Every so often, I get set in this dream-like trance, I can't escape it... I just want to pinch myself, hoping one time I will just jump up from my bed in a cold sweat, just to know I had escaped it one time. I feel like I just want to break something, punch someone, or hurt myself, just to make sure theres still feelings... either the feelings be pain, or what not. Ever since about grade 10 I've always thought about consequences. Like, what would happen if I decided I wanted to break a window or punch someone? Would they react? would anything even happen? I don't even feel like I'm alive anymore, maybe I'm not? The only things that makes me feel alive is feelings.. everything from anger and sadness, to just the feeling of pain of love to pain of injury and my writing. My writing makes me feel alive, and knowing that in some cases, people get to read my writing, also makes me feel alive because they can comment on it... it acknowledges my existence, but sometimes it doesn't help me any; I still don't feel alive. For everything that I write, I believe there is a piece of me is in my writing; a piece of my life, a piece of me.
To make matters worse for me, I had to work Thursday, after my exam... now taht sucked. I felt pretty good that day too until about 12, then I started getting sick, by about 5 o'clock, I practically had a full-blown cold... Friday was supposed to have been an exam day, but school got cancelled because of 'freezing rain warning' that we didn't get until about 3 o'clock in the afternoon, plenty of time to get my last exam done and overwith, but now I have to wait until Monday to write that exam, plus I have a cold to get through. Life's just peachy.