Benny was amazed as he came through a door into stone walls. A pink ribbon appeared around Benny instead of his collar. Benny walked down the steps and beheld a 19th century German village, with wooden houses and streets paved with stone. Men in top hats and women in dresses walked by. Horse drawn carriage went by as Benny ran along the wall of a house. A horse took a shit out of its ass. The piano melody flooded the village. Benny went up the steps, through a gay garden, and entered a half open door. He walked down steps, dug into an a cavern underground. He found a chamber where sat a man with long hair and played the piano. At the sight of Benny he stopped.
"Oh, kitty, I've seen you many times in the village," said the man. "My name is Thomas DuFuck and I wrote this music just for you. It's called "Sonnet de Bennie"."
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, REX THE GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG AND BENNY THE GRAY CAT FUCKED FOR A SHITTY WORLD. DRIVEN BY ASS-BITION, SEXUAL DESIRES, A THIRST FOR ASS-VENTURE, AND FUCKING THE ULTIMATE STORY. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT. BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. EACH DAY IS A DESPERATE FUCK TO SURVIVE�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN VALLEY OF ENCHANTMENT, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN CRESTLINE AREA.
Rex and Benny 57: Phantomfags
"I don't understand," meowed Benny.
"I have fallen in love with you ever since," said Thomas DuFuck. He played a homosexual music note on a piano.
"That's strange," meowed Benny. "I've fucked through this valley many times and I have never seen your village or been here. What year is this?"
"Well, it's 1804, of course," said Thomas DuFuck.
"No!" meowed Benny nervously. "It's 2004." And then he added with realization. "1804 was 200 years ago!" Fuck! Fuck! Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuuuuuuuuuuuck!
"If you've never been here then where do you come from?" asked Thomas.
"I'm from Valley of Enchantment. It's a town nearby. Would you like to see it?" meowed Benny.
"Oh, I would love to!" sexclaimed Thomas DuFuck.
DuFuck picked up Benny and walked up the underground steps and out the door into the German village. DuFuck petted Benny in his arms as they crossed the road where a horse-fucked carriage went by. They walked up the steps, across a bridge and through a yellow urine fog covered doorway in a wall. They walked through the fog and Benny no longer had the pink ribbon tied around him but his purple collar was back. Definitely, magic was apenis.
"Benny, you're beautiful. A god by any other means," said Thomas DuFuck as he rubbed his face in Benny's penis. Oh, he loved the sweet scent of Benny's cat genitals that smell like urine. He set Benny on the ground. Benny went off running into the forest, leading DuFuck after him. They ran past a short barbed-wire fence with wooden poles and came to an empty Highway 138. Thomas DuFuck looked at the highway in amazement. You would never see things like this in the 19th century.
"Wh� What� What is this!" he exclaimed. "This is amazing!"
"This is the world I live in," meowed Benny. "Let's go to my house. You'll be even more amazed."
In town Thomas DuFuck stared at houses and cars that went by in amazement.
"The houses! The horseless carriages! What the fuck is all this shit?" he yelled.
He grabbed Benny and danced around with him. He twirled and yelled in wonder.
Some ghetto kids were watching him on the side of the street.
"Hey dumbass! Queer! If only I had a shotgun," yelled a kid at DuFuck.
Benny led Thomas across the road up to the garage attached to the house. Andy came to stain cabinets. Andy went to High School therefore he is a smart human and might be able to sexplain all this. Benny told Andy everything. Andy let DuFuck listen to his MP3 player.
"Oh, such a clarity, the music is wonderful. What is this machine? Why would you not listen to Beethoven, Bach, Mozart, Beethofag, Fuch, Mozfag? The greatest musicians to ever live! What is this bullshit?" exclaimed DuFuck and danced around.
"I don't know," said Andy to DuFuck. "You're one crazy crackhead. Or you may just be another supernatural apparition. And the appearance of your village is very simple. It involves harmonics. Perhaps the sound vibrations from your piano music displaced you and your village from its proper space-time continuum."
