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Well, things lately haven't been very fucked up, which is a relief I suppose... although everyone needs a little 'tension' once in a great while to make sure they can feel alive. Right now though, I feel constantly like I'm living in a dream... at this point and time in my life, I guess I feel the greatest I ever have, and for once, I actually feel alive...
Well, its kind of weird how things have been happening this past month... theres only a few people around me that actually know even 75% of whats been going on with me lately. I guess in a way, its a relief... but in another, its kind of a set-back in case I ever want someone to know exactly what its like to be in my shoes... my size 11 CAT's, or my size nss sk8r sneakers that are wearing out miserably. I never even thought about what it would be like to be in love with someone... but now I think I may actually finally know... or so I hope? Alice and I have been working out really well lately, I guess in a way, I have Jeremy to thank for that one, since he was the one that told me she liked me... even though it only simply stressed me out even more, thinking about the outcome of the relationship before it even got off the ground. *sigh* Even though I finally got what I wanted, it still feels so overwhelming, theres no way to describe it! Just undescribable... all these feelings I have, just wow!.
At first, everything in my life was just nerve racking and confusing... Alice liked me, so I found a way I could be with her; case closed. But its not overly that simple... for me, normally its like, you can either say "This may work..." or "This isn't gonna work..." but with her, I can't think of anything negative as far as "we" are concerned. I mean, I've never felt this way in my life... its not like, no, or maybe, its like, definate yes... I know this may seem kind of off the wall, but I think shes the one for me...
"Inside of you, inside of me... cause this could be the one. This could be, the one... This could be the one. This could be the one" - Limp Bizkit - The One
Alice and I have been going out for one month and 7 days as of today... in one sense, it feels like forever, as far as feelings go, to us... But as far as other perspectives, it doesn't seem like we've been going out for that long. To me, everyday seems like its just another day... it just feels like its so perfect I guess, I've never felt so calm around someone before... not a girlfriend at least. She gets along great with all my friends, cause they're her friends too, and she gets along great with my family and my am-i-nals. Another thing thats weird is that I feel so normal around her... its like we're not even going out sometimes. It's not that theres no attachment, thats FAR from it, its just that I feel like I can tell her anything... like my closest friends, like Jeremy. I can tell him anything, and I know or hope that he thinks the same about me.
Alice and I were talking while dancing last Thursday [24/04/03] and it was a semi-formal dance, so of course, I had a dress shirt and a tie on, and she was wearing a red skirt and a nice top with her hair done up and stuff, so everything was perfect... while we were dancing to this one song, I looked down at her smiling at me, and realized just how much I had... I smiled back at her and told her, "I can picture us doing this, in about 20 years". I know it may seem kind of odd, but that felt so right to say... and the thing is, she feels the same way. Theres something weird going on with her... I'm not sure, shes just so... different. It's no wonder I love her... *smiles & blushes*
As far as everyone else is concerned, hopefully everyone isn't lying to me... but I think, possibly, maybe... everyone at the moment may actually be kind of happy for once, at the same time! Alice and I were both stressing over the University thing, but everything is working out great now. Everyone miraculously is supporting our relationship... and my parents and family are giving the both of us 100% support, and now even her mother is supporting our decisions, even though shes still left in the dark a bit. I just wish everyone, including Jeremy would be happy... Jer and I used to talk everyday, all the time, about everything... and now, we're lucky if we even spend any time talking or just hanging out. *listens to The Ataris - In This Diary* Jeremy has been down for the past month or so, probably longer than that, I just hope it will soon change... "Being grown up, isn't half as fun as growing up, these are the best days of our lives... the only thing that matters, is following your heart, and eventually, you'll get it right"
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