This morning I woke up at an all time early at 11am. For a weekend thats a record for me, except when I have friends around! I went to bed quite early too, not like 3am or anything, but it was close to 1 or so. When I woke up, I felt quite refreshed, or awake. Today, I don't really feel like disappearing or anything for once in a while, I just wish the snow would go away!! The time between snowfall and sunshine seem endless, but luckily we've finally gotten some sun to break through the clouds for the first time in a few days. Still though, the weather forecast tells us they predict another 20-30 centimeters of snow! Wish it would all just disappear. I'm getting tired of it all.
I got bored around lunch time, not surprising though. I wish the internet would go away too, I'm getting tired of it all. All of the typing, all of the smiley's and the online slang terms like lol and j/k. I feel like I'm wasting my life away just to chat to people in most scenario's I'll never meet under normal circumstances. I feel like I'm wasting my life, period. June 2003 graduate, with no expectations on life, and no goals yet to accomplish except just that; graduation. I just feel so tired... I need a cappuccino or something like that!
This afternoon came around; still bored out of my tree. 2 o'clock rolls around and its been a pretty shitty afternoon. My dad's car has a leak in the radiator, theres something wrong with our truck! My grandparents went to Florida and their house that we're watching has frozen pipes!! Now, to make matters worse, we find out earlier today, that ours are frozen too! So not only can I NOT wash my hair that feels disgusting, but I can't even wash my face or anything! Luckily, we have stored water for the cats in bottles, so it'll get us through today! *phew*
Since I'm so bored and my dad pissed me off, with him being so uptight over everything lately, I decided to go to my room... what a mess! For once in a great while, I figured I might as well clean it up some! Throw out some old clothes, clean out my garbage can, burn some old letters, re-arrange my shelves, and make everything all peachy clean again. I read some old letters from Katrina and Jessica that I saved... for now. I figure I'll salvage the ones that are meaninful to me. I don't mean like, the, I love you's, or anything like that, but I mean the ones that give me more confidence, or just the ones that actually have dates on them. In some cases, it's the ones that make me open my eyes and realize how stupid I was to date them. For once, I'd actually like to have a girlfriend who can spell bored! Is it so hard to ask??
On a new topic, my mom told me while I was going with Jessica that she liked her; shes a nice girl... or was. She said she's changed a lot, and that I shouldn't waste my life/time on her... she wasn't the same person she used to be. After her parents split up and her mom became a bitch as Jessica introduced herself to weed and liquor, I pretty much watched as the first girl I kind of wanted slip away from me. That hurt, and to be told by my mother that the girl I liked was just going to get hurt again in a second attempt, hurt even more, but she was right. While I was going with Kristy, my mom said that it wasn't going to last... but still, I was persistant in my quest for happiness, so I stayed with her, through a 'break-up' and a 'make-up' as I knowingly told some people I didn't actually like her, that I was just trying to be happy. My mom didn't really like her, so she was right again, it was another failure. Katrina came around, Kristy's 'ex-friend', and we got together, even though at first glance, I told myself she was ugly and would never give her a chance. I guess in a way, it kind of proves never to judge a book by its cover; looks can be deceiving; beauty is in the eye of the beholder and beauty is only skin deep... especially if I'm a chameleon. 3 months later, during a dance, she realizes that she doesn't want to be with me... during that dance, I asked her during a dance if she felt the same about me as she did when we went out, because she told me, "I hope you don't mind if I dance with other guys?" and the very next day, she dumped me that morning at school. I never realized how much pain I could feel from a girl I told myself I'd never date when I first met her... I must give myself credit, I'm pretty persistant I suppose... or really blind, I don't know. Brian's girlfriend, whom he dated a few times, I told myself she was ugly, but everyone else said she was pretty. Brian said she was pretty too and when it came down to Katrina, he said she was ugly, the same as I did. 2 months later, he looks at me and tells me she looks better than before. Are men just that blind? gullible? or are we all just chameleons? I don't really want to be the only one... but all I really want, is someone to love me... can't I find someone I can love, and be honest? Why can't it all just be that simple?
And so my quest goes on.