"See. I told you he would explain it," meowed Benny.
"The appearance of that village could be unstable and it could disappear at any moment," said Andy, picking up Benny the cat. "I want you to get out of here and Benny will not go there anymore."
Andy went into the living room of the house through the garage and tied Benny on the leash inside. When he went out, Thomas DuFuck had walked away back to his village.
Andy has brought Siena, the female brown Labrador dog to the house. She is his mom's dog but his mom went to work and Andy brought her to VOE to take care of her. Siena and Rex the German shepherd dog have pissed on their leashes which ripped and ran off into the forest. That happened this morning, before Benny has even discovered the village in a fog-choked forest valley.
After Andy tied up Benny in the house, somehow Benny was still able to run away and met Thomas DuFuck in the forest. They ran through the forest. Suddenly Benny heard something in the bushes. Thomas DuFuck asked him what it was.
"I don't know," meowed Benny. "There is a lot of predators in this forest. I think it's a moose."
A moose came running out of the trees toward Benny and DuFuck. Benny and DuFuck ran through the forest. A moose was going to ram them. DuFuck tripped, fell on the ground, got up and stared in horror at the charging moose. Benny came jumping on DuFuck and pushed him on the ground as the moose ran by. They rolled down the hill, DuFuck on top of Benny.
"That was one of the unfriendly inhabitants," meowed Benny. "Maybe we should leave before he comes back."
And then Thomas DuFuck tongue-kissed Benny. Later naked Thomas DuFuck and Benny sat in a dirty stream. DuFuck masturbated Benny's penis. Then Thomas returned to his village and Benny went home.
Rex and Siena came up to the fog-choked valley and decided to sexplore. They've never seen so much fog. The two dogs went in and came out on the other side in the same German village that Benny has gone into. As Rex and Benny entered the village, a blue captain's suit made for a dog was on Rex and Siena wore a red and white dress made for a dog.
At the same time in the forest came out a man and a woman, dressed in exactly the same clothes.
"We're alive again," said Captain Melshit, the man. "Which means Thomas DuFuck is alive as well."
Rex and Siena read a sign on the wall. The German village was named "Hitlerhaile". Rex pissed on some gentleman's shoe to make sure that they weren't seeing ghosts. The man scolded Rex, took off his shoe and licked dog piss off of it with his tongue. Rex and Siena walked into an outdoor dining place. A waiter gave them meat bones on the house.
"The village seems friendly enough," barked Rex. "Let's see if we can find some trouble. We'll split up and meet back at the doorway."
Rex walked away while Siena wandered like a homeless dog, sniffing around. Siena was in heat and she got blood out of her dog vagina all over her striped dress.
Captain Melshit and his sister Nadick walked up to the house where Andy was staining cabinets. They wondered what strange world they have entered. They introduced themselves to Andy and described Thomas DuFuck to him, asking if he has met him.
"Oh, my Satan," said Andy. "A gray cat who lives in this house must be in trouble."
Andy took them to the garage. They had a lot to talk about.
"I used to be DuFuck's wife," said Nadick. "Until he dumped me and found a stray cat named Gaysh. He had sex with the cat, told him he was his muse, his inspiration."
"I went to stand up for my sister," said Captain Melshit. "Then he shot me. I died."
Andy stared in disbelief.
"I entered his chamber where Thomas played his music and he shot me too, right in the boob," said Nadick. "Learning of the scandal he caused, Gaysh drank hemfuck, a poison, and committed suicide. If your cat is with him, he is in deep danger."
In the German village Rex walked up on the bridge by the foggy doorway and looked around for Siena. Thomas DuFuck was coming and saw Rex. Thomas ran up the steps to the bridge and kicked Rex in the penis. Rex went flying against the wall.
