| "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." -Rita Rudner "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." -Roseanne "Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." -Anonymous "I was walking down the road today, and I found a wallet. I was going to keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson." -Musclehead Jokes "I can resist everything except temptation." -Oscar Wilde "We do it with the lights on." -Shenandoah Valley Theater "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." -Lou Holtz "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not. Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence, determination, and hard work make the difference." -Calvin Coolidge "I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it." -Dorothy Parker "I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic." -Woody Allen "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act - it is a habit." -Aristotle "When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped." -Marcel Achard "All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening." -Alexander Woollcott "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -Joe E. Lewis "Procrastination is not the problem; it is the solution." -Ellen DeGeneres "We can learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors. However, they all have learned to live in the same box." -Anonymous |