoid her or try not to be stuck up when she walks by, but when people tell me my ex who I still have feelings for has a crush on one of my best friends, then that makes it that much harder... why me?

Katrina claimed she broke up with me because *she thought* she wanted to be single. She told her friends this, and with some urging on their part, they helped her convince her that it was what she wanted to do.

So now I'm single, my friend is single, my ex-g/f had a crush on my friend, and Brian is in trouble for drinking at the grad trip to the Metro Centre. Later, Vanessa gets dumped by her b/f Jason, finally... and now I'm informed that Katrina isn't going after Brian, but she's going after Jason... will this ever end?