| Rant : Top 10 Things To Think About When Flying (continued from previous page ...) 6. I�ve always wondered why the attendants peddling duty free goods just seem to rush by as if it�s a chore rather than a means of revenue for the airline. I mean, they shout �duty free, duty free� as they push the trolley along � by the time I am stirred from the commotion, they are eleven rows ahead of me. 7. You know these flight attendants and how they smile and fawn on you while you are on the plane? And then they smile sweetly as you depart the plane, bidding you fond farewells as if you�re the least picky person they�ve ever served? Well, somehow they always manage to jump the queue for immigration, customs and baggage, and then while you�re waiting in the queue for the only immigration counter that is open and is servicing five flights, they glide by unfettered. You smile at them, and they look at you with that quizzical look, like they�ve have never ever seen you in their entire lives and you�re a total stranger who had just greeted them in Romanian. 8. They switch off the lights for the movie, but they don�t think to replicate the entire movie-going experience? How about some popcorn to go around? Or some potato or corn chips? Or a damn chocolate bar? Man, I�d be happy with just peanuts. What do they give you instead? Mostly nothing. And a bad movie for which you parted with eight good dollars to watch two weeks ago. To relive a second time round, on a smaller screen and with poorer sound. 9. As you land, the announcement invariably booms aloud : �We have landed at (wherever) airport. Please keep your seatbelts fastened until the plane comes to a complete stop.� No plane I have ever sat on did people actually obey that last bit. Therefore, I propose a change in the way the announcement is worded : �We have landed at (wherever) airport. In the interest of our legal and insurance departments, we are obliged to inform you that you are 5,700 times more likely to fall and hit your head if you remove your seatbelts before the plane comes to a complete stop. Also, your luggage stowed overhead is 10,290 times more likely to drop onto your head and lead to severe concussion if you start removing them before the plane has stopped safely. Please bear in mind that we have already landed safely, and therefore the airline has no responsibility on any head injuries sustained from the time this announcement began. This is because all of you have this absolutely bewildering need to grab your luggage quickly just so you can stand around and queue while the first class and business class passengers take their own sweet time to disembark. The people still sitting down in their comfortable seats at this moment are the clever ones who like to disembark last and then get to baggage claim just in time for the first of the check-in baggage to appear on the belt. All you silly ones have already either hit your head or are standing on the aisle holding onto your luggage. Thank you for flying with us and we hope to see you again.� 10. There�s always a lot of time to burn on long-distance flights. The luckier ones manage to catch some sleep, the rest of us try to be �entertained� while some of us read novels or magazines. On my flight, I saw this person read a thick book which had 6-point words and graphs. I suppose he had just woken up from a coma and felt the need to catch up on academic work. What did I do? I couldn�t get to sleep, I wasn�t entertained, I read all of eight pages of the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel and I sadly didn�t have a 1400-page book on quantum physics with me to pore over. And I came up with this Top 10 list. |