"Time for you to die, Captain Melshit," yelled Thomas DuFuck and shot Rex. Rex dropped on the ground, dying from a bullet in the chest. At the same time in the woodshop, Captain Melshit dropped on the ground from a bullet wound before Andy. Nadick screamed. Captain Melshit died and in a burst of shit his body was gone. In a burst of shit Rex's wound and his clothes were gone and Rex was fine but before him in a burst of shit appeared a body of Captain Melshit in the village and in a burst of shit Captain Melshit was gone.
"My Satan, we're no more than ghosts," said Nadick to Andy in the garage when she saw Captain Melshit's body disappear. "The cat's master was a lowly woodcutter. He came and saw his cat lying dead upon the bed and Thomas DuFuck was smiling."
Rex was fine and gasped for breath, still feeling the bullet wound which never happened. Cursing himself for letting history repeat again, DuFuck ran away. In his underground chamber, DuFuck played the piano music to calm himself.
Siena walked through the village when she heard a homosexual piano melody flood the streets. She followed the sound, through a garden, went through a door, and down the steps.
"I went down the steps into his underground chamber to listen to his music," was saying Nadick to Andy. "As I entered he drew his gun and shot me."
Siena entered the underground room. DuFuck stopped playing and looked at her. Siena stared in horror and tucked her tail as DuFuck drew his gun.
"I found another cat, Nadick," yelled DuFuck. "I despise you with every fart I take."
"Then play for him," barked Siena. "I don't know who you are."
"Oh, don't play games with me!" yelled DuFuck. "Whatever was between us is over!"
Thomas DuFuck shot Siena in her dog titty. Nadick dropped dead in the woodshop. In a burst of shit her dead body was gone. Siena gasped as her clothes were gone, still feeling the shot but she was completely unharmed. In a burst of shit Nadick's dead body appeared in front of her and DuFuck. Then in a burst of shit her dead body was gone into another dimension.
Rex and Siena (the two dogs) met up at the foggy doorway and looked upon the village, relating the events of what has happened. They walked out, through thick fog and now were in the forest. They ran through the woods back to VOE.
Benny the gray cat was walking through the woods when Thomas DuFuck ran up to him
and grabbed him in his arms.
"I can't be with you," meowed Benny to Thomas. "I must stay with my friends."
"Well then come and listen to my music one last time," exclaimed DuFuck. "Benny, you're
my muse, my inspiration! We shall always be together!"
Back in the village in his pink ribbon, Benny sat on Thomas DuFuck's bed in his
underground chamber and listened to him play. Thomas gave Benny cat food laced with poison. Benny began to eat it and suddenly felt tired. He wanted to go but couldn't move.
"Now you will be with me forever," said Thomas. "For you see, we're all ghosts and for me to have you, you first must die."
Andy was running through the forest, carrying a water bottle filled with his own piss and shit for antidote. Beautiful piano music from the village filled the forest. A creation of genius tainted by insanity. Andy will spare DuFuck no mercy if he hurt Benny. Andy entered the village through a fog, wearing shit stained clothes. That's what the poor cat's master must've worn. He followed the source of the music.
Thomas DuFuck was playing on piano to dying Benny when Andy burst through the doors. Andy punched DuFuck. DuFuck grabbed Andy's nuts and threw him to the floor. Andy kicked DuFuck in the face. Andy grabbed a candelabra and shoved it up the musician's ass.
Andy ran over to Benny and made him drink the antidote. Benny choked and coughed as he woke up. Thomas DuFuck crawled on the floor. Benny jumped on his piano and shit on the keys out of his ass. Thomas DuFuck, the musician, licked cat shit off his piano with his tongue.
The village of ghosts began to flash in and out of space/time continuum. Andy and Benny are in the forest, then in the village, then in the forest, then in the village. Andy held Benny in his arms and petted him in the forest. The village was gone and everything was back to normal.
"I'm safe in your arms," meowed Benny to Andy. "Not his."
Back at the house Benny relayed his adventure to Rex.
"And I thought Alexei was a terrible master and shouldn't have pets," meowed Benny.
THE END